


Perdu (Lost)

by Rshinystars



Series: Perdu Verse [1]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: A fast burn for others, Also love Laslow and decided I wanted do something more with him, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Magic, Angst, Background Relationships, But as we know I don't write necessarily happy things, Child Abuse, Dark, Depression, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, I love Silas and wanted to give him a bit of backstory, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Introspection, It's a really slow burn for some characters, Laslow is important, Laslow suffers too sorry, M/M, Mind the Tags, Missed potential in game between him and Xander, Nightmares, Past Child Abuse, Past Torture, Past Violence, Silas gets it bad i'm sorry my precious cinnamon roll, Slow Burn, the awakening trio in general, the awakening trio is but Laslow has some favoritism here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2019-10-14 22:17:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 93,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17516858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rshinystars/pseuds/Rshinystars
Summary: In truth, Silas was just relieved that after all this fighting, after all this bloodshed, Nohr and Hoshido finally believed in Corrin. He could see how much this war was straining Corrin. He’d lose sleep over it and pretend that everything was fine.The war in Valla was a nightmare and it left Silas with too much room to think and wonder in that head of his. And as we know, it can form new relationships, and apparently, bring up a past that would rather be forgotten. Things are out of his hands more than ever and the simple knight from Nohr is starting realize that perhaps things weren't as he made them to seem in his mind.Why is there a gap in his memory?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, new fic for Fire Emblem Fates. I'm bitter about the lack (read nonexistent) of content regarding Silas and Xander. I think they have so much potential and wanted to explore that. I also really wanted to explore Silas more and his rather unknown past after being banished from the fortress. I've played around with some details and warped them to fit my story, so this is not always canon-compliant with the meager facts we get of him. So here we go.
> 
> Please mind the tags! There is some content in here that can be a bit rough. I don't go too into it in this chapter, but later chapters beware!
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

In truth, Silas was just relieved that after all this fighting, after all this bloodshed, Nohr and Hoshido finally believed in Corrin. He could see how much this war was straining Corrin. He’d lose sleep over it and pretend that everything was fine.

It wasn’t. Silas was no stranger to nightmares despite his general outward appearance and it seemed that shocked Corrin a great deal when he confessed to that. He didn’t delve into details, it wasn’t about him, he didn’t go to talk about himself, but he managed to get Corrin to talk about their own nightmares. Silas was just happy to be there for his friend, even if he wasn’t quite sure Corrin remembered him yet. It was a painful truth that lingered between them, but Silas tried hard to let that show. 

Often, it made him wonder what Nohr did to Corrin to make him forget about Silas like that. Knowing how they functioned, how cruel they were and could be, Silas couldn’t doubt anything. They were all possibilities as terrifying of a prospect as that was. 

“You alright there Silas?” Corrin asked breaking him out of his reverie. “I don’t think I have seen you frown that hard before.” He joked lightly. Silas smiled and laughed waving off his concern as they walked to the dining hall. 

“Just relieved that we’re all fighting one enemy,” Silas replied. “Though the tension is…”

Then Corrin’s smile was gone, and Silas silently cursed himself for bringing up such a sensitive subject again when that was the last thing Corrin needed. 

“You’re right,” Corrin agreed solemnly. “They don’t trust each other, and I mean I get why, but…”

“I get it,” really he did. They had this conversation the other night when Corrin couldn’t sleep. “Have you spoken to Lord Xander or Lord Ryoma about it yet?”

Corrin shook his head, “I probably should though yeah? I’ve just been so caught up with everything. With Scarlet—”

Of course. Scarlet. That had hit Lord Ryoma in particular pretty hard. A part of him had wondered if there had been something more but really that wasn’t any of his business. 

“You’re coming to the strategy meeting right?” Corrin asked abruptly.

“Yeah,” Silas replied shortly. If only for moral support because the army could honestly use a boost in morale. Though, some of the looks he got from the Nohrians made him wonder if he was even welcome there. He tried to be nice to everyone, but being branded as a traitor was frustrating. He had heard that from a few people since following Corrin. 

He stood by his decision firmly. There were no regrets.

All he could really imagine was nearly being executed again, and this time for good reason.

Silas shoved those thoughts aside and put on his usual smile, it came easy. It never felt forced. He was generally an optimistic person, but some days he was just tired. Today was particularly long. It made Silas wonder what they were really fighting. 

The march was long the next morning, that was what they determined if they went the direction they went. He remained particularly silent in the discussion. There wasn’t much to contribute in the meetings if you weren’t one of the royal family members or called upon. Silas revelled in the silence. It was a chance to regather himself. 

His gaze caught Xander’s once and for a second, Silas feared that he had been called upon and hadn’t noticed, but it quickly shifted and the conversation kept moving in a heated debate between Lord Xander and Lord Ryoma. By his side, he felt Corrin shift uncomfortably and Silas nudged him gently to calm him down. Corrin’s gaze only met his briefly, but he visibly calmed down and began trying to calm the situation. 

It was a good thing that they were all together, but there was so much they had to work through before it could even be considered a cohesive group. 

It was obvious on the battlefield. There were accidents during the fight. Hoshidans who could have helped Nohrians rushed to their Hoshidan comrades who weren’t in need. Nohrians blatantly ignored a call for help from Hoshidans. It was a mess. Honestly, even the optimism in Silas couldn’t find a way to make it out to be better than it was. How were they supposed to even consider working together when Lord Xander and Lord Ryoma still had unbearable tension between the two of them.

They were united because of Corrin, but if they couldn’t put their differences aside, nothing would come of it. 

“I’m going to try to talk to Ryoma,” Corrin said with a long sigh after they had sat in his treehouse for a while. “I think that’s what I need to do first. Then maybe have them both just talk it out together?”

Silas smiled, “I think they’re both very reasonable, you know? I’m sure if you talk to them they’ll listen.”  _ You have that effect on people _ .

Corrin beamed, “You think so?”

“Of course,” Silas laughed softly. 

“You know Silas,” Corrin began quieter than before suddenly seeming very subdued. Silas’s heart clenched and he suddenly felt nervous. “In truth, I’ve really only just met Ryoma. I don’t know him as well as Xander, and as much as I love Xander… I find Ryoma much easier to talk to.”

Silas didn’t really know what to say to that. It was no lie, Xander was a hard man. There was a permanent frown etched on his face and he held an air of superiority always that made him difficult to approach, even for his own siblings. Lord Ryoma commanded attention, but he had a friendly air about him that made him easier to talk to. Silas had several conversations with him since the union between the two armies. Silas had barely managed to utter a word to Xander since arriving here and he had known Xander since childhood.

He—

A part of Silas would like to think that maybe Xander remembered that childhood. There were times where Xander just looked as if he didn’t recognize Silas and if that didn’t hurt, Silas didn’t know what would. 

“I’m sure that’s just how he feels he has to be Corrin,” Silas muttered trying to find someway to comfort Corrin. “I’m sure if it’s just you two he’ll be more open to conversation. He has a soft spot for you.”

“I’m sure of that,” Corrin grinned. “Thanks for listening to me Silas. I’ll go talk to Ryoma now.”

“That’s what best friends are for.”

Even as those words left his lips he began to doubt it. Corrin didn’t remember him. A part of him wanted to make Corrin remember him. Another part of him felt as if it was unfair to push himself onto him so much. 

But Corrin nodded with that alluring smile, “Best friends.” 

He left, yet there was almost a question hanging off that end of that as if he was trying to reconcile with that concept.

_ Self-proclaimed best friend _ , that’s how everyone thought of him when he tried to convince Corrin that they were best friends. 

_ He follows him like his loyal dog.  _

_ What a kiss up. _

_ Nohrian traitor. _

“Your strikes are more aggressive today, Silas,” Silas nearly fell off his horse upon hearing the voice and swung wide only for his sword to be parried. “I hadn’t meant to startle you, my apologies.”

Silas inhaled a sharp breath when he turned around to see Lord Xander standing before him with a practice sword out looking understandably surprised.

“Lord Xander,” Silas finally managed to speak. “I’m so sorry milord, I hadn’t meant to strike at you.” How utterly embarrassing.

“I gathered,” Xander said matter-of-factly. “Would you be willing to spar?”

_ How could he say no? _

“Of course, milord,” Silas regathered himself and lost himself to the flow of the spar. He wasn’t at his best, he would accept that. He was probably at his worst. Xander noticed it and mercifully ended the spar before he could embarrass himself further. 

“What is on your mind Silas?” Xander had asked him after given the spar a second try and Silas just could bring the energy for it.

“Nothing, milord,” Silas answered. “Just a little tired.”

Xander hummed evidently not believing Silas, “Tired of what?”

_ People. Giving and giving and giving, and only receiving hate in return. _

Silas decided that would not be the best answer, “The battle yesterday was a mess, Lord Xander. I spent much of it trying to help my comrades in need, that is all. I’m just recovering from it still.”

“The battle yesterday was a mess,” Xander nodded with a grimace. “Our people and the Hoshidans could not work together, as to be expected. Being thrust into such a situation and to mend relationships with your former enemy so quickly would be difficult.”

“Corrin was really concerned about that,” Silas admitted. “He plans on talking to you about it soon.”

Xander simply nodded again, “Is that all on your mind?”

Silas wasn’t known for lying, but it came easily when it came to this, “Yes, Lord Xander. I appreciate the concern.” 

Xander didn’t push it, but a part of Silas wished he had. 

The next battle and the battle after that wasn’t much better and they were getting pushed back further and further. The arguments it spurred up in the war council were tense. No voice raised, but the stiffness in the two eldest sons and discomfort radiating off of Corrin and the other siblings made the hair on the back of Silas’s neck rise. 

_ Someone stop them. Someone get them to calm down _ .

Because Corrin looked like he was about to panic. He looked  _ miserable _ and Silas hated that look. It was the look he had when Silas had denied him so many things when they were children. 

Who was he to stand in between the argument of two future kings though? He was a castle knight with one solely devoted cause. 

But Xander used to be his friend—he thought at least. And Ryoma and him had shared several conversations that he would consider “friendly”. It still didn’t feel right.

“If I may,” Silas swallowed thickly when the room suddenly fell silent “I don’t think the problem lies with any one side.” He felt the eyes of every noble, of every worthy soldier that reminded him of his place at this table. 

Corrin nodded, and Silas was hoping desperately that it meant he would step in. When he didn’t, Silas cleared his throat and continued.

“Despite any and all best efforts, both sides have been fighting each other on and off of the battlefield, and I mean that quite literally. Even now, I’ve broken up fights between both Nohrians and Hoshidans fighting each other in the middle of battle,” Silas tried to ignore the daggers be pierced into his back. “Both equally at fault. But I also feel as if they need a better starting point and foundation. Right now it’s fractured because of the past and tension between our countries, but…” Silas drones off and Corrin glanced at him with an eager expression before nodding.

“The leaders should be the first step to encouraging stronger bonds,” bless Corrin for stepping in. “It’s a partnership!”

But Xander’s eyes were transfixed on Silas as if he wanted  _ him _ to keep speaking. There was nothing more to contribute, so Silas hoped he could fade into the background as Corrin took charge of the conversation. 

“What were you about to say?” Xander said before they began sparring. “During the war council, you seemed to have had more to say.”

“Corrin summed it up actually,” Silas smiled because it wasn’t necessarily a lie.

Xander stared at Silas for a long while, “Is that so?”

Silas nodded and remained mute not trusting his voice to not betray him.

There was a long sigh before, “You’ve changed Silas.”

Silas froze momentarily, “In a good way or a bad way?”

“I can’t tell just yet.”

Xander carried on with the spar, but Silas couldn’t shake what Xander had said. How had he changed? Xander hadn’t seen him since his banishment so of course Silas had changed. He had aged ten years. 

But what did the crown prince expect from him?

——————-

“That was reckless Silas,” Corrin scolded with a frown deeply etched into his face. “You could’ve died.”

“I had to!” Silas reasoned. “If I didn’t then those villagers would’ve been killed by those faceless.”

“Charging in alone?” Corrin tightened the bandages more than reasonably needed. Silas winced and bit back a groan. “ If you had just waited we all would have been there in time.”

“No,” Silas knew he was right. He barely made it in time. “If I didn’t do what I did, we’d be burying those villagers.” Silas huffed when Corrin glared at him, “I don’t regret it.”

Corrin remained silent. He knew there was no arguing with Silas when it came to saving innocents. Silas did it for him though. That was his pledge to Corrin as his best friend. If Silas had charged in and saved them, and the villagers died, Corrin would have blamed himself and made himself miserable.

“Sorry Corrin,” Silas smiled softly. “But you would have done the same.”

Corrin smirked at that, but Silas could see the glisten in his eyes. He was trying not to cry. Gods, had he scared him that badly? “I would’ve, but that doesn’t mean you go do stupid things.”

“Rather me than you,” Silas replied casually. “We need you more than anyone right now.”

Corrin froze. Red eyes shot up to look at Silas and the knight wondered where he went wrong, “That’s not true. My life isn’t more important than anyone else’s.”

In hindsight, that was a bad choice of words, and Silas apologized profusely. It was a sensitive subject for Corrin. His importance in regards to everyone else. Everyone always regarded Corrin with an unreal level of respect, even the princes. 

“Sorry,” Silas apologized again. Corrin shrugged it off and told him he didn’t need to apologize anymore, but Silas knew that he messed up. He never was great at giving advice or talking to people after hearing so many sob stories in one day. Silas wanted to be nice to everyone, but he didn’t know how to respond to every soldier’s woes no matter how hard he tried. 

Well, not every soldier. He still got the occasional insult or traitor thrown his way, but he’s managed to block that out and keep smiling. 

“Silas,” Ryoma smiled at him. “It’s a pleasure to see you.”

“Oh, hello Lord Ryoma,” Silas greeted with a slight bow. “Going for a walk?”

“Indeed,” Ryoma breathed deeply. “I need some fresh air.”

“Are you and Lord Xander…?”

Ryoma laughed heartily, “We are working things out slowly. I’m sorry for all the strain we’ve put you and Corrin under.”

“I’m fine—”

“No one in this army is fine when the leaders can’t work together properly, no?” Ryoma gave Silas a knowing smirk. “I appreciate you stepping in when you did the other day.”

“I didn’t say anything important.”

“You were thinking it.”

He was thinking a lot of things frankly. That was one of the more prevailing thoughts. 

“You know,” Ryoma began, “you scared us today when you went charging in like that.”

_ Oh _ , “My apologies, Prince Ryoma,” Silas stuttered. “I hadn’t realized that it was going to be such a big deal.”

Ryoma laughed then, loud and boisterous, “You wouldn’t, you and your selflessness. Corrin was besides himself. The Nohrian siblings as well.”

He hadn’t expected that. Maybe Elise, he didn’t know Leo all that well, Camilla was a worrywart, but mainly concerning her siblings and he knew Xander was always particularly hard to read. That came as news to him.

“Be more careful,” Ryoma had a way of calming Silas down. He smiled and nodded as Ryoma and him carried on their walk silently. 

————————

“Do we really know what we’re up against?” Leo asked and all eyes were on Azura. It was rare that she showed up at these war council meetings. Azura was quiet, mysterious, but has loyally stuck by Corrin’s side. Despite his suspicions of her, she hadn’t done anything to hurt Corrin. He had no reason to act on such suspicions.

Azura remained calm and it was the same ambiguous answer. There was no way for us to fully expect anything that they were going to be fighting. At that point, they were going in blindly. No one was particularly confident about this turn of events. 

Valla was hell.

It was obvious that no one was gaining a motivational boost from their predicament. Stress kept growing and the tension was miserable. The situation wasn’t hopeless. Silas tried to convince some soldiers of that. They were going to win. If they stuck with Corrin, everything would work out. 

But they all claimed the same thing. 

“Listen,” Silas persisted. “It’ll work out, but we need both sides to work together!”

The soldiers snickered, “Yeah, yeah, considering you left Nohr without a second thought, we’ll just ‘work together’! Fuck off, traitor.”

Silas tried to not let that both him and kept going calmly, “This isn’t about me.” It wasn’t, so why did they keep turning the conversation to him? “This is something both Prince Ryoma and Prince Xander want. It’s what Corrin wants! We can’t win if we let each other get killed.”

A Hoshidan soldier huffed, “Let bygones be bygones? They killed our king!”

The Nohrian soldier looked stricken, there was no response for a second, then the conversation took a turn. “So what? Hoshido is fine!”

“This is not the conversation we’re having,” Silas tried to placate. “Listen, Nohr was wrong for that. The king was wrong for that, it’s unforgivable, but—”

“Now you’re disowning our king?!”

“Ha, look at Silas trying to be all ambivalent,” one of the Nohrians growled. “Fucking Nohrian traitor.”

“At least he knows that his king was wrong,” the Hoshidan soldier spat. 

And then punches were thrown, and no matter how hard Silas tried to stay out of it and stop the fight, he got dragged in. The punch left his jaw bruised and feeling pretty miserable. It took shouting from someone else outside of the fight for it to stop. The other soldiers quickly sauntered off before the other could make it over.

“Silas, are you alright?” it was Xander who stopped it. 

The knight rubbed his jaw and nodded, “Thank you for breaking up the fight Lord Xander. It got out of hand. I’m sorry that it happened.”

Xander’s brows furrowed, “What happened?”

Silas decidedly refrained from mentioning how he had completely disowned the king of Nohr—Xander’s father—but the man scared him and it needed to be faced. King Garon ruled on fear now, not so much respect, “It was just the debate on both sides trying to work together.”

The crown prince looked as if he wanted to add something. He looked frustrated and an unreasonable part of Silas blamed himself for what happened. It wasn’t like he brought the topic up, but they had dragged him into it as if he would choose sides. 

“You should get your jaw looked at, Silas,” Xander’s expression softened briefly. “That bruise looks rather painful.”

Silas allowed himself a small chuckle, “It stings for sure.” 

“Lord Xander?” a voice came from the dark. “Isn’t it late? Shouldn’t you be in your quarters?” Silas turned and watched as Laslow and Odin closed the distance between them. “Oh Silas? You as well?”

“What are you doing out so late yourself, Laslow?” Xander looked between the two retainers. “You as well Odin?”

Laslow dodged the question and it was obvious Xander was used to it, “Silas, what happened friend? Have you gotten yourself into a fight?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“You should’ve called upon us,” Odin exclaimed. “I, Odin Dark, would have been able to stop the enemy—”

Silas appreciated Odin’s excitement, but he was honestly exhausted, “It was just a quarrel between some soldiers.”

“Just a quarrel” implied a lot though and Odin’s expression immediately fell and Laslow’s expression sobered from his usual smirk. 

“This is quite a difficult situation isn’t it?” Laslow supplied in the silence. “We have to at least make a cohesive unit.”

“We do,” Xander grimaced and eyed the bruise on Silas’s chin. “We all have to make an effort, but if the effort will be met with force, I suppose I will have to talk to Prince Ryoma about this account.”

_ Well it wasn’t a Hoshidan that actually landed the punch on my face. Actually, I disrespected the King and I’ve been branded a traitor nonstop since I came here; I’ve just confirmed that. If I was in Nohr and I said that, I would’ve been put on the execution block immediately. _

_ Again _ .

But Silas can’t bring that up to Xander.

“It was both Nohrians and Hoshidans, milord,” Silas said simply. 

“No surprise really,” Laslow shrugged and looked at Odin.

Odin nodded, “We’ve had to deal with a few of those ourselves.”

Laslow walked to Xander’s side, “It is late though. We can deal with those things in the morning,”

“Agreed,” Xander took a step back. “I insist you get that bruise checked out Silas,”

“Of course.”

He didn’t. In truth, he was too bone tired to actually make his way to a cleric. The pain in the morning was enough to let him know that he probably should have taken those extra steps to be seen by the cleric. Silas groaned and made his way over, not without a few odd looks from those around him—luckily none of the soldiers from last night were there. Xander, however, he did run into and that was probably worse than the others because he distinctly remembers Xander telling him multiple times to go see a cleric.

Xander’s hard red eyes glaring at him from across the way was enough for Silas to get the message. 

_ You should’ve listened _ .

He should’ve done a lot of things, but in his time, he had rarely listened. That’s why he was banished in the first place. Maybe that should have taught him something—nearly being executed is a life changing experience. Apparently, it’s not enough for him to really think and listen though.

Elise gasped audibly when she saw Silas’s face and rushed to him before he even made it all the way into the tent, “Silas, what happened?”

“Just a fight,” Silas shrugged and smiled a little at Elise. “Good morning Princess.”

“Morning!” she exclaimed noting the slip up, but actively gauging the damage. “Another one? Did you throw yourself in front of a faceless again?” It was meant to be a jest, but Silas could see the visible worry in her face.

“Not so soon after, no,” he laughed lightly. “Just tried to settle a quarrel between soldiers and got one in the face for doing so.”

Disappointment filtered onto her face, “Another one? Again? So soon?”

All the same questions he had.

“Yeah,” he mumbled as she began working on his face. “Slow progress.”

“Yeah,” she repeated with a hint of sadness that never really suit Elise and her bubbly personality. They settled into silence, mainly because Silas didn’t want to mess her up nor add onto his own pain. 

Eventually, she sat back as if to admire her work and gave him a thumbs up, “Looks great!”

“Thanks,” her enthusiasm was contagious to say the least. 

Silas kept his distance for the most part. He listened when people wanted him to, gave advice when requested. He helped with the chores around the camp to prepare for their march. His jaw didn’t hurt as much, so it was easier to talk to others, but Corrin missed nothing. 

“Gods, Silas, what happened?” Corrin reached up to touch his jaw and stopped shortly with a look of shock. “Does it hurt?”

Silas tried his best to give Corrin a reassuring smile that he would believe because he never did in these situations, “Just a little quarrel. I’m fine though. Elise looked it over this morning.”

“Just a little—this happened this morning?” Corrin’s eyes widened. “How did I miss that?”

“No, last night,” the knight shrugged. “I tried to stop it, but, well, got hit pretty hard.”

“You just got it looked at?” the young man looked so concerned and Silas quickly tried to wave it off. “Silas—”

“Corrin, Corrin! I’m fine, I’m fine, don’t worry,” Silas chuckled despite the pout on his friend’s face. “Lord Xander showed up and stopped it.”

There was silence for a while. Silas could see the gears turning in his head. There was guilt etched into his face. He blamed himself for this, wrongfully so. This situation was tough for everyone, there really was no reason for Corrin to blame himself for this. 

You can’t just mend this relationship when so many wrongs had been committed. 

“Corrin, it’s not your fault,” Silas placed a gentle hand on his friend’s shoulder. “You aren’t responsible for everyone’s actions. It’ll take time for this tension to quell, but it’s not all on you. We’re all responsible.”

Corrin sighed wearily and gave a small smile, “I know, but—it’s just…” another heavy sighed, “I wanted everyone to come together and work together. I mean, Ryoma and Xander still haven’t made amends.”

“It’ll take time,” Silas insisted. “It’s hard to just forget everything that has happened. Have you spoken to Xander yet?”

Shaking his head, he stood to look out towards where Xander stood, “Not yet.”

“Maybe start there,” Silas followed his gaze. “You don’t have to carry this burden on your own. Your siblings are here for you, I am, all the people that chose to follow you. Corrin, it’ll all work out.”

“Thanks, Silas.”

“Of course,” he grinned. 

————————

In horror, he watched as one of his comrades was knocked down as he was pinned by another one of these damn invisible soldiers. Silas pushed back as fiercely as he could to get to them, but from the corner of his eyes he could see that finally strike and the cry of agony and blood leave their lips. 

_ Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. _

It wasn’t really his responsibility. Their partner that was supposed to be covering their back had gone off on their own again. Silas ran his lance through the being in front of him and still made his way to check on the fallen soldier just to make sure that there was truly no life left.

“Silas…” he gurgled.

_ Oh _ . It was one the men who had clocked in the face earlier in the week.  _ Shit _ . 

Silas removed his fingers from his pulse point and plunged his lance through a soldier that was charging at him. They flew off their horse and Silas gritted his teeth as horse nearly took him down. His horse bucked and he reacted quickly to try and calm it. The man was bleeding out and there was a highly unlikely chance that he would survive even if a cleric came. 

Sakura rushed over and Silas quickly rushed to cover her to make sure nothing happened to her. He could see the tears budding in her eyes as she tried her best to heal the fallen Nohrian soldier and all Silas could think about was how Sakura shouldn’t be here—her youth and innocence shouldn’t be tainted like this.

She doesn’t deserve this.

Then again, who did?

The situation was getting dire, and Silas didn’t think he could let Sakura stay much longer, “Princess! We can’t stay here much longer.”

“But, I,” she stuttered and glanced back at the fallen soldier. He looked at the princess with pleading eyes.

“Princess, can you save him?” he asked eying the incoming enemies. 

“I’m...I think I can,” despite the tears in her eyes, she remained determined. 

Silas bit his lip because if something happened to Sakura—the princess of Hoshido—that was on him. Not only would that ruin Hoshido, relationships with Nohr, but he just wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he let something happen to her. 

“We don’t have much time!” Silas shouted eyes darting across the land keeping track of familiar faces and making sure none of them are in need. “I can’t hold them all off forever and others may need you as well, Princess.”

Sakura bit her lip and nodded continuing her process. Inwardly, he groaned. This could end very poorly if he wasn’t careful. He had to constantly check to make sure Sakura was okay whilst being attacked himself and sooner or later they would be surrounded and Silas wouldn’t be able to do anything.

They couldn’t risk everything for one knight. It was too risky.

Silas winced as an arrow plunged right in between his armor on his shoulder. He swore under his breath and could hear Sakura’s cries, but he paid them no mind and turned his attention to the source of the attack. It was a pegasus archer. Of course. What he couldn’t reach. 

“We have to go,” the knight insisted. “We’ll get surrounded at this rate!”

Sakura released a heavy sigh of defeat. She didn’t want to leave him, but Silas knew that when she came by, it was too late to save him. Sakura stood up, and Silas could see the tired and knowing look in his eyes as he helped the princess onto his horse. 

“We’ll win for you. Your life won’t be lost in vain,” Silas murmured and told Sakura not to look back as he rode out of the center of the conflict. 

Later, after the battle, Sakura would hold those same tears in her eyes as she tended to his wound in the medical tent, “I could have saved him.”

“Princess Sakura,” Silas sighed softly, “he was too far gone before you got to him. You tried, that’s all that matters.”

A single tear fell down her pale cheek and she blinked rapidly trying to cover it up, “I wasn’t strong enough.”

“Neither was I,” Silas admitted. “I learn that every time we go into one of these battles. But I fight to avenge the ones we lose. I fight to make sure their efforts aren’t in vain and others may live.”

Sakura nodded and wiped her eyes, “You’re right.”

Silas smiled with a gentle expression, “Let’s work hard together, Sakura.”

Her expression brightened and she nodded, “Let us. You’ll-You’ll let me know if you need healing right? E-Elise told me y-you spent the whole night with a nearly broken jaw.” Silas winced and should’ve known that the young princess wouldn’t be able to keep her mouth shut around her newfound friend.

“I will,” Silas nodded. “And it wasn’t that bad, I swear.”

“P-promise you’ll tell me?” Sakura held up her pinky and Silas had to laugh at the innocence of the action.

“Promise,” he wrapped his pinky around hers and wondered if Elise taught her that. It was something she had done to him before as well. 

Silas should have anticipated the aggression from the Nohrians when he was on his own. Truthfully, he didn’t know why they pursued him. There was nothing to be talked about. He tried to save their friend, but he was too far gone. 

“So you really are a traitor,” they grabbed his collar and Silas tried hard not to lose his temper. That wouldn’t do Corrin any good.

“I tried to help him,” Silas explained. “He was too far gone. He died a valiant death and it won’t be forgotten, but I’m  _ not _ a traitor.”

And he saw the fist raise, “I’ll believe it when I see—”

“Hello gentlemen,” an almost too pleasant voice came from behind them. He recognized it and was instantly relieved to see the slight smirk trying to force its way onto his face. “Thought you learned your lesson the other night.”

“Get out of here Laslow—”

“I second that,” and Xander towered over them.

The soldiers straightened. All Silas could hear was a string of apologies and begging for what he assumed was mercy. There’s was no doubt in his mind that Silas really could’ve handled the situation on his own, but the last thing he wanted was to cause more trouble. 

Laslow pulled Silas off to the side as Xander proceeded to lecture the soldiers. The retainer glanced back at the prince before continuing on.

“You seem to have a knack with getting in trouble,” Laslow remarked.

“You’re one to talk,” Silas joked. Laslow smirked and then held a mock look of hurt.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Silas,” the retainer laughed lightly and then sobered up slightly. “So why have you been getting in these fights Silas?”

Silas shrugged because he really didn’t know why he was target—or rather he was aware of a reason, but not the logic behind it, “Some people just don’t like me.”

Laslow shook his head, “I find that hard to believe.”

“You’d be surprised,” Silas admitted. “I’m learning the hard way that I’m not particularly liked right now.”

“Well,” Laslow hummed. “Corrin has apparently voiced concerns to Lord Xander about the bruise on your jaw from before.”

“Well, he told me that he was concerned and it really wasn’t that big of a deal,” Silas groaned. “And how do you know that?”

“I’m his retainer,” Laslow replied as if that answered everything. “Either way, you really sparked a conversation between the kingdoms and this whole alliance.”

“Hopefully a good one?”

“A productive one.”

There was nothing more to add to that, but Xander wasn’t apparently done with him. Not that he was accusing him of anything, but it was obvious he was trying to discern why there was hostility towards the young knight. As per usual, Xander had asked him for a spar, that was typically how Silas knew that Xander wanted to talk to him. That was the way Xander could corner him into talking, even if that wasn’t the prince’s intentions. Of course, Silas wouldn’t deny the prince his wishes, and truthfully, Silas had missed their friendly spars. He had occasionally watched Xander and Corrin fight upon Corrin’s request—he had always wanted to talk afterwards “like old times”. 

But this time it was just him and Xander and Silas wasn’t nearly as frustrated as he was last time. Maybe he should have been considering it was a repeat of last events—but he was feeling particularly calm.

Xander of course noticed it, “You are doing better than the other day—more coordinated. I assume whatever was bothering you has passed?”

“Something like that,” Silas breathed. “I think I’ve just learned how to not let it get under my skin.”

That answer obviously sparked something in Xander and he stopped grooming his horse to look at Silas, “What was it, if I may ask? Rarely did I think anything bothered you to that extent.”

Silas figured most people thought that. He wasn’t considered an angry person, but sometimes he just felt…

Rage for some unknown reason. Pent up emotions that he supposed he suppressed, but he was never quite aware of the source. Being called a traitor didn’t particularly bother him because he was by Corrin’s side, but sometimes it had just hit him—anger, irritation, a certain ire that he wasn’t sure why certain words made him really considering punching someone. But he had held back, for his sake, Corrin’s, Xander’s and Nohr.

He’d apparently already given Nohr a bad name though.

“Silas?” Xander asked with concern laced in his voice. “If it upsets you, you needn’t have to answer. Though, it does worry me that something has bothered you so thoroughly.”

It was touching that Xander was genuinely so concerned for Silas’s well being. He thought they had lost that connection when he was gone for 10 years.

“Do you think I’m a traitor?” Silas asked quietly, muffled slightly as he redirected his attention to his horse hoping to avoid the piercing and judging gaze of Xander.

Xander remained silent longer than Silas liked and felt like he had overstepped the boundaries by asking that question of the crown prince. Who better to ask if they thought you a traitor than the very person who could banish you once more?

“Is that what you think?” Xander asked after a moment. “Do you think yourself a traitor Silas?”

The younger man could hear the frown in his voice and tried not to wince, “No.”

“Why is that?”

Silas took a deep breath, “I followed Corrin because I felt like he knew what he was trying to do. It was never to hurt Nohr or Hoshido, it was to save both of them. I chose the side I thought would not only protect Nohr, but everyone else as well.”

“Are those the words of a traitor?”

Silas spun around at that to really look at Xander and see what he was trying to do. His face was impressively neutral—he shouldn’t be surprised though. It was Xander for gods’ sake. 

“They’re my words,” Silas answered carefully.

Xander smiled at that, “There you go. I don’t think you a traitor Silas. In fact, I thank you for believing in Corrin when I did not.”

Silas laughed, it came out bitter, tasted bitter, “Corrin doesn’t even remember me.”

“Yes,” Xander agreed. “I regret that—letting them do that to the both of you, especially you.”

“I disobeyed orders, I—”

“You were a child—eleven Silas. No child deserves to be nearly executed and then  _ banished _ ,” Xander admonished. “I didn’t agree with it then, I don’t agree with it now. Where did you go Silas? You were missing for eight years and you left so quickly.”

Silas blinked, “I…”

What  _ did _ happen?

He felt like he was going to throw up. He didn’t remember  _ anything _ of those eight years. How come? Silas was pretty sure that he—

And then he—

Some woman helped him escape—

Escape what?

What the hell happened to him?

“Silas? Silas, are you all right?” when did Xander get so close to him? Since when did he need Xander to hold him up?

“I—yeah,” he breathed. “I just… I can’t seem to remember what happened. I thought I knew.”

There was confusion and worry marring Xander’s pale face, “Perhaps you took the banishment hard and blocked it out.” He paused, “In truth, when I went to look for you, I found you nowhere. I asked your parents and they knew nothing.”

_ His parents _ . Even that drew up a blank. Did he go see them before he left? He’s pretty sure he did, but no part of his mind can bring up their interactions.

“It’s odd,” Silas leaned against his horse, pulling away from Xander, “I never really thought about that before. I remember everything before and everything after, but those 8 years in between? There’s nothing.”

And a part of him wanted it to remain as nothing.

“You must be tired,” bless Xander for reading the mood. “Do you want me to walk you back?”

Silas shook his head so fast he felt dizzy—dizzier than he already did, “I’ll be fine, thank you Lord Xander.”

He nodded, though hesitant, “If you need to talk about anything Silas, I wouldn’t mind lending an ear.”

The younger man would’ve laughed if he didn’t think it so disrespectful, “Thank you milord, but I wouldn’t want to bother you.”

“You aren’t bothering me if I offered,” Xander said simply. “Come, let us return.”

Despite Silas’s earlier protest, Xander did end up walking him back to his quarter, not without Corrin and his ever watchful eye noticing. The smile on his face was quickly switched with one of grave concern. He began to make his way over to them, but Xander held up a hand and shook his head. Corrin stopped, hesitated, and then simply nodded and Silas made it inside and weakly thanked Xander. 

Xander said something about being checked up on by someone later, but Silas fell asleep in the middle of it.

_ Cold water rushed all around him. He took a deep breath from the shock and instantly felt the cold water rush down his throat, shoot up his nose. He flailed trying desperately to get back to the surface.  _

_ “Drown the brat. Next time he should keep his mouth shut.” _

_ “I thought we were supposed to keep him alive?” _

_ “Then make him fear it.” _

_ “Sir.” _

_ The shock from the cold water left him in a near vegetative state. He shivered and stared blankly at the wall before being dunked again and again and again. _

“Please stop!” he woke up shouting and Laslow looked down at him in terror.

“Gods, Silas?!” he shouted alarmed. “Are you okay?”

Silas gripped his shirt, took a deep breath and nodded. 

“Yeah,” he managed.

Laslow stared at him and then left. Silas thought it too simple. He assumed Laslow was there on orders of Lord Xander and maybe Corrin.

Slowly, he ran his hands over his face and released a tremulous breath. What kind of nightmare was that? Silas hated it. It physically hurt like he was the one that was just dunked in that water.

Laslow came back carrying a blanket, “You’re shivering friend.”

“Oh,” was all he could muster.

“Nightmare?” he asked. Before Silas could respond, he added, “If you wish to talk about it, I’m all ears. If not, I respect that too.”

Silas remained silent, not trusting his voice. Laslow took it in strides as he always did. 

“Lord Xander requested me to check in on you every now and then,” Laslow confessed as he sat across from Silas. “You seemed a little shaken and he asked me to let him know if you were okay.”

“A little surprised he cares so much,” Silas muttered into the blanket. He was tired.

Laslow didn’t get riled up, “He surprises you a lot.” He winked at Silas. “I’ll go let him know you’ve awoken, but would like time alone.”

“Oh,” Silas’s eyes widened, “Thank you. That would be nice.”

Laslow smirked and left. 

True to his word, Silas was left to his own devices for the rest of the day. Laslow came to tell him about dinner and Silas decided he would eat. Corrin luckily didn’t bring up his episode from earlier—he assumed it was based on Xander’s recommendation. 

“We’ll be going into battle tomorrow,” Corrin did eventually say. “Will you be feeling up for it?”

“Of course,” he sounded like his old self now.  “Always by your side Corrin.”

Corrin grinned, “Always.”

He caught Xander’s curious gaze, and Silas mouthed a thank you. He simply nodded and resumed his meal conversing easily with Prince Ryoma. Maybe they were getting closer. Leo and Takumi, despite their banter weren’t trying to kill each other. Camilla and her motherly ways seemed to make Hinoka slightly uncomfortable but they looked friendly. Sakura and Elise had already eased into that friendship with Elise’s optimism and Sakura’s kindness, they were easily the quickest to get along. 

Even some of the soldiers were getting along.

They were making progress. They were getting somewhere.

_ “Everyone has scars. Let’s make sure these aren’t forgotten.” _

And things quickly came crashing down. 

————————

They made an obvious miscalculation of how dangerous the invisible kingdom—Valla—really was. He knew he shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, but Laslow and Odin sneaking into a room together and then hearing the shattering of glass was an indicator maybe Silas should check in on them.

But hearing the words, “They’ll all die if we don’t do something, Odin!”

Was not what he was anticipating. Then, Selena snuck up on him and Silas immediately felt as if he was in danger. Her eyes bore into him with nothing less than a disapproving annoyance.

“I thought you would be the last one to eavesdrop,” Selena fixed him with a glare.

“I heard something shatter and was going to check in on it,” Silas stood his ground. “I hadn’t intended on eavesdropping.”

Selena huffed, “Right, well, move along then.”

“Does it not bother you that Laslow just shouted how we’ll all die?” Silas raised an eyebrow.

She folded her arms, “Leave.”

Laslow and Odin’s voices immediately stop as if they realized that someone was standing outside of their door. Slowly, a purple eye peaks out of the door and then a blue eye appears just above. Immediately, the door shuts and reopens with Laslow tensely smiling at him.

“Hello Silas,” Laslow greets.

“Silas, what a grand occasion that we meet on this fine night,” Odin pushed pass Laslow with his usual energy receiving a complaint from his friend.

“Hi,” he replied with eyes darting from Selena to the other duo. “Is everything okay? I heard something shatter”

Laslow laughed awkwardly, “Ah, yeah, sorry friend. Just a mug slipped out of my hand.”

Silas nodded, “Okay. Well, as long as no one is hurt.” Should he mention the whole “we’ll all die thing” or should he wait until he can get one of them alone?

Particularly Laslow as he didn’t intimidate him and he could understand him.

The look Selena was giving him let him know that he show just go and ask Laslow later. He wondered how much Lord Xander knew about his retainer. These retainers were suspicious despite their kindness.

So Silas bid them good night, but failed to get a good night sleep. Partially because Laslow’s words rang through his mind constantly, and the persisting nightmares. He still wasn’t sure of the source, but it it made him miserable and he’s sure he looked just as miserable in the morning. 

“Gods, Silas,” Corrin looked at him up and down, hands hovering just before Silas, “You look terrible. Did you even sleep?”

Silas laughed wearily, “It was a bit of a rough night.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Corrin asked softly placing a gentle hand on his bicep. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Silas smiled trying to reassure Corrin. “Just a few odd dreams.” That he didn’t really know how to explain because he didn’t really know what they were or what was happening. 

Corrin stared at him for a while judging him, trying to tell if Silas was lying. Silas would forever be grateful for Corrin accepting him despite the memories, but at that moment, he didn’t need this. Corrin squeezed his arm gently and gave a small smile.

“Okay,” he said. “Well, if you need anything let me know. You need people to listen to you too. You can’t shoulder everyone’s problems and not talk to others yourself.”

“I—thank you Corrin,” he didn’t know why he was shocked at his concern, but maybe it was because he never really expected anyone to listen to his own problems. He didn’t really want to burden others, especially not Corrin.

So he remained silent and let Corrin go about his day and tried to seek out Laslow. However, every time he saw Laslow, he was either doing something for Lord Xander or with either Odin or Selena. It was shocking that he hadn’t caught him flirting yet, but he supposes that this has been stressful enough for him to know he shouldn’t do that now.

And then they were marching again before Silas even had the change to ask Laslow what he meant. At that point, he feared it was too late to ask, but he managed to move up through the marching order in order to ride up beside Laslow who was following closely to Xander. 

Laslow, to his surprise, didn’t seem alarmed by his appearance, “Greetings, Silas.”

“Hey Laslow,” Silas wondered if he wasn’t alarmed by his appearance because he didn’t think Silas would broach the subject near Xander. 

He was wrong.

“About last night,” Silas began. “What did you mean?”

“About what?” Laslow’s face contorted into puzzlement. 

“About us all dying?” Silas whispered because he couldn’t tell if Xander or anyone else was listening.

“You heard that?” Laslow gasped.  _ Oh _ . He wasn’t even aware that Silas was listening in. “You shouldn’t eavesdrop!”

Silas shrugged, “What did it mean?”

Laslow opened his mouth to respond, but was promptly cut off by the sound of someone shouting. A battle was incoming. Their conversation would have to wait. Silas could say that he was proud at the fact that so many of the soldiers were actively working together. It was no longer just Nohr and Nohr but Nohrians and Hoshidans working together. It wasn’t the whole army—he figured there would always be people who wouldn’t be able to work alongside each other, but it was enough that it made a difference.

Despite that, it didn’t seem like they were beating these Vallite soldiers any faster. In fact, they seemed to double every time one was struck down. They were faster, they were stronger and Silas stuck closely to Corrin watching his back as he watched his. This fight was a blur. There was so much blood everywhere whether it was his own or one of his fallen comrades, it made no difference—Silas just felt sick. He got lost in the violence because if he let his guard down he could die. Corrin looked exhausted and worn, but he kept going through with it. 

They could never be fully prepared for these invisible soldiers if they kept growing at an exponential rate and they were falling faster and running low on energy. It wasn’t long before Xander ran up beside them calling out for Corrin.

“Corrin! We have to fall back!” Xander shouted over the screaming. Silas was grateful that he showed up, because Corrin and him were being pushed back. “We need to regroup.”

“Okay!” Corrin gritted his teeth as he pulled his sword out of a soldier. Silas could see the grimace in his face. “You’re right! I’ll do the best I can, Silas spread the message!”

And Corrin was gone before Silas could even say anything. 

“Corrin!”

“Silas,” Xander called. “Come along, it’s getting dangerous here.” Silas glanced back at where Corrin went briefly before nodding and following Xander as they cut down whatever was in their path. Xander regrouped with Laslow, and Silas couldn’t help but stare Laslow down. He knew something, but he wasn’t saying anything. Laslow caught his gaze, but said nothing as he disappeared into the mess.

“Silas,” Xander sounded impatient. “No spacing out, we have to make a retreat.” 

“Right, sorry milord,” he sounded like he had just been scolded by his parents, but he tried to shrug that off. The knight followed Xander’s instruction ignoring how many of his comrades had fallen—the count has to be immense, this was a terrible battle and they were caught terribly unprepared in a way Silas didn’t expect. He didn’t think anyone expected such a catastrophe.

The camp was miserable. The med tents were overwhelmed. Both Sakura and Elise were running around frantic. People were flying in and out of the tents. Irrepressible anger and defeat radiated in the air and everyone looked worn. Silas couldn’t count the number of people who saw him and just broke down, all he could do was give them a pat on the back and try to convince them that things would get better. Whether they believed it or not matter not because they still smiled and thanked him before leaving.

“You carry a heavy burden on your shoulders,” Laslow appeared behind him. Before Silas could open his mouth to say something, Laslow held up his hand, “I know what you’re going to say—it’s about last night right?” Silas nodded, “It’s complicated. It’s hard to explain what Odin and I know.”

Silas mentally noted that he didn’t include Selena. Maybe it was a cover up? 

“Well, better start,” Silas took a seat. “I have time.”

“Very little, it would seem,” Laslow cocked his head to the side. “I notice how soldiers have nonstop come to you about their troubles.”

Inwardly he groaned, but he allowed himself a smile, “I like to be there for people.”

“For whose sakes? Their’s or Corrin’s?” how observant was Laslow?

“I do it for whoever needs he it,” it was a half-assed answer, but it was true to an extent. 

Laslow let it go, “We’re fighting a war that’s beyond us. I don’t even think Azura is fully aware of the scale.”

Silas furrowed his brows confused by the ambiguity, “You’ll have to explain further Laslow. She told us that the Vallite soldiers were dangerous from the get go.” Though, he did have to admit that she hadn’t told them that they could get so strong.

Laslow picked up on it and stared Silas straight in the eyes oddly unemotional for him, “Are you telling me that you were fully prepared for the numbers to double as one went down? Were you aware of how much stronger they got the further we went?” There was a pause before he blinked and resumed his normal disposition, “We’re in a dangerous predicament Silas and a change has to be made.”

A deeper frown formed on Silas’s face, “Why aren’t you telling this to Corrin or Lord Xander?”

With a small wink and a mischievous grin that had cracks in it bloomed onto his face, “You’re the one who was eavesdropping,” despite the jest in the statement Silas could see that he was exhausted, “I, uh... I’m planning on telling him tonight. I intended on telling him last night, but… he was busy discussing things with Lord Ryoma.”

“So late into the night?” Silas arched an eyebrow at that. “You’re a night owl.”

“I am,” he agreed. “But when I returned to him, he had already retired for the night and we were marching before we knew it.” 

It was a weak argument, but he couldn’t tell what else had stopped him from telling Xander about it. He figured maybe it had something to do with his past that was an ever prevalent mystery. 

“Well… just tell him,” Silas felt like he was pleading. “Kind of important,”

Laslow laughed, “That’s an understatement.” Before Silas could argue with him, he smiled somberly, “Don’t push yourself too hard.”

And he fled just as quietly as he entered, ever light on his feet. He was truly a dancer if what the rumors said were  true. He had never caught him in the act, apparently he did it in the dead of the night. 

As he exited the tent, Silas was reminded once again about just how bad the fight was. This was a loss. They got hit hard and it was ruining morale. He couldn’t fix everyone and he knew the clerics were growing tired and they were low on supplies. 

As he passed Corrin’s tent he heard the muffled sounds of his distress. Silas’s heart clenched and he was about to enter when he heard another familiar voice.

“You are not at fault,” it sounded like Ryoma. “Corrin, you couldn’t have know—none of us could have.” There was a soft sound from Corrin and Silas realized he had been crying. Why hadn’t he called him? “Corrin,” Ryoma’s voice softened. “Corrin, please look at me…”

“But Ryoma,” he stuttered.

“ _ Corrin _ ,” his voice firmer, “you can’t blame yourself for this. We will be better prepared next time, but this isn’t on you. Trust me, no one blames you.” He took a deep breath, “Prince Xander and I blame ourselves for this. This is a lot for one person and we’re trying hard to work together and encourage the soldiers to as well.”

“But it’s not…”

Silas shook his head and decided to walk away. It wouldn’t do him any good to just hover around and listen in. If Corrin ever wanted to talk to him about it then he could. The knight went about his day, checking in on the clerics if they needed any help and gathering more supplies for them. He made errands to get more staves, but supplies were low and they wouldn’t be able to go to battle like that—it’d be suicide. There was no hiding how useless Silas in fact felt. There were so many people down and injured that Silas just felt nauseous. There was so much to do, but so little time. 

Seeing everything made Silas realize what they were really getting themselves into and he wonder if this much blood would have been shed if they kept the battle between Hoshido and Nohr. There was no love for this war—but he didn’t think it would would get that bad. He noticed soldiers looking like they wanted to defect and the only thing keeping them there was their love for the royal family. 

He wiped the sweat off of his brow.

Grey.

The world seemed extremely grey for whatever odd reason. Even when he eventually found his body sitting in front of the table with bright lights and people laughing despite the obvious ache they had, it all seemed very grey. 

Probably because it was all superficial and Silas could see that well. 

“I’m a night owl, but I do get sleep Silas, thank you very much,” Laslow whined when Silas caught him after dinner.

Silas snickered, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Oh, so you want to watch me sleep now, eh?” Silas’s eyes widened in offense at Laslow’s words as he winked.

“Why would I want to do that?” Silas rolled his eyes. “Why would anyone?”

Laslow gasped in mock offense, “How dare you? Do you think I’m not attractive in my sleep? I promise I don’t snore.”

“Well, that’s one perk,” Silas sighed. 

Silas fell silent after that and just walked beside Laslow. 

“I told Lord Xander,” Laslow updated him eventually when he noticed Silas’s change in mood. Then he paused as he stared Silas up and down, “You’re working yourself into the ground friend.”

Silas gave a light smirk, “Appreciate the concern, but don’t try to change the topic.”

Laslow laughed and it wasn’t as forced as the one from before, “Alright, alright. He said he’ll tell Prince Ryoma and have a conference with everyone plus Azura to see if she knows anything.”

“Wait, what exactly did you tell them?” Silas asked. “Because if it’s what you told me, that’s not much to go off of.”

Laslow waved him off, “Come to the war council meeting tomorrow and you’ll figure it out. I’m too tired to re-explain everything.”

Begrudgingly, he acquiesced, “Well, thanks for the chat and...update.”

“You looked like you could use a distraction.”

That was true. 

“Also,” Laslow stopped Silas. “I know you’re trying to be considerate, but if you collapse in the middle of the battlefield you’ll be of no help.”

Silas looked at him in puzzlement, “What are you talking about?”

Laslow pointed to Silas’s shoulder, “You were favoring your right arm today when you were sparring.”

“You noticed?” Silas asked shocked. 

“I notice a lot of things,” Laslow looked past Silas, “Get it checked out before more people notice.”

The knight turned around to see what he was looking at. Then he noticed Prince Xander and Prince Ryoma talking to one another. They looked surprisingly less stressed than Silas thought they would. 

“Do you want me to at least wrap it for you if you won’t go to the medical tent?” Laslow asked with a sympathetic smile. 

Silas chuckled awkwardly as he drew his eyes away from the duo, “I can do it myself, no worries.”

Laslow only shook his head and dragged Silas away.

Silas thanked him when he was done because it did feel a lot better. With a “take care”, Laslow sent Silas on his way because apparently Laslow had duties to take care of. Silas figured that meant dancing into the dead of the night, but decided to leave it be.

————————

“What do you mean there’s a bigger threat than Anankos?” Azura looked severely perplexed and more than a little concerned. 

“And how would you know this?” Takumi asked.

Silas didn’t miss how Odin and Selena were letting Laslow do all the talking despite how frequently he looked at the others for guidance. Perhaps he had a special connection with the two of them that let them communicate without words because the number of shared looks he had seen were outrageous.

“That’s not to say that Anankos isn’t the reason that we have a threat bigger than him,” Laslow glazed over Takumi’s other question as if he hadn’t asked it.  “Anankos has had a lot of time to build up power, to build up more defenses and we’ll have to watch our backs.” Laslow looked everyone over for a second, “Anankos could be anywhere in truth.”

“Do you think he’s read out movements because of that?” Leo asked. “Is that why the last battle went so…abysmally?”

“Possibly,” Laslow shrugged. “That and a combination of just the fact that the army is getting stronger than we can keep up with.” 

Odin finally spoke up, “We just can’t go head first into battles like we have.” It was rare that Odin spoke plainly and that’s how everyone knew that this had to be taken seriously. “Not that we haven’t planned before, but now we have to.”

“We can’t predict their movements though,” Takumi huffed. “We practically don’t see them until they’re right on top of us.”

“We’ll have to work around that,” Selena said plainly.

“ _ How _ ?” Leo looked irritated.

Xander sighed, “They may not know, but the information is valuable nonetheless.”

“We don’t even know the threat,” Hinoka commented. “They said something bigger, but not what.”

“What we do know,” Laslow looked to Hinoka, “is that sometimes faces of the past may show up.”

“What does that—”

“As I said, Anankos has eyes everywhere,” Laslow continued an oddly empty expression on his face. “Where it be Vallite soldiers lingering where we can’t see them, or another matter entirely. He knows our weak points. Some more obvious than others, he has not problems with playing dirty.”

Hinoka scowled, “This is very vague.”

“But enlightening nonetheless. They’ve given what they can, Hinoka,” Ryoma said patiently, but he was frowning intensely. “We have to work with that. Corrin?”

Corrin nodded at the trio, “Thank you for the help you three. If you know anything else, please tell us.”

Laslow bowed slightly, “Of course.”

Silas simply stared, confused because he didn’t think that clarified much more than what he had heard before. Yet, it was enough for them to have to put their next moves into action—whatever that was. 

“Silas,” Xander called out to him. Silas stopped, shocked that he was being called upon by Xander. “Are you well?”

“Uh, yes sir,” he replied nervously.

Xander chuckled, “You’re not in trouble. I just recalled Laslow mentioning an injury.”

“Ah, haha,” Silas nodded. “It’s much better, thank you for the concern.”

“Of course,” then the topic abruptly shifted. “What do you think of everything Silas?”

Silas laughed, “If only I  _ knew _ . I don’t know what we’re even fighting anymore.” 

Xander smirked, “Frank.” Silas blushed a little at that. “I agree though, I don’t know either. However Laslow, Odin, and Selena know that information is beyond me, but regardless, we have to thank them for telling us.”

Silas frowned, “It’s kind of concerning that they know so much and we don’t know how.”

Xander remained silent for a while as they continued to walk. Silas vaguely noticed that they were heading to Xander’s quarters. He supposed that he didn’t feel like sparring today after yesterday’s battle. The knight couldn’t blame him.

“Perhaps,” Xander admitted. “But I trust him with my life. He has yet to do anything to make me doubt that despite not knowing much about him.”

“I trust him too, I suppose,” Silas confessed. “I just can’t help but wonder if maybe he had gotten himself involved in something that else and it’s too dangerous for him to reveal the true secrets, you know?”

Xander’s face remained carefully neutral, “I hope that he will tell me if that was the case. Speaking of which, Silas, what did you think about Laslow’s final statement—about Anankos being everywhere?”

So that bothered him too? “At first, I thought maybe he was talking about Anankos having eyes everywhere because this is his domain, but now… Now I’m wondering if he was referring to a traitor.”

“You too?”

“You thought the same?” Silas almost sighed in relief that he wasn’t the only one. “I want to believe that’s not possible, but still… I don’t know anything anymore. We’ve gotten stabbed in the back a few times. Not to put a bad name to Corrin’s trust, but…”

“I know,” Xander opened the door. “I know.” Silas hovered awkwardly outside simply peeking in afraid of crossing a boundary despite the obvious invitation. Xander looked back at him expectantly. “Well, don’t stand there all day. Come in.”

Uncertain, he walked in. He wasn’t sure what this was. It was odd to be invited into Xander’s quarters. This was something he might’ve done as a kid if Xander didn’t mind. But they were grown now and Xander had a status to uphold. 

“Come, take a seat Silas, I have tea,” Xander was oddly casually. He took off his armor and it was a rare sight for Silas. 

Slowly, he sat, taking the tea with consideration, “Lord Xander, if I may?”

“Certainly, what is it?”

“Why have you invited me here?” Silas took a long sip from the tea and it reminded him of his childhood. 

Xander smiled as he stirred his tea, “I simply wanted to speak to you Silas. It’s been a long time since we’ve really had a conversation.”

Silas tried to hide his own shock, “Really?”

This time, the crown prince laughed, “Is it so shocking? You’re an old friend Silas, yet I feel like I don’t know you anymore.”

“Oh,” that made him pause. “You said I changed… how so? In a good way or a bad way?”

Clearing his throat, Xander took a moment to seemingly gather his thoughts, “When I said that Silas, I was thinking back to the young child that used to run freely around with Corrin in the Northern Fortress and when we used to talk back then, and I look at you now… well as war does, that innocence is gone.” Silas’s breath caught, “A part of me wondered what those eight years being banished did to you, and I worry about that at times. When I saw you as a castle knight once again, I questioned whether you were still the same Silas I knew or if you had changed drastically.”

“And?”

“You’re still the same,” Xander smiled, but it seemed melancholy, “though like Corrin, you bear a burden on your shoulders you shouldn’t for someone so young.”

Silas laughed at that, relief flooding him. He didn’t know why it concerned him so much of what Xander thought about him. It might’ve when they were younger, but so much time had passed, it shouldn’t have mattered. 

“I feel like I’ve aged fifty years with this war, milord,” Silas admitted.

Xander smile brightened, “I think we all do. Let us be honest, this is more than all of us bargained for.”

Calming his laughter, Silas spoke in a small voice, “I’m glad I didn’t disappoint…”  

“You couldn’t really,” Xander supplied staring straight at Silas. “Perhaps it would be better if you didn’t work yourself into the ground, but, regardless, you’re still the same boy from before with those ridiculous cowlicks.”

“X-Xander!” Silas stammered. “They’re—I can’t help them.” Then, he noticed the slip in titles and felt a panic flow into him, but the prince quickly waved it off.

“We’re friends, Silas,” he said calmly. “Don’t worry.” Silas nodded slowly because it didn’t feel like he should be allowed to. It didn’t feel right to cross that boundary. “But you’re still the same, Silas.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” Silas confessed.

Xander looked up from his cup, “I didn’t realize that was such a concern of yours.”

Releasing a long sigh, Silas set his cup down, “I guess it stemmed from Corrin not recognizing me. A part of me wondered if any of you did—if I was even the same person that you used to be friends with.”

“None of us forgot about you Silas. I never did,” Xander began. “In truth, when you were banished, I went to look for you, but I couldn’t find you. As I said earlier, your parents didn’t even know where you went.”

“They—” Silas’s breath hitched. “I guess I left so quickly…” But Silas didn’t remember what happened. If Xander went to his parents, but they didn’t know where he was, where did he go?

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Xander concluded obviously remembering the events from the previous time they discussed this.

Silas let the conversation carry on from there. Whether there were silences or if they were fully engaged in one odd conversation or another, but it was refreshing. A change of pace that Silas needed and he felt Xander most definitely needed. 

Corrin eventually stopped by as he noticed their absence. It was like old times and Silas relished in it. Corrin was obviously feeling a lot better about everything and that made things not seem so bad at that moment.

Silas wondered what made Xander want to relax so much. It was out of character for him to spend so much time without bothering to do work. Eventually, of course, he did begin pulling out his paperwork, but his multitasking skills were incredible and for a few moments Silas envied him. That diligence to do paperwork when they weren’t even near Nohr made Silas cringe, but a part of him assumed it was therapeutic for Xander. 

It made him go back to a normal routine where they weren’t worried about invisible soldiers jumping them.

Silas really missed his old life at times.


	2. Chapter 2

Silas felt oddly chilled when he woke up. Sleep came to him easily the night before,  though he vaguely remembered waking up sweating, but not the cause. Either way, he wasn’t sure why he was so cold. Slowly, he stretched feeling abnormally tense. His bones ached and he just lacked the strength to move. 

The battle must’ve been catching up with him.

Sluggishly, he moved to the dining hall. Of course, Corrin caught him and immediately noticed his change in posture.

“Gods, Silas!” Corrin exclaimed. “Are you okay? Should I call Sakura or Elise—”

Silas laughed and Corrin’s face contorted into confusion, “I’m sorry Corrin, I didn’t mean to make you so worried.”

Corrin stared for a moment before releasing a soft sigh, “You really worry me sometimes.”

“You worry me all the time,” Silas replied. Corrin huffed and pouted for a second.

“I don’t do anything to cause that though,” Corrin supplied after a moment.

Silas shook his head, "After all these battles, you take on those depressive episodes to Corrin. All that self-blame… Like that one night where you were crying to Prince Ryoma…"

Corrin’s face flushed at that and his red eyes darted to Silas, “Oh gods, you heard that? Then how many other people—”

Quickly, Silas tried to wave off the concern, “Oh Corrin, no. It was only because I was about to enter because I was worried about you. Prince Ryoma had everything taken care of it though, so I left it to him.”

Corrin nodded briefly and then a small smile took over his face. Silas wondered what it was like to have a sibling like that. Someone you could depend on all the time and not worry about what they thought of you for your moment of weakness. Even though he was friends with all these people, his mind always goes back to his conversation with Corrin.

_ “You need people to listen to you too _ .”

Perhaps, but he hadn't necessarily found anyone he could talk to so freely. Prince Ryoma and he had several conversations and they were definitely not strangers, but he didn't feel it was his place to push another burden upon him. Then there was Corrin, and well…

As far as he knew, Corrin still didn’t remember him.

That was like a stab to the gut every time he thought about that. His best friend from childhood, his only friend really, didn’t remember him. Silas always wondered if Corrin only put up with him because of guilt of not remembering him. How much of this was Corrin wanting to be with him, reconnect with him, and how much of their interactions were purely Corrin’s unending kindness.

“There you go again,” Corrin murmured. “Getting all mopey. What’s going on Silas? Seriously?”

Silas scratched the back of his head awkwardly, “I just… it’s nothing Corrin.”

“Stop lying,” Corrin elbowed him.”For real, I’m worried about you.”

"I'm just…" Silas sighed. "Do you remember anything about me, Corrin?"

The young prince’s eyes widened at the question. His hand flinched away and he bit his lip looking every bit guilty. That wasn’t what Silas was aiming for which is why he  _ didn’t _ want to ask. It was his own insecurity that he just needed to  _ deal _ with. At the rate they were going, Corrin probably never would remember him - not the way Silas knew him. Not the way Prince Xander or Princess Camilla did. Corrin knew him more intimately, all his secrets, but didn’t remember a single one.

Maybe that was for the better.

“Silas… I’m… I’m trying, I swear,” Corrin muttered softly.

Silas swore, “I’m not blaming you or anything Corrin!” Silas gave him a small encouraging smile. “For real, don’t stress about it. I was just thinking about it, ya know? Old times when we weren’t doing all of...” he gestured to their surroundings. “This.”

Corrin smiled and nodded, "I wish I could remember that I really do. Xander talks about it sometimes. Sometimes when I ask and sometimes he just reminisces with me."

“Like what?”

“About times where we nearly blew you off the roof with our sparring,” Corrin laughed. He folded his arms looking much brighter than he had a few minutes ago. “I don’t really remember any of that, but I believe it. We got pretty into it.”

“Yeah.”

“Though he joked that he didn’t really think you’d get hurt,” Corrin looked at him, eyes full of energy. “Apparently you have a history of falling and stuff and coming out without a scratch. He claimed you were a bit like a cat when we were younger.”

Silas laughed at that. He felt at ease again. The weight of everything around - if only momentarily - erased from his shoulders. Silas took a deep breath and walked beside Corrin as he continued into an easier conversation. It was odd for him to be this introspective. He usually didn’t find it that productive, especially not in battle. Perhaps it was because this battle had been so long and so  _ deadly _ that his mind didn’t know what else to think about.

Anything, he supposed, to take away from the actual sights he had seen. 

Laslow, he noted was not at breakfast and neither was Odin. Selena was and yet, she seemed just as lost as he when she came up to him and asked if Silas had heard from the two of them. 

“No, but I’m sure they’re safe,” Silas told her, though he wasn’t quite sure because he noticed that he saw a lot more of those invisible soldiers just wandering. “They’re capable.”

“They’re capable idiots,” Selena muttered looking a little than slightly betrayed. 

"I'm surprised you don't know," Silas said. It wasn't meant to be a jab. He just noticed that when the trio wasn't attending to their princes and princess, they were practically attached by the hip. 

"Yeah, I'm starting to get less surprised by the minute that I don't know," Selena huffed. Silas winced because he didn't think this was such a deep running issue. "They're idiots."

Silas sighed and gestured to the chair beside him, “You can sit and we can talk if you want.” It wasn’t an empty offer, but he didn’t necessarily expect her to take him up on it. She didn’t seem to like him very much and he knew that she was mainly nice to him because Laslow, Odin and Camilla were nice to him. 

So when she took the seat next to him and began eating, Silas blanched. Selena glanced at him and then sighed quickly looking away. Her face was one of indifference, but he could see the pain in her eyes.

“Do you think they’re safe?” Silas asked after a moment allowing her to settle in.

Selena shrugged, “I don’t know what to think. They’re generally pretty careful, but they can also be pretty careless. I just…” Silas saw the hint of a blush on her cheeks, “I don’t like being left out.”

"You're still their friend. Maybe they need you to cover for them. If all three of you are gone, it gets pretty suspicious," Silas tried to reason. 

She shrugged once more, "So what? The two of them gone is already strange." Silas had to admit that it was odd that both of them were gone. "If it was just you know, Laslow, it can be believed that he was just off philandering again."

“What do you think they’re doing?” 

“Trying to get more information about what’s happening,” Selena confessed. “I don’t know where. They might’ve gone scouting without us knowing.” Silas opened his mouth to speak but Selena nodded and kept talking, “Stupid, I know.” Finally, she just released a large sigh and took a bite out of her food, “I’m always left out now though. Those two are practically attached to the hip. Laslow can’t go anywhere without Odin following.”

_ Oh _ .

So maybe all three of them weren’t as close as he thought.

“Did you three have a… disagreement?” Silas questioned cautiously.

Selena leaned back in her chair, “I’m the voice of reason for those two idiots. Sometimes I say stuff that can be harsh, but not recently. They’re just a lot closer than they used to be, I think.”

Ah. There was his underlying suspicion. Something was going on between Laslow and Odin. At least, he was almost certain Laslow felt a certain way about the other retainer. It was never explicitly stated, but they seemed too close. Selena, as a result, felt left out. He couldn’t blame her. It was a fair feeling. Two of your best friends starting getting involved romantically and leaving you out. Third wheeling to the fullest extent. Then, to not even explicitly tell her, that was another thing.

“I could be reading too much into this though,” Selena confesses a moment after. “Honestly, Odin and I have just been worried about Laslow. He’s quiet and subdued when he wants to be.”

Silas only nodded not knowing really what to say to her. He didn't know either of the two missing parties all that well. He simply knew Laslow because whenever he was with Prince Xander, Laslow would eventually show up. He began to wonder if anyone else was particularly bothered by the absence of the two retainers. There really shouldn't have been any surprise to him that everyone was carrying on a normal conversation. Though he did notice a certain tension in Prince Xander's shoulders and a slight irritation in Prince Leo's brow, other than that, no one seemed particularly perturbed. It probably bothered him more than it should've given that he didn't know the two well, but that was in his nature he supposed.

Odin's delayed return and the noticeable absence of Laslow put everyone on edge. It was late and the sun was about to set at the time he came back. What threw Silas off and most likely others were how kept together he was, not a scratch was on him. With his sudden absence, Silas had simply assumed that he would've had a run in with someone. But he came back with Niles, and shockingly Hinata, who had gone to look for the missing duo being as eccentric as usual. Niles was smirking, but he didn't know if he actually knew what Odin was actually talking about. 

Prince Leo didn’t hesitate a second, “Odin, where have you been?”  

Odin seemed visibly shocked at the accusatory tone that came from the young prince, “My lord! I went to the arena match with Hinata today.”

“That wasn’t until later in the afternoon,” Prince Leo folded his arms. 

“I went to secure our spots, milord,” Odin’s face twisted into confusion. “They had very few left, so I left earlier on to make sure we could get in. The line was treacherous, the people vicious - it was a fight for sure milord.”

Hinata glanced at Odin seemingly noticed he needed a lifeline, “He did, Prince Leo. I asked him if he could because I had duties to take care of for Prince Takumi earlier in the day.” Then, he paused and looked at Prince Takumi and back at Odin, “I’m - my apologies if it interfered with plans today.”

Leo sighed, and it was a tired one. He rubbed his eyes and apologized to Odin, “Sorry, I just didn’t recall you telling me you were going.”

Odin laughed awkwardly, “I had planned on, but when I left, you were asleep, so I left a note!”

“That’s what you were trying to say?” Leo groaned. “Speak plainly Odin!”

Odin sputtered, “I did milord!”

Leo opened his mouth to argue, but Xander walked over and halted the conversation, “Laslow wouldn’t have been with you, would he?”

“He’s not here?” Odin asked and his eyes searched for Selena who shook her head and looked a little more than pissed. “My apologies, milord, but I haven’t a clue where he ran off to. Knowing him, off in some tea shop.”

Niles shrugged, “Checked all those looking for you Odin. Thought he dragged you with him.”

There was a tension that settled into the air. Evidently, Laslow had gone off on his own somewhere and didn’t let anyone know. Even if they were in the Astral Plane, the Vallites can come in at any time without them knowing -  _ and _ if he left the Astral Plane, then who knows what could have happened. Silas stared at Odin and could see the frustration that he was sharing with Selena.

Perhaps she wasn’t being as left behind as she thought she was.

"Have you heard anything from him, Prince Xander?" Silas asked wiping his brow with a towel. Xander paused the grooming of his horse and released a long-suffering sigh. Brow creased deeply, frustration honestly too permanent an expression on the prince's face, Xander stared at his horse. 

“No,” Xander muttered. “Unlike Odin, Laslow did not leave me a note telling me of his plans.” 

Silas sat next to Cain, "I'm sure you have nothing to worry about milord. Laslow is capable."

Xander nodded, “I don’t doubt that. He’s my retainer for a reason. He’s just been strange since telling me of what’s happening in Va-  _ there _ and this bigger threat.” Xander corrected himself quickly and Silas released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, “I just fear that something more is happening that he hasn’t told me - that he  _ can’t  _ tell me. I don’t know if it’s similar to  _ there _ where you can’t speak of it outside of its location.”

"What bothers me more is that neither Odin nor Selena knows where he's run off to," Silas admitted. "He doesn't seem like the type to go off on his own adventure and not let anyone know."

Xander hummed. The resignation in Xander was becoming obvious. Things were way out of his control now and it drove him mad. But, Silas supposed, Xander had come to terms with this since they came to Valla. There was little you could control in the ways of war, but it was easier to control an army when you knew what the soldiers were. It was easier to maintain a normal lifestyle when your retainer wasn’t so heavily involved in something he couldn’t even fully talk about. 

Silas’s expression must’ve grown too gloomy for his horse’s taste as Cain neighed once more and bopped Silas on the head, “Hey, hey!” Silas chuckled. “I’m alright, I’m alright. No need to get all worked up.” Slowly, he began to comb his fingers through his mane with a soft smile, “Sorry, buddy.”

Beside him, he heard a soft chuckle from Xander. Silas blinked and then looked up feeling slightly embarrassed.

“Cain seems very attune to your emotions,” Xander looked at him with a softer expression than he’s seen in a while.

“Yeah,” Silas smiled fondly at Cain. “He, uh, saved my life I guess. Helped me get out of some trouble.” He sighed, “I don’t remember too much about that either. I just know that when I tried to let him go, he just kept following me.”

“Loyalty,” Xander supplied immediately. “You must’ve earned his respect rather quickly, my friend.”

Silas shrugged, “Maybe. Don’t know how. Maybe he just knew that I wasn’t going to get very far on my own. It was before I returned to the castle to become a knight.”

There was shuffling beside him before he noticed that Xander was now seated beside him. Silas momentarily panicked because he didn’t think Xander should be sitting on the ground like him - it was undignified. He didn’t dare voice that because he was sure Xander was in a state of mind that suggested Silas not comment on his status and presentation as a prince. Silas swallowed his anxiety and just let the silence carry on. 

“I’ve had Siegurd for quite some time,” Xander said after a moment. “Like Cain, he tends to know when I’m not in the best of moods and I’m grateful to him.” Siegurd stares at Xander in silence before walking slowly over to him. “I was quiet and shy as a child and well, he was there when I needed him.”

“Shy?” Silas stopped grooming Cain to look at Xander. “You?”

Xander chuckled again and nodded, “I was, I don’t know if you’ll remember that though.”

“I’ll admit that I idolized you a bit when we were younger, so I probably missed that aspect,” Silas confessed under his breath. “Honestly, never would have guessed with how confident you are now.”

The crown prince hummed, “Well, you didn’t seem as if you did when we were younger.”

Silas blushed, “Oh gods, did I do something embarrassing? I did, didn’t I? I must’ve made a total fool out of myself.”

The sudden hearty laugh from Xander caught Silas off guard. He was used to that from Ryoma, the high prince  _ loved _ to laugh and had a great one, but it was so rare that Xander actually  _ laughed _ that Silas was completely thrown off. It was a pleasant change though and a part of Silas felt proud of himself for being able to actually get Xander to laugh even if it was at his own expense. As far as he knew, it was no easy feat.

“Do you recall that time at that small birthday party—”

“Oh gods,” Silas groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Please don’t.”

Xander smirked, “--Where you proudly proclaimed your dancing talents—”

“But I had none,” Silas rolled his eyes. “Gods, what was I thinking? You weren’t even meant to hear that! That was for Corrin’s ears only!”

“Yet, I danced with you because you seemed so confident,” Xander pressed and peered over at Silas. “You did nothing but step on my toes.”

Silas’s face grew redder, “You must’ve been unable to walk for days. I was so terrible.” He pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them, “I just wanted to be good at something because Corrin was always an amazing dancer.” Silas laughed softly, “I knew I had no skills, but I could fake my way around Corrin, he was a bit oblivious when we were younger. But you? Gods, when you told me you heard that, I was mortified. Then asking me to dance? That was just cruel.”

“I must admit, I was just teasing you when I was joking with Camilla about it,” Xander confessed. “It was a rare moment where I didn’t have to be particularly uptight, it was a private little party. Something Camilla wanted to throw behind our warring parents’ backs.” A peaceful look settled on his face. “As much of a blunder as that dance was, it did make my night.”

“Yeah, well it scarred me for life,” Silas huffed. “I never danced again.”

The prince’s eyes widened, “Never?”

“Not for enjoyment or at events anyway,” Silas shook his head. “Gods, after  _ you _ and Princess Camilla and…" Silas lingered off as he remembered faces that were no longer amongst the living. Xander didn't seem particularly bothered, but he supposed that it was a defense mechanism at this point - his face being blank.  "After that, there was nothing else going for me.  _ Nothing _ .” Silas’s arms flew up, “The Crown Prince of Nohr watches you make a fool out of yourself - not even, I absolutely destroyed my reputation. How do I recover? Even when I learned how to dance, all I saw was how I completely embarrassed myself in such a way?” The prince continued to laugh at Silas amused by the young knight’s distress. There was a mix of satisfaction and frustration at being able to make the prince laugh like this, but he took it as a win - there weren’t many on his list. “Dancing is such an important part of the noble lifestyle and I put that to shame as well!” Silas brought his hands to his face with so much force he knew he’d probably have a mark. “Gods, I wish I had forgotten _ that _ .” 

Xander sobered up, a smile still on his lips, “I didn’t realize I had traumatized you that much Silas, my apologies.”

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he mumbled. Internally, Silas was cursing himself for being so casual with Xander. "I remember thinking for a while that you hated me afterward. I had stepped all over your toes, and the one chance I had at proving myself to you was out the window."

“Was that why you avoided me so much when I visited Corrin?” Xander shook his head. “You really were too hard on yourself. I wouldn’t hate you for that. It honestly was a relief, because I was a terrible dancer at your age too. Still a bit of a mess at it as well.”

“Better than me,” Silas replied. “Not that that’s saying much.”

“I thought you learned?”

“I did, but uh… when you don’t put things into practice they don’t really stick,” Silas admitted scratching the back of your head.

The tension in Xander’s shoulders was noticeably gone now. He seemed 10 years younger than before, without a care in the world. 

“Did that small dance push you to learn?” Xander asked.

Silas laughed awkwardly because it was a half-truth, "I mean, it did yeah. I guess one of the kids at the party gossiped about my poor attempts at dancing and the word made it to my parents. They were so embarrassed by me that they forced me to do dance lessons nonstop for a fortnight. My body ached for so long after."

Thinking about the lessons made his body ache even then. A shiver went down his spine as he remembered the repetitive routines and the blisters growing on his feet and making it nearly impossible to walk. The shouting of his mother and instructor when he couldn’t nail a move  _ perfectly _ . His instructor torturing him with the reminder of the embarrassment and blemish he hailed upon the family name.

Gods, dancing was just an embarrassing thing for him.

"I don't know if my feet ever recovered fully," Silas added with a wry smile. "Couldn't feel my feet for weeks really. I thought I could tiptoe around to avoid putting pressure on my feet, but that didn't work out too well either. I couldn't tell you how many times I face planted."

“I believe you did so in front of me,” Xander reminded. “Several times when trying to avoid me.”

Silas scoffed, “I couldn’t save face no matter how I tried. You could’ve stopped me. Wasn’t like I was moving fast.”

“I figured if you were so keen on it, I shouldn’t force you into conversing with me.”

Silas wouldn’t admit how much he would have  _ loved _ to talk to Xander more. He didn’t need to be even more embarrassed than he already was. 

The prince released a long sigh, “I’m sorry that your parents found out about that little dance. I should’ve been more careful. I know they were really doing probably to bring shame to me. You got the brunt of that.”

Blinking several times, Silas took a moment to figure out what Xander was talking about. He didn’t realize that particular statement bothered him. Hesitantly, he waved him off. How quickly their moods have shifted, “It was unavoidable really. One day they’d realize how terrible I was and I’d end up there. It’s no fault of anyone, but my own two left feet.”

“I knew your mother was known to be rather… intimidating,” putting it nicely, “but I didn’t realize she was so... harsh on you.”

Silas hesitated to respond because he lived with her and her constant commentary on what he lacked since he was born. It didn’t seem abnormally harsh in his eyes.

Instead of commenting on Xander’s reply, Silas steers the conversation away from his parenthood, “I’m surprised nobody made a comment on your dancing with me either.”

The prince stared momentarily to gather his thoughts and accept what Silas just did to the conversation. Silas hoped it was too obvious how much he  _ didn’t _ enjoy talking about himself. Not in that way at least.  After a moment, Xander hummed seemingly realizing that Silas wasn’t going to speak on the previous matter and followed the young knights lead. For that, Silas was grateful to him. Add that to the already long list.

“My father would have been furious indeed if he found out I was dancing and playing around instead of focusing on my duties,” Xander admitted with a frown. “So yes, I’m surprised as well that there wasn’t a bigger deal made out of it.”

"Yeah," Silas murmured. "Then finding out you were dancing with  _ me _ , a little noble boy probably wouldn’t have gone over well either.”

“Why would that have been an issue?”

“I don’t think - no offense - your father ever really liked me,” Silas hated acknowledging that fact, but it was painfully true. “At least, he never wanted me near you. Honestly, I don’t he ever really wanted me anywhere, but with Corrin in the Northern Fortress.” Humming, he added, “It was an interesting arrangement, being chosen as Corrin’s playmate. I always wondered how that happened.” Then, Silas shrugged, “I mean in the end, he did nearly try to execute me.”

"Father liked you, Silas," but there was a hidden pain in Xander's eyes. "Despite what happened at the end of your stay, he did."

“I appreciate the vote of confidence,” Silas smirked. “I grew used to it.”

Xander shook his head, “He wouldn’t have trusted you with being in Corrin’s company in the first place if otherwise Silas. The execution? My father was a cautious man, and now that you know Corrin’s situation, you can understand why that breach of trust made him jump to such a decision. It was drastic and cruel, and I didn’t agree with it, but my father was just a cautious man after everything.”

“Certainly,” Silas whispered and left it at that. He knew it was a risk when he took it and tried to show Corrin more of the world. It was a stupid thing, but it was important to him at the time. Perhaps, it was also an excuse to let himself breathe as well. It went wrong, but Silas wasn’t sure if he’d be here now if he hadn’t made such a dreadful mistake. Though he remembered little of his exile, Silas wasn’t sure he could complain about that. 

“I was surprised,” Silas began again, “when I came back and they actually let me into those doors.”

“You weren’t meant to be banished from everything Silas,” Xander stared straight ahead as if seeing everything all over again. “Just the fortress. I don’t know when that grew to the castle itself and all its events.”

Silas laughed, “I don’t know if I would have the guts to actually walk into the kingdom after that anyway.”

“You should’ve written,” Xander’s gaze doesn’t shift. “It would’ve put some peace to our minds and maybe helped Corrin not forget.”

“Too risky,” Silas said simply. “I stopped taking a lot of risks after that.”

“Certainly you jest,” Xander smirks. “You take many risks on that battlefield, Silas. You rush into villages infested with faceless without hesitation and you no longer take risks?”

“Well, you know, sometimes,” Silas huffed but smiled softly. “I just don’t want anyone to get hurt if I can help it.”

“A noble goal,” Xander stood. “Come now, it’s getting late. I suppose we should both get some rest for tomorrow’s march and I hope Laslow decides to join us.” 

The prince held his hand out for Silas to take, and the fledgling knight almost didn’t accept it. Hesitantly, enough to the point that Xander raised an eyebrow as if daring him to reject his hand, he placed his own in Xander’s who hoisted him up with little effort. Silas brushed himself down feeling as if he had crossed some sort of boundary between castle knight and crown prince.

“Thank you, Lord Xander,” Silas breathed. 

"Thank you, Silas," Xander's expression softened once more. "Tonight helped me forget about some of my worries if only momentarily. It was good to think about some of the better times."

Silas stuttered, “Well, uh, glad I could help!” It came out a tad too pitched, enough that it made him wince. The noticeable sounds of Xander trying to stifle a laugh made Silas groan inwardly at another thing he did in front of Xander that he didn’t want to do. At that point, he shouldn’t have even tried to save himself. He had dug a hole too deep to climb out of.

“I understand why many of the soldiers come to you to talk,” Xander brushed Siegurd one more time before returning his gaze to Silas. “I enjoyed tonight. Perhaps, these talks should become more of a common thing.”

The knight smiled, “I would like that.”

“Then let us make it happen,” Xander’s smile grew. “Let us return, shall we?”

“Aye,” Silas followed Xander feeling a little lighter than usual. 

——-

Laslow was back, but nobody said anything. Silas wasn't quite sure  _ why _ no one was commenting about the fact that Laslow made a random return in the middle of the night, but he did. Perhaps Lord Xander already knew why he was absent and declared no one speak of it for now, or perhaps there was just no explanation he could give for now. 

Either way, the tension between the retainer trio was palpable and despite the usual jests from Laslow and the eccentric actions from Odin, there’s a stale air between them. Laslow’s smile was too frail, too thin, too forced for him to be anything but not okay. Odin, though he hid it well with his flare, had a heavy cloud of worry and irritation hovering around him. Selena was practically livid and snapped rather easily at people. It made things rather uncomfortable for Silas because he was desperately afraid that if he said one word to any one of them, simply even to ask them of their day, they would snap, either yelling at him or bursting into tears in Laslow’s case, but he couldn’t possibly understand  _ why _ Laslow was in such a poor mental state. 

He debated throughout the day of asking Lord Xander about it, but he figured that it would be too personal and too odd of a question to randomly ask the prince. It wasn't really any of his business even if he was simply worried for a friend. He'd just never seen Laslow look so fragile before, and he's certain most others hadn't as well. 

Corrin’s face seemed permanently marred with worry ever since Laslow returned. He knew the young man couldn’t handle seeing a person look so pained and anguish, but it was obvious he, as well, didn’t know how to go about it. The conversation he and Prince Ryoma were having was a dead give away. 

"I suspect our best bet will be to leave it to Prince Xander or one of the other two retainers he's often with," Prince Ryoma commented as he sat before both him and Corrin. Silas felt awkward like he was invading on a private moment between the siblings. He figured this was a normal thing for Corrin and Prince Ryoma. Upon revealing that he was trying to learn some of Hoshido's traditions from Lord Ryoma, Corrin insisted that he join them for afternoon tea. He agreed because he had a terrible time denying Corrin anything these days. He also never minded spending more time with Lord Ryoma as he often had a calming air to him despite the energy he carried. 

“I know,” Corrin replied miserably. “I just… I haven’t seen him look so  _ down _ before.”

“None of us have really,” the older man confessed. “In truth, I don’t even think Prince Xander has.” He paused staring past both Corrin and Silas, “I can’t fathom what might have shaken him so.”

“I’m worried,” Corrin confessed. Prince Ryoma’s expression softened and smiled warmly.

“Corrin,” Prince Ryoma began, “he will speak on his own time. I think right now that is what he needs, time. He’ll come around. If he needs to talk, I’m sure he’ll seek out the person he needs to for a listening ear.”

Corrin, bless his soul, was always worried about everyone. Despite the flirtations of Laslow, the man had a golden heart. One that was, apparently, rather fragile at the moment and all Corrin wanted to do was fix it. Silas couldn't blame him. One look at Laslow's broken expression and red-rimmed eyes that were just a little puffy was enough to make Silas nearly panic. He kept it together because Laslow held the appearance of someone who would just lose it at that moment if someone panicked in front of him. Silas had only really seen him in passing. He had returned after the march. Somehow, Laslow had managed to find them, and that was a feat on its own. As far as he could tell, he wasn't granted any new wounds - no limp in sight. So Silas really didn't know what possibly could have happened.

“I just don’t want to wait too long and…” Corrin droned off. Silas and Ryoma weren’t ignorant to the pains of war. They knew how it claimed victims in and out of battle. The emotional toll it took on some was too great.

Silas didn’t think Laslow would succumb to that, but even the unlikeliest could have their lowest points taken advantage of in war. Perhaps he should go talk to Laslow and at least try to help him in whatever way he could. He was pretty certain that Prince Xander was doing his best to help his retainer, but he didn’t know how open Laslow was going to be with him.

“...I do not know if that course of action could be advised Corrin,” Silas heard Prince Ryoma comment. “We’re still not certain about what we are fighting. Their numbers grow unimaginably.”

“And they’re invisible,” Silas added dryly not entirely sure of what he missed. “That still is an ever prevalent issue.”

"Oh, so you  _ are _ listening,” Prince Ryoma laughed. Silas stammered and felt the heat on his ears, “Corrin told me that you tended to drift off in the middle of conversations earlier, but I had yet to see it.”

“Wait, when did he tell you that?” Silas said shooting a glare at Corrin.

Corrin laughed, “Just now while you were off in your own little world.”

Silas sighed, “Sorry, just got a little caught up in my own thoughts I guess.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Silas,” Corrin looked suddenly more somber than before. “It’s fine really.”

Silas gave a small smile and nodded before Prince Ryoma resumed the earlier conversation. He didn’t miss the concerned look Corrin shot the prince and the small nod he gave in response, a frown deep in his brow. The knight kept himself quiet for a greater part of their conversation, hoping not to be too intrusive. Corrin kept giving him worried looks when he stayed quiet for too long despite him trying to pass it off with a joke. 

There’s really nothing to be too concerned about. 

Yet, Corrin was relentless with his worries and when Silas still didn't contribute to their conversation despite him constantly requesting his opinion, he abruptly stood and whispered something to the high prince. Prince Ryoma nodded and gave Silas a wide grin - one that concerned Silas a great deal. Silas didn't have a chance to question it before Corrin dragged him away. The young knight gritted his teeth at his friend, frustrated at the sudden turn of events.

“Corrin…!” he tried to pull his arm out of Corrin’s grip before they were in the prince’s room. 

Corrin shut the door, “Okay, Silas. What the hell is going on?” 

Silas blinked and sputtered, “What? Nothing!” Silas narrowed his eyes at Corrin, “You didn’t really just interrupt that conversation so that you could interrogate me again did you?”

“I did!” Corrin exclaimed throwing his hands into the air. “Silas, you’ve rarely had any expression that wasn’t depressed or frowning. That’s not like you.”

“I’m just tired Corrin,” Silas admitted with a defeated sigh. “I think we all are. I can’t be optimistic all the time, you know?”

“Yeah, well,” Corrin’s face fell. “You asked me about that whole best friend thing, and I want to be there for you like that—”

“Don’t,” Silas shook his head. “Times have changed. We’re the same little kids anymore. Don’t hurt yourself over it. It’s not that big of a deal.”

Corrin’s face contorted and Silas recognized the expression. Frustration and irritation at himself. Silas always hated that expression, it usually meant nothing good for him, “It is to you.” Corrin sat on his bed, “I can tell it bothers you every time you talk to me.”

“It used to,” Silas admitted, “but I can’t force it.”

“I could see it in the conversation with Ryoma,” Corrin confessed. “You rarely spoke a word. I thought maybe it was because of that…”

Silas blanched. Corrin really couldn't have thought that the reason he wasn't contributing was because he was bothered by their relationship - or rather strained one. Silas tried to keep his desire to maintain their friendship to himself after realizing how much strain it put on Corrin and had been able to eventually put it under the rug enough that he didn't think he was forcing himself too much onto Corrin. Perhaps his approach to the matter was wrong. He had eventually settled to letting Corrin initiate the conversations in fear that he was overbearing, but he didn't think he interpreted it that way. His respect for Corrin and Prince Ryoma translated negatively, the exact opposite of what he had hoped. 

The knight cleared his throat, “Corrin, I swear that isn’t the case.” He thrusted a thumb pointing back towards where they came from, “That with Prince Ryoma? That wasn’t what I was trying to do I promise. I just felt like I was… well, invading.”

Corrin’s eyebrow shot up, “What do you mean?”

"I mean," Silas groaned softly. "I mean like, you're both princes and really close. I just felt like I was forcing myself into a private moment I wasn't meant to share in. You two had been separated for so long. Who am I to get in the way of sibling bonding?" It's not like he's had any siblings to understand it. 

"We have plenty of time for that, Silas," Corrin murmured. "And I've told you before, you're not intruding. I invited you, Ryoma appreciates your company, Silas! I thought we established that."

Silas shrugged, “I don’t Corrin. No matter how many times you tell me, it can’t replace years of training I’ve had about how to  _ not _ act around royalty. One of them very clearly stated that I was not their equal.”

“Well, screw that,” Corrin waved his hand and not bothering to hide his frustration. “That doesn’t matter. Not now. We’re at war. That’s the least of our problems, Silas.”

“I…” Silas huffed upon seeing the set expression on Corrin’s face. “Alright. I’m sorry, I’ll try.”

“And I promise,” Corrin began with a small smile, “you’re never intruding. Whether I’m talking to Ryoma or someone else, you’re always welcome. Ryoma never minds either. He loves talking.”

“Okay.”

Silas left the conversation at that. Corrin proceeded to talk and began trying to lead him back to where they left. Internally, he dreaded it. It was obvious that the conversation with Ryoma was a test. The young prince confirmed that Ryoma was concerned for Silas’s well-being when Corrin had brought it up in conversation before. A part of Silas appreciated the concern, another part of him loathed the attention. He never did well with it. It usually meant that he was in trouble and that was never a fun feeling.

_ Never _ .

“How is he?” Silas began softly as Xander began pouring him a cup of tea. The smell was strong, a different flavor than Silas usually got when he was invited into Xander’s quarters. “Laslow, I mean.”

Xander hummed, lips pursed tightly together. For a while, Silas didn’t think he would respond. There was a heavy atmosphere in the air so thick that Silas thought he wouldn’t be able to actually drink the tea. It was a struggle to get down and Silas feared for  _ why _ Xander was so quiet. Laslow looked ill and absolutely miserable, but Silas didn’t know why, and now, he wasn’t certain if he wanted to know. 

“We can, uh, talk about something else,” Silas said after a moment. Slowly, he tried to drink the tea once more and it  _ hard _ . His throat was unbearably tight because of his anxiety. “My apologies if I crossed a boundary. It’s none of my business.”

“I appreciate your concern,” Prince Xander said thickly. “I don’t know what to tell you though.”

“If you don’t mind my asking,” Silas stared into his tea, “why is that?”

Xander sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping - perfect posture gone. Familiar exhaustion crossed his face and Xander suddenly looked so much  _ older _ . It wasn’t fair that he was to have so much weight on his shoulders, and Silas wished he could do something to help him. Perhaps, if Xander would let him in even a smidge, he could shoulder a portion of it. 

Setting his cup down, Xander stared out of his window, “He came back a little before sunrise. Gods, I couldn’t even speak to him, he looked like he was in so much pain.” Silas bit his lip gently and could see the hurt in Xander’s eyes, “And when I asked him about it later, he avoided it like the plague.” The prince glanced towards Silas, “He’s been suffering from migraines all day, so I told him to take the day off and we can talk later.”

“Was this tea meant for him?” Silas asked softly.

He hummed, “Yes, but he has yet to show up. I don’t think he will to be honest. He appeared very weary before dinner, and I was told by Peri that he retired for the night.”

“For the night?” Silas didn’t mean to gasp as he did. It was loud in this oddly quiet room. In a softer, timid voice, Silas added, “He’s usually up the latest.”

Xander grunted something of an agreement, “It’s...disconcerting, to say the least. I don’t know what he got involved in or how, but I won’t push him.”

Silas nodded and decided that was probably the end of that conversation. Xander didn't seem to eager to speak on it, nor did he know too much about it. The knight wouldn't deny that his curiosity was piqued, but he was more concerned over Laslow's wellbeing than anything else. Perhaps, Odin would have learned more. They were close, that much he could assume from observations and what Selena was saying. 

“Silas,” Xander began wearily. 

“It’s okay,” Silas replied immediately obviously startling the prince. “I know you have a lot on your shoulders. You don’t have to say anything. If you need to rest, I can go.”

Xander smiled softly, “You know me well.” Standing slowly, he released a low breath. “I’m truly sorry though. I invited you, yet I haven’t the energy to speak.” He chuckled softly, “Imagine if Laslow did show up, I wouldn’t have been much help.”

"Rest, milord," Silas simply stated. "We can speak again later if you have the energy and don't mind the company. I hope I won't bother you." He hoped he didn't sound too eager.

"You?" Xander smirked. "Never, you're always welcome, Silas."

Mentally, Silas gave himself a pat on the back, “I appreciate that, Prince Xander. On that note, I suppose I should let you retire for the night. I hope you sleep well.”

“And you as well, Silas.”

“Thank you.”

—————————————————

_ “What did I tell you?!” _

_ The boy cowered, shivering in the cold, bare cell. Why was he here? Why was this happening? What did he do wrong? He was pardoned, right? All he was supposed to do was leave, right? Right? _

_ So why did they follow him? _

_ “I’m hungry!” the boy shouted weakly. “Please… I haven’t eaten in so long.” _

_ The man before him scowled, a nasty expression on his face. He walked away and the boy thought that was it. _

_ He was going to starve. Where were his parents? Were they looking for him? Would they ever find him?  _

_ What about Corrin? _

_ What about Xander? _

_ Camilla? _

_ Anyone? _

_ Did anyone even care? _

_ “Where am I?” the boy stuttered. “Why am I here? What did I do wrong?” _

_ "Ya didn't listen, you little shit," the man earlier returned and whipped the bars of the cells - a loud crack that made him wince. He shivered and backed away pushing himself against the wall. The nasty man held it like a threat. As if he said one more word, the boy would be hit with it. He gulped, but it did little with his thirst. _

_ “Please…” he muttered softly voice hoarse, a mix of fear and thirst. “I need food, water! Please, let me go. I’ve done nothing wrong.” _

_ The crack of the whip came again and the boy whimpered. _

_ “Shut up,” the man sneered. “I told you to shut up. Ya don’t seem to be very good at the listening, eh? Shall I teach you what it means to not listen? Huh?! Is that what you want?” The boy kept his mouth shut. “Huh?! Answer me!” _

_ “No, please,” he begged, eyes wide with terror. “I just want—” _

_ The first flash of pain came so startlingly fast that the boy could barely react besides a strangled gasp. He curled in over himself. _

_ “You were banished, sure,” the man said. “The king wanted you executed, so this is his middle ground, you see? But he can’t let that prince know ya see? So this is a little secret between us and few friends, you think you can keep it?” _

_ He couldn’t respond. The pain had knocked the wind out of him.  _

_ The second flash of pain flared onto his back and it was just as quick as the first, but twice as painful. It felt like he was being burned - it  _ **_hurt_ ** _. Tears began to well up, but no sound came. The combination of the choking pain and the dehydration left him with very little at that point.  _

_ The third was just a little to the right of the second one and his back arched up as he let out a choked gasp of pain.  _

_ “Answer me when I talk to you!” _

_ “Y-yes, s-sir,” he choked on his words, they were barely coherent but his  _ **_torturer_ ** _ smiled.  _

_ “You can keep that promise, eh?” he tilted the boys chin up and he was forced to look at that grotesque smile.  _

_ His mouth felt like cotton. He moved his tongue around slowly trying to get any sort of feeling in there. At that rate, he may swallow his tongue his mouth was so numb. _

_ “Yes…” he managed to gasp out before the fourth lashing came for taking too long. _

_ He mercifully passed out. _

Silas shot up, gasping, panting, sweating. Shoving his face into his hands, he let out a strangled scream. Those dreams were occurring too frequently and they were  _ too _ familiar for his taste. His tongue felt like cotton. He was parched, he needed water. His legs felt like jelly, he barely felt them anyway. His body was numb. 

He was numb.

Slowly, Silas staggered to his feet, struggling to get out of bed. He leaned heavily on his nightstand trying to steady himself. He needed to get the washroom without falling flat on his face. It would be a feat should he manage that. Wincing as he managed his way to the door, Silas realized belatedly that his back was killing him. He didn’t know why. Maybe he slept wrong. He couldn’t care too much though. 

Washroom. Washroom. Washroom.

A mantra he needed trying desperately not to focus on how his legs would give out on him at any second. Desperately, he tried to filter out the dream that he had. It was a futile attempt because no matter what it came back and hit him two-fold and he fell straight to his knees. It was then that a light shined in front of him, and Silas silently cursed under his breath. In a second instant, he realized that he had been walking in the dark without a light. How out of it was he to not notice such a detail?

Perhaps he shouldn’t dwell on that and focus on trying to get his legs together and listen to him for once.

_ Listen _ .

_ “Ya don’t seem to be very good at the listening, eh?” _

Silas wanted to puke. 

"Silas?" he recognized that voice all too well. "Is that you?"

Gods, just walk past. Maybe if he doesn’t say anything he’ll just leave him alone. Let him sleep on the cold ground, just like— 

“Silas?” then the panic set into their voice and they were coming closer, “Silas, are you alright?”

He mercifully passed out.

The warmth on his forehead woke him up, but he made no effort to open his eyes. He didn’t really have the strength to.

“I’m sorry to have awoken you, Elise,” came a soft voice coated with concern.

A yawn, and then, “I’m just glad you trusted me, big brother! Anything to help!” She paused and pressed soft, warm fingers to his cheek and then neck, “He’s oddly cold, Xander.”

“You said you found him out in the hallway?” that sounded like… Ryoma? Gods, he was here too. How embarrassing. 

“Yes,” Xander confirmed. “He was shaking when I got to him and then he passed out as soon as I touched him.”

“Is he ill?” Ryoma queried. “Should I get Azama or Sakura to assist?”

“I don’t think so,” Elise replied. “I think he’ll be okay. It seems like it’s just overexertion and dehydration.”

“He was fine when I spoke to him earlier,” Xander muttered. “In fact, he was insisting I rest up.”

Silas just wanted them to all leave him be. Gods, he was so exhausted. While listening to their voices provided a pleasant distraction, hearing them talk about him never was.

Ryoma then spoke, “He was acting odd a little earlier when Corrin and I were speaking with him. Corrin dragged him away to speak to him, but he was quiet and more reserved than our usual conversations. Perhaps he was tired today.”

“Perhaps,” Xander agreed. “I must apologize for dragging you here with me Prince Ryoma.”

Ryoma chuckled, “We are all friends here Prince Xander - I don’t mind at all.”

“I appreciate the help,” he didn’t have to open his eyes to know that Xander was smiling.

Elise giggled a little, “I’m glad big brother and Prince Ryoma are getting along! It makes me happy.”

"We're glad too, Princess Elise," Ryoma replied with a laugh in his voice as well. At least they were having a fun time, Silas mused rather bitterly. Silas must've made some sort of sound or movement, though he didn't feel it because the room suddenly went abruptly silent and it made Silas uncomfortable in every way.

“Silas?” Xander asked tentatively. “Are you awake?”

“Fortunately,” Silas muttered after taking several deep breaths to gain enough strength to speak. 

“You haven’t opened your eyes yet,” Elise remarked. “Are you okay?”

The knight did so if only to appease her. It took way more energy out of him than he thought it would, so upon doing so he was just left there for a few moments staring at the ceiling before moving his eyes to look at Elise.

"Better?" he asked with a weak smirk. Elise looked pleased with that and Silas silently counted that as a win. She nodded eagerly before getting up and bringing him more water. Xander reached over to help sit him up and Silas gave him a silent thank you. There was a frown in the Nohrian prince's brow, but he nodded nonetheless.

Elise plopped in front of him and held the cup of water out to him, “If you can’t hold it, let me know. You’re shivering pretty bad.”

When Silas took the cup, he realized what she was talking about. He was still ungodly cold, but he didn’t realize he was shivering so much. The princess got up and grabbed another two blankets and wrapped Silas in them as he drank from the water.

Even the water was cold, yet he could see the steam coming from it.

“Thank you,” he murmured ignoring the bite it had. 

“If you don’t mind my asking, Silas, why are you so cold?” Ryoma asked softly as if Silas would break if he spoke any louder. He might’ve if he was being honest - he’s never felt so weak. 

All the knight could do was shrug as he drank the water once more, “I don’t know. I’ve been cold since I woke up.”

“And the hallway?” Xander raised an eyebrow.

Silas didn’t know how to respond to that, so he took a longer sip than he needed and winced as it hit the back of his throat. It felt like ice, “I was feeling lightheaded and was trying to get to the washroom.” He tried to put on his best smile, “I obviously didn’t make it.” Then, after a beat before anyone else could add anything, “I’m sorry for waking you all up and dragging you all here. I’ll try to avoid this in the future.”

Ryoma wrinkled his nose, “I appreciate the consideration and would love for this to never happen again,” he paused to readjust Silas’s blanket that had slipped, “but I would like you to know that none of us are bothered to be here for you right now Silas. Corrin might’ve thrown a fit, but he would be here for you in an instant too if he knew about this. So please, don’t worry about this.”

“Agreed,” Xander nodded.

Elise clapped her hands together, "I think you're good to go, Silas! Nothing was terribly wrong besides dehydration and over-exhaustion, so please try to take care of yourself! We'd all be devastated if something happened to you. If you need me, you know where I am! I'll be there in an instant." Silas wished he had as much energy as she did.

“Thanks,” he murmured softly. He didn’t have to look at the three to see them exchange worried glances. He could feel it. Despite their concern, it didn’t make their attention on him seem any less unwelcoming. “I should let you all go back to sleep, sorry again for the disruption.”

Xander released a tired sigh, "As we said, we're here for you whenever you need us. I think we can all agree that were the roles to be reversed, you'd be by our sides in a heartbeat. Do not fret Silas." Then, he stood and held out a hand for Silas to take. "I'll help you back to your quarters."

Sluggishly, he took Xander’s hand and tugged the blankets around him tighter. Standing was a great effort, and Silas felt lightheaded once more. The familiar pain in his back returned and standing up straight was a greater struggle than he had prepared for. He wasn’t steady - it wouldn’t be long before his legs gave out on him once more. 

“Silas?” Xander sounded panicked. “Gods, are you in pain anywhere?”

Numbly, he shook his head. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

“I’m fine,” it came out as a quiet, jumbled mess. “I’m just really tired.”

“Hmm,” he didn’t sound convinced at all. “Elise are you sure it’s just overexertion and dehydration?”

Elise nodded, “Besides the tea you had with Xander and Ryoma, Silas, what else have you drank today?”

"A glass or two here or there," it wasn't a lie, he just didn't remember. He was busy today helping out around the barracks and trying to make sure the soldiers were in top form. He hadn't really drunk much. He didn't even finish what he had with Ryoma and Silas was certain the high prince remembered that. 

“Not enough,” Elise admonished. “I’m no expert, but with all the running around you’ve done today, you need to be more careful with yourself. You aren’t invincible mister!”

Silas allowed himself a small, exhausted smile, “Sorry princess. I’ll try to keep that in mind.” Xander simply nodded to Elise and then to Ryoma and bid them good night. Silas leaned heavily against Xander, unable to sustain his own weight on his own. He eventually made it to his bed, but he wasn’t quite sure when. All he could recall was mumbling a barely understandable thank you before passing out. It was dreamless, and Silas couldn’t have been more content. 

Upon waking up, the previous night's events were a blur to Silas. His back still had a slight ache to it, but it was nothing debilitating. When Xander, Ryoma, and Elise all asked him how he was feeling, he couldn't really say anything but fine with slight confusion. He supposed that worried them more. Elise checked in on him way more than usual, asking him to join her with her tea parties - mentioning something about staying hydrated. Walked with him and sat with him at meals, it was odd. Xander requested Silas march alongside him for the day, and they chatted sparingly. He could tell that the prince's mind was focused on the retainer who had remained awfully silent throughout the whole thing. Ryoma stayed close to him when they ended up running into a bunch of Vallite soldiers with a slight nod to Xander as if that was an agreement they made.

“Is there a reason I feel like I’m being babysat?” Silas asked Elise once she insisted that he “sit down and drink her darn tea!”

She stared at him with a curious look in her eyes, “We’re just trying to make sure you’re okay Silas! A promise I made with big brother and Prince Ryoma!”

“I assure you, I’m fine,” Silas groaned. “I don’t know what sparked this up, but—”

Elise gasped backing away slightly, “You don’t remember?”

“Remember what?” he asked.

She blinked owlishly before mumbling, “Maybe I should bring that up to Xander.” Before he could ask why or what, she clapped her hands together and beamed at him, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes, “Forget about it! Drink your tea! It’s time for the tea party!”

Silas rolled his eyes playfully but didn't quite understand why she had a strained smile on her face.

“I’ve heard you don’t recall last night?” Xander stated simply. Silas nodded. “Interesting.”

“What happened last night?” Silas asked tired of being left in the dark of something to do with him.

“You passed out in the hallway. Dehydration and overexertion,” Xander replied. “Scared me.”

“Oh,” Silas whispered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to add onto your plate.”

“You needn’t apologize,” Xander shook his head. “It’s okay. As long as you’re okay today.”

Silas smiled softly, “Yes. I am.”

The prince nodded and silence overtook them. In the silence, Silas wracked his brain to remember. He couldn’t place anything. Perhaps he blocked it out of his mind or he was just too tired to remember it. A part of him was glad that he wouldn’t remember it, another part wanted to know. 

“And Laslow?” Silas decided to ask worried more about him than anything else at the moment.

“Ever silent,” said Xander. “It’s uncomfortable. To have him do his work with nary a quip, it’s unsettling.”

Silas agreed, “Was he checked out by anyone?”

“That was the first thing I did,” Xander admitted. “Azama, Jakob, Sakura, a few other clerics, they’ve all looked him over. Nothing has shown up. He’s fine, physically at least.” He sighed, “Mentally, I don’t know where he’s at. If he won’t talk to me, I can’t help him.”

"Perhaps he just needs time," Silas looked towards where the retainer occasionally sat when all three of them were conversing. "If something happened, I'm sure he'll tell you, Lord Xander."

“I hope,” Xander’s expression fell, “I can’t afford to lose another retainer.” Silas knew what he meant. He wouldn’t be able to handle it. The prince had confessed to him before of his previous retainers and knew how heavy of a toll that took on him. The crushing guilt that he felt with the loss of his previous retainers. “A friend, truly.”

It was a gentle, hesitant confession as if saying that made this situation even more real. 

“Laslow will pull through,” but Silas didn’t know how convincing he sounded. Xander replied with a noncommittal hum and stared absently at the papers before him. 

“What work could you possibly be doing, milord?” Silas quickly tried to change the subject.

The prince chuckled in turn, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, “I get asked that quite often. War isn’t all about battling, you know?” Then with a softer expression, he added, “Prince Ryoma and I, we’re working on a peace treaty and settling the war between Nohr and Hoshido.”

Silas’s expression brightened at that, “So things are…?”

“Looking up between the two kingdoms, yes,” Xander smiled. 

Silas slouched in his chair and threw his head back, “Maybe then the soldiers will finally leave me alone.”

“They hadn’t stopped bothering you?”

Oops. He hadn’t intended on letting that slip. With a hesitant chuckle, Silas shook his head and avoided the prince’s gaze.

“It wasn’t as bad as before,” Silas tried to alleviate the concern. “They aren’t throwing punches at me anymore.”

“Then insults,” Xander concludes. “What do they say to you?”

Silas sighed recognizing that there was no way he was going to get out of having this conversation, “Just… nothing big. Insults here and there, scum, suck up, idiot, Nohrian traitor, I mean they are all simple-minded insults, I assure you. Elementary at best. Nothing you need to waste your time on. I can handle them myself.”

“Nohrian traitor?” Xander hummed. “Is that why you asked me if I thought you were earlier on?”

“Oh, you remember that?” Silas blanched. 

The prince eyed him, "Yes. I remember our conversations, Silas."

He didn’t mean it to be an insult, but Xander didn’t seem pleased with the way he phrased that. Instead of trying to correct his error or clarify his meaning, he let that sit there for what it was. There was no need to embarrass himself further. 

“I just, I guess it bothered me at the time,” Silas admitted. “I was battling with that myself. I left Nohr to help Corrin and was fighting against my own.” The knight shivered slightly, “Having to fight you honestly scared me the most.”

“Why?”

"Because your last impression of me was getting banished as a kid," Silas shrugged, but that thought still stung. Xander wrinkled his brow in a mix of concern and confusion. The crown prince opened his mouth to speak, but Silas continued. "I didn't even know if you remembered me. I figured if Corrin didn't remember me, did Lord Xander and Lady Camilla forget me as well? I never knew Prince Leo well, and Princess Elise was too young to remember me prior to my exile, so she had no prior knowledge of my wrongdoings. She did everything in her power to befriend me when I came back though," he chuckled slightly, "No matter how hard I tried to get her not to in order to avoid a repeat of…" quickly he cleared his thoughts.  "But… I didn't know where I stood anymore. The last thing I wanted was to be hated by you because I was fighting against you."

“You tried to get me to listen to reason,” Xander said softly as if he was afraid of being insensitive. “You tried to make me understand Corrin’s reasoning - you didn’t seem afraid.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to get on my knees and beg or cower behind Corrin, that would have been unsightly,” Silas grinned. “I wasn’t going to stay quiet either. I didn’t want to fight you if it could have been avoided, so I tried, but… well—”

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you that day,” Xander apologized. “I should have but—”

“Nohr comes first,” Silas’s smile faltered slightly.

“I was blinded,” Xander shook his head. “That was no excuse. Thank you for protecting Corrin in my stead.”

“Well,” Silas met Xander’s hard gaze, “we’re here now. I think it’s worked out alright, don’t you?”

The prince smiled - brighter than Silas was used to seeing. It was encouraging to say the least. It wasn’t a small polite smile that Xander often put on, even during their conversations, but a genuine one. 

“Yes,” Xander concurred. “Quite.” 

Silas nodded, feeling as if that was the end of their conversation for the night. It was getting late and they had an early march. He knew he shouldn't have kept the prince up so late, but the thrill he got from talking to Xander was always refreshing regardless of the topics.

"And Silas," Xander said from his seat, eyes bright, practically glowing, with the candlelight. "I could never forget you." Before the knight could even muster a reply as he tried to repress the heat crawling up his neck, Xander walked over to the door with a small smile closing it slowly and spoke a gentle whisper, "Goodnight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I highly suggest not getting comfortable with this upload time. This is the last chapter I've prewritten and chapter 3 isn't halfway done yet, so it'll be a bit.
> 
> I always have fun writing Xander and Silas moments that aren't depressing. :)  
> And I promise this is going somewhere.
> 
> I really enjoy writing this fic, so comments and kudos are much appreciated!!
> 
> And question: Were you happy with the Revelations route or were you looking for more?  
> Personally, I kind of wanted more out of it. I felt that it lacked a bit. Though, personally I felt Fates in general really missed out on some prime opportunities story wise and relationships wise.


	3. Chapter 3

Pinpointing Laslow’s location was a feat. He did well in his hiding and made it quite obvious when he was not in the mood to talk or interact in the slightest. It bothered Silas because the retainer had never been so opposed to attention. Of course, he had his moments where he would suddenly get shy in the middle of a conversation and desperately try to steer the conversation away from him, but he never avoided conversation completely. Silas had to hand it to the retainer, he could make himself invisible if he wanted to. He was certain that Kaze would be proud. Perhaps Kaze knows where he’s hiding out and just isn’t telling anyone out of respect for Laslow.

Upon finally securing Laslow's location and cornering him enough to get him to talk, he hadn't expected Laslow's hostility or frustration with Silas. He had expected the same polite, sarcastic, quick-witted man from before since he had seemingly recollected himself from his disappearance - though it remains a mystery.

“What do you want Silas?” Laslow bit out. “You’ve been trailing me for hours, do you need something?”

Silas stepped back, “S-sorry. I was just worried. About you—”

“I’m fine,” Laslow hissed. His eyes betrayed that, Silas realized. He looked like he was in pain, they were bloodshot and slightly glossy. He looked unstable. “I’m fine, so leave me alone.”

“Obviously not,” Silas interjected and grabbed Laslow’s wrist before he could walk away. “Gods, what’s gotten into you? Why are you so aggressive?”

“I’m tired,” Laslow answered, the heat in his voice not gone.

“Of?”

“You,” Laslow admitted immediately. The answer came so fast, Silas tried hard not to flinch away at the venom in his voice. “Of everyone constantly on my tail asking me if I’m okay or not. What the hell do you think?!” He gestured at himself, ripping his wrist out of Silas’s grip twisting it in such a way that Silas let out a small yelp of pain.

The knight held his wrist gingerly, “What the hell was that for?!” Silas gritted his teeth as he tried turning his wrist. It _ached_ . He didn’t realize Laslow had that much strength. Not enough to make his wrist hurt like _this_.

“I didn’t tell you to hold onto my hand,” Laslow spat.

Silas quickly concluded that either A) he was talking to a nasty Laslow look alike and the Laslow they all knew and loved hadn’t returned yet, B) This was a dream or C) Laslow was showing his true colors and this is how he really felt. Either way, this wasn’t _his_ Laslow. The gentleman from before was gone and the knight didn’t know how to approach this new version of Laslow.

Did he try to call someone? This Laslow very obviously wanted nothing, absolutely _nothing,_ to do with him. Silas would be lying if he said that thought didn’t bother him. Despite Laslow always checking in on Silas, him not wanting Silas to do the same bothered him more than it probably should’ve.

It still stung nonetheless.

"Are you going to continue to stare at me, traitor?" Laslow took a step closer. Silas took one step back not letting the insult burn more when a familiar friendly face said it. "Or do you still feel the need to push yourself and your so-called "friendship" on me to get some answers out of me?" And if that didn't burn, Silas didn't know what did. He was playing all the right cards to make Silas both angry and hurt. Knowing that his friendship with Corrin was a sensitive subject, it hurt that Laslow used that against him when Silas had trusted him with the knowledge of that insecurity. Laslow consoled him that night, convinced him he wasn't a fake, but maybe Laslow didn't mean that.

Maybe that was all a ruse.

“Do you hear yourself?” Silas wanted it to sound more commanding, intimidating even, but it was so light and pathetic that Silas would’ve laughed if he heard that himself. “Why are you being a dick?”

Laslow laughed and it sounded twisted and distorted compared to his usual charming laugh, “Are we done here?”

“I—”

Laslow walked away without letting Silas even utter a word. The knight blinked shocked at the turn of events and sped away to find the prince. Did he know about Laslow’s… change? Or did Silas just encounter an anomaly? It didn’t matter, it was a conversation that needed to be had. Another, probing thought, was wondering if he should talk to Odin and Selena as well. They’re close friends and they spent a lot of time together, so perhaps they would have noticed a change, or at least enlighten him.

“S-Silas?” a soft voice called out to him. The knight immediately stopped and looked to his side only to see the young Hoshidan princess clutching a staff tightly. “Is everything okay?”

“Uh,” Silas hadn’t expected an interruption. “Yes, princess. I’m just looking for Lord Xander.”

“He just went to talk to my big brother,” she replied tilting her head to the side curiously. The knight swore under his breath. “Is everything alright?”

“I’m not sure,” Silas admitted. “They will be… I think. But I don’t know right now.” His eyes wander searching for Selena or Odin but he wasn’t surprised that they were nowhere to be seen when he needed them. Sakura turned around and looked as well trying to figure out what he was looking at. It made him smile a bit and as she turned back around, she blushed, startled a little he assumed at his sudden attention.

“Uh, er—”

“Sakura!” the young Nohrian princess came running over. “It’s time for— Oh.” Silas smiled sheepishly at the slight disappointment that was in her voice upon seeing Silas. She glanced at his wrist and frowned, “Whatcha got there?”

An innocent question that seemed to hold a threat if he were to lie. How perceptive was she?

“Nothing,” Silas waved her off with his good hand. “Strained it a little training too hard.” He couldn’t confess to the Laslow incident without first speaking to Xander or at least Odin and Selena.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” she shook her head in disappointment. “Ever the careless, Silas!”

“Sorry princess,” Silas meant it sincerely. He didn’t mean to worry her or Sakura.

“You should be!” she exclaimed. “Do Sakura and I need to check it out?”

Sakura nodded, putting on a determined face. It was amazing how much confidence she gained from just being in Elise’s presence. They were a good pair and he was honestly glad that they got to meet each other. That, despite all of this war, they became friends.

"I appreciate your care and consideration, princesses," Silas bowed slightly. "But I shall be fine. I had not meant to spoil your mood, Princess Elise."

Elise huffed and puffed out her cheeks in annoyance. She began mumbling something under her breath and Silas couldn't shake the feeling of being scolded by the 12-year-old.

“Alright! Sakura, time for tea!”Elise proclaimed pointing towards her quarters.

Sakura nodded once more, “Y-yeah!”

Elise grabbed the shy princess’s hand and led her to their destination. Silas couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped his lips at the scene. It was a pleasant distraction despite everything that had happened earlier in the morning. Bless those two. They didn’t deserve what this war brought them. They were too young for this.

They were marching before he knew it and he hadn't gotten a chance to speak to Xander prior to it. He couldn't do it then because Laslow was close to his side, acting no different from usual, though a little more subdued. Odin and Selena were hanging close to their prospective royals so that didn't leave room for conversation. It was a dud. But he didn't want to march alongside Laslow if he was possibly _not_ Laslow. His mind kept replaying what the trio had warned them about and a part of Silas wondered if Laslow was Anankos’s first victim. If so, they were at a severe disadvantage because Laslow was one of the ones with the most knowledge of this. If Laslow, well maybe _not_ Laslow anymore, then could the same have happened to Odin and Selena. Maybe even Azura. She was heavily involved as well. Hell, she was the reason they were in Valla in the first place.

Silas’s side glances at Xander didn’t go unnoticed though. The crown prince slowed his pace to match a distracted Silas’s and remained silent. It was a patience that unmatched Silas’s and the prince knew that Silas would crack eventually. He always did in truth. All Xander had to do was sit beside Silas and the knight would eventually spill everything, whether it was the pressure of Xander’s piercing gaze on him or the overbearing agony of whatever was warring inside of him. Either way, Xander found out eventually and it bothered Silas how much he had told Xander and how much he had added to the crown prince’s burdens.

Nonetheless, the knight began to speak nervously, “H-hi, Lord Xander.”

“Well met, Silas,” Xander replied evenly not taking his eyes off the path in front of them. “It’s surprisingly quiet, is it not?”

“Yes, uh, quite,” small talk was never Silas’s strong suit when it came to Xander.

The prince sighed, “You rarely stutter this much around me anymore.” Xander sounded truly disappointed. “What is it?”

“I just,” Silas gulped when he saw a flash of Laslow’s eyes glance back at him that _didn’t_ look anything like Laslow’s original eye color. Too bright, too vivid, too _red_.

“Silas?” Xander looked to where Silas’s gaze fell and quizzically looked at Laslow who had returned to stare straight ahead without any indication that he ever looked back at Laslow. In a low whisper, one only meant for Silas, he continued, “Have you noticed something? Is he okay?”

Silas shook his head. The only gesture that would get his point across that something was wrong without Laslow knowing. Yet, still, the retainer stiffened ever so slightly with a slight glance. It was unnerving how keenly aware Laslow was of his every movement. As if he was preparing for a reason to on him, there seemed to never be a moment free of his ever wary gaze.

“We’ll talk later then,” Xander concluded giving a puzzled look. “Seeing as you have no desire to share anything here. Forgive me for pushing you.”

“It’s not you,” Silas said way too quickly. “I promise, I’ll let you know—”

“If it has anything to do with that wrist of yours, then I’ll be delighted to know,” Xander said with a slight annoyance. Silas blushed - how obvious was he being about the pain in his wrist? “Carry along then.”

Things didn't remain peaceful for long and eventually, they found themselves in a fight. Laslow fought, as usual, Silas noted rather regretfully. He didn't want to come across as a liar when explaining things to Lord Xander if he wasn't going to show anything abnormal to the prince. It would make Xander hate him, and that's the last thing he needed.

Silas felt surprisingly lightheaded throughout the whole thing though. As if the unending waves of enemies, the atmosphere of the intense fighting was getting to him. It was making him feel nauseous. All the bodies that were falling were allies of his - faces that he recognized from a dinner a night before where they talked of what they were going to do after the war.

Mentally, Silas could list what each said with only a glance.

_Charles over there with his head lopped off was going to propose to his girlfriend of five years._

_That man there, Kristoff, with the sword run through his heart, he was going to set up a cottage and help his siblings._

_Antonio, a good man, he was going to retire at a farm with a long time friend that he’s secretly crushed on for years, but the bouquet of flowers he was planning on giving him was replaced with a bouquet of arrows sticking out of his back. A splatter of red, lovely shade for roses._

_Mitsuri was going to set up his own shop and sell his art that he had been secretly working on for years, but oh! He got slashed across the chest with an axe and trampled on by horses until his heart could beat no more._

It made him _sick_. He felt absolutely wretched and found himself often being supported by Lord Ryoma who had miraculously made it to his side at some point shouting something about staying close to him and support him when needed. Silas was moving rather mechanically. Working off muscle memory rather than in the moment reflexes costing him a few more cuts and bruises than he would have normally been laid up with. The ever-increasing frown on Ryoma's face made him, somewhere deep within him, feel guilty. He was a mess, he knew that. Had been a mess for several weeks now ever since the nightmares picked up and the battles seemed never ending with a new conflict popping up every two seconds.

A little leniency in his life would be really refreshing, he felt.

Which was why when Ryoma cornered him, he wasn’t at all surprised.

“Silas,” Ryoma said calmly, but the worry was there. Ever prevalent and overbearing, “You were careless today. You could’ve been killed.” Silas wasn’t quite sure when Ryoma started applying a bandage to one of his numerous cuts. It wasn’t his job.

He was a _prince_.

_A prince!_

Why the hell was he wasting his time on Silas when surely someone else could use his attention? He was _hating_ the attention he was getting from others nowadays. It was too much, almost overbearing.

Almost—

_"Listen, runt," the man spat in his face. "You keep crying like that and I'll shut you up. Your mama ain't coming. I've gotcha for a reason brat."_

_The boy choked on more tears. He tried hard to stifle them. He tried hard to listen to orders, but it was near impossible._

_The pain was_ **_unbearable_ ** _. He had never felt anything like that in his life but it wouldn’t stop coming._

_“If you want my attention, you’ve got it,” he sneered. “You’ve got plenty of others too. Should I let them have a go at ya?”_

_“No!” he hiccuped. “N-no, please just l-let me go! I just w-w-wanna go h-home!”_

_The laugh that came out of his captor’s voice sent chills down the boy’s spine. Made him clam up, tremble, whimper, tuck into a tighter ball that dared to reopen the wounds on his back._

_“The fuck ya talking about?” he laughed. “This is yer home, ain’t that right boys?!”_

_The cheers of other men made him want to scream._

_Just leave him alone._

_Just leave him alone._

_Go away._

_Go away—_

“ _Silas_!" he snapped to awareness at the shout, in taking a breath to sharp it made lightheaded. "Gods, speak to me."

It took a moment for Silas to recognize the familiar accent and voice. The weight of hands on his shoulders shaking him made him want to curl in on himself. He didn’t want to be touched, but no one seemed to get that.

_“So why fight it, right?” the boy asked miserably to a person’s who face he couldn’t make it._

_“No,” it was a young girl. “That’s not right! You can’t give up—”_

_She was yanked out of her cell._

_Screams._

_Silence._

_“What did you do?” the boy asked with his bottom lip quivering._

_“When you protest too much, we let you know the price.”_

“ _Silas! Snap out of it!_ ” Xander, right? But he wasn’t there at that time, right? Whenever that was. “What has gotten into you?!”

“I--what? Whatareyoudoinghere?” Silas mumbled rather inelegantly, and as far as he was concerned, unintelligibly.

Xander frowned, really _frowned_ . In an impossible way that Silas had never seen before. Or perhaps that expression was just because his vision was so impossibly _swimming_.

"You blacked out," Xander said slowly as if speaking to a child. "You started muttering something but I couldn't make it out. Are you okay? Prince Ryoma called me over—"

“I would’ve recovered eventually,” Silas remarked in a tone much sharper than one ever meant to be directed at a prince. He gasped immediately and tried to back away and Xander’s perplexed and irritated expression grew.

“You are lucky I haven’t called Corrin over,” Xander’s voice was even yet there was a bit of heat there. “Prince Ryoma is keeping him at bay, but Silas, we need to talk. If not to me, then someone else.” He sighed wearily suddenly looking much older upon Silas’s flinch in response, “I don’t need to know what’s happening, I just need to know if you’re okay and if you’ll _be_ okay.”

Silas fought the urge to push him away because, gods, this wasn't like him. He didn't know what was coming over him, but the prince was right. He needed to talk to someone. If not Xander, then someone. Laslow would probably break his wrist. Corrin worried too much. Lord Ryoma was a prince. Lord Xander was a prince. Lady Elise was too young and didn't deserve his misery nor would he speak of it along with Lady Sakura and - _oh_ \- she was a princess. Lady Camilla would probably listen, but yet again - she was a princess.

So that narrowed it down to no one that he trusted he could tell. Plus, there was no need for him to burden another.

As if reading his mind, Xander spoke in a soft tone, "You are no burden, Silas. I will listen if you need me to."

“You’re just humoring me,” Silas laughed weakly because he didn’t know what else to do. His brain was scrambled at the moment and he was struggling to reorder it.

“I—” Xander paused caught off guard by his laugh obviously because it was such an odd sound coming from his mouth. It wasn’t _his_ laugh, but something so terribly broken. “I’m not. You’re a friend Silas.”

“Oh,” Silas felt another laugh bubbling up, but it was a hysterical one and he desperately fought back against it. He was having a hysterical break, he was certain. “Friend?”

“Yes,” Xander confirmed saying it with a nod. Then, he repeated it, “Yes, you’re a friend. One that I desperately have no desire to lose.”  It was like he knew Silas wasn’t completely there. A part of Silas was fully aware that it was Xander in front of him. Another part of him was seeing something else, something else he could _not_ place for the life of him.

“Right,” he supplied dumbly. “Right.”

Xander helped him up and led him to his quarters silently. He didn’t want to be seen, and somehow Xander must’ve known that because he went a way where no one saw them, save Prince Ryoma if only to confirm that Silas was being taken care of. Prince Ryoma gave a small nod, but Silas didn’t miss the small tug of his lips into a frown at Silas’s obviously pathetic state.

He wanted to disappear.

“You really don’t have to do this,” Silas repeated for probably the fifth time throughout their venture to his room. He was seated on his bed staring at the bandages on his arms and Xander sat across from him on a lone chair that Silas didn’t really know why he owned. No one came to his room.

“I think you need someone,” Xander replied simply. “You really don’t know what is occurring?”

“What?” Silas asked a tad bitterly. “Maybe it’s just all this fighting is finally getting to me, in all honesty.”

Xander hummed.

“Can we not talk about me?” Silas requested because he didn’t want to think about that… dream? Could he even call it that?  Xander stared and Silas knew that he shrunk away unreasonably because Xander wouldn’t hurt him. Just, his eyes reminded him a little of Laslow’s from earlier. Red. Maroon. Whatever color.

“It’s Laslow,” Silas whispered when Xander wouldn’t look away. The prince’s expression finally shifted. One of confusion.

“Laslow? Ah yes, that’s what was bothering during the march, yes?” Thank the gods Xander was going with it.

Silas nodded, “I just… please don’t call me crazy or a liar.” Xander frowned and nodded. “My wrist? Was because of Laslow.”

Xander seemingly stopped breathing and just stared at Silas once more before uttering a confused and very soft, “What?”

“I know it sounds crazy, but I swear I’m not lying,” Silas rushed to say.

“Then tell me what happened,” and Silas swore he could see Xander tense even more as he said it.

So, he hesitated. Xander very evidently did not want to be told this. Very evidently, he did not want to know how his retainer, “I’m a lover, not a fighter,” Laslow injured a fellow soldier.

“Silas,” Xander said rather patiently. It took him off guard and he immediately drew his gaze to meet Xander’s. “You’re not talking to me and I need you to.”

“Are you sure?”

Xander nodded, "Laslow has been acting strangely. I didn't think he would be violent, but… I need to know."

Silas reluctantly explained to Xander what occurred and he could see Xander's expression darken It was at least a distraction from the previous events. The knight hadn't expected to be able to derail that conversation so easily. He knew that he would have to explain it to the prince eventually.

For now, he wanted to look into it himself. Though, he wasn't sure if he'd ever been mentally prepared for that. He wasn't sure, either, why he was suddenly seeing all of this _now_ . What even was _this_.

“Silas, are you with me?” the crown prince looked very tired.

“Yes, sorry,” he mumbled sheepishly.

“Perhaps this place is having a negative effect on all of us,” Xander muttered with an exhausted sigh. “I don’t recall you ever being this… out of it.”

“‘Out of it’ is putting it kindly I think, milord,” Silas dropped his eyes again and looked out of the window where others were gathering.

“If what you said was true,” the prince didn’t take his eyes off of Silas. “Then, mayhaps Laslow has become the first victim to Anankos’s games. If so… not only are we at a disadvantage information wise, but we also don’t know what he may do with him. We cannot know when it’s Laslow and when it’s Anankos.” Wearily, Xander runs his hands through his blond locks taking his crown off as well. For a moment, he just stares at it as he ran his fingers over it. “Gods, I don’t know what to do with this information if it is true Silas. Tell Azura? But who’s to say that he hasn’t already taken her over?”

Silas doesn’t think he’s ever seen Xander this _lost_. His usual composure has faltered and he finally looks his age. A young man with too much on his shoulders, a kingdom and war in which they know little as to what's going and a retainer that may be under his control.

“I just don’t understand why he turned so nasty,” Silas shrugged. “Just, I figured if Anankos would do so, it wouldn’t be so obvious? But I don’t know what happened to him when he disappeared so I cannot be so sure.”

“Yes… you’re right,” Xander agreed. “It seems like an obvious misstep, or perhaps that is Laslow trying to fight the control? In such, he is in a hyper-agitated state. Easily set off if bothered… perhaps that is why he’s remained quiet.”

“His eyes glow red sometimes,” Silas added. “Perhaps that’s when Anankos is seeing through them? Why would he make it so obvious though?”

“Maybe it’s not Anankos,” Silas hated those words. “A bigger threat perhaps got ahold of him.”

"Gods, I don't like this topic any more than the last," he shivered.

A small, low laugh escaped the prince’s lips, and he said, “I hope you’ll tell me about that too. At least trust me enough to do so.”

“I—” Silas hesitated because he really didn’t know why Xander cared so much. Friends, but it wasn’t Xander’s job to be so worried about him.

 _“You need someone to listen to you too_.”

Corrin was right, but he wasn’t going to burden Xander more, “I trust you, I do.”

“Not enough to speak of it?”

Of course, he wouldn't miss that.

“No, that’s not it,” Silas whispered. “It’s not your burden to carry Lord Xander. I can push through.”

A firm hand was planted on his shoulders and Silas looked up to see Xander standing before him. A warning look on his face. One that Silas had to fight not to shrink away from.

“So you say,” Xander confirmed. “Yet, we’ve had too many instances of your current circumstances Silas. I would rather you, as you say, ‘burden’ me with your worries and pains then stew in them yourself with no outlet and let that rot you.” Then, in a soft whisper, “I rather you _alive_ Silas.”

All Silas managed was a barely audible, “Oh.”

Xander left.

—————————————

Laslow was rather normal the next day. Greeted Silas as usual. Laughed as usual. Looked as usual. Talking as usual. Seemingly, he had forgotten the events prior. Hadn’t recalled injuring Silas’s wrist, but looked horrified at the prospect, apologized profusely and yet, he retained a terribly confused expression throughout the whole conversation. Silas asked if he remembered yesterday.

He recited the events of two days ago.

How long had “Laslow-not-Laslow” been in their presence for without any of them realizing? And was yesterday just Laslow fighting back and the other losing control? Silas was terribly, terribly confused.

Or was this Anankos in full control again and successfully portraying Laslow’s full personality?

Silas didn’t know what to think, but he was beginning to hate thinking.

So when Odin popped by his room later in the day post-marching, Silas was a little more than surprised.

“Odin! I—”

“Keep your voice down!” he whispered harshly. “Thank the gods you’re here.”

“Come in, then?” he said hesitantly but much softer. There really was no point in that, Odin had squeezed his way inside anyway and plopped onto his bed as if it was his room. When Silas took a better look at him, he noted that Odin looked _awful_. He was sweating as if he had run a marathon just moments before, hair matted, spell book torn for something he kept as his “prized possession” and looked almost scared.

He heaved another breath before sitting up, “Silas.”

“Hey?” Silas said confused. Odin sounded as if he had just realized who he was talking to. “You alright? You don’t look so good. Need water?”

“I could do that, yeah.”

Hearing Odin speak normally made Silas's heartbeat inexplicably faster. It was a panic settling in the pit of his stomach. Something wasn't right. Something was very off because Odin didn't just come to his room. In fact, Odin had never come to his quarters. Usually, he stumbled across Odin when heading to Laslow's.

There was never this arrangement and it held an urgency he wasn’t prepared for.

“Sounding a bit mellow tonight,” Silas said lightly hoping it wasn’t a wrong choice of words. He handed him the water.

“Yeah, well,” Odin took the water and downed it quickly. He took another deep breath, but it was burdened in sound. “Shit has happened.”

Silas allowed himself to fully panic internally. Odin did _not_ just tell him that.

“Where’s Selena? I figured she would be the first—”

“She’s with Laslow making sure he doesn’t do something stupid,” Odin said quickly. “I ran here for a reason, not for small talk.”

Silas clamped his mouth shut.

“Laslow, it’s safe to say, is not himself,” Odin supplied darkly. “He’s… gods, I don’t even know how to describe it right now.” Odin at a loss for words was apparently a day Silas never wanted to see. “ Manic, I guess. Yes, that’s probably putting it lightly.”

“Why?”

“Anankos,” Odin answered. “Either way, I need your help. I’m trying to get a cleric, but I don’t want to leave Selena alone with him. Can you find one? Preferably not one that’s royalty?”

“Okay, okay, okay,” Silas repeated trying to quell his own brain. “A lot is happening way too fast. Is he okay?”

“Physically or mentally?” Odin asked as he rushed to the door taking Silas’s answer for what it was.

“Uh, both?”

“No,” and he was gone.

That was terribly unsettling.

Taking several deep breaths, Silas prepared himself to go outside. He was not ready for this. He thought things were fine. Laslow didn’t seem anything short from his usual self that day, yet suddenly he was losing it. That was not a comforting thought in the slightest. It was late and most clerics had long gone to sleep because they cared a lot more about their sleep schedule than others. Jakob might’ve been awake, but he wasn’t so much a cleric, at least he didn’t think it would be enough for Laslow’s apparent mental break.

Huh, perhaps they were suffering from the same thing.

Wandering the halls, he hadn't noticed a door open and a way too peppy Elise peek out. Just the person he was trying not to run into.

“Hey,” he said nervously. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

That's when Camilla, Sakura, and Hinoka all popped out with the two reluctant younger princes. Silas sucked in a breath at how bad his luck was at the moment. Terrible, in fact, might have been the right descriptor.

“You’re all awake?”

"You look like a ghost," Elise exclaimed worriedly. "You're not about to pass out again, are you? You're not pushing yourself too hard, are you?"

Camilla walked out and pulled Silas into a gentle hug, “Are you alright, dear?”

"Just in need of a cleric," Silas spat out and immediately regretted it because Camilla pulled away with a concerned expression and Elise gaped at him.

Sakura stuttered, “I have my staff with me!”

“Yeah, I appreciate that princess,” he bowed slightly if only to hide his embarrassment. “I just, it can’t— are you two the only clerics that are currently awake?”

Elise huffed with annoyance, “Are you saying we’re not good enough? It’s that wrist isn’t it?!”

“No, no,” Silas shook his head.

“What are you hiding?” Leo asked patiently obviously pleased with this disruption. Takumi nodded at Leo, but he was smirking. Most likely thinking the same thing: he was saved from whatever they were doing in there.

“It’s a bit of an emergency—”

“Then we’re here and ready to go!” Elise and Sakura both showed him their staves.

“I don’t know if this is in your expertise?” Silas wasn’t sure what else to say.

“Oh, boy!” Elise puffed out her cheeks. “What wound are we healing that’s out of our ‘expertise’?”

That’s the thing, Silas noted. He didn’t know anything about Laslow’s condition. He didn’t know what the man needed.

“Princess Elise, keep it down,” Takumi scolded.

It was too late, Xander walked out of the room looking annoyed. He didn’t look as if he had been asleep, but he looked disturbed nonetheless.

“What’s going on out here?” he asked. “Why are you all in the— Silas?”

Elise beamed, “Big brother, big brother!” Then became very serious, “Silas said he needed a cleric but won’t let Sakura or I help him!”

“A cleric?” Xander stared at Silas. “Is everything alright? Are you feeling well?”

Gods, this was out of hand. Who knows what’s going on with Odin and Laslow.

"Uh, Lord Xander, may I speak to you alone for a second?" Silas figured if anyone should call the judgment, it would be Xander.

“Whaaat?!” Elise exclaimed in shock. “Private? No, no, I wanna—”

“Elise, shh,” Leo hushed her.

“Of course,” Xander said immediately. Silas sidestepped the rest of the royal family noting that Ryoma and Corrin were noticeably missing for this royal family get together. Perhaps Corrin was stressed about him still. He'll have to talk to him about that later. A shame really. When Takumi and Leo seemed to be getting along so well, those two were missing it. Corrin would have been happy. “What is it?”

“Odin came to me,” Silas whispered when they entered his quarters. “He said Laslow needs help and asked me to get a cleric.”

Xander stopped and stared at Silas, “What? Gods, what happened?”

“I don’t know,” Silas admitted. “I don’t know anything, just that he needs help. He said that he and Selena were trying to make sure he didn’t do something stupid, but I’m worried with how long I’ve taken to get help.”

“And he asked you not to involve the princesses?” Xander caught on quick. “Very well, I’ll rouse some of the clerics and meet you in Laslow’s room?”

“Please, I’m sorry—”

“Thank you for informing me.”

And Xander was off quickly. Not before telling Elise to let the matter go and that he had it taken care of. Silas walked slowly not missing the annoyed expressions of the young princess. Though, Xander’s urgency seemed to spark up more worries amongst the group.

Hinoka, who had remained silent asked as Camilla pulled her closer, “Is everything alright? Are you okay?”

“Yes, princess,” Silas responded softly, though a part of that felt like a lie. “It’ll hopefully be taken care of. I’ll be off though, I’m sorry for ruining your night.”

“No, thank you,” Takumi said roughly before Leo elbowed him softly in warning. “I don’t even know how Elise knew you were coming down the hall, but she jumped up so quickly to see you.”

“My lucky day.”

It wasn’t.

Far from it really.

So he made the trek to Laslow's room because he felt like he had some responsibility in making sure Laslow was okay if Odin came to him. Also, to make sure Xander actually found a cleric and could help. The walk down the hall to Laslow's quarters was quite unbearable. There was an impossibly heavy weight on his shoulders that didn't belong there. Silas felt like he couldn't breathe when he opened the door and peeked in to see Laslow surrounded by three clerics with the said man on his knees clutching his head. In the corner of the room was Odin and a very shaken Selena. Prince Xander stood not too far from the clerics, obviously worried about the retainer with a heavy gaze. There was almost a look of confusion in the crown prince's eyes. Slowly, Silas took a step in and Xander's gaze shot up.

“Oh,” he said simply. “Silas, I thought you had retired.”

“I felt like I had to follow through,” the knight confessed as Xander met him half-way. Silas desperately wanted to get a look at Laslow to see how the retainer was doing, but alas, the clerics covered him at every angle. Odin and Selena remained where they were and Silas had to wonder what in the world could have caused Selena to be so frightened.

“I thank you for your help,” Xander gently pulled Silas out of the room and he couldn’t help but wonder why.

“I didn’t do much,” admitted Silas looking into Xander’s face, carefully blank betraying no emotion. “How is he?”

“Erratic,” Xander murmured lowly as if afraid that Laslow would hear and respond. “Your theory about Anankos?”

Silas swallowed thickly. This wasn’t lovely in the slightest. It made him uncomfortable to think that Laslow had been practically infected with a bug that was causing him to lose control of himself. A bitter taste was in his mouth. His eyes wandered to meet Xander’s who was staring at him intently before sighing and looking away.

“I’ll talk to Azura and Prince Ryoma tomorrow,” he told Silas when the knight made no show of saying anything himself. “He tried to hurt himself apparently.”

Sucking in a sharp breath, Silas's eyes widened. _Gods_ , Laslow was really out of his mind. A part of him wondered if it was Anankos trying to punish Laslow for gaining control and another part wondered if Laslow was just afraid of never coming back and resorted to this. The thought terrified Silas. Would they have to monitor Laslow to make sure that he didn't hurt himself or others? Or would that put Anankos at an advantage? What if it wasn't even Anankos?

"Who would it be then Silas?" the knight hadn't realized he had said it out loud so when Xander questioned him with a worried tone, all he could do was sputter out a response. "Do you know something?"

With a frantic shake of his head, Silas blurted, “I’m just panicking.”

A firm hand squeezes his shoulder before sliding it down to just below his elbow as reassurance and Silas glances at the hand before his gaze returns to Xander, "It's okay. You're not alone. I'm here." The highest reassurance Silas isn't sure the prince knew he could offer.

“Laslow comes first,” he murmured.

"Are you okay?" Xander asked instead, shaking him only slightly. "Are you still with me? Do you need to sit?" The concern made his heart flutter and a soft smile despite the situation made it to his face.

“I’m okay.”

“Good,” the older man released his arm and suddenly Silas didn’t feel quite as secure. The anchor was lifted. Suddenly, he was afloat. But he swallowed and let Xander take the lead. The clerics had moved away from Laslow and Silas could finally see his face and _oh_ he looked so miserable. The bags under his eyes impossible to miss and the pure exhaustion in his whole body just screamed _free me_.

“Laslow,” Xander said softly. Said man jumped a little before his eyes darted up to the prince. A dull smile achingly wretched its way onto his face and it looked painful. It didn’t meet his eyes. He looked empty.

"I feel like it's been a while since I've actually spoken to you, Lord Xander."

Silas felt like rocks were piling up in his stomach.

“How do you mean?” the prince asked carefully looking to Odin and Selena.

Running a hand through his hair, Laslow looks to the side of the Prince and stares. “I… There are rarely things I remember since I came back. Silas confirmed that for me earlier when he asked me what happened yesterday. “ A dry self-deprecating chuckle escaped his lips, “I recited events of two days ago apparently. I just…lost time I guess.” Laslow’s eyes suddenly became very empty, “It’s like I wasn’t even there.”

The confession hit hard.

“Gods, Laslow—”

“I guess it caught up with me today,” Laslow admitted with a shrug. “Everyone kept asking me what happened, but I couldn’t say anything because I just don’t _know_ . I don’t!” he raised his voice when Selena opened her mouth. Looking at her stunned expression, Laslow ran his hands over his face, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. I just don’t know, I swear… If I did, I would’ve told someone because I _hate_ this. Silas made me realize first, I guess I finally lost it when Odin and Selena cornered me…” Shaking his head, he rambled, “Cornered is a bad term I guess. I’m sorry. I just—”

Odin placed a careful hand on his shoulder, “Laslow, no, it’s true we did, friend.” It still shook Silas to the core when Odin spoke plainly. It held a certain weight to it that he wasn’t used to from the usually goofy retainer. “I’m sorry for pressuring you. Just… we’re _scared_.”

Another broken laugh and Xander flinched this time. Silas didn’t miss the quick glance he threw in Silas direction before looking back at his retainer.

“I’m scared too,” Laslow admitted softly. “Terrified.”

“What do you think it is?”

“Anankos,” he answered simply. “I told you we had a bigger threat.”

“Anankos is the main threat though? How is that bigger?” Silas asked carefully.

“The bigger threat is ourselves,” Laslow shook his head and pointed to himself. “Like me.”

A chill went down Silas's spine. He wanted to puke. A hand was on his back and he knew it was Xander but he wasn't sure if he was trying to comfort Silas or himself. Either way, it was all the same — they were in for trouble. None of them were safe.

Laslow may have been their biggest threat.

“I think I just lost it,” Laslow eventually said. “Realizing how big of a threat I _am_. I didn't want to risk it, so I—"

“You did some stupid shit,” Selena winced at her own words.

“Yeah,” he laughed. “I did.” Quickly, he added, “I’m better though. For now, I am. I just really had a meltdown, but I think it was just me finally breaking out of it completely.”

“Out of what?” Xander finally asked.

“The hold,” Laslow met his gaze and his eyes were livelier, though not capturing the usual beauty in them. “Whatever Anankos had on me, I was never really fully out of it. Not until I realized how much time I really lost and how much I just didn’t know.” Rubbing his eyes impossibly hard, he continued, “It boiled down to the fact that I couldn’t recall how I ended up like this. How I disappeared, where I went, why _me_? I didn’t any of those things. Questioning them I guess gave me my autonomy back.”

“Are you safe?” Silas didn’t know where those words came from. He immediately felt bad for asking because that seemed like such a wrong question.

“I echo that,” another voice. It did belong to any of the people in the room. Turning around, the royal family had all gathered. All of them including Ryoma and Corrin. Mixed expressions ranging from worry, to fear, to anger all written on their faces.

“Are you safe?” Takumi asked again.

“I… I don’t know.”

That was probably the worst part. Murmurs sparked up. Elise ran over to hug Laslow, but Leo had grabbed her by the shoulder and shook his head. That was probably a poor move because Laslow looked so dejected at that action. Dejected, yet understanding - the defeat weighed them down. The atmosphere was thick, made Silas nearly choke with his nerves. The tension was making him panic. The room felt all too small and too many bodies.

He needed an escape.

“Tomorrow,” Xander said abruptly. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Laslow said simply, a smile much similar to his previous expressions before the incident and Silas recognized it as a defense mechanism. The smile was too forced, but it was familiar. How often had Laslow been faking his happiness to get people to not worry about him?

“Tomorrow,” Xander repeated and the room cleared aside from Ryoma and Corrin.

Silas rushed out muttering a goodnight.

He needed sleep.

The day had been too long. Way too long for everything that had happened.

The next day came and the talk too quick. Laslow stood there for a while silent as people all around him talked about him. Talked about him as if he wasn't even there. Just stood there staring blankly. Odin occasionally bumping him to bring some life into him, but even then it was dull. The worst moment of the conversation was trying to convince Laslow that he, at the moment, wasn't a physical threat to anyone. It was going great. No objections. Until he absently confessed to injuring Silas's wrist in an incident he didn't recall but clearly did. Silas didn't want to testify against him, but he made it hard. He didn't defend himself. Just stood there and took the brunt of everything as if it was _his_ fault. It wasn’t. It was Anankos and his mind games fucking with Laslow when the man was just minding his own business. It wasn’t fair, what was happening to Laslow. He didn’t deserve any of the things happening to him, but there were angry and hostile people on all side. The discourse had returned and suddenly Silas realized what one of Anankos’s goals was. To tear them apart. He knew that they were easier to conquer if they weren’t working in one team. To create friction within the army was to break it. Not moving in a coherent unit was enough to kill an army. It was enough to win this war.

It took one man.

So yes, as Laslow had said, there was a bigger threat than Anankos. As he said, it was himself. It was all of them. They were failing to keep it together and they were letting this issue win. Silas tried to interject at multiple moments, but no one listened. Xander occasionally met his gaze, but never once did he prompt Silas to speak. He didn't look pleased. No one did, and Silas hated every moment. He could slip out, but he felt that unfair to Laslow. There was no justice here. They just needed to avenge Laslow and watch their backs. Everyone needed to watch out for each other and they could be strong again. Anankos wouldn't win.

But they weren’t that strong. They weren’t that close.

“It’s the nightmares,” Laslow confessed when he sat alone with Silas by a lazy stream. “They’re the worst part because they feel so real. A part of me thinks they’re visions. Visions of what he wants to do with us.” Laslow shivered, “I wanted to cry the first night because it was so… grotesque. I couldn’t do anything…”

 _“I was just there._ ”

For a while, Laslow was just there for a lot of things. It was weird how he always showed up to things that he didn’t know about. Silas wondered at those moments if it was Anankos spying and not Laslow.

He wouldn’t put it past them.

It took a while for the real amount of distrust that had settled within the army to show up in full power. It started with Laslow. No one let him out of their sights. Kaze was put on his case, to watch him from the shadows regardless of what he was doing. He wasn't trusted to be in a room alone with Xander or any of the royal family. Laslow knew that and often requested Peri, Odin or Silas himself to accompany him to Xander. Silas knew for a fact that Kaze was also following closely behind should they ever need backup, but the hurt behind every one of Laslow's smiles made him want to stop this chaperoning.

“Is it necessary?” Laslow had asked tiredly one day when Silas showed up. “I know I said I agreed to this, but…”

An apologetic smile crept onto his face, “I’m sorry Laslow.” He really was. He hated this. Laslow would sigh, nod, and put on one of his signature smiles before going about his day. It _hurt_ to see Laslow so miserable and you could tell he was getting no sleep.

“Silas, friend,” Laslow placed a hand on his shoulder. “Please don’t worry on my behalf.”

“How could I not?” Silas said frowning, almost offended that Laslow would entertain such an idea.”

A soft laughed escaped the retainers lips, “It’s really nothing I can’t handle.”

A lie that Silas knew Laslow was trying to convince himself of.

“Does it hurt?” the knight asked softly.

For a while, he didn't think Laslow would answer him. They sat in tense silence as Laslow stared off into space with a blank expression.

He turned, “Sometimes, yes.”

"I worry about him," the eldest prince confessed to him and Ryoma one night. Silas, yet again felt out of place being here with two future kings. He never was quite sure how he got dragged into this. Ryoma would ask him to join him for tea and for some reason, every time, Xander was there as well. Even he seemed surprised by Silas's appearance.

“Of course,” Ryoma said softly. “We all do. He’s your retainer as well, you have every right to worry Prince Xander.” Silas hummed in agreement.

“Has he said anything to you, Silas?” Xander asked him.

“Not particularly,” Silas shrugged. “He doesn’t talk about his nightmares much. Doesn’t talk much at all anymore.”

Xander sighed and his shoulders sagged a look that didn't quite fit the future king. Though, Silas supposed that he shouldn't look at him in such a way and see him as just a man. He had been trying really. That was what Corrin told him to do when Silas voiced confusion over why the crown prince of Nohr wanted to talk to him so much, and not for duty, but just for companionship.

So he tired. _Really_ tried.

It didn’t work often obviously.

“Lord Xander, you’re doing your best,” Silas added when it didn’t seem like he would say anything.

“At least one of us thinks so,” Xander replied. Ryoma frowned.

“Xander,” Silas didn’t know how to react when the prince simply called his name, no titles, no formalities, but it got his liege’s attention.

An eyebrow arched curiously, he peered at Ryoma with a sly smirk, "I must be in for an earful if you dropped titles _Ryoma_." Why did this sound flirtatious? Were they flirting? Were they in a secret relationship and somehow Silas was smack dab in the middle of it? Silas felt very uncomfortable and a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He swallowed thickly and tried not to give way to his discomfort.

“You are tonight,” Ryoma was smiling and if that didn’t seem to have two meaning by the growing amusement on Xander’s expression Silas didn’t know what did. “Please, for the love of all that is good, you cannot put this on yourself. You had no control. None of us could have seen this coming, but the best we can do is be there for Laslow.”

Heaving a heavy sigh, Xander nodded, “You’re right. You’re right.”

“I know I am.”

“How modest,” Xander chuckled. “I just can’t but wonder if there is something more—”

“We all probably could,” Ryoma admitted with a nod. “But for now, we’re doing the best we can.”

“I suppose.”

Silas just sat there listening as they continued their conversation only adding on when he noticed that one of their gazes was lingering on him for longer than he was comfortable with. He was tired and eventually asked to be excused when he felt like he really was interrupting whatever was happening between the two princes. Ryoma shot him a concerned gaze and Xander frowned, expressions that were being directed towards him all too often.

"You left rather abruptly last night Silas," Ryoma said to him as they walked around. It was easy doing that with Ryoma, just walking and talking. It was odd how at ease the Hoshidan Prince made him. With Xander, it was different. He enjoyed his company, yes, but he always felt like he had something to prove or disprove.

Perhaps, it was those lingering feelings that Xander hated him or at least had forgotten about him.

“Sorry, I just,” felt like I was intruding on a moment between you and Xander? Sorry, I just realized you two were in some sort of relationship and felt out of place? “Felt tired.”

“Right,” and Ryoma snorted at that with no hindered amusement. “What’s going on Silas? Some days you are eager to speak with us, other days you avoid us. Is everything alright?”

“Just figuring out where I stand with people,” Silas replied simply.

“Well, I can say with confidence that Xander enjoys your presence and wishes you would be more honest with him.”

“You say that as if he talks about me,” Silas laughed.

“He does.”

Silas stopped laughing and Ryoma continued with a knowing look.

"Often really. I don't think I've had a conversation with him where he didn't bring up you and how he was worried about your health."

“Well, I’ve worried a lot of people. I’m sure Corrin never shuts up about me then.”

“Indeed.”

Silas fell silent then realizing how much stress he was putting on everyone. As long as he wasn’t a dead weight he supposed, but truly, he just felt uncomfortable with the attention. He hadn’t really had this much concern for him in what felt like ages, though he couldn’t be certain.

"What's on your mind, Silas?" Ryoma asked once more.

Taking a deep breath, Silas wondered if he should tell Ryoma. He’s the only person who he felt wouldn’t breathe down his neck if he told him. Though, he didn’t think it was his—

“Xander told me that you think yourself a burden,” Ryoma said simply. “I want you to know you’re not. You’re free to tell me anything. You’re a friend.”

“A friend?” Silas murmured more to himself.

“Yes.”

Silas smiled and asked, “Would you mind indulging me in one more Nohrian tradition then?”

The expression on Ryoma’s face brightened, “Why not?”

His hand stung slightly afterward as they wrapped each other's cuts, but for whatever reason, he felt at ease. It was most likely the confidence that he had chosen the right person to trust with this. It was moments later after they had ensured that their hands weren't at risk of an infection that Silas revealed some of what was bothering him. His feelings of his relationship with the royal family, with Corrin and eventually he fell back to his lost memories and his banishment. Ryoma said nothing but an occasional hum as he spoke, most likely because he was afraid that if he did Silas would shut down and not say any more. But Ryoma's expression was soft, if not somber at Silas words as if he felt some guilt over what had happened to him.

“It’s not right, what happened to you,” he said finally after Silas had remained silent long enough to signify that he had nothing left to say. “I… I’m not quite sure what to say to that. I wish I had the right words, but then again, I feel that if someone did, it still would not be enough.”

“Thank you,” the knight said. “For listening at least. It feels good to finally get some of that off my chest.”

“I appreciate you trusting me,” the Hoshidan Prince stared at the helmet he had removed during their conversation. He looked so different without it, he almost didn’t look like the same person. “Though, I can’t help but wonder why.”

“Well, I did just commit to a Warrior’s Oath,” Silas reminded him as he stared at his hand.

“Yes, but why that as well?” Ryoma leaned forward to look Silas in the eyes because the knight had actively avoided eye contact the whole time.

"I guess I really needed someone to trust," Silas admitted. "Things are unraveling uncontrollably for me, spiraling away from me. I wanted to at least… or I guess I needed to at least tell someone before I was beyond help."

Ryoma hummed, “You reached a limit.”

“Not yet,” Silas confessed. “I was getting there though. I...” Swallowing he continued, “I really respect you Prince Ryoma. Your strength, optimism, honor… I felt like if I bounded myself to you then maybe I’d share even a fraction of that—”

"You told me that, and I do still disagree in that regard," Ryoma sighed and continued. "You're a good man, one deserving of a bright future. I accepted this oath because of that. Swearing allegiance to you was not a one-sided thing you know."

“You always know what to say,” Silas laughed.

"I would've thought you'd done it with Lord Xander, however," came the innocent confession.

“Ahaha,” Silas felt uncomfortable once more, “I notice you just call him by his name. I hadn’t realized you were so close.”

It was apparent that Ryoma wasn’t happy with the conversation shift, but humored him once more, “I suppose I never told you that he and I have known each other since childhood, hm? When we were younger, Nohr and Hoshido were allies and we often visited each other’s kingdoms. So yes, we were rather close.”

“I didn’t know that,” Silas admitted. “So seeing him again as an enemy—”

"Was heartbreaking, to say the least," Ryoma chuckled. "I never hated Xander, couldn't because he was as much of a victim as anyone else. I was angry, but I never hated him. I would have loathed having always remained on opposite sides of this war." A warm smile washed over him, "He still is a dear friend and I look forward to the small moments where we can fall back to our earlier ways."

“I suppose that’s why I felt like I was intruding yesterday,” came out of his mouth quicker than he could have caught it. Ryoma’s eyebrows shot up and his eyes widened. Silas bit down on his lip and instantly regretted being able to speak.

“How do you mean?” Ryoma finally asked.

“I don’t know,” Silas muttered. “Don’t laugh at me, but I really thought you two were flirting yesterday night.”

Ryoma’s deep laughter boomed and Silas felt the heat of embarrassment overcome him. Slowly, he stood with a pout on his face feeling slightly betrayed by Ryoma’s reaction, but at least it could have been passed off as a good occurrence.

“My apologies Silas, please come back,” Ryoma wiped tears from his eyes. “I love the Prince of Nohr dearly, but only as a friend nothing more. We’re much too stubborn for one another. We’d always be at each other’s throats. Besides,” his eyes twinkled as he looked at Silas. “That wouldn’t be right when so clearly my and his heart lies with another.”

"I sure hope you two love different people."

Another laugh and this time Silas joined in with him despite the implication that Xander was possibly in love with someone.

"I assure you that is the case," Ryoma admitted. "Though I'm more certain he'll have a higher success at that than I with mine."

“I don’t know anyone who could say no to you Lord Ryoma with all your charm,” Silas tried to reassure him because it was true. He didn’t know anyone that would reject the prince.

“But alas, I don’t see this one coming to fruition. It can't happen, not when she's already...” he sobered up and spun his helmet in his hands, getting swept in his thoughts.

"She's already?" Silas hoped he wasn't overstepping.

Ryoma's face fell even further, "She's passed on.”

It hit Silas like a brick, "Scarlet?"

 

"I'm so sorry, Prince Ryoma," Silas whispered. "I didn't mean to bring up such a painful memory..."

Ryoma shook his head, "It's not on you. I haven't actually told anyone yet. There wasn't really a point considering she's... gone. Even now, it doesn't feel real, but... it's happened."

"Still," Silas furrowed his brow and concern.

Ryoma waved him off a chuckled, a somber sound compared to his usual loud one, "But enough about me. We're talking about you.  _You_ need to tell him. I missed my chance, you still have yours. Don't miss it too."

"I--"

"I spent all this time telling you about Scarlet and you still won't do it?" Ryoma said in jest, but Silas can see the gravity of it all. The fear that someone else would also miss their chance. 

"Okay."

"Good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy, gotta love a slow burn ye?
> 
> And this is also where we start getting more AUish.
> 
> I promise it's going somewhere but I added my new plot point with Laslow and Anankos.  
> I'll be honest, I was a little more than disappointed with the lack of involvement the Awakening kids had in Fates. I know they weren't the main focus because they came from Awakening, but I feel like in Revelations they should've at least had some more plot involvement. I just feel like shoehorning them in like that was a waste of potential. 
> 
> So we get a suffering Laslow and a more prominent threat of Anankos instead of him just being called a threat with little action.
> 
> I know I'm really loving this Ryoma/Silas friendship because I really like their supports. I really think they'd be really great friends (I mean who would do a Warrior's Oath with just anyone ye?) So I wanted to develop their friendship a bit more, so they're kind of each other's wingman and support. Acting on that Warrior's Oath and actually bringing into the plot instead of just saying they did the thing. 
> 
> Hopefully relationships will build up in the next chapter. ;)
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Leave comments and kudos, I love and appreciate them a great deal! Tell me what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

_One._

_Two._

_Three._

Staring into the night sky made things easier to think about. Even if he didn’t want to think about anything, it at least seemed less stressful. In the grand scheme of the whole universe, what he was dealing with seemed so small. Holding his cut hand in the moonlight, he traced it gently. It was healing. It had been two days after all since it happened. He and Prince Ryoma had stuck carefully beside one another during the fights. Somehow, the Hoshidan Prince seemed to know when Silas was having off days.

They did always say these oaths had more power than just words. Never once did it cross his mind to look into it, he realized. Silas just hoped he didn’t doom the prince with everything that was pummeling his brain. Ryoma, of course, encouraged Silas to speak to him whenever he needed to. The prince went through great lengths to try to convince Silas that it was okay to tell him things.

They swore an oath after all.

The young knight shifted a little from his spot by the lazy river, Cain huffed at him, but otherwise remained unbothered. It was beautiful. The way you could see the stars twinkling without a care in the world. In his mind - just as he had as a child - he shared a secret with every one of them. Even when he was younger, he realized, there was no one he really told anything too.

So the stars and Cain, they were all great listeners. Eventually, Silas named the stars. Every day after a battle he would name them.

They were always, he realized, names of fallen soldiers that he knew. Or innocent lives lost in the midst of conflict. And he would promise them that their family would find out and that he would support them in any way. Though, he knew it was the only way to make him feel better about what he had failed to do. Silas is pretty sure that he’s renamed the same star multiple times, but how was he to know?

He wouldn’t, never would, and quite frankly, thought it better that he didn’t.

“You’ll catch a cold out here Silas.”

Said knight glanced towards the voice. Slowly, he sat up and smiled at the prince trying to hide his surprise at the sudden visitor.

“That is the least of my worries,” the knight replied. “Lord Xander, why are _you_ here? Shouldn’t you be asleep? Safe in the confines of your warm room?”

Xander chuckled at that and shook his head, “It was stuffy. Has been like that for a while.”

The prince, Silas noted, looked gorgeous with the way the moonlight hit him. Ethereal in a way that he hadn’t quite seen Xander before. On his horse, cloaked with a thick cape, his thin crown glinting softly in the light. He looked almighty. Fit to be a king, or better yet a god.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Silas leaned back into Cain. His horse looked up at Xander and then rested once more. Slowly, Silas combed his fingers though Cain’s mane, “Today was long for him. He’s tired.”

Xander hummed, “It was long.” Then, he slipped off his horse in one smooth motion and walked him closer to Silas. “Come here to clear your head?”

“Something like that,” Silas nodded. “Talking to the stars, or myself I guess. Sounds just as crazy as it is.”

“They’re great listeners I’m sure.”

“Don’t tease me,” Silas groaned. “I know it’s childish, I just—”

“I mean that,” Xander sat beside Silas. “They are.”

“Oh.”

Once more, Xander resorted him to that one word, “oh.” The only word ever to remain in his vocabulary around the prince was always “oh.” It was a nuisance, but made it much easier to result to silence. It was never uncomfortable, the silence. But it made Silas feel like a bad host.

“You think rather loudly, Silas,” Xander’s low voice rumbled into the night. “But you may speak, you know? The stars aren’t the only ones that can listen, you see.”

“I, well, yes,” Silas huffed.

“Ryoma told me of your Warrior’s Oath,” Xander started suddenly. The knight suddenly became hyper aware of how hard Xander was staring at it.

Silas nodded, eyes brightening slightly at the reminder and tried hard not to hide his hand away. For a while, Xander simply stared and Silas remained silent. It took a moment for him to realize that Xander probably wanted to hear why.

“He’s… I’ve admired him a lot since meeting him,” Silas admitted under his breath. “He’s saved my hind on the battlefield and outside of it more times than I can count. It felt right… for it to be him.”

“He is quite honorable, isn’t he?” came the simple reply. It wasn’t a real question, so Silas just let it hang there. “He has and hasn’t changed much since we last met.”

“He told me that you two were childhood friends,” Silas nodded.

“When we weren’t warring, yes, we were quite good friends, one of the few I could call one and truly mean it,” Xander’s eyes were locked straight ahead, unfocused, lost in a memory. “Despite how our personalities clashed in many ways - he was loud, energetic and extroverted, I was quiet, subdued and introverted - opposites truly.” With a tired sigh, he continued, “Hoshido was always so bright. Nohr… I watched as Nohr slowly began to lose its light and hide. My visits to Hoshido were always something I looked forward to. It was a second home.” Closing his eyes, he breathed in deeply taking in the fresh air, “Despite his energy, I always felt welcomed.”

“And then this happened…”

Xander nodded solemnly, “I haven’t admitted this to anyone, but I was truly afraid of facing off against Ryoma - besides the risk that it brought to my siblings and losing this war, I was terrified of the fight that would inevitably come between us.”

Silas nodded once more, not quite sure what to say. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing and turn the conversation around.

“Yet, luck would have it that we are together once more, on the same side of a fight.”

Though, Silas wasn’t entirely sure how much luck was actually on their side at the moment given the current circumstances. Yes, they were on the same side. Yes, friends weren’t fighting friends. But now they didn’t know who or what they were fighting, Laslow wais a mess, they had no sense of direction.

In a sense, they were currently losing, loathe as Silas was to admit it.

“We are stronger on the same side Silas,” Xander reminded him as if he knew what he was thinking. “We’ll overcome this.”

Silas chuckled and glance over to the prince, “I know. You’re right.” Pausing, he stared at his hand contemplating whether to broach the subject he promised Ryoma he would talk with Xander of.

“Gold for your thoughts?” came the question he felt coming.

“I uh…” it’s now or never, “I was just thinking of Laslow.”

 _Well_. Not what he had in mind, but a true statement nonetheless. He would get there one day. Sooner rather than later, he’s sure Prince Ryoma would tell him.

The prince hummed, a deep frown formed on his face. An all too familiar expression that Silas knew he put on the prince’s face more often than he could count. For a moment, Silas wasn’t sure if Xander was going to say anything on the matter. The knight was fairly certain he had discussed this at length with Prince Ryoma the night before when he had taken an early departure.

He worked his jaw for a few seconds before settling on, “I as well.” Silas thought that was that because the older man really didn’t look as if he wanted to talk about Laslow. He probably had done it enough, but he continued, “Sometimes I call him to my quarters simply because I’m worried for him, though I know that means dragging others out of their other duties such as you and Kaze.”

“I don’t mind,” Silas confessed. “Gives me an excuse to check in on him without him thinking I’m being overbearing.”

“He looks ill,” Xander continued as if Silas hadn’t said anything. “And that worries me because I know it’s the stress of the situation and the lack of trust amongst the army that’s getting to him as well.” There’s a flash of anger that crosses the prince’s face for a moment and it startles the young knight, “Their looks aren’t as discrete as they think.”

Silas had noticed that too. The dirty looks that were shot towards the retainer whenever he was escorting him somewhere. Sometimes there was fear, sometimes disgust, and sometimes, rarely, was there worry. They were typically people who knew Laslow and knew that he meant no harm.

When the escorting first happened, Silas remembered when some soldiers asked him if he felt safe around Laslow.  They wondered why Silas would volunteer himself to aid the spy. Some were worried that he would be possessed too. Many thought it was Silas’s need to help everyone getting in the way of his better judgement. It wasn’t true, but no one cared, Silas gathered that rather quickly.

“What do you think Silas?” Xander asked.

“That we’ll save him,” Silas responded because he didn’t know what else to think.

“How?”

It was such an oddly vulnerable question for the prince. Silas glanced at him noting that he was staring at the sky as well, looking again, several years younger. Looking like the world was on his shoulders with a weight too heavy to bear on his own, Silas wanted to help.

“We’ll figure it out. All of us will,” it was vague, but an answer. “Together.”

A smirk appeared on Xander’s face and he turned to face Silas, “I hope you’re right.”

They returned to their quarters silently. There wasn’t much left to say and Silas was beginning to feel worn out with all the heavy topics that had been trampling him.

 

“Hey Silas,” the knight startled slightly upon hearing his name being called. The voice sounded annoyed and Silas had to wonder how long they had been calling him before he actually noticed that someone else was there besides him. “Finally I’ve gotten your attention.”

“Oh, uh, sorry,” he turned around, “Selena?”

“Yeah, hey,” she rolled her eyes, but she didn’t look angry at him. Silas had grown used to Selena’s moods and signs of affection over the time in the army, but still, sometimes he couldn’t quite pinpoint when she was annoyed at him and when that was just the front she put out.

“I didn’t expect to see you here,” Silas said by way of another apology. “What can I help you with?”

She looked to the side and hesitated, “Look, I don’t mean to bother you or anything. You don’t have to listen if you don’t want to.”

Silas had grown used to that as well, but that didn’t mean it didn’t still bother him. Simply because she always seemed worried about something but never really wanted to tell anyone - or maybe she did but thought it was a sign of weakness or a burden on others. In truth, she had no reason to worry about that. Surely people would listen. Odin and Laslow would, even Lady Camilla, they wouldn’t think her a burden.

“You’re not a bother. What’s up?”

Why did that sound familiar?

He blinked three times before various voices popped in his head saying the same thing to him,

“ _You’re not a burden, Silas.”_

 _Oh_.

Silas tried not to dwell on that as Selena began talking. So he may have been a tad hypocritical. Minor details, right?

Right.

“It’s just Laslow,” she confessed. “After that night, I’ll admit it, I’m scared. I know he’s got people watching over him and all that, but no one is _all_ the time. What if he tries that again?”

 _Right_. Selena was there when Laslow had snapped.

“Are you alright?” Because Silas wasn’t sure if anyone had ever bothered asking Selena if she was okay after that night. Nobody bothered asking Selena or Odin how they were despite the fact that they had seen their friend try to _hurt_ himself and all concern for Laslow faded within the ranks once they realized that he was a threat. Then the fear spread from just Laslow and everyone was afraid of everyone. Who was safe and who wasn’t?

But nobody bothered asking if they were okay.

“I’m fine—”

Silas didn’t believe it.

“Selena,” Silas sighed, setting down his lance he was cleaning. “Why did you come talk to me?”

“Because I wanted to ask about Laslow,” she crossed her arms annoyed, but it was weak and Silas saw through that excuse.

“You can ask him yourself, you’re not afraid of him like the others,” Silas pushed on. “Unless that night has terrified you so much? But I think you’d be keeping a closer eye on him because of that.”

Selena groaned, “I didn’t come to get interrogated Silas.”

“Then why _did_ you come to me?” Silas asked again. “Why not Laslow or Odin? Why _me_? It’s not like you trust me more than them.”

“Laslow’s ill, there’s no way in hell I’m going to bother him when he’s like this,” Selena gritted her teeth - Silas was pushing her buttons, he knew that. Selena was stubborn though. It’s always pulling teeth when it comes to her feelings, Silas knew how that was. “Odin is… He’s been strange since that night as well.”

“Probably just as worried as you,” Silas confessed. “And he can’t stress out Laslow with his worries because Laslow is the reason for it, and you feel the same. So I’m sure he would be the best to talk to about this with. You three are the closest, tight-knit friends I’ve seen around the army, don’t let that go Selena. I’m sure you’ll be doing each other a favor if you just _talk_ to him.” Then he shrugged, “He’s a little odd, and I don’t know what he’s saying a lot of the time, but recently he’s been talking plainly and that worries _me_ , so I’m sure you’re just as concerned about him if not more. Talk to him, I’m sure that’ll make things better.”

“I know that,” the red head responded stubbornly, but Silas wasn’t so sure she was confident in that.

“If you do,” Silas smirked, “Why are you here?”

“Why do you keep asking me that?” Selena snapped. “I told you—”

“I think we just clearly stated that Odin would be better for that conversation than me. Hell, _Kaze_ would be better to talk to than me about Laslow, he’s around him practically all the time,” Silas folded his arms. “And I know for sure I’m not your friend like that.”

Selena huffed and Silas half expected her to just up and leave. He was certain that he had annoyed her enough, though unintentionally. Really, he just wanted her to be honest. It wasn’t like Selena _lied_ , she just never told the whole truth for whatever reason. Personal or not, Silas didn’t want her to overwhelm herself with her own bottled up feelings. Maybe it was misplaced concern and she had everything underwraps, but really you never know with anyone in this army. Especially a particular trio that consisted of one getting controlled by Anankos, another that had become scarily serious and one that did not know how to communicate about feelings very well. Yes, Silas felt as if he had a right to be concerned about all three of them whether they liked it or not.

“Are you afraid of him?” came the question.

“No,” it was immediate. Despite the fact that he was the one who had been attacked by an Anankos-controlled Laslow, he was not afraid.

“What are we going to do?”

And Silas loathed that question and he didn’t know why people kept asking him that because he had no answer. He didn’t know. Never really would probably. He knew nothing about the situation, no more than any other average soldier. In fact, he was one hundred percent sure Selena knew more than him.

“I’m the wrong person to ask,” he confessed quietly as he beckoned for her to come out of the tent with him.

“Is there a right person to ask?”

Silas bit his lip. He didn’t know.

Instead, he replied, “Certainly. We just haven’t found them yet. Or they’re right in front of our faces and we just don’t know it yet.” Quite frankly, he thought it was the trio of mysterious retainers, but now he wasn’t even sure about that.

Selena hummed.

“Laslow has dreams,” Silas blurted out. “Did he tell you about them?” She shook her head. When was the last time she spoke to him? That can’t be healthy for either of the two. For all he knew, Laslow could have thought that Selena wanted nothing to do with him. “You should talk to him, but that’s besides the point,” he added quickly when he saw her open her mouth to snap at him. “He said that they feel like visions. Like Anankos is trying to show him what his plans are for us. What will happen to us. He’s not sure though, they may just be nightmares to scare him and make him paranoid.” The retainer bit her lip as she followed him out of the tent. “I’m hoping for the latter.”

“Me too,” Selena shivered slightly. “I don’t know if I want to know what he’s seen.”

Me too, Silas thought.

“He may need someone to listen though,” he said instead. A part of him had a feeling that it might be him listening in the end, but he tried not to dwell on that thought. “It’s probably eating him up inside.”

“You’re right.”

Sometimes he hated being right.  

“Sorry for today, I really just… I don’t even know what we talked about,” Selena admitted.

“We went in circles and I learned nothing about you,” Silas shrugged.

Selena smirked, “That’s just as well.”

“Keep your mysteries,” Silas returned the expression feeling better that he at least got something besides a frown on her face.

They didn’t really talk about anything. A lot of it was just Silas trying to get Selena to talk about her feelings to someone she really trusted. Odin and Laslow being the main two, but he could only do so much if she was going to be so stubborn. Partially, it was just because Silas was selfish and wanted to give himself space and time to _breathe_. Not that he wouldn’t have listened to Selena if he thought she desperately needed that, but Prince Ryoma had really been stressing the whole “self-care” aspect for a while. Silas supposed that he should probably start listening some of the time.

Not that he had ever been great at listening given his track record, banishment included. Apparently, his dreams agreed with him, so that was just as well.

“When are you next watching Laslow?” Selena asked him randomly cutting into the silence.

“Whenever Odin gets tired of it or has some other designated tasks, I guess,” Silas shrugged. “There’s no real schedule, just whoever can and whoever is up for it.” He chanced a glance at her, “Do you ever… take watch, escort whatever?”

A long pause. Maybe they had moved beyond that question and Selena was tired of being interrogated by Silas - not that he had any intentions on questioning her so relentlessly.

“I did,” she said slowly. “I think you, Peri, Odin, and Kaze were all given individual tasks that day and so Laslow was largely on his own. It was less an escort and more just making sure he didn’t do anything stupid because without Kaze—” the retainer shook her head and swallowed. “I watched over him, we talked for a bit, but he was so _unnaturally_ quiet - I - I don’t know how to deal with a Laslow that isn’t talking about girls that rejected him, or complaining about tasks given to him by Lord Xander, or just… just… even just flirting with me! Gods, I would’ve taken anything than that silence.”

Silas swallowed thickly because he wasn’t expecting such an elaborate response. A short “no” or “yes” and then they would carry on. When he looked at Selena, he noticed she was trembling. This was a mistake. If he knew he was going to get that type of response from other, he would’ve kept talking in the tent.

“Selena—”

“I’m fine,” she sniffed and the familiar frown settled on her face. A brave face, a mask - Silas was familiar with those things.

“Sorry,” the apology came immediately, he wasn’t sure why and evidently Selena didn’t either. Maybe it was because of all the terrible things that had happened to her - or all of them, maybe it was for her best friend who was a shadow of his former self, or maybe it’s for the fact that he couldn’t help her. Silas, by no means, was a fixer, but he was used to having someone expel all their worries onto him, giving them some sort of advice or comfort, and they would move forward and be better as if they were never having any problems - or they could at least fake it.

Battle fatigue was common, he helped them through that. No solution, but talking through things can ease it he realized.

Missing family and friends was usual, he could talk them through that - forced optimism made it easy.

The worries of a possessed friend who evidently had intentions of harming himself was not a specialty for Silas. No, that was the last thing on his list that he thought he would have to worry about. Yet, young Silas could not have predicted that he would be in this war right now and be surviving it.

So really, he was at a loss for words constantly and that was never a good feeling. Though, he didn’t know if Selena wanted any of his comforts, they weren’t offering much and definitely were probably less help than anything else.

Yet, “sorry” got stuck in his throat and forced its way out without a single drop of remorse leaving the air thick because that shouldn’t have been such an innate response, but it was and it was out there for them both to consider in their own ways.

Silas was apologetic for many things in his life - there was never one particular thing he could pinpoint that he was more apologetic for than others.

“It’s not on you,” Selena responded after a silence that lasted too long lingered between them. “Us three, we’re at fault. We slacked off, it’s on us.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means we weren’t thinking ahead enough of what it would mean when we got _here_ ,” she sniffed again. “We didn’t think it would _happen_.” Before he could ask anymore questions, she flipped her hair, straightened up, and stopped walking. “Catch you later Silas. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

But he didn’t know what he was being thanked for.

He had a lot more questions. What was “it?” Did she mean both sides joining together? Coming to Valla? Anankos? Laslow being a victim? He didn’t think she was going to tolerate anymore questions. The stubborn redhead seemed to have returned along with her snarky attitude which typically meant she got irritated more easily.

Silas left and returned to his quarters. Only later would he remember he forgot that he had planned on sparring with Prince Xander if only because that was really the only time they talked during normal hours of the day. It was a segue to other conversations and normally Silas looked forward to them.

At the moment, he felt hollow. He would forget to apologize to the prince and that in itself was probably a mistake he would never hear the end of.

Too much happening in too little time with too little solutions and too many mysteries.

Silas loathed everything about the damn war. He wasn’t even sure if he could have even called it a war at the moment because what the hell were they doing anymore?

He stared straight ahead on his horse Cain. Oddly quiet as he heard someone beside him comment. It was a voice he recognized - it sounded like Princess Elise, her voice was distinctive because she was pretty evidently the youngest on the battlefield besides Princess Sakura, but she was quiet enough that he wasn’t sure he would have heard her if she spoke. Silas decided that responding wasn’t worth it. He was _tired_. Though, that was probably selfish, he was certain others were tired too and he had no right to be rude to others because he was just as physically and mentally exhausted as any other soldier fighting the war. He wasn’t a prince with the weight of their kingdom on their shoulders.

He was a knight who got caught up in a whole lot of confusion.

“Silas,” Corrin had called him later on. “You’re really out of it today. How much sleep have you gotten?”

“Enough, I’m sure,” though he wasn’t really keeping track of when he fell asleep.

“You’re sure?” Corrin barked a laugh. “Well you don’t sound it my friend. Go get some sleep, I can take care of your duties. Plus, you need to let these injuries heal.”

_Injuries?_

When the hell did he get those?

“Uh,” Corrin stuttered apparently caught off guard. Had he said that out loud? “You don’t remember the fight? We got in a battle not too long ago? You don’t remember that?” He only shook his head. “Silas,” Corrin said firmly. “Sleep. Now.”

“Corrin—”

“ _Now._ ”

Silas listened because he felt too weak to argue. He slept. There were dreams he vaguely remembered, if only certain words and phrases that made him wince because they were all too familiar and painful. Others such as dreams of his mother treating him to her cookies when she felt up to baking or playing with Corrin at the Fortress. Others were more vague and confusing. Dreams of a voice he had never heard of warning him not to get comfortable, not to think anyone was safe.

Red eyes. Familiar like Laslow’s - but they weren’t.

That made him wake up in a cold sweat, breathing hard, eyes wide.

He let out a silent scream into his sheets.

“How are you feeling?” Corrin asked him immediately after he had dressed himself and realized he slept through the more than half of the day.

“Better,” he replied with a smile to encourage him. “Why didn’t you wake me? Are we marching?”

“No,” Corrin shook his head. “You needed the rest too. You don’t know how miserable you look when you don’t get enough sleep Silas.”

The knight only hummed.

“I mean it,” Corrin huffed. “Sleep is good. Especially for you. You don’t even realize when we’re fighting Silas.”

“I—” he paused, rethought his argument, “Yesterday was an exception Corrin. I had a lot on my mind—”

“When don’t you?”

Fair.

“Sorry Corrin,” he settled on because saying anything else usually got him in trouble.

His childhood friend quirked an eyebrow at him and gave him a half smirk that looked a touch sad. Gently, he placed a hand on Silas’s shoulder.

“Don’t be,” he said simply. “Just take care of yourself, that’s all we ask for.”

“We?”

“Yeah, we,” Shaking his head, he barreled forward, “Elise and Sakura? You know, they are often checking in on you.”

“Sure, but I feel like you’re leaving something out.”

With a reluctant sigh, Corrin looked at Silas with a look of worry, “You didn’t exactly make it back to your room, but I don’t think you remember that. I, uh, got some help to carry you to your room. Then, Sakura and Elise came to check on you. Your wound was worse than I thought, so we, uh, kind of had a scare last night.”

“A scare?” suddenly, he was very confused.

“I made the mistake of thinking I could treat you on my own so as to not bother the clerics because we had a lot of people with some pretty bad wounds,” the guilt was taking over Corrin’s face, and Silas fought the urge to tell Corrin it wasn’t his fault. “I thought yours was pretty minor. Then, you passed out on your way to your room because apparently there was a wound I missed and you were bleeding a lot. I guess you opened it more when you tried to go back to your room.”

Oh.

“Who helped me?”

That detail was skipped over once more.

“Oh, uh, Xander of course.”

“Why ‘of course’?”

Corrin frowned, really frowned, “You were talking to him before you passed out, remember?”

No. He’s pretty sure he made it clear that he remembered very little about yesterday’s previous events if only because the amount of healing staves and wounds he suffered. Maybe he had a concussion as well.

“Did I say something weird?”

“You were out of your mind,” Corrin answered calmly, but he heard the hint of a laugh, saw a quirk of the lips. “Delirious with pain, I’m sure. Nothing really made sense. Xander didn’t seem bothered. In fact, he seemed used to it, which is concerning within itself, but I’ll ask about that another day.”

“Great.” Silas hoped Corrin would forget about that.

Corrin did laugh that time and the sound was pleasant, welcoming even. The sound rang and Silas let it in the silence because there was nothing more to say. He had his fair share of scaring people and blocking things out, so really, he should probably just get his thoughts together so he wasn’t so much of a mess when he spoke to others. At this point, Princes Xander and Prince Ryoma along with the two youngest princesses were well accustomed to Silas’s inability to properly maintain himself. He should have known that they would be be keeping a close eye on him.

Just as they were Laslow as well.

That thought made him uncomfortable because it wasn’t like he was possessed by Anankos. At least, not that he knew of. He tabled that thought. Nothing like that would be pleasant to dwell on.

“We need a plan,” Prince Ryoma said firmly. “We’re walking aimlessly. We need to know everything you know, Azura, Odin, Selena, anything and everything.” His eyes darted towards Xander, before returning his attention to the trio, “With one of you down, we’re relying on you three to not lead us astray in such trying times.”

“To be honest,” Azura began and all attention was thrown to her, lips sealed because Azura rarely spoke during these meetings. “I am in as much of the dark as you all - and I know that is not a comforting thought. However, Anankos controlling one of us was never anticipated. How far is his reach? How strong will it be?”

“How strong can it be?” Prince Leo asked.

The bluenette cleared her throat and looked hesitant for a moment, “You will die, and simply become a vessel for his power.”

It didn’t pass Silas’s sight the way Xander’s shoulders tensed, his expression pinched slightly. He couldn’t imagine what was going through his mind. Laslow - his retainer - was a victim of this. Potentially, he could be nothing more than a vessel for Anankos.

“For now he has relative control,” Azura continued on. “For how long? I don’t know.”

The silence in the room was deafening, The tension was thick and the _fear_ had finally settled in. Would they drop one by one as he weaseled his way through camp? Would they become Ananakos’s slaves and fueling this war on the living?

“Do you know many who have fallen to this before?” Corrin asked.

“One most notable,” Azura paused glancing at the Nohrian siblings before taking a deep breath. “King Garon has long since been—”

The sharp gasp that came from Elise cut Azura off. All eyes darted to the little princess who’s eyes were wide and obviously on the verge of tears. Lady Camilla moved closer to her looking equally as attacked as Elise did - maybe even a hint of anger in her eyes.

“You dare accuse our father of this?” Leo asked scowling. For whatever reason though, Silas thought it wavered. There was a faltering in his anger, his aggression. A hint of admission.

He knew. He must have had at least an idea.

“It’s not an accusation,” Azura began.

“Azura, why would you think that?” Elise asked voice shaking with emotion. “I know… I know that he was… he wasn’t always kind, but…” she sniffed, “he was my father, that doesn’t mean he was possessed.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s dead,” Leo added. “He was - _is_ very much alive.”

Closing her eyes, Azura shook her head. She had a patience Silas didn’t think he could match in this situation. It was too stressful. He probably would have snapped. His eyes looked to Xander who had remained silent through this ordeal so far.

“I don’t mean to offend,” Azura said by way of an apology. “But _acting_ alive and _being_ alive are two different things. You saw your father, he’s changed, hasn’t he?”

“People change with time,” Leo argued back. “He was older, tired—”

“Started a war and killed an old friend and for what?” Takumi jumped in, a bitterness there that lingered from all the things Nohr had done. “Maybe she’s right. Maybe your father is just a vessel for Anankos. We can’t rule _anything_ out now.”

“Takumi…!” there was the hurt - the look of betrayal in Leo’s eyes that made the situation so much worse. They were getting along. Silas had seen them talking together casually - dare he say it, they were friends.

And now this.

“I’m just saying,” Takumi shrugged. “Maybe it’ll explain why he’s so—”

“Don’t be like that Takumi!” Elise yelled at him.

“Let’s face it,” Hinoka jumped in and gods, Silas thought they were getting somewhere between Nohr and Hoshido. Why did this feel like backtracking?  “Your father, for _no_ reason, killed ours and started this war. Why don’t you want an excuse for why he’s done all these terrible things? Why are you still defending him after all this time?”

“Yeah,” Takumi folded his arms. “This seems like a perfect excuse for you to run with as to why he’s done all the crap he’s done.”

Elise’s lip trembled. Silas looked to Corrin who was looking on at this in horror. He had heard Corrin multiple times stutter to try to speak and stop this, but every time he was spoken over.

“Hinoka, Takumi,” Ryoma said with warning in his voice.

“You all—”

“He stole Corrin from us and he doesn’t even remember us now!” Hinoka shouted interrupting whatever Camilla was about to say. “Take the damn excuse we’re giving you!” The movement beside Silas ended abruptly. Corrin froze at suddenly being thrown into the argument like that - being used as leverage against someone else, his siblings. All of them were his siblings, but for whatever reason his kidnapping was always brought back up.

Silas gripped Corrin’s arm gently not only to let him know that it was okay, but to also keep him from running out of the tent.

His memories were always brought back up. The one part of himself that Corrin hated. Not being able to remember the people important to him. Having them bring up memories that he would never recall because Nohr tore those away from him.

“Enough,” Xander finally spoke. “We—” the sound of the tent flaps being rushed through sounded and no one really had to look to know that it was Elise running away. With a stuttered apology, Sakura followed after her followed by a soft, “Elise, wait!” Camilla looked at the ground, but he could see her anger.

Xander pinched the bridge of his nose, released a tired sigh, and with weak finality said, “We’ll talk later,” before walking out himself ushering Camilla with him.

“Prince Xander,” Ryoma said softly looking at the man leave the tent silently. He looked around the tent with enough force that it was an obvious sign that they needed to clear. Everyone besides his siblings of course, and they knew to stay.

“Corrin, we’ll talk later,” Ryoma promised reserving a soft smile for him. Corrin nodded, but he had a faraway look in his eyes. Silas walked alongside Corrin for a while before Corrin requested that Silas give him space. He respected that.

So he returned to his own quarters silently. Things were going downhill and he couldn’t help but wonder if this was the influence of Anankos stoking the flames for a fight between the two nations once more and resulting in them losing the real fight. He hoped everyone would get it together and not get so distracted, but he couldn’t be sure of what to think and didn’t know if they ever would.

It was safe to say that he was afraid.

The interactions between the royal families, or rather the lack thereof, made Silas anxious. Breathing felt difficult in the presence of Prince Leo or Prince Takumi - he feared they would snap his neck they looked so aggravated. Saying anything to Elise felt wrong because she just looked so betrayed.

 _“We had a tea party together and this is how they treat us? I thought we were friends!_ ”

That hurt.

Sakura tried to cheer her up but she looked defeated as well.

Lady Camilla had a plastic smile that meant she was ready to kill anyone who made any of her siblings cry.

Princess Hinoka looked pissed and training was harsh for those who were under her wings.

Yet, Xander and Ryoma carried themselves as usual, if not with more exhaustion in their shoulders. For Xander, it looked like he had boulders on them, he looked tired, worn, and the occasional uncertainty flickered across his face when you caught him in the moment. He overheard Ryoma apologizing to him time and time again for that meeting, Xander brushed it off too tired to hold a grudge, too tired not believe Azura, especially when his retainer was not well and evidently on a path that could mean he could die if they didn’t do anything soon.

A part of Silas wondered if Xander knew about his father. He seemed the least surprised about the revelation from Azura, but that could have just been him keeping his composure in front of his siblings and the rest of the council.

Silas wanted to ask, he really did. How he was holding up, if he was okay, what he thought. The knight was sure, however, that Ryoma had already taken care of that for him though. The last thing the Prince of Nohr wanted was to be questioned repeatedly about the same thing. It would probably irritate him.

“I don’t know why you would think that, Silas,” Ryoma said incredulously when Silas voiced his concerns and reasoning for not actually asking him. “I’m sure the prince would be actually quite relieved that you care enough to ask him. Most are too afraid to talk to him, you see? If you talk to him and ask about how he’s doing, I’m sure he’d be grateful, if only because you care. He may not give you an answer, but it’s nice to hear that someone cares that isn’t just your siblings, no?”

“Yes, well…” the younger man stuttered. “I don’t know, do I just knock on his doors and… ask him? Do I ask him to spar?”

“You and Xander and your spars,” Ryoma rolled his eyes fondly. “Do you ever initiate conversations without sparring first?”

“We did one night recently. He couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t sleep, we were both outside,” Silas shrugged. “He usually approaches me though. I don’t usually initiate these types of interactions.”

“Do it,” Ryoma winked as he forced Silas into checkmate once more.

“I—” Silas groaned. “Fine, since I don’t seem to be getting any better at this.”

Ryoma chuckled, a warm sound, “I promise you, the more you practice, the better you will get at Shogi.” He nodded towards the exit, “Go on. We can try this again at another time.”

“Have you talked to Corrin?” Silas asked as he made his way over.

“Yes,” his smile faded. “He took the words hard. Things will get better.”

Silas wondered where he got his hope from. With a nod and a wave, Silas made his way to where Xander was staying in Corrin’s Castle. It was weird how they had this place to rest up as well whenever they needed a break from the battlefield. Silas never quite understood the mechanics of this transportation and the ability to go from here, to the war zone, to back home and other villages, but it’s convenient and safe as far as he knows. He’ll have to ask one day.

Because he knew that if he made the decision to ask now, he would deter himself from talking to Xander and no matter the distraction, he figured he would return the favor that the Nohrian Prince had shown him so many times. He tried to build up his enthusiasm for visiting Xander and give himself motivation, but his footsteps grew heavier with dread as he made his way closer.

He wasn’t backing down. He wasn’t backing down. He wasn’t backing down.

He knocked, once, twice, three times. He heard shuffling on the other side of the door. Papers, Silas figured. He was busying himself with busy work. Thinking back on it, Ryoma probably had some to do as well and Silas was distracting him with his desperate desire to understand and be at least _decent_ at Shogi.

“Who is it?” Silas heard the low rumble of Xander’s voice come through the door.

“Silas, milord.”

“Well, don’t be a stranger, come in,” Xander replied. Upon Silas opening the door, Xander was staring at him with an odd expression, “Do you need something? Are you feeling okay?”

Silas laughed lightly, “I suppose I should be more mindful of my health if the first thing you ask of me is if I’m okay.”

“ _Please_ ,” it almost sounded like the prince was begging and that made him very uncomfortable. The soon to be king of Nohr should not be begging Silas to do such a miniscule thing. “You are, more often than not, _not_ treating yourself right.”

“I’ll work on that,” Silas cleared his throat and hopefully clearing some of his discomfort. “I don’t really need anything, I just… I wanted to check in on _you_ . See if _you_ were okay, milord.”

Something twisted in Xander’s expression and belatedly realized it was a hint of shock, before returning to something cold and suspicious. “Who put you up to this? Was it Camilla? Elise? Leo? Ryoma even?”

Silas wasn’t sure _why_ it mattered if someone made him come up here to check on him. Had he been avoiding them? It didn’t sound right considering their father was just attacked and it seemed they would want to band together on that.

“I wanted to come here myself, Lord Xander,” Silas frowned. “I will admit though, that I was hesitant to do so and Prince Ryoma convinced me.” Shaking his head, the younger man continued, “But I will fully admit to wanting to come and check on you myself, I just did not know if I should in fear of bothering you.” Then a pause for a response. Evidently, Xander didn’t believe him, or he wanted him out. He was staring Silas down and the knight hated being under this scrutiny. It made him uncomfortable, he felt like a specimen - a test subject. Looking to the side, Silas coughed.

“But perhaps I am bothering you, my apologies for disturbing you,” turning on his heels he made movement to leave. He figured this was a bad idea. Xander didn’t want him here. He was busy. Silas was  in the—

“Wait,” Xander said suddenly. “Wait, gods, Silas I’m sorry, wait.” And he had never heard Xander sound so absolutely lost with a hint of something broken. There was a slight hesitance in the knight’s next actions, but he did halt in steps and turn back to face Xander who was furiously rubbing his eyes.

“When was the last time you slept, milord?” came the gentle question tinged with concern.

Xander looked up tiredly, “Last night, but it was not a restful one I fear.”

“Believe you me,” Silas gave a weary chuckle, “I’m no stranger to those myself. I understand.”

“It’s a shame that you are, being so young.”

“Might I remind you that you are only a few years older than me yourself.”

At that, Xander did crack a smile, “I suppose you are right. At times, I feel much older than I am.”

“I’m sure that comes with the burden, of a prince and a war,” Silas supplied softly feeling at ease once more.

The prince hummed, “You came to ask of me and my health? Well, there you have it.”

“I came to ask how you are feeling, mentally and physically,” Silas clarified. “I know, ever since that meeting, you’ve been… distant. I was worried.”

“I appreciate that…” Xander’s expression softened. ”In truth, I’m not quite sure, I… the revelation about what could potentially happen to Laslow, no, all of us I guess is a little overwhelming.”

Silas didn’t miss the fact that he skipped over the talk of his father. That would be tabled for later, he figured. A too deep talk for them at the moment. Silas respected that. If it took him a week to get Xander to fully open up, then Silas would be there the whole week.

“I as well, you are not alone in this no matter if you think as such.”

“I know,” Xander nodded then looked Silas in the eyes. “I know, I thank you for your support in times like these.”

“I’ve done nothing—”

“You came to check on me didn’t you? Without my siblings or Ryoma asking you to do so,” Xander really looked worn. “That’s something no one does besides my retainers, but their job is to do that.”

“Well,” Silas scratched the back of his head. “Putting it that way, I suppose yes. It’s not much.”

“Sometimes just talking to someone, even if they don’t understand helps, I don’t do it often, but I feel as if I can with you,” Xander laughed. “Odd, but the truth.”

“Is it because I’m just as much of a mess if not worse when it comes to handling stress?” Silas teased trying not to let the compliment get to his head.

A small laugh escaped Xander’s lips and his eyes were brighter, “Well perhaps. Though I do implore you to take care of yourself, friend.” Silas’s smiled widened and for whatever reason, it seemed as if Xander’s grew as well. Silas felt younger again. As if he was a child that had told a joke to make Xander laugh - feeling a pride swell up in his chest that he had made the somber prince of Nohr _laugh_. Yes, the feeling was familiar.

“I’m assuming that you really want to hear my opinion on my father though,” Xander brought the mood down. He should have known that it wouldn’t have lasted.

“We don’t have to talk about it now,” Silas reassured him. “Whenever you want.”

“I—”

“Really, Xander,” the knight wanted to bite his tongue until he couldn’t feel it after the name slipped from his mouth. “I’m really just here to be a friend. Do things at your own pace.”

“Normally, I’d be irritated that you cut me off,” Xander smirked. “But I probably would have said something unintelligent and regretted it.”

“You? Unintelligent? I don’t think those words go together milord,” a part of Silas thought he might be selfish for not wanting to hear about Garon. Another part thinks he’s doing Xander a favor.

Xander laughed once more, an unfamiliar sound that was pleasant to the ears, “Flattery gets you nowhere, Silas. Surely you have been taught that.”

“Now we know that some just eat it up, it obviously got me _somewhere_ ,” Silas winked. That was a Laslow move. Gods, he had spent too much time with Laslow over the recent days.

“Oh? Do tell?” Xander quirked an eyebrow.

“I’d rather keep my secrets, apologies, milord.”

“Laslow is rubbing off on you I see,” Silas shouldn’t haven’t been surprised that Xander noticed. “It’s nice to not see you as somber, and perhaps that means you and Laslow are good together.”

“Yeah,” Silas nodded. “I try to be a friend when I can.”

“Thank you, Silas,” Xander nodded. “Not just just for him, but for me as well. I know I’m stubborn, but I appreciate this.”

“Anytime.”

And Silas meant that. He would, at anytime, stop and talk to Xander if he needed it. Silas would gladly do it. If only for him, he would. Quite frankly, they would never really broach the conversation that Silas hoped to reach, the one where it got to feelings and stuff, but he knew he actively avoided it as well. It made him uncomfortable and oddly vulnerable talking about such things with him and maybe Xander felt the same way. Eventually, though, Silas would share his own and maybe Xander would share his as well - if only because they trusted each other.

“Have you ever wondered if one of our soldiers have been taken over by Anankos?” Silas shifted in his seated. At this point, he was pretty much lounging in it, posture be damned, stiff noble manners had been lost as the conversation proceeded.

Xander nodded shortly, “Quite frequently actually.” His gaze shifted towards the window. The sun was setting and it was beautiful. His eyes traced the clouds not really able to focus on much else. It did, however, put into perspective how long he had been here. “There’s no way for us to keep track of everyone here. Even with check ins, nobody has shown obvious signs of being possessed like Laslow did.”

Tiredly, Silas sighed, “If we knew, what would we do? There’s no way to know what Anankos could be gathering through their sense and what if they’re already dead and we just don’t know it?” Azura’s words ran through his head once more. _Looking alive isn’t the same as being alive._ Obviously, there was a clear distinction, but for how long had they fallen to that trickery nonetheless?

“I do wonder if killing them would be a mercy,” Xander confessed after a moment. “Laslow is obviously in pain—”

“You can’t plan on killing him,” Silas gasped.

“Gods no,” Xander let out a low groan but it was tinged with fondness. “Silas, I don’t know how you came to that conclusion.”

“Sorry, I think I’m tired,” Silas apologized with a lopsided smile.

“Don’t let me keep you.”

“Pretty sure I’m the one who’s supposed to be saying that seeing as,” Silas waved his hand at the prince’s desk, “yeah.”

“None of it is urgent,” Xander confessed. “Seeing as we are in a war with no apparent end in sight.” Before Silas could even begin to think of a logical refutation, the prince kept going, “But on the topic of possessed soldiers, I don’t have a solution for them, but if we end up having to fight our own men, well… that’s what we will have to do.”

Silas swallowed, “Milord… We’ll conquer this.”

“We’ll conquer this,” Xander repeated smiling at the younger man. “I appreciate your optimism, Silas. I think we could use a little more of that around here. I’m not doing so well on that note.”

The knight returned the expression stretching a little, his back cracking as he let out a low groan, “You’ve got a lot on your shoulders. No one can expect you to always be optimistic.”

“The same goes for you,” there was a hint of concern in the prince’s smile as he heard the sounds coming from Silas’s back. “Is it not the prince’s job to inspire his people and give them something to look to?”

“It’s not your only one,” the younger man’s expression softened. “You have a lot going on, like I said. And well, if you need a reminder, I’ll give you one - to smile more because you do always look imposing.”

The blond chuckled softly before sighing and propping his head up on his hand, “Yes, well, I appreciate the offer.”

Xander watched the sunset and said something about how beautiful it was that particular day. Silas was too busy watching how the light shone on Xander to care anymore. They settled into a peaceful silence, a comfortable one that Silas realized they often found themselves in whenever they spoke. Eventually, the knight realized that the prince had shifted his gaze to meet Silas’s and a peaceful smile was on Xander’s face.

“We’ll conquer this.” There was hope in the prince’s voice. Something that seemed lost after the events of the previous meeting.

“I suppose we just have to re-mend our relationship with the Hoshidan Royal Siblings,” he added afterwards before Silas could comment.

“It’ll work out,” Silas encouraged him.

“Thank you for listening to me, Silas,” Xander thanked him once more. “Know that I offer the same to you.”

All the knight could do was nod, because he had said that he would to Ryoma - he made that promise. _Soon_ , he promised himself.

The knight bid the prince a good night, upon realizing that he had drifted off several times with Xander not bothering to wake him.

Silas’s rest was dreamless besides the prevalent unknown voice and red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow updates haha. This one takes me a while because I want to get it right, but I'm trying to figure out a proper pace. Things are moving like a slug right now, but I promise things will pick up soon. Maybe in the next chapter? Haha, we'll see. But I'm having fun with this AU. Thank you for sticking with me if you are!
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos and tell me what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

_“Why do I have to go mother?” the young boy asked, eyes downcast, glossy with unshed tears._

_“You’ve been requested by King Garon himself, Silas,” his mother said firmly, a frown on her face the boy assumed resulted from his disinterest. “It’s an honor.”_

_Silas pouted, “But why_ me _? I’m nothing special. I haven’t even heard of this “Corrin” before. I didn’t ask for this, did you?”_

_The frustration was building in his mother’s eyes and for a second he thought he might get a slap for being so disrespectful. He was being ungrateful. The king was gracing him with a chance to meet this unknown prince of Nohr and be his official “playmate” but it felt forced and unnatural to Silas. There was a sense of dread in his stomach. At eight years old, Silas wanted nothing more than to remain in the confines of his bedroom and read. Maybe even play outside with the dog he found the other day._

_Yet, his mother sighed a pitying sound that was worse than the slaps, “Silas, you’re only eight and you need to get out more. You need more friends. This is for you more than it is for me.”_

_That was a lie no doubt. Sure, perhaps his mother was looking out for him because Silas was shy and quiet, and lonelier than many kids his age. Though, Silas couldn’t see how this wasn’t something his mother was plotting to be in the good favor of the king. He remembered when they got the letter, his mother was gloating, shining brighter than the child had seen her in years. The boy remembered how she hurriedly told his father about the opportunity for Silas to finally do more than just sit around as a noble boy._

_He should be friendly with the royal family._

_Not because he'll have more friends, but because it will put his family in favor of the king._

_Silas wasn't dumb - his mother and all the tutors she hired made sure of that. His father ingrained it into his brain that he needed to be able to defend himself so the sword was probably the first thing he ever held onto. Or maybe it was a book. Books were nice. They always kept him company when his father wasn't around._

_Regardless, Silas shook his head as his mother urged him forward a firm hand placed on his back. This was for her, he reasoned. If he wanted her to be proud of him, then he needed to do this right._

_His feet were dragging and multiple times he planted them so hard on the ground that his mother nearly tripped over him. The scowl on her face frightened him into moving again, if only because he didn’t feel like being mortified in front of the royal servants by being scolded by his mother for being a brat._

_“Mother…” he whimpered._

_“Move Silas,” she glared at the young boy. “If you make me carry you, there will be consequences.”_

_In the corner of his eye, he noticed someone in the shadows peering at them. Silas swallowed because he couldn’t make out who or what it was that was staring back at him so intently._

_“Silas!” his mother raised her voice and Silas jumped._

_“Yes ma’am,” Silas bowed and moved onward forgetting the shadow he once saw because he probably was never to see them again._

_“Knock,” came the order. Silas swallowed and lightly tapped on the door. The hand on his shoulder tightened and he felt the nails digging into his shoulder. “I said knock, son.” He did. Too hard he’s sure because it was loud in his ears making him want to hide. He shrugged his shoulders and his mother must have thought it was Silas’s way of saying he was ready, but really it was to ease the discomfort from her nails._

_The door swung open after a short muffled, “Lord Corrin!”_

_And in front of his was a young boy, evidently his age with a wide grin too bright for Silas that he wanted to look away. There was so much energy radiating off of the other child that Silas already felt overwhelmed. His throat felt clogged and for a second he thought he was going to suffocate. Silas couldn’t do this. He couldn’t. That was his conclusion._

_An older man appeared behind the young boy shaking his head, but the boy in front of him, "Lord Corrin" he assumed, was still beaming. A hand shot in front of Silas and said boy flinched. He would have stepped backward had his mother not been holding him so tightly. There was definitely going to be some bruising there later._

_“Hi!” Lord- Prince Corrin exclaimed - energy vibrating off of him Silas could hear it all too well. “I’m Corrin—”_

_“My apologies my lady, he’s excited,” the older man said with a fond smile. “I am Gunter one of Lord Corrin’s retainers. You are…”_

_“Go on,” his mother urged him._

_In a quiet whisper, he uttered, “Silas.”_

_The knight hummed but it sounded disapproving and it was only by the deepening of claws in his shoulders making the young boy straighten up again as quickly as possible that made him spit out his name once more._

_“Silas, sir!” he hated this._

_“Ah, Lord Silas,” Gunter bowed. “Welcome.”_

_“Hi, Silas!” the prince cut in once more. “I’m Corrin, it’s nice to meet you!”_

_Silas didn't know if he could say the same, but to be polite he nodded and said, "It's nice to meet you as well." The eyes of his mother were boring into his soul, needles were stabbing into his back but he stared straight ahead at Prince Corrin praying that she would stop._

_“Can he come inside?” Prince Corrin asked grabbing Silas’s hand. A little panic settled in his stomach at the sudden contact, but he quelled it with the years of practice he had. Gunter nodded moving to the side and letting Corrin pull Silas inside. Gunter looked back after a moment before looking towards Silas’s mother._

_“Lady Sybil…”_

_And the door shut. There was silence after a while as Silas stared at the door where his mother left him. Then, the boy - the prince - tapped his shoulder, a smile still on his face meeting his eyes with an odd sincerity Silas wasn't entirely comfortable with. Prince Corrin's eyes were vivid red, bright and wide with excitement. He must've been really bored to be so excited to see Silas._

_“Soooo,” the prince eyed Silas curiously. “What should we do?”_

_Silas opened and closed his mouth several times before settling on silence as the best answer. Corrin didn't seem bothered as he closed his eyes and hummed. The young noble boy took that time to look around the room. It was surprisingly small - smaller than he expected for a Prince of Nohr, though that should be the least surprising thing when you think about the fact that this prince is living in a fortress instead of the main castle. That struck him as odd. He asked his mother about that. She told him she didn't know and he didn't need to know either. She was in a good mood that day he recalled. Father was home so, of course, she was. Mother always was in a better mood when Father was home and Silas loved it when he was home too because he could spend time with him._

_Silas shook his head and was about to continue his investigation of the room when the prince called out to him._

_“Hey!” he shouted clapping his hands together. “What’s your favorite hobby?”_

_Silas stuttered not expecting the question. He thought the prince had found a game to play, “Uh, uhm, reading?”_

_That came out lame and quiet, but the prince nodded nonetheless grin never fading._

_“Cool!” Prince Corrin exclaimed, “What’ are you reading right now?”_

_Silas hesitated once more, “_ Knight of the Dragon _?” Silas didn’t understand why that came out as a question, he_ knew _what the book was called. Just before coming here, the boy had been reading it._

_The prince hummed and bobbed his head from side to side as he moved his hand to his chin._

_“Never heard of it!” he proclaimed with a bout of pride that puzzled Silas. “What’s your favorite book?”_

_What was this? No one was ever interested in what book Silas read because more often than not the boys were interested in sparring more than anything. Silas loved both, but sparring was something that kept him and his father together more than anything._

_“I guess,” Silas crossed his legs and stared at his legs in thought. “Uh,_ War Between Realms? _It’s pretty good, I’ve read through it like three times now.”_

_“Wow!” Corrin gasped. “That sounds cool, I haven’t heard of that either.”_

_What had he heard of then?_

_“What do you read… Prince Corrin?” the noble boy decided to ask softly._

_“What was that?” the prince asked._

_Silas swallowed and cleared his throat, “What do you read, Prince Corrin?” In truth, he didn’t think that was much louder. Corrin confirmed that because he leaned impossibly close to Silas that the young boy had to lean back for personal space. The prince was very much invading his bubble. Silas thought for sure the prince had been taught to_ not  _do that because Silas surely was._

_“I can’t hear you,” Corrin looked up at Silas with a puzzled expression. “You were pretty quiet earlier but now I really can’t hear you. I see your mouth moving but I can’t hear anything!” Corrin sat back and folded his arms cocking his head to the side. “Can you speak up a little?”_

_Silas flushed in embarrassment from the comment. He was well aware of his tendency to speak too quietly - his mother constantly scolded him for that._

_“My apologies, Prince Corrin,” he mumbled._

_“No, it’s okay!” the prince waved his hands frantically as if that would magically make Silas’s mortification disappear. “Maybe I just need to clean my ears…”_

_“No, it’s me, my apologies, Prince Corrin,” Silas apologized again. Corrin was going to tell him it was okay again so Silas just kept going. “I was asking what you read, Prince Corrin.”_

_The prince relaxed slightly a small smile growing on his face once more. "Uhm, well boring books because my tutor tells me too." Silas could relate. "But in secret, I've been reading_ The Prince’s Destiny _.”_

_“I’ve heard of that,” Silas nodded. “I finished it a month ago.”_

_“Isn’t it so good?!” Corrin exclaimed startling Silas with sudden volume. All the boy could do was nod. Corrin was holding up the enthusiasm enough for both of them. “The prince is so cool in this story! And all the dragons and how he stands up to the mad king and saves the kingdom from under the king’s nose!”_

_Silas just nodded as the prince kept going about the book keen on just listening to him talk about the book than actually commenting on it. It was overwhelming how animated the prince could get. Multiple times he would re-enact certain parts of the book enough that it made Silas think that maybe he wanted to be a performer on the stage one day. It would suit him, he had the charisma for it. Silas stared at the prince in awe. He wished he had that much energy and enthusiasm. Maybe then his mother wouldn't always be so upset with how "soft" Silas was. No spine, his mother always told him. Maybe he could take notes from the prince._

_“Sorry, sorry,” Corrin sat down across from Silas, face flushed but the intensity still there. “I got caught up in it.”_

_Silas mumbled an “it’s fine” but Corrin didn’t hear him again._

_“What else do you do? Do you spar?”_

_“A little,” Silas replied._

_“What?” the prince was in his face again._

_“A little,” Silas repeated louder._

_Corrin hummed again, “We should try it! Not today of course. Maybe tomorrow!”_

_Tomorrow? He was coming back tomorrow?_

_“You are coming back right?” to Silas’s surprise the prince actually looked concerned. His expression soured a little the bright energy that surrounded him faded. Silas swallowed feeling a pool of guilt in his heart._

_“Yeah,” he breathed. His mother certainly would have no qualms with it._

_“Great!” and immediately the energy retaliated at full force._

_Corrin successfully managed to talk the noble boy’s ear off. Silas interjected maybe once or twice, but he never said more than a few words. That didn’t bother the prince. In fact, the prince seemed to not notice how Silas seemed to not want to talk. He bulldozed through and sometimes pulling words out of his mouth easily. More than once, Silas had to repeat himself because he was too quiet for Corrin to hear._

_The prince was very different from what Silas expected, but why was he all the way out in this fortress and not in the main castle? He wouldn’t probe on the first day, but one day, maybe he’d ask._

_When his mother came to get him, Silas was relieved. He needed to breathe. He had never been so overwhelmed by meeting someone - especially not someone his age. Corrin gave him a somber goodbye only letting him leave when Silas’s mother promised to let her son come back tomorrow and the days after. When she began talking to Gunter once more, Corrin held out his pinky._

_“Promise you’ll come back?” Corrin asked once more. Silas was sure they had gone through this multiple times._

_“Promise,” Silas hesitantly wrapped his pinky around Corrin’s. The prince didn’t notice and the smile twinkled._

_“Then just call me Corrin!”_

_No, that would not go over very well in the presence of his mother. So all he did was smile and nod._

_Exhaustion took over Silas immediately when he got home. He didn’t even have the energy to tell his mother how his day went. Not one person had ever managed to tire him out so much. So he slept like a log. Slept through dinner and didn’t wake up till the next morning begrudgingly. Sybil practically dragged him out of his bed._

_“Get up, Silas,” she demanded. “Or you’ll be late!”_

_Oh please let him be late. So late that he would just have to turn right on back around and come home._

_Of course, no gods that were listening granted him his wish. Dragging his feet once more, Silas walked with his mother to Corrin’s room. There was no shadow in the corners of the dark halls this time, so that put him at ease if only a little._

_Again, the little boy knocked._

_Again, there was a gasped “Lord Corrin!” from beyond the door._

_Again, Prince Corrin ripped the door open with the brightest of smiles and pulled the little boy in with only a quick "Hello!" to his mother. To Silas's surprise, his mother laughed, something Silas hadn't been able to do in so long. He thought his mother would have been disapproving of Corrin's behavior. Certainly, if it was him, she would be. Maybe she just couldn't show it if only to not be disrespectful to the prince._

_Silas looked inside to see a young girl with pink hair standing awkwardly in the corner of the room. Silas waved slowly. She did the same  Why was this so awkward?_

_“I’m… I’m Silas,” came the soft introduction._

_The girl across from him straightened up and bowed and before she even did it, Silas could see the disaster that was about to occur. In an instant, she successfully banged her head on the corner of the table only to knock over a tray with teacups on it as they shattered on the ground. She let out a yelp of pain and rubbed her forehead. Quickly, her attitude change when she saw the mess on the floor and began panicking with apologies spewing from her lips and she tried to clean up the mess._

_Silas didn't know whether to laugh or cry at how sad that display was and how quickly that all occurred. The boy began moving over to help but she quickly shook her head frantically._

_“No! Please, this is my fault, I will clean it!” but her cleaning job was looking just as messy as the initial incident if not worse._

_“Felicia!” another female voice popped up and Silas just felt dread. “What in the world—” A gasp broke her sentence as she laid eyes on the mess and Silas kneeling down to help pick up the glass shards. Prince Corrin followed behind her eyes wide._

_“What happened?” the prince asked slightly mortified. “Are you two okay?”_

_"Felicia" he assumed was her name nodded, "It's my fault! I accidentally knocked it off the table when I was greeting our guest! I'm sorry!"_

_The blue-haired girl who looked a lot like Felicia clicked her tongue and began moving towards the mess, "Forgive her, my lord. You needn't help, we'll clean this up."_

_“Oh,” Silas hesitated. “It’s fine, I could—”_

_“I’ve got this!” Felicia shouted with too much enthusiasm for the mess she just made._

_“As long as you’re both okay,” Corrin laughed. “These are two of my retainers, Felicia and Flora. Flora, Felicia, this is my friend Silas!”_

_“Nice to meet you,” Silas nodded politely and trying to hide the surprise of already being called Corrin’s friend. It had been a_ day _._

_It was amazing how quickly Corrin had apparently warmed up to him. Then again, it didn’t seem like Corrin got many visitors besides maybe his retainers. What about the other royal siblings of Nohr? Did they come and visit Corrin? They probably did when Silas wasn’t around. Would make sense for why Silas never saw them. He’s not sure how well he would handle such a meeting.  It was better off that he didn’t meet them._

_And much to Silas’s surprise, the two retainers didn’t disappear right away. In fact, Corrin insisted that they stay for a little while and get to know Silas. Silas didn’t want a social. This wasn’t what he was expecting. But he would admit later after he left that Felicia and Flora were a pleasant addition. They couldn’t hear Silas a lot of the time either and kept moving closer to him to hear despite his protests. Corrin would laugh, tell Felicia to back up because she got too close._

_Silas guessed it wasn’t too bad._

_It took a while for him to warm up to Corrin. Enough to call Corrin a friend despite his initial reluctance to become close with the prince._

_Later, Silas walked through the door and Corrin is holding a wooden sword out to him._

_“I said we would spar, didn’t I?” Corrin said by way of a challenge urging Silas to take the sword._

_“Well, yes,” Silas nodded. “But you said we’d do it the second day we were to meet. It’s been a while since then. I kind of thought you forgot…”_

_Corrin shook his head, “I got distracted that day, and every day after…” he grinned sheepishly. “But today is the day! Plus…” Corrin smirked mischievously, “We got another special guest. I don’t think you’ve met him yet.”_

_Oh boy._

_Oh, gods._

_Not someone else._

_“Who?” Silas dared to ask._

_“It’s a surprise!” Corrin shoved the sword into Silas’s hands. “Come on, come on. We don’t have all day.”_

_“Where are we sparring?” Silas asked as they climbed the stairs._

_And the door opened to the roof of the fortress. Silas felt his heart drop as he looked out over the rest of Nohr. They were not fighting on the roof of the fortress. He was going to fall off and splat at this rate. The second thing that made his heart fall to the ground was seeing the Crown Prince of Nohr. Silas was certain he forgot how to breathe at that very moment._

_“Silas, come on!” Corrin beckoned. “You have to come from the door to spar.”_

_No, he very much liked it at the door._

_“You can’t gawk all day,” Corrin continued._

_No, he very much could and would rather do so._

_“Silas, you shouldn’t keep big brother waiting!”_

_He shouldn’t, but he would if he didn’t think he may be beheaded if he did. If not by the Crown Prince, then Silas’s mother once she caught wind of how disrespectful he was being._

_Slowly, he made his way over, trembling slightly. The older prince stared at Silas without any shred of emotion. It was calculating and piercing. He was sizing Silas up and he was sure there was nothing to come from this._

_“So you’re the Silas I’ve heard so much about,” the Crown Prince said with a nod. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Silas.”_

_“The pleasure is all mine, Lord Xander,” Silas stuttered out, bowing and clutching his sword even tighter.  From the side, Corrin laughed. Silas flushed in embarrassment. This was terribly unexpected. Silas wasn’t prepared for meeting Prince Xander._

_“Since Silas is too busy being shocked,” Corrin continued laughing and that earned him a small smile from Prince Xander, “let’s start, big brother!”_

_"Certainly," then he looked at Silas. "You may want to move to the side, Silas. Wouldn't want you to get hurt."_

_No, that certainly wouldn’t be good, would it? Silas dragged his feet and moved to the side, but that made him nervous because now he was way too close to the edge. He tried to not visualize his own demise._

_“Ready, Xander?”_

_“Ready.”_

_And then spar was more intense than Silas was expecting. They were trading blows that made Silas really think he was going to get blown off the roof. He thought the Crown Prince might have gone easy on Corrin given the age difference, but no, it was a serious spar. Though Corrin lost multiple times, he kept getting back up and trying again. Silas was certain they had forgotten he was even there. If he left, would they notice? Corrin might not, but Prince Xander undoubtedly would. Silas couldn’t help but become mesmerized by the older prince’s fighting. It was a sight to behold if nothing else because he held himself up with a confidence that Silas definitely lacked. That was something Silas aspired to have._

_Then, suddenly, Corrin went down and didn’t get back up snapping Silas out of his staring. Silas sucked in a sharp breath at the sudden thud that made itself known in the pregnant silence._

_“Ah,” Silas stood up immediately and made his way over to his fallen friend. “Prince Corrin?” he stared down at Corrin clutching the wooden sword even tighter. Prince Xander closed the distance as well._

_“Are you alright?” Prince Xander asked._

_Corrin’s face was flushed and he was breathing hard, but managed to utter the words, “I told you to just call me Corrin, didn’t I?”_

_The young boy blushed, “I didn’t know to what extent—”_

_“Always!” Corrin sat up quickly and immediately regretted it wincing and lying back down. “I’m tired.”_

_A light chuckled came from the older prince, “I believe we can see that.”_

_“Are you tired?” Corrin asked opening one eye to look at his brother._

_“Slightly,” the older prince confessed. Corrin pouted nonetheless._

_“You didn’t even break a sweat.”_

_There was a smile, but he said nothing as he looked at Silas, “Would you like to spar?”_

_“No,” Silas said all too quickly. “I mean, uh, no Lord Xander, I politely refuse the… offer.”_

_Corrin laughed breathlessly, “Silas, you can just say no.”_

_He was pretty sure his mother would have his head if he just said no to a member of royalty, the crown prince especially._

_“Corrin, I can’t just do that,” Silas groaned which gained him a curious look from the older prince. “My mother would—”_

_“What your mother doesn’t know won’t kill you,” Corrin sat up slower this time with a mischievous grin. “I won’t tell a soul.”_

_You don’t know her or her connections._

_“I’ll stick to what I’m told,” Silas said apologetically. “All those etiquette books and tutoring has to be used one way or another.”_

_“If that makes you happy,” Corrin shrugged._

_Not quite, but it keeps her happy so he guessed he would be happy._

_“Try it,” Corrin said. “One spar!”_

_“But…” Silas tried hard not to show just_ how _reluctant he was to spar against Prince Xander. It would not end well for sure. He hadn’t practiced much since his sparring tutor became ill and his father was away giving him ample reason to_ not _practice. His mother didn’t know that though._

_“One!” Corrin began to push himself off to the side of the fortress to be out of the way. “It’ll be great! Xander is amazing.”_

_Hence, why Silas didn’t want to do it._

_But there he was, standing before Prince Xander, future king, holding a wooden sword. A blow from the prince’s wooden sword would certainly feel all too real he was certain. Corrin was way too excited in the background for what was going to be an embarrassing display of how terrible he was at this._

_Why was Prince Xander his first opponent? He thought he was going to be fighting Corrin._

_“You don’t have to,” Prince Xander spoke up. “You and Corrin can go back in.”_

_Bless him, Prince Xander was giving him a way out._

_And Silas would’ve agreed had Corrin not started whining in the background._

_“Corrin,” Prince Xander said firmly. “You can’t force him to.”_

_Corrin pouted and Silas sighed apologetically._

_“Sorry, Corrin,” he said softly._

_“It’s fine,” Corrin said defeatedly, then, “Another day!”_

_Silas didn’t know how he managed to shift moods so quickly._

_“Xander, you should stop by more often!” Corrin said as they walked back inside. “It gets lonely here.”_

_Silas saw something crumble in Prince Xander’s expression. A look of sorrow and guilt. Gently, he patted Corrin on the head with a softer expression than Silas had seen on him the whole day._

_“I’m sorry Little Prince,” came the apology and the unexpected nickname. “I’ll try.”_

_“I know,” Corrin nodded somberly. “Make sure to stop by while Silas is here too!”_

_“I’ll try,” he repeated._

_And it was sad hearing that because this fortress did seem lonely. How often did his siblings visit, Silas wondered. Corrin didn't talk about it much. It seemed that the prince tried to avoid talking about that as much as possible. Silas decided that he would try to be the best friend possible for Corrin. Because Corrin never stopped trying to be Silas's friend._

_From that point, Silas didn’t struggle to get out of bed, if only to make sure Corrin wasn’t lonely in the fortress. Inevitably, Silas began to meet some of the royal siblings that also came to visit Corrin. Prince Leo was younger, but he had a better head on him than Silas, Princess Camilla was slightly older, but she was pretty, very pretty, in Silas’s eyes and he often became a stuttering mess around her just like he did with Prince Xander. Though he quickly figured that it must have been for different reasons._

_Eventually, he did get to know the royal siblings better. Even the ones that didn’t visit Corrin, if only because either Princess Camilla or Prince Xander insisted that he come to an event - that was always a surprise for Silas - or his mother was invited._

_The first time his mother and he were sent an invite to a royal event, his mother was so ecstatic she jumped from her chair and hugged Silas and told him he was doing great._

_That stung because that just confirmed his suspicions that yes, his mother was using his relationship with Corrin to gain favor with the Nohrian royal family. Hence why he was surprised when he didn't see Corrin at the event. When his mother began sucking up to other nobles as nobles do, Silas slipped off in search of one of the siblings he recognized. Princess Camilla was the first in his sights and he wondered if it would be suspicious if he went to speak with her._

_“Uh, Lady Camilla,” her eyes darted to him immediately and for a second he thought she might pounce on him. But her eyes calmed when she noticed who it was and she smiled sweetly._

_“Silas,” she said pleasantly. “You came. I didn’t know if you would.”_

_“Why not?” was he not supposed to get an invitation._

_“You did say you weren’t fond of big events like this,” Princess Camilla answered._

_“Oh, well,” Silas stuttered. “I couldn’t exactly tell my mother I didn’t want to.”_

_The princess nodded minutely after looking at Silas’s mother._

_“No, Lady Sybil doesn’t strike me as someone who would take no as an answer,” she confessed._

_She was right about that one._

_“Are you enjoying yourself?” Silas asked._

_“As much as I can,” the princess smiled before holding her hand out. Silas stared at it confused. “Well, come now, don’t make a lady wait.”_

_Oh. She wanted him to dance with her. How was he supposed to tell her - a Princess of Nohr - that he had no dancing skills in the slightest._

_“I—” Silas stuttered around an answer._

_“Silas,” she took his hands and dragged him away._

_Away from the dance._

_Oh, gods, what are they doing?_

_“Come on, if you want to leave discretely you can’t stare at my hands like that,” Camilla giggled._

_“I didn’t know we were leaving,” Silas confessed. “I thought you wanted me to dance with you.”_

_Camilla laughed once more - a pleasant sound to his ears. It wasn’t mean, just out of amusement._

_“Where are we going?” Silas asked when she made no point to respond to that comment._

_“To see Corrin,” Camilla said as if that was obvious._

_Silas cocked his head to the side, “Why isn’t he at the event?”_

_A sullen expression took over her, “It’s complicated.”_

_Well. That answered_ so _much._

_So the young noble boy followed behind Camilla not finding it in him to protest or question her more. He was quite content letting her lead the way, it was an odd sense of safety because he didn't dare travel these halls alone. Not with the rumors of the Concubine Wars that used to occur. Silas still didn't know who he could trust considering only six were left - not including the newborn Elise - out of however many there were before._

_A chill went down Silas's spine. His mother did warn him about that. That she didn't trust any of the Nohrian royal children that remained beside the crown prince. Probably because he was King Garon's own flesh and blood._

_“Silas, you’re dragging your feet again,” Camilla complained. “Come along now.”_

_“My apologies, Lady Camilla,” he said quickly. Silas picked up his pace because Camilla was practically dragging him now. She was unexpectedly strong and that always threw him in for a loop. “Who is all going to be there if you don’t mind my asking.”_

_“Xander, Leo and I,” Camilla replied never looking back._

_“What about Prince Edwin and Princess Eva?” Silas dared to ask._

_“Enjoying the festivities,” she said shortly._

_“Corrin doesn’t know them, does he?” Silas pressed._

_“They never visit,” Camilla squeezed his hand tighter. “It’s better that way.”_

_Silas swallowed and asked one last question, “They don’t know about Corrin, do they?”_

_“It’s better that way.”_

_Silas knew to stop asking at that point. The six survivors of the Concubine Wars, but why did it seem like there was still some unbearable tension. Especially with Princess Camilla, she did not seem fond of the other two. They snuck silently outside of Castle Krakenburg only to be met by Prince Xander and Prince Leo._

_“Camilla, where have you- oh,” the eldest prince stared at Silas. “Silas, I hadn’t realized you were coming with us.”_

_“I…” Silas bowed his head, “My apologies. I can return—”_

_“No, no,” Camilla hushed him. “Corrin would be delighted to see you, that’s why I brought him along.” The princess looked to Prince Xander who simply nodded. He was told to ride with Camilla so he did without question because he felt very out of place._

_“Is it okay for you all to skip out on that dance?” Silas whispered._

_“Fine time to ask, Silas,” Camilla chuckled. “It won’t matter. Father is barely in attendance himself.”_

_Silas just let that sit. He shouldn't delve too much into the royal family affairs, though he was certain his mother would be proud of him if he got anything on the royal family. After, he was pretty sure that was why he was meant to be so close to all of them. At times, he wondered if they sensed it, in particular, Prince Xander because he always looked at him in such a way that said: "I know your secret" and quite frankly Silas didn't want any part of that conspiracy._

_His mother was just bored probably._

_But his father said she was desperate and driven by despair. The young boy didn’t know what despair his mother could be experiencing considering everything seemed all well and good in their lives. They had food, money, a roof over their heads that was pretty nice if he had to say so himself. This “despair” that was driving his mother didn’t seem to have a source. His father told him he’d explain it when he was older. How much older did he have to be?_

_“Silas, come now, you can’t stay up there forever,” Camilla beckoned him._

_Silas blushed in embarrassment and slid off the horse. He hadn't even realized they had stopped moving. Again, he felt out of place as he followed the royal siblings into Northern Fortress. Normally, he would be visiting Corrin and they'd stop in. Then, he'd hang off to the side to let them speak and catch up because otherwise, he felt like he was intruding._

_“You’re really spacey today, Silas,” she broke his concentration again._

_“I- uh, my apologies, Lady Camilla,” Silas bowed again, embarrassed and feeling the heat crawl up his neck._

_Camilla smiled patiently. He liked that about her. She was always kind. She smiled at him a lot and she always looked out for him when they were with Corrin together._

_He liked her._

_"Well, it was Xander who was speaking to you, not I," Camilla supplied after the apology. "So, no need to apologize to me."_

Ugh.

_How mortifying._

_"I'm so sorry, Lord Xander," Silas apologized immediately with dread in his stomach._

_“No matter,” Xander said easily. “Let us keep going.”_

_Oh. So he wasn’t going to repeat what he said? Silas must’ve messed up big time as the older boy turned around swiftly on his heels and moved towards Corrin’s quarters. Silas mumbled another apology but Camilla waved him off and told him not to worry. It was just Xander being Xander._

_Whatever that meant. He hadn’t spent too much time with the older prince. Only admiring him from afar when he sparred with Corrin and spoke briefly with him when they weren’t sparring. He just intimidated him. Yet, Prince Xander was admirable nonetheless. If Silas possessed even an ounce of his elegance, poise, and mind, maybe his mother would let him rid of the cranky tutor Sir Martin._

_Maybe—_

_Silas couldn’t breathe and immediately gasped for air when he felt something wrap tightly around his neck knocking him out of his reverie yet again._

_"Silas! I didn't expect you today!" Corrin exclaimed tightening his grip. All Silas could do was pat his arm and wheeze out an "I can't breathe!"_

_Quickly, Corrin let him go with a sheepish smile, “Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting to see you for a few days. That’s what your mother said.”_

_“Really?” this was news to Silas._

_“You didn’t know? I overheard her talking to Gunter about it. Something about travel with a Sir Martin?”_

_Again, news to Silas._

_Unfortunate news. Very unfortunate._

_“Corrin, you shouldn’t eavesdrop,” Xander said when Silas remained silent in shock._

_“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” Corrin scratched his cheek. “But Silas didn’t know so I was doing him a favor.”_

_“Yeah,” Silas was tired. “Thanks.”_

_“You don’t sound excited,” Corrin remarked._

_Wouldn’t be his ideal adventure. Sir Martin was not fond of Silas and the last time they did this…_

_A visible chill went down his spine. Unpleasant time. All the yelling really made his ears ring with his shrill voice._

_“I’m very excited,” he lied unsuccessfully because Xander raised an eyebrow and Camilla laughed. Corrin smiled broadly deciding to change the subject to something not related to Silas. In which, he was grateful._

_He let the royal siblings carry the conversation. Silas was content watching and listening in the background. They seemed a lot happier when they were away from Castle Krakenberg. Perhaps it was Corrin’s influence. He did manage to break Silas out of his evident discomfort after weeks of ignoring the fact that Silas really wasn’t there because he wanted to be._

_Eventually, Silas could say for sure that Corrin was his friend._

_Though, Corrin had boldly proclaimed him his best friend the other day and Silas wasn’t quite sure how to swallow that just yet._

_But Corrin was talking animatedly as he always did. It was easy to get lost in the flow of things._

_“So Silas,” Corrin began drawing the attention back to the boy. “How was your first time at an event like this? Tell me about it, I haven’t gone to one!”_

_Well, that was sad._

_Quite frankly, Silas didn’t have much to say about it.  He was just there because his mother dragged him there and then left him to his own devices._

_"It's fine," he replied. "Lots of good," probably too expensive, "food! Probably ate too much, to be honest."_

_“Ooh, really?” Corrin beamed. “I want to try some.”_

_“Maybe next time I’ll bring you some,” Silas shrugged._

_“Yes!” Corrin exclaimed bright-eyed and a little too excited. “Please!”_

_Silas felt like he had made a mistake because the others simply exchanged glances and said nothing. Little Corrin looked at the expression of his siblings and then sighed._

_“Or we can just cook here,” Silas offered. “One day when I come to visit next we can.”_

_“That’s great, Silas” Corrin perked up. “How about now?”_

_Oh, gods. Did he miss the part where he said it'll happen when he visited next? Evidently, Corrin didn't care because he pulled Leo up who yelped slightly in surprise, but nodded determinedly nonetheless. Xander smiled fondly and Camilla returned the expression._

_"I don't see an issue in that," Camilla said, and Silas knew it was because she would rather try to keep Corrin happy. With pursed lips, Prince Xander nodded as well._

_“Silas?” Corrin stared at him._

_“As long as it’s not for too long, I guess.”_

_As long as his mother didn’t start wondering where in the world he disappeared to. This was heading towards a disaster - lashings were definitely going to be his greeting when he got back._

_Princess Camilla clicked her tongue and Silas flinched back because that what his mother did when she was prepared to either give him an ear full or a red cheek. He didn’t miss the way Prince Xander’s eyes flickered to look at him because of the subtle movement._

_“In a hurry, are we?” Camilla asked with a kind smile but Silas could feel the disdain. Her message was clear._ You don’t want to disappoint Corrin, do you? _He didn’t, but he also didn’t want to disappoint her._

_Silas couldn’t help that his mother wasn’t one to excuse the behavior of running off._

_"Well, yes - I mean, no. I mean... Princess," Silas stuttered. "I just, my mother would not be happy."_

_"Surely she won't mind if it's with me!" Corrin said as if that made a world a difference._

_“I don’t think—”_

_"And surely she is grateful to you being with us," Camilla added. "We're the royal siblings. Parents usually love it when you make such connections."_

_But you don’t understand, Silas thought. You don’t understand that the circumstances are very different. Had it been just a casual visit to the castle then maybe, but this is aiding the siblings in avoiding the main event. They escaped the event without anyone knowing, snuck away to this castle and are not scheduled to return soon._

_No, his mother would be_ livid. _She would be pissed that he joined the siblings on this escapade._

_Swallowing thickly, Silas couldn’t bring himself to say no, “You’re right, of course.”_

_“Nonetheless,” the eldest prince eased up Prince Leo who looked at Silas curiously. “We’ll try not to keep you long.”_

_Releasing a deep sigh, Silas nodded, "Don't mind it, Prince Xander." Secretly, he was beyond grateful and hoped that it would hold true. Despite it all, Corrin couldn't decide on what he wanted to make. Unfortunately, that resulted in them sitting around trying to help him decide for half an hour and when he eventually settled on_ four _different things and the baking and cooking began, Silas watched the sky grow darker and his dread increased._

_His mother was going to kill him._

_“Silas,” it was Prince Xander. “Be careful.”_

_“Oh!” Silas looked down and noticed how absently he was mixing the batter. Luckily, he hadn’t lost much of it, but…_

_“Are you okay?” he asked instead of worrying about the batter._

_“Yes milord,” Silas bowed but quickly shot back up when he realized he was about to lose_ all _of it on the floor and he would have to restart. “It should almost be done and then we’ll be able to put it in the oven—“_

_“That wasn’t what I was referring too,” the prince didn’t miss a beat. As to be expected of him, he was the crown prince after all._

_Silas nodded and poured the batter in the baking pan, “I’m doing fine, thank you.”_

_“Do you need to return home?”_

_Probably. He was already late, the festivities were over, his mother would be looking for him. He couldn’t go home because Princess Camilla’s mare had been his ride. Evidently, Camilla had no intentions of returning home soon._

_“It’s fine,” Silas lied._

_Prince Xander set the pan to bake and washed his hands._

_“Come along then,” he instructed._

_Oh, gods._

_"No, no," Silas frantically waved his hands in the air. "I'll wait. There is no rush, please."_

_“Silas,” the prince gave him a hardened look. “I saw you earlier, your mother will be upset with you won’t she?”_

_“Well—”_

_“Then come, I’ll return you home.”_

_“I—”_

_“Silas,” there was no room for argument so the little boy followed. He told Camilla of the food in the oven and set out. No amount of words could sum up the guilt he felt about dragging the eldest prince away from Corrin. Corrin gave a small sad wave to Silas with the promise to see each other soon, but Silas didn’t know when that would be anymore._

_This was a breach of trust for his mother._

_He would be punished._

_“Your mother, Lady Sybil,” began the prince on the ride back. “Will she be terribly upset with you?”_

_Undoubtedly so. “I don’t believe so.”_

_“Silas, you needn’t lie to me,” came the gentle scolding. “I prefer honesty. So tell me.”_

_“Yes,” he answered shortly. “It will be fine though, milord. You don’t have to worry yourself over it.”_

_The prince only hummed, evidently unimpressed. It might have been bold of Silas to assume that there was any worry in him over Silas._

_So the young boy closed his eyes, sighed deeply, and—_

**_Dreamt of seeing his mother's face, oddly twisted in the way she said his name. There was an odd pain in his abdomen, red was on his hand._ **

**_“Mother?”_ **

_“Silas, wake up,” Xander gently shook him. “We’re back.”_

_Silas jolted awake and unfortunately fell off the horse into the snow._

_“Silas! Gods, are you alright?” he slid off his horse and began checking him for injuries._

_There was something different between Camilla and Xander and the affection he held for them. Camilla was warm and motherly. He loved her a lot. Xander was too, despite how resigned he might be in showing he cares. But he listened. He helped._

_He thought he loved Xander a lot too. As much as a child such as him could love in his small little body._

_“Silas?” Xander’s brow furrowed._

**_“Silas—”_ **

**_“Come on—”_ **

**_“Gods, Silas—”_ **

_His eyes widened and he shot up._

_Big mistake._

_He butted heads with the prince knocking him back on his butt and Silas collapsed back to the ground groaning. Gently, he rubbed his forehead, before looking at the prince doing the same._

_Shoot. He just headbutted the crown prince._

_“Oh gods, Prince Xander, I’m so sorry, I—”_

_The prince was trembling slightly and Silas thought he really messed up, or as his mother would say, “he fucked up really badly.” Had he made Prince Xander cry?_

_Had he—_

_Then there was the sound of a soft rumble. Xander was—_

_Laughing?_

_“Prince Xander?”_

_“Don’t mind me, Silas,” came the response between laughs. “I’m just, you’re a real clutz, you realize?”_

_Silas blushed in embarrassment, “I’m sorry.”_

_"Corrin mentioned this, but I didn't think… I didn't think it was like this," the prince continued. Oh, gods, Corrin was gossipping about him behind his back. Hopefully, nothing bad had been stated._

_“I’m so sorry, Prince Xander. I didn’t mean to headbutt you—”_

_“Please Silas, it’s fine,” he calmed down. “I should be heading back though, but please be careful.”_

_“I will,” Silas allowed himself a small smile and the prince smiled back as he helped Silas up._

_“Take care,” he hopped on his horse. “Do return to the fortress soon. Write if you have to and we can give you special permission if Lady Sybil is too upset with you. You’re always welcomed.”_

_“I,” that was a surprise. Silas wasn’t expecting such hospitality. “Thank you.”_

_As he moved forward, the prince shouted over his shoulder, “You still owe me that spar, little knight.”_

_Little knight. He hadn’t heard that one before._

_But he liked it._

_“I’ve seen you with Corrin,” he continued fondly. “I look forward to it.”_

_“I will try my best.” Silas saluted the prince. “Thank you again.”_

_All the prince did was nod before riding back from whence he came._

_Then, the sinking feeling came back. Right. He was home where his mother was likely livid at his disappearance. Were he to explain that he was with the royal siblings, then that would no doubt be worse. He just wouldn’t mention it. That would be fine right._

_Slowly, he stepped up to the door and knocked. Why was this so scary? It was just mother._

_The door crept open._

_There was a sigh. Disappointed._

_There was no “come in,” just the footsteps heading back into the house. Silas stepped in. Mother was sitting at the table. Lantern on, book out, reading glasses on, unimpressed._

_“Mother—”_

_“Where have you been?” she interrupted him._

_“I got tired,” Silas knew that was a poor excuse. “The event wasn’t—”_

_“Don’t lie to me child,” there was the cold expression he was expecting. There was the harsh tone he knew and hated. “Where_ were _you?”_

_“Mother, I was outside—”_

_“Butting heads with the Prince?”_

_Oh._

_She saw that._

_“Silas, I know you ran off with Princess Camilla.”_

_"How?" he hadn't meant to ask that out loud but he was just too stunned._

_“One little prince felt left out,” eye contact never met, page in the book is flipped, “and a nice lady walked up to him and asked why he had such a long face. He told her, ‘my brothers and sisters prefer to play with a little noble boy over me.’ The nice lady asked him why he would think that. He told her he saw the oldest princess take the little noble boy with hair so unruly and untameable you couldn’t mistake him for any other by the hand and run off. From his lonely grand quarters, he watched his siblings ride away towards the Northern Fortress along with the noble boy.”_

_There was only one prince he knew that wasn’t with them at the time._

_Edwin._

_Curses._

_“Sounds like the workings of a sad story, mama,” he hadn’t called her “mama” in years, but that’s just how scared he was._

_“Yes, sad for who though, Silas? Or should I say, 'little knight'?”_

_Sweat was pouring down his forehead. Why was it so hot?_

_Why are there eyes and ears everywhere?_

_“Mama?”_

_“For who, child?”_

_Silas saw Corrin around two weeks later. There was excitement in his eyes and the constant, “I missed you.” Corrin, naive as he was, only asked about the tutoring trip that he was to partake in. Silas said it was fine._

_That was a lie. He never ended up going for various reasons._

_Prince Xander and Princess Camilla always had a look in their eyes that meant they knew. After all, there are eyes are ears everywhere, right? Nowhere is safe. He accepted that._

_“How did she find out?” Princess Camilla asked with a hint of anger._

_Silas had been rather quiet since the incident. The older siblings noticed that immediately. Corrin was just used to his quiet, his uncertainty compounded with his shyness made him ever quiet in the presence of others._

_He supposed it was noticeably unnatural this time around._

_“Silas?” Princess Camilla pressed, but it was gentle. Silas did love that about her. That fierce defensiveness, yet soft caring side of her. “You haven’t been yourself since you got back.”_

_“I think,” Silas began, “it would be best if I didn’t do that again. I was always told there are eyes and ears everywhere. So I’ll keep my mouth shut.”_

_Anger flared in the princess’s eyes and she left Silas to occupy Corrin with his silence. But he still had ears so he could hear what she was saying to her eldest brother._

_“Someone hurt him, Xander,” she said clutching his hand. Silas tried not to stare. “Someone ratted him out to his mother.”_

_“He did warn us about keeping him Camilla,” her brother shook his head. “Though, I can’t help but wonder who would do this. I can hardly imagine him already making enemies at such a young age. He’s a child, and quiet on top of that.”_

_“I worry about him,” Camilla confessed._

_“Yes, I feel the same.”_

_Silas decided to stop listening._

_After that conversation, Silas understood the meaning of fake it till you make it. His mother stressed that, but he didn’t understand why. Now, he did. So he faked being fond of Prince Edwin because he didn’t need to know that Silas was fully aware that it was him that ratted him out to his mother._

_Perhaps, Prince Edwin felt guilty, because he did invite Silas to his party once._

_Where he embarrassed himself in front of Prince Xander and all the others with the lack of dancing skills. Thought apparently Xander found it amusing along with the others._

_Little did he know that it would be the last time he would see Prince Edwin._

_Silas’s impression of Princess Eva was pretty neutral. She was sweet, but not overly. She held an air of confidence that Silas wished he had. The thing that most defined her was how she always carried a very particular pocket knife on her. Silas didn’t know why and was afraid to. He didn’t want to be on the other end of that thing._

_Prince Leo said that it was a gift from her mother._

_Silas didn’t question why that was the gift she chose._

_But he was warned by Prince Leo as well that she was dangerous. That she had done a lot of damage in the Concubine Wars. Camilla confessed to the dislike of Princess Eva. She claimed that she was fake and conniving and warned Silas of ever getting too close to her. Silas listened if only because he trusted Camilla and Leo, and he had seen what faking kindness did._

_Yet, Princess Eva made many attempts to befriend Silas. It would have been nice had he not seen how insincere she was and the fact that she knew_ too _much about him. Way more than he would have liked anyone to know if he hadn’t told them._

_The claim that he was having an unhappy childhood made him the angriest._

_That wasn’t the case. He was happy, just his mother got angry sometimes and lashed out at him. Sometimes she was very strict, but it was nothing that he couldn’t handle. She just wanted the best for her son, that’s what Lady Sybil is known for. Silas heard her multiple times saying her son was very mature for his age, but it was simply because he was quiet, studied when he was told to, didn’t tell much and knew what Sybil did not approve of._

_It didn’t mean anything._

_He was happy and fine._

_But Princess Eva kept whispering gossip into his ears about Princess Camilla and Prince Xander and Prince Edwin and he refused to believe any of it. Why would he? She was putting a bad name to her close friends._

_If he could call them that._

_There were warning signs for what happened to Prince Edwin. The arguments between him and Princess Eva continuously grew. For odd reasons, Prince Edwin kept Silas closer than usual. Eva apparently didn’t like that and told Silas to stick to hanging around Corrin._

_He liked that better. At least he didn’t feel like he would die if he stayed with Corrin._

_At the party, all the royal siblings were there. It was a quiet thing, They did that a lot he noticed. The royal siblings seemed to always host small private parties for each other. Somehow, Silas got wrapped into it. He never quite pinpointed who always gave the invite. He would have said it was Camilla, but he couldn’t be sure._

_The dance did happen. Xander and Camilla had asked him about dancing after overhearing a conversation he had with Corrin. He didn’t want to prove it. He didn’t know how to dance._

_“I’m really sorry,” he apologized for probably the tenth time._

_“Silas, Silas,” Xander smiled softly. “My toes won’t fall off, I swear to you they won’t.”_

_“Are you sure?” Silas actually was horrified at the prospect. “I stepped on them so many times—”_

_“Silas,” said boy was growing very fond of how the prince said his name. There was a gentleness in it that was lacking in others. “It’s fine, little knight. It’s fine.”_

_"How do you know I will be a knight?" Silas asked trying to distract himself from the horrors that were his dancing._

_“You have the makings of one,” Xander replied. “Loyal, steadfast, kind—”_

_“I don’t know about steadfast.”_

_“Yes, you are.”_

_There was no room for argument in that statement._

_“And plus, Corrin will need a knight to help him,” he continued. “I hope you will be by his side when I cannot.”_

_“If I do become a knight,” Silas stared out the door where the others were. “I’ll protect all of you. That’s what Corrin would want after all. For all of you to be safe and be together. So I’ll help him.”_

_All the older prince did was smile tenderly. Silas thought he loved Camilla. She was kind, brave and strong… But he wasn’t sure about that when the eldest prince looked at him that way - the smile, the kindness, the trust. It was easy being around the crown prince. Silas didn’t know why. Xander still intimidated him, but—_

_A piercing scream erupted outside. Silas froze and Xander jumped up. Silas stuck closely behind him as they made there way outside._

_The sight before them made Silas want to throw up._

_Foam around his mouth, gagging, choking, Edwin was struggling to breathe as he laid on the ground._

_“Camilla, get a cleric now!”_

_She ran._

_Silas hid to the side as the others tried to see what happened._

_The clerics determined the cause of death to be poison ingested._

_The “little knight” was paralyzed. Panicked. His mother took him home swiftly after that, but he wanted to stay if only to be sure the others would be okay. Visuals of Edwin filled his mind. He couldn’t sleep well that night. He dreamed broken dreams they—_

**_“Come on Silas, snap out of it!”_ **

**_“Silas—! Shit! Is he breathing?”_ **

**_“I can’t…”_ **

**_“Can’t what?!”_ **

**_“I can’t find a pulse!”_ **

**_“Move!”_ **

**_“Big brother—”_ **

**_“Let me check. I refuse to believe...”_ **

**_“Okay—”_ **

_The whole kingdom was suspicious after the death of Edwin. Everyone scrutinized everyone, no outsiders were allowed in, so Silas hung around with Corrin in the Northern Fortress watching him train to finally get out of this godforsaken place._

_“I heard Edwin died,” Corrin confessed somberly. “He was really nice.”_

_“They’re trying to figure out who did it.”_

_“I hope they find them,” Corrin was sad._

_“Me too.”_

_“Let’s spar,” Corrin suddenly suggested as a way to get out of the sadness. “We haven’t in a while.”_

_“Right.”_

_But Corrin’s heart wasn’t in it and he just looked depressed the whole fight. They ended it rather quickly, but they blamed it on already having fought with Gunter instead of his evident sadness. Silas lay beside Corrin in silence. They stared up at the stars, Corrin slowly intertwined their fingers together. Eyes darting between their hands and Corrin, Silas’s eyes widened._

_Tears were streaming down Corrin’s face._

_“We’ll be together forever, right Silas?”_

_Silas stuttered and stumbled for words because he hadn’t expected the question. Corrin squeezed his hand and looked at him with pleading eyes._

_Right?_

_“Yeah,” Silas gasped because he felt like he didn’t know if he should make that promise. He didn’t want to play with that trust, but—_

_“You promise?” Corrin shouldn’t be making him do this._

_He bit his lip. Corrin wouldn’t look away._

_“I promise.”_

_Corrin squeezed his hand tighter, “Thank you.”_

**_“Corrin, he needs room—”_ **

**_“Will he—”_ **

**_“Let them through, Corrin!”_ **

_Xander was standing before them and Corrin was looking at him with concern, fingers still latched together._

_“Silas, are you alright?” Xander asked softly hand squeezing his shoulder._

_“Uh,” Silas didn’t know when Xander made his appearance. “Yes, milord. What’s happening?”_

_“Silas?!” Corrin shouted. Said boy winced, that was too loud for him._

_Xander eased Corrin back and tried to calm him down before returning his gaze to Silas. The expression is soft and filled with concern._

_“You passed out on us for a second,” Xander supplied into the silence. “You look tired.”_

I am _, he thought. Oddly so. A bone-deep exhaustion._

**_“Just let me… sleep…”_ **

**_“Silas, no, no, you can’t!”_ **

_“How is Princess Eva?” Silas found himself abruptly asking but he didn’t know when he got there - to this room, Corrin’s room._

_“She’s,” Xander looked at Corrin. “Compromised.”_

_“What does that mean?” Silas asked._

_“They think she’s the one that killed Edwin,” Corrin’s eyes widened at the news._

_“What? She wouldn’t—”_

_"She would," Xander stood. "Father will be casting judgment tomorrow."_

_The crumbling of Corrin's expression broke Silas's heart. Silas didn't know exactly what that entailed but he had a general idea. It wasn't pleasant. He knew that for sure. Silas knew he probably wouldn't see her again._

_Wishful thinking he realized belatedly as she ran through the halls and bumped into him. She was trying to escape. Silas didn’t have anything to defend himself, but she had that knife. He heard the knights running after her, telling her to stop and not run away from her fate._

_Death was inevitable._

_A devilish smile appeared on her face and Silas had to wonder why he ever thought she was kind and sweet because wasn't any of that. Just a girl with a corrupted childhood that ruined her now._

_“I guess you’ll be my last victim, Silas,” she said disgustingly sweet. “We’ll go down together, how about that? I always thought you were cute.”_

_His breath was caught in his throat and any attempts to scream were lost. The knights were closing in on her and she grabbed Silas by the collar his eyes clenched tightly._

_“Let’s—”_

_Silas didn’t dare open his eyes. He didn’t dare look. He didn’t feel anything, but that didn’t mean anything. Anything was possible._

_A sharp pain shot up his back and he was on the floor releasing a low groan._

_“Silas?” Camilla?_

_“Are you okay?” Xander._

_He mumbled something, it wasn’t an affirmative or anything, but it was a sound._

_“Take her, she’s only unconscious,” Xander ordered the knights. “Silas?” voice softened, a cool hand touched his cheek. “Did she hurt you?”_

_He shook his head._

_“You can open your eyes,” Camilla’s voice was gentle._

**_“Silas, please open your eyes!”_ **

_He did._

_Princess Camilla and Prince Xander exchanged glances assumingly because of his blank look. The eldest prince began checking Silas’s head for injuries._

_“I didn’t try to catch him when I knocked her out,” Xander told Camilla. “I don’t know how hard the fall was but it sounded pretty bad.”_

_“I’ll get a cleric to check him out.”_

_“Please.”_

_Silas shook his head slowly before sitting up, “No, please don’t trouble yourself with that. I’m alright, just a little...”_

_“Shaken?”_

_“Mm,” Silas hummed affirmatively._

_“I’m sorry,” Camilla apologized. “You shouldn’t have been caught up in this.”_

_“S’okay,” the young boy mumbled._

_“Can you stand, Little Knight?” Xander prompted._

_He nodded._

_The crown prince held his hand out for Silas to take. He did._

_It was unfortunate being the last person Eva saw. The crazed look in her eyes kept popping up in his head. The fact that he was almost her last victim—_

_Gods, he thought she liked him._

_How many of the other Nohrian children did she kill in the Concubine Wars and everyone doubted it because she appeared so sweet and innocent? Looks are terribly deceiving, Silas loathed to think about that. If he were to meet his demise there, what would his mother think of him?_

_Probably say that he died breaking her rules once more. He wasn’t supposed to be inside the castle. Not after the incident with Edwin, but Silas was invited by Princess Camilla and who was he to refuse her? Surely his mother would understand._

_Wouldn’t she?_

_Maybe that was wishful thinking as well._

_The funeral for Edwin was private, but Eva didn’t get one. Silas thought that was sad because regardless of what she did, she was still of Nohrian royalty. She was still family. But maybe the term family only included the five main children. Now that Elise was three years old, she often hung around in Corrin’s Northern Fortress with the others._

_She luckily didn’t know anything about the Concubine Wars or of the former Prince Edwin and Princess Eva. Yet, his mind wandered to how Prince Leo must’ve felt when he was younger growing up in these times._

_All of the remaining Nohrian siblings for that matter. How did they cope?_

_“Silas,” Xander summoned his attention._

_“Oh, Prince Xander,” Silas took a few steps back to give him space. “What can I do for you?”_

_“At the end of this week,” Xander brandished the wooden practice sword, “I would like to spar with you.”_

_“Oh! I’m sorry for missing it the other day,” began the apology. “Mother summoned me and—”_

_“No matter,” he shut it down quickly. “You needn’t apologize for every little thing. Especially not to me.”_

_“Right…”_

_“Either way, it’s been some time and I would like to see how you’ve improved. Corrin most definitely has,” Xander smiled. “I’m sure you must’ve as well.”_

_Well._

_He wasn’t quite training as much as Corrin was given he had Gunter and all. Silas’s father wasn’t home much now. He was expected to return midweek though, so Silas had something to look forward to._

_“I hope I will not disappoint.”_

_“I doubt you could.”_

_Silas didn’t respond to that. There was no response to give that didn’t sound self-deprecating and Xander always got on him when he did that. His mother always did tell him that confidence would get him far. The young boy supposed that’s why his mother was always so out there during the events._

_“Take care, Silas,” Xander gave the boy a light squeeze on the shoulder. “See you soon.”_

_“Yes, of course. You as well, Prince Xander.”_

_Soon._

_Eight years later is far from soon. But the boy got bold and he wanted to make his best friend happy. The thought that he never got to go outside devastated Silas, so he dared to take him out on a picnic._

_The biggest mistake Silas had ever made._

**_“Silas, hang in there…_ ** **Please** **_, hang in there.”_ **

**_“At this rate, we won’t make it out in time!”_ **

**_“We’ll do whatever we have to! He is not dying here. I’m not letting him.”_ **

_“Silas, I’m so excited!” Corrin jumped up and down excitement vibrating off of him. Silas was nervous, but Corrin’s enthusiasm was contagious at this point. In Silas’s hand was the basket he had prepared for the picnic. He spent a long time trying to prepare sandwiches Corrin would like and his cooking skills still weren’t up to par. His mother questioned him constantly as to why he was asking so much about cooking. Her son kept it simple and said he wanted to treat Corrin._

_She took the answer._

_Now, the hard part was sneaking Corrin out of the Northern Fortress and that was what was crippling him the most. This was a risk he was going to take for Corrin._

_His best friend deserved the world._

_There was a specific spot Corrin wished to see and Silas had every plan on taking him there._

_This was stupidly naive and probably too risky for him. Mother always told him that risks had to be taken in life. This was one of them despite it being too big of one. How much was too much though?_

_“Silas are you sure?” Corrin was getting cold feet now and that didn’t help his confidence. “This may be too risky. Let’s just stay inside.”_

_“But Corrin,” they had made it pretty far. They just had a little more to go before they would both be outside and Corrin could get a closer look at what he saw on the roof of the fortress._

_“Silas, won’t you get in trouble?”_

_“It’s not like I haven’t before,” well, not to this degree. He was pretty sure this was treason. Betraying the king’s trust like this was probably not the best of ideas. His mother as well._

_Gods, he just needed to not think about it if he wanted to keep going. Just keep—_

_“Hey! Hey kids! What do you think you’re— Prince Corrin?!” a guard._

_Of course._

_If they hadn’t stopped, maybe they would have gotten by._

_“Where do you think you’re taking him, kid?!”_

_“Nowhere!” Corrin lied. “We’re just strolling around the fortress.”_

_"No offense, Prince Corrin, but that wasn't convincing at all." He walked towards them, one step, two steps…_

_“You should run, Silas,” Corrin pushed him. “Run home.”_

_He was sure that running would make things worse. He didn’t need to make things worse. If he did, maybe he could save his hind._

_But the panic in his mind was taking over, he was a stupid kid, after all, thinking that this would go over well. And so he dropped the basket._

_And ran._

_Just like Corrin told him to. And he heard Corrin yelling at the guards to leave Silas alone, that he didn’t intend any harm. But the guards shouted over him telling the others to keep an eye out for a little brat with unruly grey hair._

_It was always his hair. Maybe he should have just cut it off. Then he wouldn’t have matched the description. He might have been able to get off easy._

_He might have not been forced to the ground, arm painfully held behind his back before King Garon who was evidently furious - beyond furious with Silas enough to announce execution for him on the spot. Silas dared to look around._

_No mother._

_No father._

_Of course not, he let them down._

_Then, Corrin burst into the room voices following him to stop. He didn’t. Corrin rarely listened._

_"You can't!" Corrin shouted so loud, Silas flinched. He looked away, he didn't want anyone to see his tears. "You can't kill him, father, that's not fair!"_

_“Corrin—”_

_Corrin cut his father off, “He’s done nothing wrong! He just wanted to help me and show me around! You can’t, you can’t, you can’t!” Corrin ran towards Silas, pushing past confused guards._

_“Corrin, you will stop this tantrum this instant!”_

_"Then, don't kill him!" Corrin argued back as guards grabbed him. "Let me go! Let. Me. Go!" He kicked the guards away, the fear of harming the prince prevented them from fighting him so they let him run. "Let him go, father! You can't kill him! I'll hate you if you do!"_

_“Corrin-!”_

_King Garon stared at Corrin silently as he continued his opposition. Surprisingly, when Silas looked up, the king looked almost hurt at Corrin’s assaulting words._

_“I’ll never forgive you! I’ll hate you father, I’ll hate you!”_

_Silas didn’t think King Garon could be hurt. He had hardened up so much over the years, became distrusting and seemingly uncaring._

_“Fine,” King Garon acquiesced, eyes cold. “There will be no execution. However,” Silas felt a lump in his throat. “He is banished from the Northern Fortress.”  In which, that meant never seeing Corrin again._

_If he read between the lines, that also meant probably not showing up at Castle Krakenburg either. He wouldn’t have a reason to after this anyway. Prince Xander and Princess Camilla would dare risk associating with them._

_But he got off easy. He still has his head on._

_“Father…” Corrin cried, tears streaming down his face in rivers. “Thank you for not killing him.”_

_King Garon clicked his tongue in disdain, then he eyed a man off to the side, he knew him to be Iago. The man in the shadow of Iago though looked very much a criminal - bald, scary face, and Silas didn't know how he made it in the castle, nor gain the king's trust._

_“Release him,” the king ordered._

_Silas face-planted not expecting to be released so abruptly. He groaned as he could barely feel his arms._

_“Silas!” Corrin rushed to his side, but the guards cut him off. “Hey!”_

_“Get him out of my sight.”_

_“Yes, milord,” a guard said. Then the one in the shadow of Iago came out of hiding to speak with the king as he beckoned him over._

_He felt a kick to the gut and Corrin’s yelp of surprise, “Don’t hurt him!”_

_“Listen, boy, can you get up or no?”_

_Silas shook his head as best he could. His legs felt like jelly. As soon as he would stand up, he would collapse. No need to further embarrass himself. The yank on his collar made him gasp out a cough. He felt like he was being strangled as they dragged him out of the kingdom._

_Corrin yelled after him, but the guards kept him at bay._

_King Garon’s eyes were unforgiving though._

_And he didn’t like how Iago and that other man were looking him like he was their next prey._

_“Get out kid,” they ordered as they threw him outside. “Don’t come back, we’ll remember your face.”_

_Reassuring._

_Silas dragged himself back home. Regret. Fear. Worry. Every negative emotion he could possibly feel was building up in his body and for a split second, he considered just laying in the snow and letting mother nature take its course._

**_“You can’t give up on me Silas, please fight it!”_ **

**_“Silas! Gods, come on, stay with me, I got you, I’m with you.”_ **

**_“Get up!”_ **

_Mother was going to kill him anyway for what he did. He could already tell. He didn’t need to go home to know that the disappointed expression on her face was going to be there forever. She would never look at him the same way._

_He knocked. Once. Twice. Whispered a soft broken, “mama?” before entering the home. It was dark. The only light in the room was the faint glow coming from the living room. Did he dare go in there? Or did he sneak to his room, lock the door, and pray she never looked for him?_

_Did he dare lie to her again?_

_“Silas?” there was the voice he feared. “Come here sweetheart, we need to talk.”_

_No, please, no._

_“Papa is home too.”_

_He was doomed.  Today would be the day that he returned._

_“Silas, come here,” it was a fake, acidic sweetness that made him want to throw up. She was going to kill him. She was going to kill him. She was going to kill him—_

_It was a mantra in his head. The only way he could walk in there without running away was preparing himself for the inevitable. Everyone died eventually. That’s what the books said. That’s what his mother said. That’s what his tutor said._

_It was just coming a little early for him. That’s all. This was normal. Death was normal._

_His mother told him he was a little too young to be reconciling death like that._

_How could he not when he never knew what his mother would do?_

_"Hey, baby."_

_She never called him that._

_"Silas," oh, his father. Oh, gods, the disappointment was so evident. He let him down._

_“I’m sorry mama, papa! I’m sorry,” he breathed out into a broken sob crumbling to his knees begging for forgiveness that he knew his mother would not grant him._

_His father probably wouldn’t either._

_“I just wanted to help Corrin!”_

_“Oh sweetheart,” Silas bit his lip so hard at that voice. It was fake. So fake. He tasted the blood. This was inevitable. “We know you had good intentions, but did you realize what that would do to us?”_

_“Us?”_

_“Your father and I, Silas,” she clarified. “Did you think about us at all?”_

_Yes, but it was the fear of this meeting. Nothing deeper._

_“Of course you didn’t you selfish brat,” she spat at him and Silas winced backing away from his mother._

_“Sybil,” his father reached out to her. “Go easy on him.”_

_“No! No Elias!” she snapped back at him. “He had damaged our name. He had one duty and it was to befriend the royal siblings of Nohr and if he can’t even manage that, what good is he?”_

_Gods._

Gods, _that hurt so bad. It felt like his heart was going to stop at any second. He thought it all this time, but to hear it. Gods, why didn’t she just do what she wanted to do._

_“Sybil, that’s not right,” father was trying so hard to calm her. “That’s not right, you can’t say that about our son.”_

_“He’s not my son.”_

_Silas just stared blankly at her._

_“I knew from the beginning that only he would find a way to fuck this up—”_

_“Sybil, he’s a child! Your child, my child! You can’t do this to him!”_

_“Why aren’t you upset Elias? Why aren’t you upset that he betrayed your good name? Soiled it with his stupidity when given strict rules to not do what he did. He does it like the idiot child he is.”_

_“What has gotten into you?”_

_Then his mother threw the vase that Silas had gifted her on her birthday a few years back. The glass shattered before him, a few stray shards cutting into his skin. It hurt, he guessed. He wasn’t sure if it was right to compare that to the words he was hearing that was killing him slowly._

_“We’re going to starve, Elias! We’ll die like this! Him befriending the siblings was our once chance at being in the higher favor of the king, of possibly having a better future without being famished, and your child royally fucked it up. He’s good for nothing Elias.”_

_His father stared at her blankly._

_“You’re being unfair—”_

_“What about? Us starving?”_

_“Putting all that on our son! I thought you had that under control Sybil. You said you did! Or was that just banking on Silas?”_

_“Elias!”_

_Silas thought she might strike his father so he stuttered a "stop." Mother looked at him unimpressed. Eyes sharp like hers, cold like hers, clearly conveyed what she thought of him at that moment. They reminded him much of the king's. Cold, unfeeling, uncaring._

_“Mother, if you wish to rid of me then do so!” Silas was broken. “I know you wished me dead.”_

_"You're right," she said blankly. Father gasped. Silas's eyes just widened mouth agape. "Frankly, I thought he would have had your head right then and there, the king. But he granted you mercy because of that Prince Corrin."_

_“Then why don’t you do it?”_

_“Don’t tempt me Silas,” a cruel smirk on her face. “But I have other plans for you.”_

_“Sybil, what the hell are you talking about?”_

_Silas felt movement behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw two overwhelming shadows and Silas quickly stumbled away from them. Breathing heavy, with uncertainty it didn’t feel like he was taking in any air._

_“He’s going on a trip Elias.”_

_His father’s eyes widened, “You didn’t… Iago, Hans, what the hell are you here for?”_

_“Taking your boy on a little trip as your wife said,” Hans drawled._

_“Hans, please don’t, he’s a kid.”_

_“Yeah well, who are we to reject orders from the lovely lady and the king.”_

_King?_

_Silas thought he was supposed to not be executed by the king._

_What was going on?_

_Silas was so confused._

_Why him?_

_“Sybil, honey, please rethink this.”_

_“Maybe our son should’ve rethought his actions.”_

_Ouch._

_“Come on boy,” Hans grabbed him by arms and Silas struggled. Kicked. Fought. He did everything he could to try to get him to let go. But the child was tired. Rejected by his mother. Forbidden from seeing Corrin again. Never seeing Xander or Camilla again. What was left?_

**_“Silas, you’re stronger than this! Come on, come on!”_ **

**_“I just got you back… don’t do this to me.”_ **

_He remembered his father shouting after them to let his son go. His mother didn’t fight them._

_“It’s a fun little trip.”_

_Nothing was fun about it._

_He remembered—_

**_“SILAS!”_ **

He had always read stories of how when you’re about to die your life flashes before your eyes.

Silas was pretty sure that was what had just happened to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to a portion of Silas's childhood.
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos! I really appreciate them.  
> I'd love to hear your thoughts especially on this chapter and any confusion you may have that I can answer (if it won't be supplied in the next chapter whenever that comes out).
> 
> For clarification:  
> italics are always used for dream sequences/flashbacks, so this whole chapter is basically that.  
> Bolded italics aren't part of the flashbacks but will be explained more in the next chapter. You may be able to figure it out with the last two sentences though. 
> 
> I had fun working on these flashbacks. Some parts are vaguer than others, but I enjoyed this. I hope you like it as well. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

In the back of Silas’s mind, he replayed the events trying to piece together what had happened. How he ended up the way he did, where he was now, immobile because they all told him not to move if he wanted to heal quickly.

But nothing made sense.

What _he_ said and what _she_ said. Everything they were saying didn’t quite add up. Silas didn’t remember the events the way he remembered them.

Think about it, they told him.

Try to rest, but if you can remember, tell us, they suggested.

They wanted answers for why he did what he did. But Silas didn’t recall doing what they said he did.

So…

He closed his eyes and _tried_ to remember.

-0-0-0-

“Lord Xander,” Silas sighed.

“Hmm?” the prince looked back.

“I swear, you really didn’t need to come here with me,” Silas felt like he was repeating this too many times now. “I’ve come here alone before, I promise you, it’s fine.”

The older man nodded, “I’m aware. We can never be too careful, however.” He slowed his horse down to match that of Silas’s own horse. “Plus, you’ve spoken so fondly of this place, I couldn’t help but be curious myself.”

"You wanted a getaway," Silas spoke in jest.

“You’re not wrong,” Xander smiled, but Silas saw the honesty there. He was trying to get away. Get away from the war, the internal fighting, the responsibility, he supposed even Xander would have a breaking point. Even he would need a chance to breathe, Silas should’ve known. It was insensitive to think the prince invincible.

“I assume that is the same for you?” Xander inquired. “To get away from the terrors of war and people constantly coming to you for counsel?”

Silas chuckled flushing slightly in embarrassment, “Yes, selfish as it is.”

"It's healthy," Xander replied instead. "You deserve a break too Silas, I don't see how that is selfish."

“Well, when I see you and the rest of the royal family working so hard,” the knight began after a pause. “I can’t help but think that maybe I should be trying a little harder. So I try my best to do what I can for the army, no matter how little if only to make all your jobs a little easier.”

"I…" Xander sighed. "Thank you, Silas. Truly."

Silas brushed it off, “It’s what anyone would do in my position, milord.”

"I imagine not," the prince responded breezily. "I can think of multiple things any other person would do in your position, yet you use it to aid us rather than self-gain. It's very noble of you Silas. You've kept to your promise well."

Promise? Silas hummed to himself as he tried to place the promise. There was nothing he could recall. He didn't make those lightly when it came to the royal family because those were the last people he wanted to betray and the people he cared most about even if they might've forgotten about him for years.

Still, “What promise?”

“You were young then, we both were,” Xander answered. “I’d say for not recalling it, you’ve done well to protect us all.”

Oh.

“You remember that?” Silas asked.

“Well, I called you Little Knight for a reason,” he confessed. “I hadn’t realized you truly were going to become one though, I will admit. It was only a hunch. I wasn’t sure if your mother would be fond of that choice.”

Little Knight. Gods, it had been a long time since he had heard that nickname. The knight couldn’t control the heat creeping up his face at the nickname.

"You remember that too?" Silas was too embarrassed to ask anything else at that moment.

Xander noticed and laughed, “I’ll refrain from calling you that now, but of course. Don’t tell me you  forgot?”

“Milord…!” Silas huffed. “I just… gods, no it’s just been a long time since all of that. I didn’t think _you_ would remember that. It was such a small fleck of time.”

"One that left its mark on me. They were some of my best years, if not the best," Xander stopped his horse and Silas fumbled to stop Cain sputtering a little at the sudden action. "I never forgot you, Silas. _You_ should remember that if nothing else." Then, he returned his steady pace passing Silas in his shock. Silas should take care to not bring that up around the eldest prince. He always seemed to get agitated whenever Silas brought up his banishment or the idea of being forgotten. The knight didn't know if he should have bothered broaching that subject, but he quickly tried to catch up and make new conversation to put the prince at ease.

This place was meant for that after all. That was the whole reason he went there.

The surrounding green fields were peaceful enough on their own. The forests off to the side, untouched and probably hiding some kind of magic that Silas recalled reading about in his past before he even knew what deeprealms were and all the possibilities they held. Now, he travels them as a knight guiding the prince to his next destination. It would be romantic if Silas was into that.

He wasn’t, but even a guy could dream.

But the breeze was gentle and the river they came upon as they neared the village was soothing enough for Silas to stop at if only for Cain and Siegurd to get a drink and rest themselves. Silas sat on the log next to the river and breathed in deeply inhaling the fresh air. This air that was free of war and knowing what seemed like only peace. This is what Silas dreamed of.

"Maybe I'll retire here," Silas uttered absently.

“Here?” Xander’s head swiftly turned to Silas, but the knight was too relaxed to realize how stiff the movement was. “So far from Nohr?”

“Yeah, it’s peaceful. Far away from any past conflicts, war, memories,” Silas breathed again. “Maybe I’ll build myself a farm and just… settle down.”

Xander furrowed his brows, “A farm?”

Silas laughed, “Maybe not a farm. I can’t imagine enjoying that no matter what Mozu says about it.”

“Has Nohr’s image for you been soiled so?” Xander sounded genuinely concerned and Silas opened his eyes to look at the crown prince.

“I jest Xander, milord. I jest,”  he wasn’t sure if he was.

“You aren’t though,” Xander pointed out. “You sincerely wish to retire so far from Nohr?”

"It'll be a while," Silas confessed. "I have a war to win alongside all of you and then… well, honestly I haven't thought beyond the war. I guess I'd just end up continuing my ways as a knight."

Xander pursed his lips before settling beside Silas, “You haven’t answered the question.”

"I…" Silas scratched his neck nervously. "I don't know, milord. Quite frankly, there isn't much left for me there now." Probably too honest. Too honest for the crown prince. "But I would see to it that it's rebuilt and help you and the other royal siblings in any way I can before I even consider retiring! I promise that."

"So you do," was all the prince answered in response.

Silas couldn’t place it, but the tone of the prince’s voice made him uncomfortable. He didn’t like it when Xander made himself unreadable like that. He hated it when Xander shut him out like that.

“No, no,” Silas tried to reassure the prince. “That’s not… It’s not—”

“You needn’t make excuses, Silas,” the prince smiled at him. “I just wished to know, that is all. How about you show me around the village now? It is beautiful out here I will admit. I would like to see the village as well.”

"It's more a town actually," Silas clarified after a moment realizing the prince really didn't want to hear about his retirement plans. And, _ouch,_ that stung a little. Though, what could he expect, it wasn't his job to listen to Silas talk about what he was planning to do post-war. They had to live through the war first. Silas should have known that was the first and foremost objective. Everything else could wait.

“Then, show me the town.”

“Of course, milord,” Silas mounted Cain swiftly and began to lead the way.

“And do away with titles, they’ll do us no good here,” Xander added.

“Of course, milord.”

“Silas.”

“Sorry, sorry! Force of habit!” Silas apologized. “Xander then.”

He laughed then, “You say it as if it’s a foreign word. You’ve said it before and you’ve done it without the titles too.”

"They're slip-ups, I don't realize I do it!" Silas protested. "Plus, it's been a while now."

The prince’s laugh grew louder, “Unfortunately Silas, it occurred just yesterday.”

Well, shoot.

“Well, if I start calling you just Xander when we go back, that won’t go over very well,” Silas argued.

“Silas,” Xander smiled calming his laugh. The knight instantly missed it. It was a pleasant sound to his ears that he would’ve liked to hear more often. “I swear to you that it is okay. Now, please. For both of our sakes, just call me by my given name and only such.”

“...Yes, milord.”

“ _Silas_.”

“ _Sorry!_ ”

It was understandable. He came here to be Xander, not the crown prince of Nohr even if Silas thought that to be slightly out of character for the older man. He deserved a break. Silas would do what he could to ensure it was comfortable.

Silas smiled as soon as they neared the entrance of the town. Sliding off his horse, he gave Cain a light pat and combing out his mane. Xander followed suit watching Silas with a curious glint. The knight walked up to the humble log cabin beside him and knocked on the door. Immediately, the door of the small house next to them swung open and an older man came out slowly, looking above his glasses to look at the two figures.

"Oh!" he exclaimed with a low chuckle. "Silas, welcome back, my boy."

“Thank you, Mr. Adler,” Silas bowed softly. “It’s good to be back.”

The older man smiled, “It’s been a long while. What’s it? Two months?”

Silas never understood how time in these deeprealms worked. Two weeks turning to two months here? He found time in other realms stranger where a few weeks turned into a few years even stranger. Either way, Silas knew not to comment on it.

“Yes sir,” Silas nodded. Mr. Adler looked towards Xander and Silas suddenly felt embarrassed for not introducing him yet. “Uh, this is pri— Xander, a dear friend of mine.” He swallowed as those words left his mouth. Old habits die hard.

“Hm, hm, yes,” Mr. Adler smiled. “Finally you bring a friend here. I should’ve told my wife to make more treats.” Mr. Adler held out a hand and Silas sucked in a breath because he didn’t know how casual Xander wanted to get with these townspeople. “Simon Adler, everyone just calls me Mr. Adler though. A pleasure to meet you, young man. Silas has mentioned you a few times I do believe. Xander, right? This is the one?” The elderly man looked at Silas for confirmation still awaiting a handshake from Xander.

Silas wanted to dig a hole and hide in it. He sputtered not expecting Mr. Adler to remember him talking about that because it wasn’t a long conversation with him and he spoke with Mrs. Adler more than him.

Xander smiled, “It’s a pleasure to meet you as well, Mr. Adler. I hope everything Silas has said of me was pleasant.” He took his hand and glanced at Silas.

“All good things,” came the hearty laugh from Mr. Adler. “Enjoy yourself in our humble town, young man. I’m sure Silas over here will make a great tour guide and get you a bunch of free things and if not for free, then a significant discount. Somehow, he wormed his way into the hearts of our townsfolk. A bunch of nice warm treats from the young ladies at the bakery, maybe even some nice jewels, oh and—”

“Mr. Adler, you’re embarrassing me,” Silas huffed.

"That's my job, son," he laughed again. "To get you started…" he wandered back inside and Silas could hear him talking to his wife. They were both sweet and welcoming and the first two to give him a tour around the town when he stumbled across this deeprealm. The image of a lost traveler apparently made them want to house him. Mrs. Adler, with her rosy cheeks and soft smile, walked out with a pouch.

“I tried something new,” she handed them to Silas. “Let me know what you think.” She bowed to the Xander, “It’s a great pleasure to meet you, Xander. Silas speaks fondly of you.”

“It’s nice to meet you as well.”

“Ugh, please don’t,” Silas groaned. He felt like they were his parents. They definitely treated him like he was their son.

“Your secrets are safe with me, dear,” she winked at Silas. “Take care.”

"Bye Mrs. Adler. Thank you very much," he waved as she went inside the house and Mr. Adler followed her in. Silas placed the treats into one of his pouches on his horse but the smell of them was intoxicating.

“Silas,” Xander began softly. Said man looked up at the prince and blinked a few times. “How often _do_ you come here?”

Silas hesitated as he took the reins of Cain and began leading them inside the bustling town. “Uh, enough for them to know me by name? And to give me free stuff...”

The prince, unexpectedly, frowned. Was something wrong with that?

"What's wrong?" Silas probed. "I— Is it because I didn't bring you sooner? I'm sorry, milord- Xander—ack, this is hard—uh I just didn't want to bother you."

“No, no,” Xander sighed softly. “Just, I didn’t realize you were in that much pain.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Silas’s eyes widened. “Oh, no, I’m fine, really. I just really like it here. After the first few times I came here, I kind of kept promising I would come back and I like to make good on my promises as best I can so… I’m stuck in a loop milord.”

“Truly?” Xander’s voice was full of concern.

“Truly, sorry for worrying you like that,” Silas scratched the back of his head. “I just—”

“Silas, you’re back!” shouted a little girl. Silas stopped in his tracks as he noticed her running up to him from the side. “You’re back!”

Silas chuckled, “You’ve gotten big, Lydia.”

“You betcha!” she cheered. “Who’s that?”

Silas looked up at Xander wondering if he wanted to introduce himself. It didn’t seem likely, so Silas did so himself.

“My friend Xander,” no matter how many times he was going to say that in the given day, it wasn’t going to get any easier. To say it so casually and not worry about a potential threat to his life? Wasn’t anticipated in his time as a knight.

“Wow! He’s so big,” Lydia exclaimed.

Xander laughed at that, “Hello there.”

“I’m Lydia! Silas’s best friend!” the knight couldn’t but grin at that declaration. Gods, she was an adorable little girl.

“Is that so?” Xander smiled at Silas. “He has many friends here it would seem.”

“Uh huh! But I’m his bestest friend, right Silas?” Lydia pulled at Silas’s arm.

“Right.”

There were many reasons why Silas wouldn't have minded settling down there. Children like Lydia were oddly attached to him and made the excursion all the more enjoyable, and it was amusing to see them argue over who Silas's supposed "best friend" was amongst the young children. The constant introduction of Xander got tiring, especially when he continuously slipped up and nearly called him "milord" and "Prince Xander" and "Lord Xander." But it was enjoyable to spend time with the prince off the battlefield, outside of an environment that would even incite thoughts of war and struggles.

Yet, Cain was tired because Silas kept putting more and more things in those pouches and people didn’t get the hint that he couldn’t take anything else.

“Would you like to try some of these?” Silas offered. “I really can’t eat all of these but...”

“So you’re the one that keeps leaving these random sweets in the kitchen,” Xander commented. “I thought the people on cooking duty were getting creative.”

"Hahaha," Silas chuckled. "Sorry to disappoint but there of special origin."

Xander smirked and plucked one of the small treats from Silas’s bag.

“They’re really sweet,” Silas admitted as Xander placed it in his mouth. “They have a love for sweet things here so most treats are.”

“It’s quite good,” Xander confessed with a hint of shock. “You should ask for their recipe.”

“I tried,” Silas laughed. “But it’s apparently a family secret and I haven’t worked my way up the ladder like that yet. Plus, being the “traveler” I am, they fear the spread of their sacred recipe.” Silas shrugged and popped another small biscuit in his mouth, “I can’t blame them. Ooh, this one is raspberry!” The gushed over the treat. That wasn’t one he had before. “It gives me a reason to come back and visit after all. Though, I think I’ve become their guinea pig to try all their new things before they put them out.”

Xander laughed softly, “Seems like your charm works everywhere.”

“I try to help where I can,” Silas confessed.

"You helped them?" Xander queried. "How so?"

"Oh," Silas observed the next one to see if he could guess the flavor. "Well, they did have a bandit problem a while back. When I first came here, they thought I was a bandit. But the bandits just really needed food and water and didn't want to bring the villagers any harm, so I helped them settle the dispute. Those bandits are particularly good with clothes, so they set up their own tailor shop not too far from that church," he pointed towards the general direction. You couldn't see the church from where they stood as it was overshadowed by the Main Cathedral. "But yeah, some of them were a little iffy, but they've managed to make things work." Silas held up another treat. "Would you like to try another one, milord? This one I think is blueberry…"

“Silas—”

“Sorry, Xander, Xander… I’m working on it,” his face was flushed, he didn’t need to be told that to know.

“No - well that too - just,” the prince shook his head. “You settled a bandit dispute on your own?”

Silas nodded, “I mean, I wasn’t going to let them get attacked. And if there was a peaceful way to do it, I was going to try my best.”

Doesn’t mean he got by without any scrapes, but it’s the thought that counts.

“You’ve got a big heart, little knight,” Xander smiled softly.

“Oh, uh, huh,” he tried, really _tried_ , not to let on how flustered that made him. He thinks he failed because the smile on the prince’s face just grew. “Thanks, uh, milord, prince… Xander…”

“I believe you mentioned something about this Main Cathedral,” the prince switched topics quickly and Silas was both grateful and annoyed by that. “Are we allowed to look inside? It’s quite beautiful.”

“Sure…uh,” Silas attached the treats back to Cain. “Follow me.”

He was still flustered. Still bothered by that nickname that he was pretty sure Xander said he wasn’t going to call him anymore. Silas knew that the prince was just teasing him. He didn’t do it often so it was a sign of how relaxed Xander was, but still, it was at his own expense he very much did not enjoy that. The knight couldn’t get embarrassed so easily, he needed to work on that.

Taking a deep breath, Silas led the charge. The Main Cathedral was beautiful. Compared to everything else, it stood taller, grander, brighter than the average buildings. Quite frankly, it was the first thing that Silas noticed before even entering the village. It glistened under the sunlight, a beacon of hope in the night if looking for civilization after traveling for too long. Perhaps, that was why they built it to be so tall. Nohr had beautiful architecture no doubt, but in all of Silas's life, he hadn't quite seen something that sparked his interest so. They entered silently and Silas could hear even Xander's slight gasp as soon as they entered. The paintings, the stained glass windows, the arches, pillars - a breathtaking sight. It was one thing that happened to take his breath away every time he stepped in there and seeing someone else stunned by its beautiful put bout of pride in the young knight's heart. As if he had built it, and lord knows he didn't.

“Gorgeous, isn’t it?” Silas whispered.

“Quite,” Xander replied softly. “Words can’t properly describe it.”

Words couldn’t, Silas thought. They really couldn’t.

“Hello?” came the voice of an older woman.

"Oh, hello?" Silas questioned back. The voices echoed through the high ceilings of the cathedral traveling and bouncing around the walls. Silas peaked past a pillar to see who the owner of the voice was and making sure Xander was further back if only to ensure that it wasn't dangerous for him to be in here. It was a cathedral after all. He would hope that no one would sully it with such bloody acts.

Though you never could be too sure these days, Silas learned that the hard way if nothing else in his day.

“Who is it?” the woman walked around, face stern with a scowl of wariness.

Yet, Silas smiled, “Ms. Ivette, how are you?”

“Oh!” she jumped slightly in shock before a small smile fell across her face, “Silas, my dear. How are you?”

“Doing well, thank you. I’m showing my friend… Xander around...” When Silas turned to face Xander, however,  his expression didn’t match his previous ones when he met a villager in the town. The knight couldn’t place the expression. This was all going so well, so why was he now looking so unhappy? “Milor— Xander?”

“My apologies,” he didn’t look at Silas. He was still staring at Ms. Ivette. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.

“The pleasure is all mine,” she replied holding his gaze and smile still in place.

“Uh—”

"Do you mind showing us around?" Xander requested.

“Of course,” Ms. Ivette bowed. “Please follow me.”

The prince turned to look at the knight gesturing for him to get ahead of him. Silas obeyed, but a question was still on his tongue. The knight stared up at Xander with a quizzical expression.

_What’s wrong?_

The question went unanswered. It bothered him throughout the whole tour. He was never one to really doubt Xander and his suspicions, but this just seemed unfounded. Despite it, Silas followed them in silence as Ms. Ivette began showing them around the cathedral. He was glad she was here despite how Xander seemed because the knight was certain he would have gotten them both lost in here.  The cathedral, she had confessed, wasn’t always a cathedral, but she never told them of what it was originally. Silas chalked it up to that being a piece of history they decided to leave untouched, but it piqued his curiosity nonetheless.

Though he was more distracted with how tense Xander was throughout the whole things. Maybe Silas was being oblivious again. Maybe he just wasn’t as keenly aware as Xander was

“Ivette, what do we have here?” came a voice from the shadows. Silas’s head darted to face the source of the voice. He hadn’t heard that one before. That was a _new_ voice and Silas pretty knew everyone in this town at this point. He had met most of them at least once.

“Bishop Bertrand,” Ivette clasped her hands together. “I was just showing around these two travelers. Though, Silas has made quite a name for himself here. He’s the one—”

“Who helped us with the bandit dispute, yes I do recall that name being stated quite fervently in our town after that,” the bishop spoke. Despite the apparent praise, Silas didn’t miss the condescending tone that fluttered underneath.

The knight let it go, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Bishop Bertrand," Silas bowed out of instinct.

His eyes looked towards Xander ignoring Silas, and now he was getting annoyed.

“And you are?” he asked, but it wasn’t unkind. Not like the way he addressed Silas.

"Xander," the prince stated simply. More suspicion piled up on his already wary gaze. Silas was beginning to feel the same way. Maybe this bishop just knew that Silas was lesser than Xander, lesser than him. The knight was used to it but that didn't mean it didn't bother him from time to time.

“A pleasure to meet you,” Bishop Bertrand nodded at Xander and then belatedly Silas. “I trust the tour Ivette has given you has been swell?”

“Most enlightening,” Xander acknowledged. “I learned much about your history through this. What was this cathedral prior to it becoming a…well, cathedral?”

Bishop Bertrand hummed. And the knight settled to the back, behind Xander observing the bishop. A white beard and smile lines and wrinkles that proved his age. Draped in whites befitting that of us his status. Yes, Silas could tell he was important, and perhaps the head of this humble town. At least, he seemed to demand the respect of one.

“Not much history is left of what was prior to this cathedral,” he answered. “Though, I can’t imagine it being necessarily a good history. We like to improve, let go and move on.”

 _Let go and move on_.

He didn't know what to make of that. It was oddly dismissive, but the town seemed to be thriving. Despite the prince's suspicions, the knight noticed that he was engaged in a full conversation with the bishop. Without having much else to do and really not desiring to join in on the history talks, he let his eyes wander. There wasn't much else to do. He doubted much time passed at all back where they were. Time was weird like that, yet the sun was beginning to set here. A few hours at most had passed where they came from, but that was enough for something to happen given their situation. He really hoped they weren't needed - at least not Xander. Laslow and Peri were to cover for him in his absence and if he was needed, they knew where to go. Silas had let them in on this location, though he wasn't entirely sure if the duo were paying attention to what he told them. Laslow looked tired and worn. Peri was occupied with something else, her knives her something probably. Either way, he just knew she was looking everywhere but at him throughout the whole conversation. He doubted she meant to be rude about it, but he would have appreciated a little acknowledgment that she was hearing the words coming out of his mouth.

As Silas turned back around to face Xander, he couldn’t shake the sensation of being watched. Bishop Bertrand was occupied with Xander and he barely gave Silas two seconds when they were being introduced. Ivette on the other hand…

Ivette was missing. There were no footsteps to indicate her departure from the current room, and you would hear them because she was wearing heels and this cathedral echoed like no other.

“Most people don’t back this far,” he overheard Bishop Bertrand say to Xander. “We typically keep this place locked up from the public, but I suppose Ivette decided to make an exception for the two of you. Unfortunately, I’m going to have to cut this tour short. I cannot let you go any further.”

“There appears to be just one door remaining over there,” Xander pointed out. “Unless that goes further, but I can’t imagine this place being any bigger.”

"Yes, and you've seen far more than any citizens of this town," the bishop replied with a polite strictness. "So I'll have to ask you both now to depart. I'm sure you would like to return home after all. It's getting rather late."

Xander took the hint, but not without a raised eyebrow. Turning to Silas, the knight could see the hint of annoyance in his face. “Where’d Ms. Ivette go?” he inquired after a moment.

Silas shrugged, “I zoned out and missed her leave I guess.”

“Zoned out,” Xander repeated. “I see.” Silas opened his mouth to add on, but Xander turned away from him, “I will have to ask you to show us out as I don’t quite recall how we made it here.”

 _I was listening to the history and it seemed Silas was zoned out then as well_ , Silas picked up on that unsaid statement. Only slightly offended and not willing to get into a heated debate about whether or not Silas was listening or not, he settled on only nodding.

Silas loved this deeprealm but the cathedral wasn’t settling well with him. He would gladly leave at this point.

A sigh that sounded terribly longsuffering escaped the bishop's lips, "Seeing as Ivette has left, I guess I will have to."

It still felt like he was being watched even as they began to leave. Silas _loathed_ that feeling. Chills went down his spine, his shoulders stiff, and every time he wanted to reach for his sword that wasn’t meant to be drawn. Not here.

"No need to be so tense, traveler," the bishop insisted walking ahead of them and giving Silas a side-eye. "What did she tell you about this?" Xander walked ahead of Silas with his long strides to be right behind the bishop.

Silas settled on not being fond of Bishop Bertrand but tried hard not to show it. Covering up his disdain by the tone of his when addressing the prince was hard, normally nobody spoke that way to him and even the townspeople were very polite with him. It was almost as if they knew he was royalty. Then there was stuffy Bishop Bertrand who demanded the respect of a king, and Silas just felt perturbed at the attitude. Xander hid it well. That, Silas assumed, came from years of training to be a prince where you had to deal with suck-ups and disrespectful people.

"Silas?" Xander spoke gently. "You must be tired, I'm sorry."

Silas shook his head, snapping his attention to the prince, “No! Sorry, I was just thinking to myself that’s all. Thank you, Bishop Bertrand.”

“Hmph, of course. Do visit again,” an odd glint in his eyes when he looked at Silas, suddenly he spun on his heels swinging open the doors. Silas took the hint that the offer was extended to the prince and not him. That was fine. Quite frankly, the place gave him the creeps anyway. Jumping on his horse as soon as the bishop returned to the cathedral, Silas began grumbling to himself.

Beside him, Xander chuckled, “Are you sure you’re okay? Your grumbling tells me otherwise.”

“I just,” they left the site of the cathedral entering the main town, “I really think he hated me. It’s like he could feel that I was just a… knight.”

“I did get the feeling that he was judging us pretty critically,” Xander confessed.

“You were too!” Silas threw his hands up in the air. Xander released a surprised sound at Silas’s sudden outburst. In a hushed whisper, he continued, “You were glaring at Ms. Ivette the whole time.”

“Oh,” he hummed again. “Was it noticeable?”

"Maybe not to her, but to me, it was," Silas huffed. "I've spent enough time with you to notice your microexpressions, Xander."

“You’d do well in the royal court then,” Xander mused.

"Ha, ha, ha," the knight was not amused. Dropping his voice once more, he continued, "They'd lop my head off for one, and two, I wouldn't have to imagine that being a knight. Royal courts are not in my future." Even as he said that he couldn't deny that it would be nice to be in the royal courts. If only it were with a certain person, Silas didn't think he would mind. But that was beside the point. It wasn't happening. "I wouldn't want that responsibility anyway."

“No?” Xander replied softly. “I wasn’t expecting such a heated response. I’ll keep that in mind then.”

"I don't know what you were considering that made you think I would even end up there anyway," Silas commented. "I don't see any way a knight can upgrade further than that. Further than just… being  with the army and guard and stuff."

Xander only shrugged, “I can think of a few things, but I digress.” He wasted no time to change the topic, Silas wasn’t going to push it. “If it was only you that noticed my scrutiny, then I can’t say I care too much, though I hate it was noticeable regardless. She just,” his voice quieted as well as they began to leave the town with others saying bye to Silas and he giving small waves. “Rubbed me the wrong way I suppose.”

“Uh oh,” Silas bit his lip. Even he couldn’t keep out the slight skepticism he had because the cathedral left him slightly uncomfortable and she just vanished. Besides that though, “She’s really nice. She’s taken me in a few times.”

“She has?” Xander didn’t seem fond of that idea.

“Yeah!” Silas exclaimed. “She’s sweet. Treats me like her son really.”

An odd look clouded the prince’s eyes. He looked surprisingly worried and wary. The knight was taken aback by the expression. Silas began to think that maybe he liked it better when he couldn’t get a read on Xander. It was a tad bit easier to deal with than these unwarranted concerns.

“Xander,” Silas stressed. “Milord, please, she’s really not that—”

“We’re not back yet, Xander is still sufficient,” he interrupted.

“ _Sure_ ,” he would not be deterred. The prince was not going to avoid this topic with him. “Why are you so wary?”

Instead, Xander asked, “Has she talked about her son?”

Confused, Silas replied slowly, "Briefly. Said he went missing when he was young though. They haven't found a trace of him yet. Her husband passed away a few years later of grief, so she's been on her own."

“I see.”

“And? You see what?”

“Nothing to worry about, Silas,” Xander shrugged again.

“Bull sh—” Silas clamped a hand over his own mouth so hard everything in his head rattled a bit. He rarely if _ever_ slipped up like that. Being in the army, you pick up on those things, but the young man tried really hard to keep that out of his day-to-day vernacular as much as possible. Especially given how much Princess Elise had taken to his company, he couldn’t slip up around her, that would be detrimental. Slipping up around Xander was no better, and Silas actually felt a cold settle in his stomach. “Sorry. Bull.” It was weak, hesitant.

“If you felt that passionately about it Silas, I wouldn’t have mentioned it,” the crown prince supplied in the silence. There was a hint of amusement in his voice. Silas supposed it would be unfounded if the prince laughed at such language.

“Sorry,” Silas apologized again. “It won’t happen again.”

“Silas,” Xander smiled at him. “It’s fine. We’re grown men in the army, it’s not like I have virgin ears.”

Silas actually laughed at that, but he could feel the heat of embarrassment rush into his face. Leave it to him to make a complete fool out of himself.

Xander pressed his lips together, before breathing out a sigh, “I suppose my concern is unfounded. She just unsettled me slightly, is all.” Then, he looked at Silas and gave him a genuine smile that made the knight’s heart melt. “Thank you for today. I enjoyed myself thoroughly Silas.” A pause, before they began their return to their less than peaceful world, “We should do this again sometime. Though perhaps, we’ll wait until after the war. Then, you can discuss your retirement plans with me.”

“I—” Silas paused trying to hold back a gasp. “I would like that very much. The whole doing this again… thing.”

A soft chuckle, “Good.”

Upon their return, it was suffice to say they were questioned about their disappearance. Mainly Silas given no one was covering for him and it seemed his attention was needed in multiple places while he was gone. The knight didn't mind though. It was rare to spend time with Xander like that, especially with him so unguarded. He wouldn't trade that for the world.

But when they returned, it was back to "milord" and "Lord Xander" and all the official titles that rolled off his tongue easily. Though they sounded stiffer and Silas would be remiss to lie to the prince about the fact that he often nearly slipped up when talking to him around others. Once he did slip around Princess Camilla, and her eyebrows shot up so fast before she winked and giggled. Silas didn't know what that meant. But he apologized for his slip up quickly, promising not to do it again. Xander shook his head in amusement before walking off.

Camilla was too giddy and acting too suspicious for Silas’s liking. Gods, she’d never let his slip up go. He knew that as soon as it happened. She would tease him to no end. He knew that.

But it wasn’t half bad.

Those few nights after that excursion, Silas slept surprisingly well. Better than he had in a long time. Mostly dreamless. But then there was red.

Silas never knew what that meant.

-0-0-0-

They marched silently. Azura had voiced her suspicions that Anankos was becoming warier of them if that could even happen. He wasn't going to pull any punches anymore, he wants them _dead_. Deader than dead. His minions, that’s what he really wanted, Silas was certain. The prince was short and succinct with orders and directions - it wasn’t unusual for Xander, but there was strain, Silas could tell. He was tired, Silas was sure. Ryoma stood at the eldest prince of Nohr’s side acting as a way of showing that Hoshido and Nohr were still working together - they weren’t fighting each other. Even Silas could still feel the tension in the field amongst everyone. The not-so-subtle glares were back. The whispered threats and taunts.

It was deja vu.

"Princess Camilla, Princess Hinoka, there are two flying archers closing in!" Silas shouted as soon as the battle started. It was moments like this that Silas hated not having his javelins. They were too high for him to reach on the ground like this. Even with the javelin, he didn't know if he couldn't make it but at least he could try.

Princess Hinoka turned around first because Princess Camilla was in the middle of another fight. Silas's heart was racing as he watched her dodge the first onset of arrows and try to close the distance. He needed to focus on his own battle too of course. There was no shortage of enemies coming his way but—

He swore to protect them regardless.

“Silas!”

“On it!” the knight turned around to give Princess Elise back-up.

“Thanks!” she beamed as she healed another soldier.

“How are you on staves?” he shouted over the noise.

Elise gave a thumbs up, “I’m doing alright! Are you hurt?”

“Not yet!”

“Silas!” Elise gasped and then pouted.

"Sorry, sorry," he apologized eyes scanning the battlefield for an _end_. They seemed to keep growing. Silas readied his lance once more as enemies relentlessly came charging at him. Spinning his lance around he charged at them meeting them halfway. p

Silas would never get used to this. He didn’t know how people did. A part of him maybe envied that. He wiped the sweat with the back of his hand and blood that he was certain didn’t belong to him. This was tiring. He heaved a breath as more Vallite soldiers made there way over. Another fellow Nohrian soldier made his way over as well and gave Silas a pat on the shoulder before charging ahead.

Gods.

It was happening again he realized. The schism in battle. Nohrians only fighting alongside other Nohrians or bitterly and dysfunctionally fighting with Hoshidans and vice versa. They were going to get each other killed.

And then that crippling scream rang out. Everything else around Silas went deafening silent as he watched Hinoka begin to fall out of the sky. Pegasus shot in one too many places to fly. Hinoka was going down

"Princess Hinoka!" Silas screamed rushing in her direction. In truth, Silas didn't know what he was going to try to do. He wouldn't be able to catch her, the fall would crush him and his horse, especially since her pegasus was going down with her. But instincts went out the window and he made Cain charge towards her falling figure anyway. Princess Camilla spun around at the sudden shout evidently unaware that Princess Hinoka had even taken a hit. In an instant, she dove with her wivern to try to catch the unconscious Hoshidan princess and by some miracle, she caught the redhead princess by her ankle.

"Silas!" Princess Camilla called out flying down close to him. "Take her to a cleric now!" Silas just barely managed to catch the fallen princess with the momentum Princess Camilla possessed, but as he fumbled to do so, he nodded at her.

What a nightmare.

Hinoka was out cold, but the warmth of her blood seeping from her onto his uniform was making him nauseous. An arrow into her abdomen. Gods, he hoped it didn’t hit anything vital. Adjusting the princess to the best of his ability to still allow him to defend the two of them, Silas made his way to where he knew the clerics would be.

In the midst of his travels back, it hit Silas how gruesome it was and how much favor the royal family did get. He watched as comrades in arms fell, but rarely did you see anyone do what Princess Camilla did for Prince Hinoka. Rarely did you see anyone falling back from the main line to get help for a fallen friend. No, it wasn’t reasonable, then no one would be fighting if everyone did so, but the meaning of fighting in this war as a common soldier, never hits him more than when he’s fighting alongside a member of the royal family.

What is a knight compared to a member of the royal family?

You can’t compare them because they are on a different spectrum.

And maybe it’s just the compassion of Princess Camilla that made her react so quickly to Princess Hinoka’s fall, or it was fear of what would befall the relations between Hoshido and Nohr should one of them fall. As much as Silas would like to believe in Princess Camilla, and both were probably factors in her decision, he knew that the latter took the cake.

Because you’d see it more often, no? The stupidity of letting your guard down to rescue a fallen soldier? More would die than would be saved.

Silas knew that.

Didn’t make it hurt any less.

“Big sister!” came the gentle cry of Princess Sakura. She would be the one to greet Silas. “Oh no…! Silas, is she…?”

“Please take her Princess Sakura!” Silas hands her off to the older clerics who set her down for the princess and the others to examine. “She’ll be fine, I believe in you!” She _has_ to be fine. Princess Sakura looked up at him with tears fresh her eyes, but they were determined. She nodded through the tears. Silas was proud of her, after everything she’d gone through, she was always so strong even in the face of adversity. He could learn a lot from her.

"I have to return to battle," the knight returned her nod as he began to turn his horse around. "Be safe, and take care of Princess Hinoka for me!"

“But Silas!” Princess Sakura called after him as he sped off. “You’re…!”

He didn’t catch the rest of that. Sakura wasn’t loud enough to begin with especially not in the middle of a battlefield, but he couldn’t slow down. Princess Camilla didn’t have nearly as much support now that the eldest princess of Hoshido was down. Even if he couldn’t fly, he could take care of ground units that would try to swarm her. He saw a lot of them trying to take over the two princesses earlier and quite frankly the rest of the army was being cut off because they were too busy fighting each other.

Silas could only hope that after this battle they would get a grip and realize fighting amongst each other would get their royal family killed.

“Silas,” Princess Camilla swooped above him before landing at his side. “How was Princess Hinoka faring?”

“I think she’ll be fine, milady,” Silas responded in a breath as he cut through an enemy. “Princess Sakura and several other clerics are tending to her now.”

"Good," she replied before flying up once more. But Silas didn't miss the hint of guilt that tinged her voice. It always crept in when you wanted it the least and Silas noticed that she flew up much faster than she needed to given the circumstances. Moving that fast, and she could've accidentally flown into a stray arrow and fall just as Hinoka did.

She didn’t have to hide it from Silas, but the battlefield wasn’t the place for vulnerabilities. Silas kept his mind on task.

“Silas, Silas!” the knight turned around to greet the owner of the voice. Princess Elise was running to him with a staff in hand. They aren’t low, are they? Silas was sure they stocked up on everything, he was in charge of that duty after all.

“What is it, Princess Elise? Don’t tell me you need more staves?” Could that many have been injured in battle?

Princess Elise shook her head as Princess Camilla flew down beside her.

“Oh gods,” Silas suddenly felt panicked. “Is Princess Hinoka alright? She’ll make it right?”

“She’ll be fine,” Princess Camilla confessed with a grim nod. “I owe her my thanks. She was covering for me well, but I failed to do the same for her.”

Silas doubted that. It was Camilla after all. Fiercely protective in all the ways possible for those she cared for. He knew that she held no ill will towards Hinoka. She would protect her as well.

“You gave her to me and ensured that she received care, milady,” Silas pulled his best smile. “You saved her life.”

“If you weren’t there, I doubt that. It was thanks to you Silas,” despite the pain in her voice, her eyes did brighten. He was doing this right.

“It was all you, princess,” Silas shrugged off the gratitude. He did what he had to. “So then, why are you two here?” Silas asked before the eldest princess could counter.

Elise waved her staff once more, “You haven’t checked in with any of the clerics yet, so I’m here to drag you there.”

“What? But I’m fine,” he was _fine_. In fact, besides some small cuts and bruises, Silas was feeling the best physically than he ever after a battle like that. The two princesses exchanged glances. They weren’t having it. Why didn’t they believe him? He truly wasn’t lying.

“Please, don’t waste your staves on these minor wounds. I swear they’ll heal— _oof!_ ”

The last thing he was expecting was the steel grip of Princess Camilla to grab his arm and for Princess Elise to push him forward. He wasn’t going to drag his feet, that would be embarrassing, but that didn’t stop him from protesting the whole way there. Unsurprisingly, they ignored him until he made it to the clerics.

“Silas,” Princess Sakura gasped. “You finally came.”

“No offense princess, but I’m not quite sure why,” Silas glanced around the room to see in the corner, Princess Hinoka resting peacefully with Prince Ryoma and Prince Takumi alongside her retainers.

Strangely, Silas hadn’t seen Setsuna the whole battle. Azama tended to her wounds, he knew that. Perhaps she fell in a ditch in the middle of it. Would be her luck.

“Silas, there’s a lot of blood though,” Elise pointed towards his abdomen. Silas looked down.

Oh. _Oh_.

“I swear, I just haven’t changed my garments yet,” Silas rushed to explain. “It’s not mine.”

“Then were you dancing with a corpse?” came the dry humor of Azama.

“No, I,” Silas paused not expecting that question. Though, he should’ve given the person who said it. “ _No_ , I was carrying Princess Hinoka to Princess Sakura. It seeped into my clothes during the ride." Princess Sakura bit her lip and Elise immediately began comforting her. Oddly enough, Azama kept silent. Silas supposed even he knew when to keep his mouth shut. "I'm sorry. Uh, I'll change. I don't mean to invade or add any more concern."

“Silas,” Prince Ryoma called out to him. “Are you alright?”

“Only minor cuts and bruises, Prince Ryoma,” he replied softly. The air was tense. Speaking any louder, something might break, though Silas wasn’t quite sure what. Maybe it was him trying to respond to that loaded question. The prince knew it was a loaded question, knew there was too much that wasn’t alright in that question. But Silas kept it to himself, only Prince Ryoma knew what was vaguely going on in his head.

“Silas,” the prince tried again, before looking at Princess Hinoka. Slowly, he waved for Silas to leave and he did so. Quickly, maybe too quick because the high prince grabbed his arm roughly as if to catch him. “Silas, Silas!” He tried again. “Hold it, I wish to speak with you.”

"If you wouldn't… If it is okay with you," Silas breathed. In. Out. "I would like to change my clothes. The more I stand in this blood, the more ill I begin to feel."

“Oh,” Ryoma seemed to get the hint.  Silas didn’t want to talk to him. “Of course, my apologies. I’ll speak to you after then.”

“Of course.”

No, Silas escaped. Fled before Ryoma could even pinpoint his location. Fled to the only place he could breathe. Though, of course, that wouldn’t last. Why would it? Rarely could the knight catch a break. Time alone was really too much to ask for nowadays. Especially when other soldiers constantly came to him for advice. He thought this deeprealm would protect him from that.

But of course, they always prove him wrong when he really doesn’t want them to.

“Silas?”

“What?”

“You should get some rest.”

Silas turned around from his spot next to the lazy river.

“Laslow?”

He smiled gently, it was still fragile, still just as tired as before. Gods, it felt like it had been a long time since he had seen Laslow. He hadn't monitored him for a long time. Odin had taken care to do so and Selena had started doing it as well.

“You look—”

“The same? Worse?” Laslow laughed. “Yes, well, the deeper we go the worse I feel, I’m afraid.”

Silas’s eyes widened, “Laslow…! Have you told anyone?”

"Relax," Laslow said, but it did nothing to ease his fears. "Odin and Selena both know." He winked at Silas, "No more possessions though. I think Anankos's attempts have lessened - fewer migraines. But I fear that may mean he's directing his attention elsewhere."

“I see,” Silas hummed. He didn’t see. He still didn’t quite understand all of Anankos’s powers and what he was doing to cause Laslow this pain. Regardless, he knew that he was a threat that needed to be taken out.

How?

He didn’t know and feared they may never reach that answer at the rate they were going.

“Why did you come here, Laslow?” Silas asked when the retainer simply sat beside Silas and let the wind blow.

"This deeprealm is rather peaceful, no?" Laslow asked instead. "Lets you breathe."

Silas went with the turn of topic anyway, “How did you know about it?”

“Lord Xander told me he had come here before to think, to feel free,” Laslow replied. “Said he came here with you.”

“Ah, well,” Silas didn’t want to let on how pleased he was that the prince remembered their excursion.  “We’ve come to a few of these, yes. This one was rather pleasant. There are very little conflicts here. The villagers are nice, I’ve become acquainted with most of them now.”

“I know,” Laslow laughed warmly. “They were the ones that told me where to go to find you.”

“Oh.”

Laslow looked expectantly at Silas, “Lord Xander told me I might find you here. Asked me to check in on you.”

He needn’t do that.

“He wanted to,” Laslow’s eyes searched Silas. The knight should really control his thinking aloud. “We’re all a little worried after all. Prince Ryoma asked about your whereabouts seeing as you weren’t tending to your regular routine. Milord directed me to here.” Silas worked his jaw thinking, contemplating a response to that. “We can all tell that you’re having a hard time right now. Silas, be honest with me. I’m not either of the crown princes. Just a friend worried about you.”

A friend.

“You listened to me in my time of need, put up with me even when I hurt you—”

“It wasn’t you.”

“--And yet still give me the time of day listening to my woes,” Laslow laughed again though it was self-deprecating. “Silas, I’m worried.”

“Why?”

Moments passed and Silas could see the gears turning in his brain. Silas couldn't place what he was thinking so hard about. Was it the worry that he'll say something wrong to push Silas away? Or was it something so horrifying he needed to find a way to phrase gently for his now "fragile" heart? This was such a roundabout way of telling him why he had to find Silas.

“Why did you come here Laslow?” Silas repeated.

There was a reason no doubt. A serious one, perhaps.

"Anankos's control can be anywhere," Laslow revealed at last. "I think we all fear—"

“That he’s taken control over me?” Silas scoffed.

Fervently, Laslow shook his head, panic settling in his eyes, “Gods, no! Silas, if you ever felt that way please tell me, but I swear that’s not what we’re worried about.”

“Sorry,” he meant it.

“Just,” Laslow didn’t look calm at all. “No, gods, I’m sorry for making you think that.”

“It wasn’t you,” Silas paused toying with the grass. _It was me, and the red, and everything else._ “I’m just paranoid, I guess.”

There was doubt, so much doubt in his eyes, Silas noted. Laslow didn’t believe him. He didn’t believe Silas didn’t think something was wrong.

"Either way," the retainer continued. "What I was saying, we don't know when he'll strike. If he'll send Vallites to other deeprealms to attack or not, we don't know."

“It’s dangerous to go anywhere alone you mean,” Silas supplied.

“Yeah.”

Why didn’t he start with that?

“There’s gotta be something more than that,” Silas huffed. “There’s no way you’re here just to tell me that and did it in such a roundabout way.”

“Since when have I been straight with anything?” Laslow smirked.

“Yes, well,” somehow, this retainer always managed to dance around things like this. “Laslow—”

“I figured if I cornered you here where you felt comfortable maybe you’d spill about what’s going on in that head of yours. Up to you though.”

Silas laughed, “Did Lord Xander put you up to this?”

"Actually, yes," Laslow confessed easily. Silas was taken aback. "Said that you usually either talked to Prince Ryoma or me - which I don't believe, I see you with him more than I think you both realize, but that's beside the point - so he asked me to speak to you."

“Prince Ryoma is easy to talk to,” the knight swallowed.

“So is my liege.”

“No, he’s—”

“The crown prince?” Laslow smirked. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure Prince Ryoma is the crown prince as well.”

“He’s—”

“And correct me if I’m wrong, but he’s the crown prince of _Hoshido_. A little more daring don’t you think?”

“You know what Laslow?”

But the retainer smiled, gave a wink and a mock bow, “Now, now, my dear knight. No need to get snippy.”

Silas breathed a chuckle feeling oddly at ease despite how Laslow was very obviously toying with him, yet trying to pry the truth out of his lead hands at the same time.

"So why?" Laslow pressed with a tight smile. "Why are you avoiding Prince Xander when he is very evidently worried about his dear friend, Silas?"

“Are you making fun of me?” the knight tightened his grip on the grass beneath him.

“No, his words, ‘dear friend’, though I can’t imagine why a _dear friend_ like you would be trying to give him this amount of grief.”

“What grief?”

“I think my liege is under the impression that you have no desire to speak with him, otherwise he would have come himself,” Laslow shrugged as if it was nothing, but Silas could see him getting protective. It was his duty after all as friend and retainer. “Given how you tend to end conversations with him these days or just avoid him entirely.” Silas opened his mouth to protest, but Laslow hushed him, “So, I’ll ask again. Why are you avoiding Prince Xander when he is very evidently worried about you?”

Silas bit the inside of this cheek, “I didn’t know this was your way of hosting an intervention, Laslow.”

"I'm just trying to help my friend and my liege," he replied simply. "I didn't think I would need to do this given I thought things would happen naturally."

“What would happen naturally?”

“But I’ll do what I can.”

Silas never figured out what he was talking about. But he did spill. He realized, belatedly, that he was very bad at keeping things to himself when he was pressured the way Laslow had. Guilt tripping him to speaking was way too easy. Telling him he was bringing grief to others, well they knew his weak points. But Laslow listened seriously, not making a joke once which surprised the knight.

Silas thinks that revealing his concerns might have concerned Laslow more. He hadn’t seen the retainer frown so much in his presence before.

“You seem to be in quite the predicament,” Laslow admitted. ”But Silas, that sounds like something you should tell him.”

“Yeah, I’ll get to it.”

“I have a feeling you have heard this before.”

“Yes.”

“And you have yet to do it.”

“Yes.”

“Silas,” Laslow scolded. “He deserves to know. Tell him before it’s too late and you burst.”

Did he?  Would he?

“I’ll make amends,” Silas acquiesced.

“You care a lot about him,” Laslow commented instead. “He deserves to know that too.”

Silas flushed, "Fix yours first, then consult me with my problems."

Laslow shrugged and gave a hollow chuckle that sent chills down the young knight’s spine, “Unfortunately, my eyes are bigger than my stomach. I have a lot on my plate and I don’t think I’ll finish it.”

“Don’t talk like that!” Silas shouted taken aback by Laslow’s words. “You’re not going to die Laslow.”

“Frankly, I wasn’t speaking in such fatalistic terms, but,” Laslow winked again. “Thank you for your concern. I simply was referring to the fact that I can’t do it alone. Which is why I have Odin and Selena with me. Both of them are helping me. Along with all of you of course.”

 _Oh_. He was trying to preach to Silas that he should tell the prince.

“I’ve told people. You, Prince Ryoma—”

“But see,” Laslow cut in. “I don’t think that helps because, correct me if I’m wrong, my liege seems to have a greater effect on your well being than even Prince Ryoma - and I know you think highly of the High Prince of Hoshido.” Continuing, he stated, “I was told of your childhood with him. He told me you were close then too.”

“I can’t believe he talks about that.”

 _Talks about me_.

"I like to know who milord spends his time with," Laslow declared in response. "Think about it."

"Sure," Silas replied instead. This time though, he thought he might've meant it. "You can go back now. I think I'm going to spend some time in the town for a while and then go back."

Laslow’s lips pressed into a thin line, “Silas—”

“It’s fine, Laslow,” Silas gave him a thumbs up and the best reassuring smile he could manage. “I swear, it’ll be fine. I feel safe here.”

“Regardless, my orders were to—”

"Check in on me, find me, you did, you're done!" Silas jumped up. Aching to reach for Cain when he realized he hadn't brought Cain with him in the haze that was his never-ending thoughts. Oh well. It wasn't too far of a walk. "Go back, tell Prince Xander that I'm okay."

“Silas—”

“ _Please_. I promise you I’m doing alright.”

“I— Fine,” Laslow acquiesced. “Okay. But if anything happens, you come back immediately!”

“Promise.”

Giving Laslow a small nod, Silas went ahead and made his way to the town. It had been a few days since he had visited, a few weeks in the time of the deeprealm, but that didn’t really matter much in the grand scheme of things. None of them forgot him so it was easy to just fit into the town again as if barely any time had passed. When glanced back to see if the retainer was still there, he noticed that he was missing. The knight supposed he could count on Laslow when it mattered.

Lydia, of course, noted the lack of Cain. The horse had gained favor amongst the children many wishing to try riding him around the town and Silas had obliged them a few times. Seeing her pout when he confessed that he forgot to bring him along that day forced him to make a mental note that he shouldn't forget that again. It wasn't like he wanted Cain to just be used for the amusement of children, but the knight would be lying if he said he didn't miss having his ever loyal companion by his side. Forgetting his trusty steed was rare and that only reinforced how tired he truly was.

A few moments to himself, and then he would go back and restart. He wouldn't back here in a while because it was becoming too big of a habit. Though maybe he would explore other deeprealms and bring Corrin along because he seemed really curious to see others. They hadn't traveled together to a deep realm in some time and they both agreed to _not_ make it a habit. Silas supposed he fail in that regard. Certainly, Corrin was aware of where he was going, not the exact deeprealm, but at least a deeprealm in general. It wasn’t abnormal to his childhood friend, though he was sure his disappearing acts were rather out of character for others that knew him.

Not that those knights particularly wanted to get close to him anyway. Not as friendly as Corrin was to him. A lot of work with have to be put in if anyone wanted to get remotely close to the level of friendship and compassion Silas felt for Corrin.

“Silas, deary,” that voice sounded familiar. “What are you doing here?”

“Ms. Ivette!” Silas blinked. “I—” When did he end up in front of the cathedral? He looked up at the grand building with uncertainty. He was quite sure that he hadn’t made it half-way through the main town. He wasn’t that out of it. The last person he greeted was the bar owner, but that wasn’t this deep into the town.

Ms. Ivette gave him a concerned smile, “You seem a tad out of it.”

“Maybe,” Silas confessed because what else was he supposed to think.

“Why don’t you come in?” she asked already heading inside before Silas could answer.

He sputtered, “What? The cathedral? What for? I already had the tour with—-”

“Xander, yes, I remember the gentleman’s name. I figured I should since he was the first you ever brought with you,” she giggled. “I am surprised to find him not with you this evening.”

“He’s preoccupied.”

“I see,” there was a smirk, but Silas didn’t know what that meant. He hoped she wasn’t teasing him. He got enough of that from Camilla. “Well, come along. I’ll treat you to one of my meals with Bishop Bertrand.”

“I don’t want to impose—”

“I’m inviting you.”

Silas didn’t say no. He simply followed in silence as he figured she wouldn’t take no for an answer. The way she said it made it an order - an order he was having a hard time ignoring. The cathedral at night gave Silas anxiety. It looked distinctly different than it did during the day. Silas wondered if it was because they only had half the lights on inside, maybe to conserve oil, but it was giving him the creeps. Shadows popped up randomly. Creaking he didn’t remember. His nerves were getting to him, but this was on a whole other level. He looked up to the ceiling once move, he noticed it earlier, but it didn’t stand out as much then with the natural lighting as it did presently.

“Why are some patches of the interior paint different from others? Some look a little… choppy.” Silas quickly added, “No offense!”

“It’s an old building, Silas,” Ms. Ivette said patiently as if she was talking to a child. “Don’t think too hard about it.”

But Silas couldn’t help it. For such an esteemed place, he would have imagined that they would have tried to retain its beauty and repaint those spots. Maybe that wasn’t something they wanted to waste their budget on, but that seemed to be a centerpiece for the town.

Something wasn’t right.

Deciding to listen to her, it would ease his mind, after all, he focused his gaze on Ms. Ivette and where they were going. They had gone this deep the other day when he came with the prince. But they stopped before this door because Bishop Bertrand came by and Ms. Ivette disappeared. Watching her pull out the keys to this backroom that they were prohibited from entering before, Silas blinked rapidly in confusion.

“Are you sure I’m allowed back here? Bishop Bertrand didn’t seem keen on that idea,” Silas’s eyes widened.

“I think he just didn’t trust your new friend. He hadn’t met him before.”

"He hadn't met me either," Silas replied absently. "He didn't seem interested in meeting me either."

“That usually means he believed your presence was not abnormal. You belonged there.”

That was… weird. A very weird statement that Silas couldn’t decipher the meaning of. He belonged there but the man didn’t want to talk to him? Pretty sure that was the opposite of how it usually worked, but maybe that was just him trying to get used to Xander. Though he was certain he had _never_ met the man before. Didn’t even know the bishop existed until that day.

So…

Silas was left with his confusion.

 _Something_ wasn’t right.

“Why am I going back here?” Silas asked.

“It leads to my private quarters,” Ms. Ivette confessed. “I’m preparing a meal for Bishop Bertrand and myself, but I see no harm in adding a guest.”

“I really don’t want to impede.”

She shrugged, “Too late now. Come along.”

Silas wished he didn’t. Everything felt creepier by the second. This place was _too_ old for him. It was placed where he thought ghosts might jump out at him and Silas didn't even believe in ghosts.

Something _was not_ right.

Though at the end of the hall when they made it to her quarters it felt more homely, normal, _familiar_. Oddly familiar. Silas looked around, the entrance immediately led to the kitchen a nice tablet set up with a quaint table cloth and a vase in the center. Empty. That was odd. Maybe she just got rid of the flowers from before. The lighting was warm, it made him feel… drowsy? Yeah, he was feeling tired and comfortable and he just wanted to take a nap.

Eventually, he yawned, and covering his mouth immediately, he blushed in embarrassment, "Sorry, I don't know what came over me."

She laughed, “No worries, dear. A feel like a traveler would feel tired. Feel free to rest up if you need to.”

He wouldn’t. He wasn’t planning on staying for long anyway.

"Thank you," the knight returned anyway. "Where is the bishop?"

“On his way, I’m sure,” then she disappeared.

Well. He supposed he could take a look around considering she said he could rest. Odd enough, the layout of the house was familiar. It was easy to navigate, but maybe that was just the simplistic style of it? That wasn’t quite right, because it wasn’t simplistic really, but it felt simplistic. Three bedrooms, one the master, two for guests. Silas didn’t think she harbored many guests in here, but it was a nice thought. The first guest room was fairly empty as it should have been. Bed nicely made, a simply dressed, and another vase though this one did have tulips. The next room…

The next room wasn't quite as empty. It had three bookshelves, a nightstand, and a rather grand dresser. Beside the dresser were two wooden swords, one looked a little more used than the other. On the nightstand was a book, laid out presumably to save the page. Silas took a peek at the title, _War Between Realms_.

That-

That was a blast to the past. He didn't know this book was even made outside of his realm. Perhaps another traveler brought it with him, but it was such an obscure book even where he was from. Though, it was oddly appropriate given the war he was currently engaged in. This couldn't have been the bishops room. Catching him reading this book seemed too odd despite how the man came across. Maybe it was her son? That was plausible. Perhaps, she just hadn't gotten rid of everything yet hoping he'd return.

_Something wasn’t right._

"I see you found this room," Ms. Ivette spoke from behind him. Silas vaguely acknowledged her presence.

“Yes ma’am,” he replied absently. Then he turned around, asking delicately, “Was this your son’s room?”

He looked up when he noticed her walking towards him with a sad smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. Maybe it was wrong of him to talk about this.

“I left the room as is because I thought he would come back to me someday,” she nodded towards the book in his hands. “It was his favorite, you know. Before he vanished, he restarted that book, that’s where he left it.”

Odd. Silas had done the same the day he was nearly executed. Restarted the book ready to delve into another adventure he never imagined.

“I’m sure he remembers you.”

Vaguely, Silas saw something that shouldn’t be there. Saw something in Ivette’s face that should be there. An old memory perhaps.

“You think so?”

“Do you think he’s uh… still alive…?” Silas asked looking at her curiously when she leaned over to look at the book. She was torn. He could tell.

“Yes,” she replied. “For now.”

“For now?” Silas let the confusion take over him. “What does that mean?”

“Just as I said,” she wasn’t looking him, very fixated on the page. “For _now_.”

Silas would’ve asked how she could’ve assumed that. He wished he could’ve but the pain that flooded his abdomen just as he was about to lower the book cut all words, all air, all thoughts out of his system. The book fell from his hands and Silas gasped, eyes wide as he stumbled back at the force and suddenness of the attack. Slowly, he clutched the knife that was protruding from his stomach and tried to push her away, but the sheer panic and confusion from even being attacked by her left him to be overwhelmed as she plunged the rest of the knife in.

“Guh…!” is all he managed as he leaned against the wall. Suddenly, he didn’t feel so alone, nor warm. The familiarity of everything came rushing back to him - why everything felt so familiar proceeded to invade his brain at the worst time and Silas wished he realized it sooner. It was a trap. To lure him into a familiar setting where he would let his guard down.

“I’m not your… son…” Silas gasped.

He should’ve kept his mouth shut. Because the mask that was Ms. Ivette cracked, the eyes were green, the hair a light grey, the light pink lipstick and the sickly sweet perfume that Silas hated but had to endure when he went to events with her.

“Yes,” she said softly. A whisper in his ear. “My dear you are, Silas.”

“...Mom?” Silas gasped as the knife twisted before she yanked it out. He was going to bleed out here. He should’ve listened to Laslow. He should have just _listened_. “...W-Why? How?”

How was she here? Why was she trying to kill him? Why did she want him dead so _badly?_

“Bishop Bertrand will be here soon,” she simply said.

She walked away.

The cold was seeping in and so was the drowsiness.

Red was flooding his vision.

When Silas came to, his head was throbbing and his vision was blurry. It was dark, unlike the room he was in before. The pain in his abdomen hadn't subsided completely, but he was surprised that he was even alive. He began to reach to assess the wound but found that he couldn't reach it. Something wasn't right. He couldn't move his hands. Vaguely, after moments too long, that he was shackled to a chair. He was out of it and he didn't know when he was going to pull it back together. Even then…

There was no thought to finish that sentence. His mind suddenly drew a blank as his vision began to blur even more his head was swimming and the anxiety in his chest was flaring.

This place felt familiar too. A terrible familiar, it wasn’t comfortable, it made his skin crawl, the urge to scream build up, his desire to run overwhelm him. Not that he could do any of those things. He was tied up and his mouth was covered with something.

Was he really destined to die here? Like this? What a terrible way to go. It wasn’t while he was doing his duty - fighting alongside his fellow soldiers for the future of Nohr, Hoshido, the world. No. He was tied up in a deeprealm because he didn’t listen to Laslow and the prince’s concern.

Oh.

Xander.

He never did tell Xander the truth about everything. Maybe Prince Ryoma would for him. Or Laslow even, not that they knew the whole story.

Not everything that was flashing through his broken brain at the moment.

Gods, he was tired.

“Get...yourself together…” Silas said to himself through gritted teeth. He wasn’t giving in without a fight, even if it hurt. He used his left hand and reached for his right thumb. The knight wasn’t quite sure when he learned how to do that. It had been a long time, but he does recall _someone_ teaching him to dislocate his thumbs to get out shackles. He can dwell on the who later, he figured the why was going to come back to him soon given the flood of things he was seeing in his head disorienting him. Silas winced as he dislocated his left thumb, but it was worth it to get the hell out of wherever he was. Pulling his hands out of the shackles without too much noise was hard, especially when everything seemed ten times louder with the state of his head.

Regret filled him though when he stood because that's when everything really started spinning. He clutched the chair to catch himself, but it skidded backward and he winced at the sharp screeching it made with his weight.

 _Gods_.

For a few moments, he just stood there. First, to get himself together and hopefully be able to see straight. Second, because his wound was screaming at him to stay down. Finally, he didn’t exactly know where he was, what his surroundings were, if someone was there, and where in the world his sword was.

Where could he have misplaced? Maybe Ivette stole it from.

That had to be it because what the _hell_ would he have been thinking, going anywhere without it?

He let his guard down big time. Silas knew he was never going to hear the end of it if he made it out of there alive.

“E-excuse m-me?”

Silas turned to the voice a little faster than he should have. Blinking several times, he willed away the splotches in his vision to see who was talking to him. Everything was still a blur, but it was better than before.

“Who?”

“Shhhh!” the small voice hushed him. “N-not so loud or they… they’ll h-hear you.”

Silas only hummed convinced that they didn’t need a response. Slowly, he made his way over to what appeared to be a cell. Was he going to end up in one of those?

Clutching the bars of the cell with one hand and his wound with the other, the appearance of the lady began to clear up, “What are you doing down here miss? Scratch that…” he winced, “Where are we? I can’t imagine a good reason for you being down here.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” she started.

“Yeah, I believe that,” he wasn’t going to argue either way so might as well quell that before it started. “Where are we?”

A sigh, “You… you don’t know?”

Silas shook his head, “I just got stabbed by a woman who claimed to be my mother and then woke up here with a splitting migraine and a wound that hasn’t stopped bleeding, I don’t know anything anymore.”

“Oh…” she gasped eyes wide as saucers. Maybe too much information, but he had no filter with the unforgiving pain. “It’s a dungeon, thought its appearance has shifted. Perhaps it’s because…”

“Shifted? Because?” Silas was confused and shook his head. “Scratch that, I don’t really need to know.”

“Are you a thief?” she asked.

Did he look like one? “No?”

“Sorry, it’s…” she looked at the shackles now occupying the floor. “You got out of those pretty easily.”

“I…” _have some unwanted experience that is currently trying to invade my mind_ , “have friends who taught me how to get out of tight spaces.”

“Did they teach you how to pick a lock?” she asked.

“No,” he confessed solemnly. But Niles had given him a few lock picking tools when Silas expressed amazement at his skills and joked about him joining him as a former thief. Maybe Silas should have at least taken up a class from him, not that he was overly fond of the man.

A dejected look crossed the young lady’s face and he began to take in her appearance. She must’ve been down here for a long time. Thin and dirty, the lady looked no older than Silas could have been. _Gods_ , what was happening in this town.

“If I can break the lock though, I can get you out…” he began to look around the room only to notice the numerous other cells around. Some with people staring at Silas curiously or with hope and others that were either asleep or dead. He really hoped it was the former, but the stench was telling him that maybe it was the latter. The lock itself looked brittle meaning they hadn’t expected anyone to try and break out.

“Is that a water bowl?” Silas pointed to the dingy dish in the back of her cell.

“Yes, but they haven’t come to fill it in two days now,” she handed it to him.

She was going to die in here at that rate. Silas prayed the noise wouldn't alarm any patrolmen. Though they hadn't come at the sound of the screaming chair, Silas recalled. So maybe it was okay…

But he bit his tongue as he slammed the bowl into the lock. It wasn’t a great idea, but it was an idea that his brain came up with in its broken state. Rolling with it was all Silas knew how to do at that point.

Once.

Twice.

Third time and the bowl cracked and the lock was still holding up strong.

“Blast it,” Silas pulled out the lock picking tools. If he could do this, then maybe he should quit being a knight.

He spent what felt like forever in front of that lock. Part of it might have been because his sense of time was just as busted as his head, or it was the gnawing fear of someone coming across him in the act.

But the click that sounded when the lock came off made even Silas gasp.

“Are you really not a thief?” she asked again.

“Promise,” Silas replied.

“Thank you,” I’ve been down here forever.

Then, Silas looked at the wall and what must’ve been either blood or some tomato based product on the wall as a tallying system.

392…

She had been there over a year.

“Come on,” he said, unable to hold a hand out without possibly losing his balance as the injury in his abdomen seemed to make the point to remind him that it did indeed exist. A wave of dizziness overcame him and Silas thought he was going to collapse.

“Sir…!” the lady gasped in surprise. “Please stand! I need you. We all need you.”

Well, if she expected him to save all these people, Silas wasn't sure that was in his capabilities, given, you know, the life-threatening injury that was currently bleeding at a much faster rate than it had before.

“Ugh… trying…” he muttered sucking in a sharp breath. She caught him by the shoulder and led him to the wall. “Thanks…”

“Oh my!” she placed her hands over her mouth to suppress the shock. “Heavens, you’re bleeding so much!”

“Yeah… that happens… when you’re… stabbed...”

He really wanted to help the other people. There were so many…

But...

His vision was going dark. Maybe he’ll close his eyes and…

-0-0-0-

In the back of his head, Silas vaguely noticed something that sounded like his name. He didn’t know the source of it, but it sounded out of place of his dreams, these dreams that were really his memories flashing before his eyes in the face of death. It was an experience like no other and Silas was quite frankly tired of reliving it all. _Just let it end_.

Either let him wake up or just end it all.

Anguish flooded all the voices he heard. Panic, fear, anger, all those emotions in all those voices in which he dimly recalled hearing before. Really, all Silas wanted to do was tell them to shut up so he could sleep, but nothing was working. His body wasn't listening to him, though he had a feeling that might have been a good thing given how much pain he was in. This wasn't a dream, he concluded. He was back to the land of the living.

Maybe.

He wasn’t quite sure given the circumstances. Briefly, his mind flickered to the face of Ms. Ivette. His _mother. Maybe_. The woman that damned him to those deathly days in a prison he didn't think he was meant to be in. She was so different those latter years of his life before he didn't see the light of day for what…? Gosh, he didn't fully remember how much time he spent down there. It wasn't fun though. He thought he was going to die then. He didn't even remember how he got out of there. Maybe it was for the best his brain didn't decide to overload him with all the memories he took care to forget and push to the back of all other thought processes.

Ivette. Sybil. Why?

_Why ma? Why? Why did you want me dead so badly?_

Who even was Sybil? Silas didn’t even know that. Didn’t even know if he could call her _ma_ or _mother_ , or the dreaded _mama_ because she was none of those.

“...las?”

Inwardly, Silas groaned. There was those voice again.

“...groaned. Maybe he’s…”

Let him sleep, _please_.

“...need you to… eyes… please.”

The knight couldn’t put together the string of words he was hearing. They weren’t making sense.

“...kind of there? ...Talking out of his head…”

Then, Silas just felt his body go lax. It wasn't tense and rigid as before. It was either too tired to try and move or it was giving up on him. Oddly, Silas wasn't panicked like he should have been. Maybe that was more frightening than anything else. Although, his mind wasn't really picking up fear as it should have at the time.

“Silas… _please_ … Snap out of it…”

“...was really bad... miracle if he…”

“... _Gods_.”

That voice came in a little stronger than the others. It wasn’t a new voice, but it was stronger with more emotion than the others.

And then silence.

For an unknown amount of time, it was just silence for Silas for random bouts of time combined with being in and out of dreaming something the resembled his childhood and having familiar voices clashing with it. Either way, it left him in this uncomfortable limbo of faintly knowing he was alive only to be crushed with the undeniable truth that he was dying. It felt like this was a constant state he should’ve been used to at that point. Silas didn’t know how long it had been since this sensation started, but it was too long to be considered normal.

“...Silas?” another voice came in again. Familiar, worried, stressed, emotions that Silas wanted to wave away but couldn’t. Hearing voices and not being able to respond was so uncomfortable for him. “I don’t know if you can hear me, but I… I need you to snap out of this… There’s so much I haven’t told you… So much I _need_ to tell you. Like...”

The voice faded and Silas wanted so badly to know what they were going to say to him.

And Silas continued to dream. Dream of things he wished so terribly he didn’t have to dream of.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter started getting a little long so I cut it off here. I haven't finished chapter 7 but I had fun writing this chapter! More will be explained in the next chapter. Done with college so hopefully, I can start pumping out chapters faster. We shall see!
> 
> Leave comments and kudos, all are appreciated (though I am a bit slow at responding to comments these days, sorry)!


	7. Chapter 7

“Thank the gods,” came a familiar voice. Silas blinked, once, twice, three times trying to clear the blurriness from his eyes. It wasn’t working out very well, but at least his body was responding to him. A little that is.

“He’s awake?” another familiar voice.

“I think so,” the other replied. “His eyes are finally open.”

A sigh of relief that sounded like it had been held back for too long reached his ears. Slowly, Silas looked to his surroundings. The faces were blurry - their whole bodies were blobs of colors - so was everything else.

Silas opened his mouth to speak, “Where…?” but it most definitely did not come out that way. Not with how his throat felt like sandpaper and his brain was much too slow at the moment to catch up.

“Oh gods, he is!” 

Silas winced at the voice. They were too loud for him. He clenched his eyes shut and groaned and he tried to shift away. The action was futile, the rest of his body was slow to catch up on the whole “I’m conscious!” thing and failed to respond.

“Silas, sorry, I’m just… we’re just…” then there were sobs. Silas just closed his eyes not having the energy to comfort them.  Eventually, he must have fallen asleep. 

Coming to the second time was much easier and less painful. His vision was clearer and his mind less foggy. He groaned and another sigh of relief came from his left.

“Back to the world of the living, I see.”

“Mmn,” was all Silas managed as he blinked hard trying to clear the spots in his vision.

“Drink this,” the other person helped him sit of slowly and Silas’s shaky hands came up to take the drink. For a moment, Silas wasn’t sure if he could even hold the drink. All the strength in his body seemed to have left him in the time that he was in and out of consciousness. They must have realized too because they slowly assisted Silas with the cup. Unceremoniously, Silas gulped it down. How long had it been?

“Easy, easy,” the other person chuckled wearily. “It’s not going anywhere. Though… I guess you would be really thirsty, it’s been a week since we’ve managed to get you to hold anything down properly.”

Silas almost spit out his water, “A week?”

“Woah,” they caught the cup and patted Silas on the back gently. “Easy, Silas. Sorry, didn’t mean to spring that on you.”

Finally, the knight turned around. To his surprise, it was…

“Odin?”

“Yeah, surprised?” he laughed. “It would have been Laslow, but he’s tending to Lord Xander. I had Selena go get Elise for me.” Then, his expression sobered. “What the hell were you thinking by the way? You scared the shit out of all of us. We thought you were dead.”

Probably nothing.

“Yeah, probably,” he scoffed. And, okay, he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. And, _okay_ , it had been a long time since he had heard Odin not speak in terms he could not comprehend. Thus, Silas didn’t take long to grasp the fact that things were _bad_.

A week.

 _Damn_.

Then, he heard crying. Full blown sobs approaching them. They weren’t unfamiliar to him. 

Princess Elise was the only one who had ever cried like that in front of him. 

“Silas!” she cried. The knight feared she was going to jump on him, but luckily she restrained herself and simply settled for crying straight into his lap as he leaned into Odin. This was terribly awkward.

Behind her followed Princess Camilla, “Oh, _Silas_.”

There were tears in her eyes too. 

 _Yikes_.

They were fussing over him for long periods of time. Elise wouldn’t stop her crying, she even hit him on the head gently with her staff out of frustration because Silas was stupid. Camilla hugged him for what felt like an eternity. Silas just wanted to sleep. The knight wasn’t even sure when Odin slipped out surprised by the fact that he could ever be so quiet and maybe he’d add that to his list of things to do - talk to Odin and make sure he was okay because he sure looked too stressed for the Odin Silas was familiar with. 

“Silas, what were you thinking?” Camilla asked.

“Not much apparently,” it had been about six hours since he had come to, and frankly he just wanted to sleep some more, but Elise and the other clerics insisted that he get some solid food in him because the staves could only waive that off for so long before the crippling hunger and lack of water would claim his life. Dying of starvation and dehydration didn’t sound pleasant so Silas complied. He wondered how bad things had gotten while he was unconscious.

After a moment he continued, “Can I ask why everyone seemed to be asking that question?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Quite frankly there isn’t much to remember. I went to that deeprealm, which I thought was quite quaint, but apparently I was wrong,” Silas shrugged. 

Camilla frowned, “You couldn’t have been more wrong Silas.”

Silas sputtered, “What..? Lady Camilla, you saw how it looked. It was a nice town.”

Her frown deepened, “Silas did you get hit on the head too many times? Scratch that, you did, Elise and the other clerics can attest to that.” She clicked her tongue, “When we got to that deeprealm, it looked like a hellscape Silas.”

What the hell was she talking about?

“Uh, sorry you thought that,” Silas muttered after a moment. “How did you guys find me anyway?”

“Laslow told us!” Elise piped in. “He said you went into some shifty looking cathedral and big brother told us to go there immediately.”

Xander did seem particularly interested in the cathedral from the beginning. Silas felt that way too given how creepy it was, but he was surprised that all it took was for Laslow to tell him where he went for Xander to jump onto the idea of saving him.

“I guess I owe him my thanks considering I’m alive because he followed me,” _even though I told him to leave me alone_. Yeah, Silas owed the retainer an apology for his reaction in the deeprealm from earlier because he really saved his ass and Silas was being an ass to him. “Considering it apparently looked like a hellscape.”

Elise looked up at Camilla, “Big brother was confused too. He said it didn’t look like that before. Laslow as well.”

“It looked like Anankos had invaded that land. There were a lot of Vallite soldiers there.”

“The deeprealm changed?” Silas gaped.

“At least that part of it did,” Camilla nodded. “But I’d assumed that Anankos wouldn't stop there.”

Silas couldn’t say he truly understood what they were referring to given the place looked normal when he went there. Now, why would Anankos bother targeting that deeprealm? What was his goal? Azura would probably have a better answer for him, she seemed to know a lot more about the situation than anyone else. 

“I still can’t believe you don’t remember anything,” Camilla breathed.

“What should I be remembering precisely?” Silas asked trying, hoping, _praying_ , that for once someone would give him a straight answer and not dance around the question. 

“About—”

“You’re awake!” another, rougher, angrier voice burst through startling Silas so bad he’s certain his heart stopped beating. He wasn’t ready for those types of scares yet. 

“Gods, Princess Hinoka, you scared me!” Silas breathed.

“Serves you right for what you put all us through,” the red-haired princess simply sounded exhausted. 

Silas slouched, he was tired too. Tired of people yelling at him for being stupid, for not thinking, for being angry at him for scaring them, maybe he should have pretended to sleep some more. The princess continued on her tirade, chewing Silas out for his unnecessarily chivalrous recklessness that nearly cost her ten years off her life. 

Princess Hinoka continued, “You kept coming in and out of consciousness for a whole week, you know? I don’t even think you were aware half the time that you were even awake. Scared the daylights out of Sakura and Ryoma too. Really made Laslow mad I hear.”

“Oh yeah!” Elise jumped in once more with all her bubbly energy. “He was fuming about how you didn’t listen to any of his warnings and how you got him in trouble with Xander and Corrin too!”

Corrin. He’s surprised that’s the first time he’s hearing of Corrin. 

“Ryoma and Kaze’s with him if you’re wondering,” Hinoka growled. “You need to focus on healing. I swear if you died before I had the chance to thank you—”

“Thank me? For what?”

“You saved me back on the battlefield the same day you went off to play at being a hero!” Hinoka exclaimed. “You and Princess Camilla both. I owe you one.”

“I’m pretty sure we’re more than even now, Princess,” Silas confessed with a small smile. Beyond even given the fury everyone has for him. How can one knight manage to rile up not one, but two royal families at the same time because of his own stupidity? He’ll have to thank them all and probably practice a twenty-minute apology just to get them off his case and not monitor him all the time. No doubt, the trust is gone. 

“Maybe,”  eldest princess of Hoshido sighed. “You really did it this time Silas.”

“Yeah, I know,” Silas nodded.

“Xander’s really mad at you too, Silas,” Elise always had to bring out the bad news, but she told him what he needed to hear at least. Everything nobody else would say to his face. “Like, really, really _, really_ mad. I was afraid to go near him for a while. You should go to him first so he’ll stop scaring everyone.”

He’s got to work up the courage to do that first. He should also, probably, work on sorting out his memories about why everyone thinks he’s beyond crazy for doing what he did. All he did was visit a deeprealm, then made the mistake of going into that creepy cathedral with Ms. Ivette and—

Silas swallowed, gulped, he felt like he almost swallowed his tongue doing that. His head began throbbing, but no, Ms. Ivette was not the woman he thought her to be. At this point, he wasn’t even sure if she was even a _human_. Quite possibly, she was just another machination of Anankos to do his bidding and lure the oblivious knight to his impending doom. For what, though? There was always the “why” that was never answered. “Why him,” was always a question in the back of his mind no matter how selfish.

“Should I bring him here, Camilla?” Elise asked into the silence. “I don’t know when Silas will be ready to move. Maybe it’ll be better—”

“Nope, I’ll approach him on my own, thank you, Princess Elise,” if only to give him the sanity that he’ll have a viable escape should the crown prince be as scary as she claims he is. 

Elise nodded, “Great. I’ll tell Corrin then! He’ll want to see you. He was really worried.”

Everyone’s worried. 

“Tell him there’s no rush,” Silas said because he really just wanted to go back to sleep for a few more hours. 

“I don’t think that’ll pass, Silas,” Camilla giggled softly, but it was wet and went straight to his heart.

 Silas didn’t bother responding because he knew nothing he said would make it better. Instead, he resorted to silence, but it was heavy and Camilla just stared at him for a few moments, before turning her gaze to the floor. Princess Hinoka looked uneasy. Camilla was just as equally uncomfortable and he knew telling her she didn’t have to stay here with him would only worsen the situation. The princess was here out of the kindness of her heart and because she was scared half to death that he was going to die. 

He really hadn’t intended on putting this much stress on any of them, but, really, ever since the two armies united and they made their way into Valla, that was all he had really been good at. All he wanted to do was help people, but he hadn’t really been doing so great with that recently either. Silas sighed and collapsed back onto the bed. The knight was dreading every conversation that was coming for him. Every angry scolding he was going to get was the last thing he was looking forward to. Silas laughed to himself, but he wanted to cry. Maybe, just _maybe_ , the army wasn’t cut out for him. After all, he only did it to reunite with Corrin and Corrin didn’t even remember him, so what was it all for?

“Corrin’s here!”  came the bubbly voice of the youngest Nohrian princess. The door swung open and before Silas could even sit up Corrin was at his side breathing heavily. Did he run here?

“I came as quickly as I could,” Corrin’s eyes were already watering up. “Gods, Silas…!” It was a gasp as if he didn’t believe that Silas was alive and awake and actually maintaining consciousness for longer than a few seconds. His hands waved aimlessly in the air not knowing quite what to do with them. After a few seconds, he broke down in a sob and lunged himself onto Silas and the knight felt the wind being knocked out of him with a soft “oof” and a little bit of pain in his abdomen. Gently, he patted Corrin on the back to at least let him know that he was alive. As he did so, he heard Camilla say something to the eldest Hoshidan princess and then the door shutting behind them with Elise’s bubbly voice saying something he couldn’t quite make out over Corrin’s broken cries and the distance.

“C-Corrin…!” Silas breathed out. As best he could anyway, Corrin was squeezing him so tight that he was struggling to breathe, let alone speak. “H-hey…” 

Eventually, the prince pulled back eyes glistening with more tears threatening to fall down his flushed face. The prince raised his hand as if he was going to slap Silas and the knight braced himself for it. He supposed he deserved after the amount of stress he put him through. Closing his eyes, he awaited the pain that would probably sting for a few hours.

But all he was met with was the sound of sobbing renewed, “I thought… I thought you… were dead!”

Gods, every second, he just felt worse and worse. How could he have messed this up so badly that he had three people cry over him and Princess Hinoka of _Hoshido_ , not even his kingdom, scold him for his recklessness? Silas tried to comfort Corrin, but he just felt awkward. This whole situation was awkward, Silas had lost a week’s worth of time and apparently, everyone thought he was dead in the first place. 

“Corrin, Odin told me that I— Corrin please look at me,” Silas begged. His best friend did, sniffling, looking every bit of a mess that Corrin shouldn’t. An expression is on his face that should never be there, broken, fear, even slightly betrayed. Silas needed to rectify this situation immediately. “Odin and Princess Hinoka both told me that I was in and out of consciousness for a week. When did you think I was dead? When you first found me?”

“Yeah you were always bordering between the two, but that was only when we actually got your condition stabilized Silas and even that was a fight,” Corrin wiped away some of his tears. “Gods, I’m a mess and it’s all your fault.” A small smile rested on his face with the accusation, but it was like getting stabbed in the heart for Silas. The last thing he wanted was to burden his friend like this.

“I’m so sorry, Corrin,” Silas apologized.

“Are you?” Corrin’s gaze became piercing, searching as if he was hiding something.

“ _Yes_ ,” Silas felt like he was begging again. “Corrin, I didn’t mean to scare you like this.”

Corrin shook his head, “I told you to stop running into situations like this headfirst. Call us for help next time!” His best friend sucked in a deep breath, but it hitched and Silas thought he might cry again. “Trying to execute a prison break on your own like that was stupid.”

Prison break, _right_. He did vaguely remember being held captive in what seemed like a dungeon and speaking to a girl behind bars. There were a lot of people, now that he thought about it, that was behind bars. Did he actually save her?

“I… I couldn’t turn away from people in need,” Silas mumbled. 

“Of course you couldn’t,” Corrin huffed. Frustration was evident in his voice, “That’s all you do. Help others, but what about yourself Silas? If you end up dead is it worth it?”

“Isn’t that why we fight?” Silas gritted his teeth. “For the future of others? So others may live? If I die in a fight - in this war - and know that it’s for the better of Nohr, of Hoshido, then shouldn’t I be content?”

“But that wasn’t the war, Silas!” Corrin argued. “That was a deeprealm outside of our own, that was you needlessly throwing your life out there, and for what? Silas if Laslow hadn’t followed you, you’d be dead or trapped with the rest of the prisoners!”

It almost hurt that Corrin was disregarding the very thing people seemed to think he should be. Able to help people and fight for people that needed him. If Corrin didn’t believe in his actions, the very person that fueled them, then what good was any of it?

“Xander would have known,” it slipped out of his lips before he realized it. Oddly, it was casual, no heat, nothing. It lacked emotion that Silas knew should be there and maybe he should be a little concerned about that. A part of him wonders if it’s simply because he’s given up with this conversation and knows that he’ll have to go through with it again with Xander and Laslow. “He didn’t trust the place, the cathedral, anyway. He would have known, I took him there after all.” 

Corrin was always surprisingly good at reading Silas when it came to these things and he softened, “Xander did make us go there immediately when he heard the news from Laslow. We were in the middle of a briefing and Laslow came in alone and told us of where you went. I think…” There was a pause as he sniffed and chuckled awkwardly to himself, “I think he, Xander, would have gone by himself if none of us agreed to go with him.”

Silas laughed, “That would have been stupid.”

“Yes,” Corrin agreed with a short nod. “But that’s just how important you are. I would’ve too, you know.”

“A castle knight should not elicit such behaviors from any member of the royal family,” came the stock response he always gave when being talked about as if he was anything more than what his station was.

“As I said, that’s just how important you are.” Then, Corrin added, “Camilla, adores you and was really pushing us to move quickly in order to save you. Elise was already packing a bunch of staves for you. Xander…” clearing his throat he paused and continued with “...Even Leo expressed concern and urgency and you _know_ that’s rare.”

Silas didn’t comment on the skipping of Xander. He figured it’d be better if he didn’t press that one too hard. If Silas had to figure out how furious Xander was with his actions before he even got to the prince, the knight was sure he would chicken out and not visit him probably enraging the prince even more.

“Yeah, I get it, I fucked up,” Silas instantly regretted his word choice when he saw Corrin flinch away. “Gods, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I’m just… tired, Corrin. Yeah, tired. I know I should have told you guys where I was going, but believe me when I said I hadn’t gone in there with a plan for jailbreak. It just kind of happened.”

“Why—” Corrin cleared his throat trying to recover. Silas supposed that it was shocking to hear him speak so crass, but he swore he’d try to keep it under wraps, “Why didn’t you come back and get us first?”

“Didn’t have time,” Silas said by way of explanation. After being lured into a room that looked too much like his childhood room and being stabbed by a woman that wore the face of his mother twisted to an evil that petrified him, yeah, the knight can fairly say he didn’t have time to alert the others that he was going through with an unplanned jailbreak. 

“Figures,” and then they settled into a comfortable silence. 

Silas collapsed back into his bed tired from the relentless reminder that he needed to be more mindful of what he did and just being still pretty weak from lack of food and the plethora of staves that were probably used on him making him woozy. His best friend gave him a smile that trembled and Silas knew he was going to cry again. Carefully, Silas pulled him down and hugged him. Choking on his own sobs, Corrin just laid there without protest. It reminded Silas of their childhood. Corrin upset over the lack of visits from his siblings or being kept in the Northern Fortress for days that seemed to never end. Back then, Silas would comfort him as he was in this moment as the young, soon-to-be knight would tell him a very abridged version of the most recent story he was reading. It was easy then. Easier, where his biggest concern was getting back home before it was too late and being caught headbutting the Crown Prince of Nohr outside of his home. Now, it’s life or death and more often than not he’s trapezing along death’s path. 

Eventually, Corrin’s cries settled down, he didn’t move, however. Silas had a feeling the sobbing tired him out and he was just too lazy to move at this point. Casually, Corrin brought up Prince Ryoma and how he was concerned for Silas as well along with Princess Sakura, but it wasn’t a scolding. Just a reminder, a rather painful one if he was being honest, that there were, in fact, people who cared about his well-being. As if he didn’t already have that ingrained in his brain, Corrin again insisted he speak to Xander sooner rather than later. The pressure for Silas to speak to the crown prince unnerved him because just how exasperated could the man be for everyone to want him to speak to him. 

“I know he’s important to you too, Silas” Corrin commented absently.

“Well, of course,” he mumbled in response. “He’s a dear friend from childhood after all.”

Corrin shrugged, “You didn’t invite me to a deeprealm.”

“You were busy.”

“So was he.”

Silas bit his lip, “You were meeting with Prince Ryoma after all. I wasn’t going to get in the way of that. Lord Xander told me he was free.”

“Xander was _supposed_ to be there too, you know,” Corrin stared up at the ceiling as he spoke. “He told us something popped up and last minute couldn’t make it. I assume that what popped up was your invitation.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Maybe. Doesn’t change the facts.”

“That’s speculation.”

“That’s Camilla’s nosiness.”

Silas remained silent for a few moments, pondering his response or if he should even give one.

Then, softly, “...Why would he do that?”

“Because you quickly lose your courage when it comes to spending time with any royal member but Elise or me. Even Camilla gets bitter about that sometimes. Plus, he probably wanted to spend time with a ‘dear friend from childhood,’” Corrin mocked with the corner of his lips curving up. “Have to take advantage of what he can.”

“I…”

“Don’t say you don’t,” Corrin interrupted. “Don’t say it. We both know it’ll be a lie.”

“Fine,” the knight huffed. But it left him with unease and he wished they just remained silent. Silence was always easier to deal with when it came to Corrin and his love for topics Silas rather enjoyed avoiding. 

“I know you were quiet as a kid and I forced you to talk to me for the first few months,” Corrin chuckled at the memory. “Well, at least, that’s what I’ve been told and can kind of put together. But somehow you did have some weird sort of mutual understanding with Xander, even if you didn’t speak to each other. That’s what Camilla told me. It makes more sense now.”

“It doesn’t to me,” Silas responded simply.

“Okay.”

They left it at that. Silas was dense, but he wasn’t so dense that he didn’t understand what Corrin was trying to point at. The last thing he needed was that though. All he required was Xander to not be pissed at him and return to normal. The thought of that made the butterflies in his stomach multiply, but it would pass. That’s what he tried to convince himself. The nervous flutter would pass him by and he could walk in the room with courage. 

Easy.

 _Easy_ , he said mocking himself for even having the thought when he considered the fact that Laslow would probably eat him alive as well. 

 _“Cry me a river, baby boy_ ,” his mother had said to him once because he was a child throwing a tantrum over something petty and stupid. 

“ _Cry me a river, Silas,_ ” she said it when he was trying to avoid his duties - the most important ones you could have as a child - tutoring, assignments, visiting the prince. 

 _“Cry me a river, Silas_ ,” she said to him when he begged her not let _them_ take him. He just wanted to bring his friend happiness and that was apparently a crime.

“Cry me a river, huh,” Silas mused aloud gaining a confused expression from Corrin. It fit him now as well. Suck it up, talk to the two of them because they deserve the biggest apologies after the apparent bizarre stunt he pulled for not listening to them, he needed to at clear the air. After all, he just wanted to help some people even if that wasn’t in the original plan. _So yes,_ Silas scolded himself, _cry me a river_. 

-0-0-0-

Forgiveness was probably the hardest thing to come by then. They were all happy to see him alive and well, but none of them had quite forgiven him for the suicide mission despite his constant apologies and explanations that it was not a planned mission. What it was, was a spur of the moment action when he came to and realized he was being held in a dungeon that brought back memories he would rather keep sealed in the depths of the brain to never be picked at. 

In the end, though, he at least managed to improve Corrin’s spirits and they were able to joke around again like old times. Silas ended up going back to sleep after Corrin left because of the onslaught of people that had come in at the very beginning with tears in their eyes and lessons for him really tired him out. _At least_ , he was able to make Corrin smile. That’s all that really mattered in the end. That, in turn, raised Silas’s spirits, knowing that Corrin wasn’t on the brink of tears worried over Silas’s survival. Prince Ryoma had stopped by on his own the next day with a big grin on his face that Corrin was indeed in better spirits and Prince Ryoma himself was no longer worried. The Crown Prince of Hoshido always did manage to bring up Silas’s mood if only because he provided a better distraction than most because he _knew_ that Silas had already heard the same old thing from everyone else. All he did was reiterate “be careful” and Silas appreciated that. Even now, it surprised him how easy it was to talk to the prince despite being of another kingdom and also, well, the crown prince. He had an easy air about him that did always make it easier to breathe. Opposite of Xander, the prince always managed to take away his breath and well that was never fun when it came to talking to him.  

Eventually, Silas left his designated room before getting cleared but it was getting stuffy and he needed to bathe and use the bathroom desperately. Sluggishly, he made his way there. Walking was suddenly a lot harder than he recalled it being prior to the incident, but being bedridden for as long as he had, it made sense. Didn’t mean he liked it. Checking the time, he made sure that it was indeed men’s bathing time and he wasn’t about to embarrass himself by walking in on the ladies. The instant he walked in, the warmth of the bathhouse immediately worked its way into his bones and Silas already felt at ease. Closing his eyes, he walked into the room where he could hear voices, regrettably, Silas was too relaxed to think about _who_ the voices belonged to. The immediate scream of his name suddenly shocked Silas out of state and he nearly slipped into the bath.

“Silas!” it came out as a hissed warning this time as he regained his balance and took three deep breaths as his life flashed before his eyes once more. 

“Don’t scare me like that,” Silas placed his hand on his chest.

“You’re one to talk,” Laslow scolded. 

“Laslow,” Odin warned. 

“I’m just saying,” Xander’s retainer pouted. “How are you feeling anyway?

Silas eased his way into the bath, not liking how casual he was being at the moment, “Better. Better than before anyway.”

“Right,” Laslow nodded. 

It was awkward, to say the least, and Odin evidently felt that as he slunk a little further away from both of them.

“You’re mad,” Silas said by way of getting the conversation started. “I didn’t listen to you nor Prince Xander and I’m sorry about that. I really am. I just…”

“Couldn’t help yourself,” Laslow rolled his eyes like he had heard that answer multiple times. “Well, that nearly cost you your life and mine!”

Silas nodded, “I’m sure it was dangerous going to save me based off of what Lady Camilla said—”

Laslow snorted, “Well, that too I guess.” When Silas cocked an eyebrow in response, Laslow continued, “I was referring to Lord Xander and how he almost beheaded me for letting you go in the first place. It’s warranted I guess…” His voice dropped as he said that last thought and Odin came closer to Laslow placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“It’s not your fault,” Silas quickly tried to dispel the wave of doubt he saw going through Laslow. “Truly, you tried to stop me, but you were also being a good friend and let me go… It’s not on you.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Laslow shrugged. “Lord Xander is furious with both of us so I’ll probably be working my butt off even more than usual.”

“So you mean not flirting with girls every second,” Odin quipped.

“Hey!” Laslow looked offended. “It's not every second.”

“Oh, I’m sure.”

Laslow let him off a little easier than Silas thought he would. He presumed it was his own guilt for not apparently doing enough to stop Silas that made him not go down as hard on Silas as he possibly could have. The knight didn’t think the retainer should bear any guilt on the situation but had their roles been reversed, he was sure he would be feeling the same as Laslow was now.

“Oh, and Silas, fair warning,” Laslow said as he and Odin began to leave. “I, uh, I’ve never seen Lord Xander respond the way he had to your situation. I think… this is just me speculating, but I think he was genuinely afraid  - terrified, maybe - because of what you did. I think he was afraid you might have gotten yourself killed.”

“We’re soldiers,” Silas responded absently. “Near-death and death happen all the time.”

“That’s what makes this so important, Silas.”

Then, he left before Silas could even begin to think of a response to Laslow’s comment. Sighing, Silas sunk deeper into the bath letting it ease the weariness that he was feeling and he thinks he might’ve actually fallen asleep in there if his mind wasn’t running a mile a minute. Dealing with the fall out of his unintentional jailbreak had allowed bone-deep exhaustion to settle into his bones. This feeling wasn’t abnormal, sometimes he felt it after a particularly rough battle, but this one was an almost overwhelming sensation and paired with the dread of talking to Xander perhaps made his brain want to just forget everything for at least the day. It would not be acceptable, however. He had spoken to Laslow and he’s certain Peri knew he was awake because the food he had been given earlier tasted a lot like her cooking and not Jakob’s. She would have to know who she was cooking for in the middle of the day. 

Throughout the afternoon, prior to him visiting the crown prince, he felt like he was being watched at every second and maybe it was Kaze trying to ensure that Silas didn’t do anything dumb again at the behest of Corrin and maybe even Prince Ryoma. Or maybe it was just a bunch of his fellow soldiers staring him either because of his stupidity or wonderment that he was actually alive because that was a common sentiment it seemed.  Either way, he was sluggish and his other senses were lagging behind the rest evidently trying to recover as well. He hopes Xander won’t be too hard on him because the knight doesn’t think he can endure anymore scolding, _especially_ not from him. 

 _Cry me a river_ , he scolded himself. He needed to get over it. There wasn’t a point in dwelling over what could happen in his inevitable conversation with Xander.

“Oh, he’s been expecting you! I think,” Elise beamed as soon as she saw Silas walking down the corridor towards Xander’s room. 

“Yeah?” Silas chuckled only because of her energy. The "being expected" did not put a smile on his face. 

“He heard you woke up yesterday because Peri mentioned it,” Elise continued. “Put a smile on his face, Silas.”

“Your hopes are mighty high, Princess Elise,” Silas smirked.

She placed her hands on her hips, “Only for the most reliable.”

“You think me reliable?”

“The most,” she nodded. “If anyone needs you, you respond in a heartbeat. When you’re not in the med tent, that is.”

Silas laughed softly, a breathless sound that didn’t match how it usually sounded. The knight nodded at the princess as she wished him good luck with her older brother and ran down the hall nearly bumping into Effie in the process. Taking a deep breath that inevitably hurt his chest because that hadn’t healed all the way alongside Corrin jumping on him yesterday, Silas continued his trek to Xander’s room. His feet began dragging the closer he got to the room and Silas had to continue to psyche himself up to actually reach the door. Whether he would actually knock once he got there was a whole other story. 

“You can do it,” Silas told himself as he raised his hand towards the door. “You’ve done scarier things.”

Like trying to take Corrin out of the Northern Fortress against the king’s wishes.

Then again, he was dealing a Prince of Nohr, future king at that, so maybe it wasn’t so different. He had managed to infuriate both of them. A success he would rather keep to a minimum. 

He knocked, gently at first, so softly he actually barely heard it himself. He swore to himself for being such a coward and went to knock again. Firmer, and perhaps a little bit too loud. The knight winced and hoped he hadn’t annoyed the prince with his obnoxious knocking. 

Silence for a few seconds before he hears shuffling behind the door and the prince asking, “Who is it?”

Clearing his throat, the knight replied, “Silas, milord.”

More silence greeted him, then a barely audible, “Enter.”

Silas turned the knob and entered the room slowly, quietly and shut the door behind him in the same manner. The prince didn’t turn to look at Silas when he entered. Instead, he focused on the papers in front of him, more paperwork Silas presumed for the early version of the peace treaty he was negotiating with Prince Ryoma. 

“Hello, Lord Xander,” Silas greeted the prince.

“Hello, Silas,” the prince replied, still, he didn’t look at the knight. “It’s good to see that you are well.”

Silas found that amusing considering he had yet to even glance at him. Still, he straightened his back and stuttered a response, “Thank you, milord. It’s good to be alive.” He winced when the words left his mouth. Maybe they weren’t appropriate because to Silas it sounded like a joke. He felt like he had the right to do that considering he had been close to it a great many times at this point. In front of Lord Xander, maybe he should have refrained from such jokes.

Instead, Xander replied, “You could have fooled me.”

“I’m sorry?” Silas is sure his voice squeaked as he said that. It was not the response he anticipated.

“Silas,” Xander turned around and looked at the said knight. His eyes were alight with fury and something else that Silas couldn’t quite pinpoint. “You ignored Laslow’s warnings, _my_ warnings. Went into the deeprealm anyway and nearly got yourself killed trying to play heroics and break out a bunch of prisoners.” His voice was heated and Silas pressed himself closer to the door. He wasn’t expecting that intensity, but maybe he should have given the warnings he had been given. “Are you sure you don’t have a death wish because you quite honestly could have fooled me.”

“I’m… I’m really sorry about that Lord Xander,” he felt like a broken record. How many times had he apologized for the same thing over the past 24 hours? “I didn’t mean to ignore a direct order—”

“You did,” Xander interjected. “Or you would have returned with Laslow.”

Point taken.

“I needed space—”

“And that included breaking out prisoners when you were very clearly outnumbered and the deeprealm was wrought with Vallite soldiers?” 

Taking a deep breath, Silas started again praying to the gods that the prince would let him finish at least one of his sentences, “When I entered the deeprealm it did not look like that, Laslow can vouch for that milord.” He prayed that Xander didn’t smite him where he stood for coming across so sharply.

“Silas, that doesn’t matter,” Xander’s expression darkened. “I thought you were going to die Silas.” Silas wanted to say that was a shared sentiment, but Xander kept going, “I thought you were going to die in my arms before I even had a chance of getting you out of there.”

Silas sucked in a sharp breath. 

“That was my greatest fear,” Xander released a shaky breath. “I fail…” he cleared his throat when his voice faded, “...I fail to understand why you seem to think it’s okay to throw your life away when it’s _not_.”

“Gods, Xan— Prince, milord, “ Silas choked. Xander really was going to make him cry a river at this rate. “I’m _sorry_. I just, I wasn’t thinking. Not like that at the moment. I had one focus and it was getting them out of there when I saw them. I had to wonder if they were in the same situation. They just didn’t have the people to come to find them… What happened to them?”

“They’re free, for the most part,” Xander sat back in his chair and he just looked tired. “So you just… weren’t thinking. That’s what we’re going with? That’s the excuse you’re going to give me after I watched you nearly die in my arms? When I was sure you had drawn your last breath with so many words left unspoken, all you can say is ‘I wasn’t thinking’? And still, all you can ask me about is the safety of them?” Xander took a deep breath before shaking his head, “Unbelievable.”

“I know you’re mad—”

“Exasperated.”

“I promise I won’t do it again.”

“I don’t believe you,” came the simple, dead, reply.

Silas bit the inside of his cheek, “No one seems to.”

“You haven’t given us a reason to,” Xander confessed. “You haven’t given me, at least, a reason to believe that you’re not going to continuously throw your life away despite my requests for you not too.” There was a sad, broken smile on Xander’s face that didn’t belong there. It wasn’t right. It didn’t sit well with the knight. “I don’t care what you’ve convinced yourself of, Silas. Whether it be that you’re a simple knight who’s devoted his service to his people and kingdom and the protection of the royal family or something else, you must realize that isn’t what you mean to _me_. And many others.” He added it as if it was an afterthought. Something he knew he should say but he didn’t want to say. Suddenly, he asked as he turned to face Silas once more, “What am I to you, Silas?”

“Uh, er,” Silas became flustered at the sudden question. “Pardon?”

Xander chuckled and shook his head, “Apologies, a silly question.”

Silas realized at that moment that he very clearly missed an opportunity. Xander gave it to him and the knight flubbed it up. He could try to reclaim it and salvage what he could of the situation, but Xander didn’t look like he wanted to hear it. Not anymore. Silas was becoming the king of missed opportunities and granting people heart attacks. 

“Sorry, I just—”

“Like I said,” Xander punctuated. “Silly question.”

Drop it. Silas heard it loud and clear. The knight scolded himself internally. What did he want to hear? What was the prince looking for? If it was the knight has wished for too long, Silas would kick himself to his tomb of embarrassment.

“I’m sorry.”

“So you’ve said,” Xander twirled the glass of water in his hands. “What exactly are you apologizing for at this moment?”

“For not being what you wanted me to be,” Silas answered. Xander stopped and looked at Silas with a quirked brow. He at least looked calmer. Maybe he just needed to shout at Silas’s living, breathing face to be able to quell his inner rage. “I think… a lot of people have expected something of me that I’m not. I try… really hard to be what people want me to be. A soldier, a pillar of support, savior, a friend…  I try really hard to be all those things. I don’t think I’m very good at it. I think… I think my drive to be something more than I am has taken its toll on me.”

 

Xander didn’t say anything for quite some time. He stared at his water, inspecting it as if it had the answer he was looking for, whatever that may be. It left Silas’s throat dry like sandpaper that he might have overstepped.  He needed to get it off his chest though.

He had been saying he would for a long time now. Might as well come clean while the emotions were high. 

So the knight kept going, “You know… You know I’ve always kind of felt that way with you all — the royal family. I felt like I had something to prove ever since I was a child. I was a noble boy forced into playing with Corrin in which ninety percent of the time I didn’t even want to be there.” Silas laughed wetly. He thought he might genuinely cry. He’s wanted to for a while he thought. “I warmed up to Corrin, but he was just so overwhelming as a child and he was expecting _so_ much of me. To be his best friend, to do things with him as his best friend and now he doesn’t even… Shit, he doesn’t even remember anything about it…” Silas wiped the tear that began streaming down his face. He doesn’t even register the slip in language, “And then I was banished for, _again_ , trying too hard to be something I’m not. A good friend in that case. And they erased me from his memories and now I’m playing at being his best friend. What those knights have said are true. I am his ‘self-proclaimed best friend.’ If he doesn’t remember me, how can I be it?”

“Silas…” Xander started softly.

“The banishment wasn’t even a banishment,” Silas knew he was on the verge of breaking down. It was a long-awaited event. Internally, he had to laugh. Calling his inevitable break down an event is really something. “I was given away by my own _mother_ . I don’t even know if that was her anymore. I don’t even know if my memories are _real_ anymore. I just know Hans and Iago came and my father begged them not to take me... I can’t remember much of anything about it and I don’t know if I _want_ to.”

“Silas,” Xander said more urgently.

“And now in the army, everyone expects something of me. And sometimes I just can’t deliver. Soldiers needing my advice. Advice I sometimes can’t give. Or back up that I sometimes can’t give in the heat of things. I can’t help everyone, but if you help one person suddenly everyone thinks you can help them,” Silas breathed a broken laugh. “But quite frankly I can’t even help myself and maybe I’m just trying to fill a gap that came from somewhere in order to look whole — to look like the person everyone thinks I am. Now, all I try to be is what people think I am. Hell, one of the first things I thought when I first woke up yesterday was how Odin didn’t seem to be his best and how I could help _him_.”

He heard movement from Xander, “Silas.”

“I’m just tired of giving and giving…”

Silas knew that his face was flushed and tears were beginning to stream down his face. Each word was a struggle. He was beginning to choke on them. Silas covered his face with his hands trying to muffle the sob that was threatening to tumble out of his lips. 

“Gods, Silas,” arms pulled him in and he was pressed against Xander’s chest. 

Silas suddenly felt a warmth that reminded him of comfort and safety and the knight finally let himself break down. The sob broke free of whatever cell Silas had kept it in for so many _long_ years. The knight can’t quite remember the last time he let himself cry like this but he knew that he had been on the verge of it for a long, _long_ time. Shouldering everyone else that needed to cry was one thing, but he often just wanted to join in with them. Numbing himself to his own pain worked for so long.

Being able to let it out felt good.

Doing it in front of Xander was not so great, but he didn’t have space in his emotionally wrecked brain to feel embarrassment over this.  He would, of course, feel it after he let it all out and his brain finally caught up to what was happening, but he could worry about that then. 

Xander’s hold around him tightened and he was saying something, but Silas couldn’t make it out. It was quiet and in his head his sobs were loud. Though, Xander would later confess that he was a quiet crier. 

TIme passed and Silas wasn’t quite sure when he finally managed to pull himself together. Xander had gotten him some tissues, but he looked worried and a little upset and Silas wondered if he brought that on. He hoped he hadn’t said something terribly wrong and his tears hadn’t soured the prince’s mood.

“I’m so sorry,” Silas apologized. “I didn’t mean to cry all over you.”

“It was my choice,” Xander responded, referring to the hug. “Are you okay now?”

“I’ll be fine—”

“Be honest with me Silas,” Xander pressed. “You were very honest with me about everything else not too long ago. Please don’t shut me out now. I appreciate you trusting me enough to tell me this.”

Silas smiled weakly, “I didn’t mean to dump that on you. Or my tears. Or my sob story—”

“ _Silas_.”

“Gods, that’s so embarrassing though,” Silas laughed softly, as best as he could manage at least. 

Xander wiped some tears that streamed down Silas's face, and the knight flushed at the action. The prince wasn’t looking, of course, as he swiftly turned back around towards his chair. 

“I’m sorry we put that pressure on you, Silas,” Xander apologized.

“It’s not your fault,” Silas assured. “It’s on me. No one put it on me but my presumptuous self—” He silenced himself when Xander shot him a glare.

“Are you going to disregard everything I say?” Xander asked.

Silas shook his head, “I’m sorry. I’ve been told I’m very good at deflecting.”

“For better or for worse, yes,” Xander agreed. “Silas, I want you to know that you can rely on me as much you let everyone rely on you. You can talk to me.”

“I wouldn’t want to add a burden,” Silas crushed the tissue in his hands.

“It’s not a burden if I’m offering, Silas,” Xander replied softly. “You’re, as I’ve said, more to me than a simple knight. A true, dear… friend.”

Silas swallowed.

“You know,” Silas began to shift the subject. He was uncomfortable, it was forcing his emotions back into play and just everything he _felt_ towards Xander. “Everyone always told me that you became cold as you grew into your status as crown prince.” Xander raised an eyebrow. “Those thoughts were in my mind when we first reunited. The prince from my childhood that I loved and admired had changed to someone untouchable, distant, and ruthless. Then, when you fought against Corrin and I and didn’t listen to me, I thought it was true.” 

Xander mouthed something before clearing his throat, “Do you still think that?”

“No,” Silas smiled looking at the palms of his hands. “Just like you thought I had changed and realized I hadn’t, the same goes for you. While you’re older, somber, and stern. You… You are still the same kind, caring soul who understood me when I was a child. You look out for everyone in secret if only to continue to uphold your cold exterior. Even Lady Camilla confessed that you were more involved in your siblings' lives than she originally thought.”

“That’s a relief to hear,” Xander confessed.

Silas felt suddenly very calm, “Did you doubt it? What your siblings thought of you?”

“I was worried, more so, about what you thought,” Xander shook his head. “I’ve already had that conversation with Camilla.”

The knight blinked before looking up at the prince, “I didn’t think my opinion mattered so much.”

“As I said,” Xander looked out the window. The sun was setting making the room bright with a warm light that glistened in Xander’s golden hair and crown. “You’re much more to me than simply knight.”

“A friend?”

He smiled, “Much more than that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long endnote:    
>  Finally, the Xander/Silas is getting somewhere after promising this for like six chapters lol. Gotta stay loyal to my slow burn.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> A lot of emotions running high. I have to say, let Silas cry because I feel like he needs a good one at this point. The boy acts strong, but he can only let so many people cry on his shoulder before he needs his own to cry on.   
> I have to ask, what are your favorite Fire Emblem ship(s)? While I write Xanlas (Xander/Silas), I do love me the more obscure pairings for better or for worse. Most of them at least have one fic unlike this one haha. Given these two have no support, I’m not surprised at the lack of Xanlas content (but the potential is so there). 
> 
> Ranulf/Ike and Chrom/Gaius are two of my favorites. Ranulf/Ike being my first FE ship from when PoR and RD came out.
> 
> I also really want to write some fluffy stuff for these two because the angst is real these last couple of chapters. The last chapter having that “non-date” between Silas and Xander really gave me the urge to write something light for these two loves. So if you see this added into a series with a bunch of short fluffy fics, don’t be surprised haha.
> 
> Also, I think I’m just aiming to post once a month at this point lol.  
> 


	8. Chapter 8

“You seem… much better, Silas,” Corrin muttered to him as they sat in his room.

Silas hummed, “I feel a little better.”

Corrin’s red eyes blinked a few times with blatant curiosity, “Spoke to Xander?”

“Mhmm,” Silas replied absently. Corrin’s light chuckle filled the air and grabbed the knight’s attention. “What?”

A soft, sincere smile formed as Corrin spoke, “It’s nice to see you a little lighter. Less stressed. You know… more you.”

“I guess,” but Silas couldn’t help the smile on his face either. “Thank you, Corrin.”

“No, thank you, Silas,” Corrin winked at him. “For sticking by me even after everything.”

As if that wasn’t the very reason Silas was here in the first place. It was all to reunite with Corrin, but everything that came with it—all the good and the bad—well, they added onto the experience. They continued to sit in comfortable silence. There wasn’t much more to say to each other after that. 

Despite how easy Silas made it look according to some, he was still struggling with everything that happened, with everything that _had_ happened throughout his entire existence. He was good at faking at optimistic, but it was easier to _be_ it now or at least bordering on content with what he was given. Yet, even as he passed Camilla, there was a distinctive look on her face. Appraising and knowing. He wondered if he had spoken to Xander and how much he told her. The expression held too much knowledge for it to just be pure intuition however great her intuition was, which was scarily great. He supposed it came from all those years warring with her siblings as a child. 

The conversation with Xander did help a great deal, and he almost wished he talked to Xander about things sooner as Prince Ryoma had suggested. However, the talk also left on a rather ambiguous note. 

“ _Much more than that_.”

Much more than a friend. The implications perhaps left him a little too hopeful, a little more than flustered and an endless amount of trepidation as to how to navigate things with that new information. He tried not to let his mind dwell on it for too long, but it was always an ever-present chant in the back of his mind. Regardless, it wasn’t like he could do anything about it. They were in the middle of the war. His mind wanders over to Prince Leo and Prince Takumi and Lady Camilla and Niles. The war hadn’t stopped many in refraining from personal relationships, not like it was any of his business, but gossip made it to his ears fast with Camilla and Elise. He wanted to tread lightly though as his luck with not nearly dying was thinning he knew it. 

For now, his focus was making it out of this war alive.

“Gold for your thoughts?” 

Silas blinked and looked up.

“Convincing impression of my big brother, right?” Elise beamed at him.

The knight chuckled, “The most convincing.”

“I knew it,” she winked. “Anyway, thanks for cheering him up, Silas. He’s in much better spirits now.”

“I didn’t really do anything,” Silas confessed with a shrug. “If anything, he helped me. Not the other way around.”

Elise just smiled and walked alongside him as they made their way down the hall. Silas looked at her confused, not entirely sure why she was walking with him now. 

“Are you trying to take me somewhere without telling me?” Silas asked. “Because you have successfully distracted me from my original destination.”

“You mean you _weren’t_ walking towards Xander’s room?”

“Absolutely not,” Silas huffed. “It’s only been two days princess.”

“It could be every day.”

“What are you trying to do?”

Silas looked at her puzzled. She had a conspiratorial look in her eyes. One that mirrored something he had seen in Camilla’s eyes not too long ago when she brought up Xander to him. 

“Nothing.”

“You know something,” Silas accused staring at her.

“I would like to know more,” she winked. “But I’ll settle with what I do know.”

“Gods, you and Lady Camilla are something else,” Silas shook his head. 

“We just like to know what our siblings are up to is all.”

“Do you do this with her?”

“ _Absolutely_.” 

Silas felt a little more sympathetic towards Camilla now that he knew that. Elise was already bad enough with him and he wasn’t related to her even though she really felt like a younger sister to him now. Luckily, he didn’t think she did it with Xander because that would make things really awkward. There was no doubt in his mind that Prince Leo heard all about it as well though given how close he was to Prince Takumi now. That didn’t come as a surprise to him when he heard about it from Elise given how similar the two princes were but it still was a little shocking. 

Elise grabbed Silas’s hand halting him in his spot, “I’m happy that you and big brother are happy Silas.”

“Well, I don’t know about that,” Silas confessed. “I’m getting there.”

Elise tilted her head to the side, “The honesty is a nice change.”

“I’ve always been honest.”

Elise gave him an unimpressed stare. Silas chose to ignore it and instead keep walking. The princess followed him and changed the topic. He didn’t mind. All he was doing was going over some things that Corrin requested of him and was planning on returning to him to give a report on him. Well, Corrin hadn’t _really_ requested it, but Silas said he’d handle it regardless. Mindless tasks, like armory inventory and vulnerary stock and the like. Elise filled in his silence with all the things she wanted to talk about without him really needing to pay attention. Occasionally he would catch a few particular words that stood out to him about the others. 

“Alright, well, that’s my diary entry for the day,” Elise exclaimed rather loudly breaking him out of his reverie. 

“Didn’t know I was your personal diary,” Silas grinned in amusement.

Elise returned the expression, “Well, you don’t respond nor judge just like my diary.”

“I listen.”

“And my diary captures every word I write--or say in this case.”

Silas chuckled and shook his head, “Well, I’m honored.”

Her smile brightened as she knocked on the door they had stopped in front of.

“This your stop?”

“No, it’s yours.”

She spun around and skipped away singing a goodbye as she left. Silas stared, jaw dropped as her form shrunk with the distance put between them. The door opened up just a crack. A burgundy eye peeked out and then the door opened fully.

“Silas? I thought it was Elise, she has a very distinct… are you okay?” Xander raised an eyebrow at him.

Silas clamped his mouth shut and bowed at the prince, “Sorry for disturbing you, milord.”

“Elise?”

“Yes,” Silas answered back.

Xander nodded, “Well, she’s been rather vigilant in trying to increase the social interactions these days. Would you like to come in? Laslow is in here too, we were just talking about you.”

“Me?” Silas looked past the prince to see Laslow lying on the ground staring at the duo. There’s a sly smirk on his face. 

“Hello, friend,” Laslow greeted from his spot on the floor.

Silas smiled, “Hi Laslow. How are you feeling?”

“Better than most days.”

Xander opened the door wider and gestured for him to come in. 

“I shouldn’t—”

“You’re going to deny the prince his wishes, Silas?” Laslow teased.

Silas swallowed and walked in. He really should finish inventory before they march next and he swore to Corrin that he would. Looking at the notebook in his hands, he sighed and shut it before taking a seat. 

“I can’t stay long, I’m taking inventory for Corrin,” Silas admitted.

Lazily, Laslow shrugged, “It can wait.”

 _Can it?_ Silas wondered.

“Either way, really, I wanted to talk to you because Lord Xander told me there was something interesting you revealed about the deeprealm,” Laslow pressed on. Silas’s eyes wandered to Xander and their eyes met. He sat at his desk facing them. His eyebrows were raised expectantly.

“Yeah? That I was in a dungeon?” 

Xander shook his head, “Before the dungeon.”

 _Oh_.

“You’re talking about my mother,” Silas breathed.

Laslow sat up instantly. A grim look was on his face and he glanced at Lord Xander. The prince nodded with a dark expression before returning his gaze to Silas urging the knight to continue. It was hard to forget that sight. 

“I don’t know what it was,” Silas confessed. “But when I first met her, she didn’t look like my mother. Then, she took me to the back of the cathedral and everything…” he shivered a little at the memory and swallowed. Recounting this was harder than he thought it would be. He supposed he wasn’t quite recovered yet. “Everything looked like home… my childhood home. Next thing I knew, my mother was stabbing me.”

“Talk about a family reunion…” Laslow muttered under his breath but it held no mirth. Silas, however, chuckled at it. 

“Laslow,” Xander warned.

“Sorry, milord,” Laslow apologized. Silas waved him off when the retainer turned to apologize to him. “Sorry.” He rubbed his forehead, “Azura mentioned this earlier, but Anankos can revive the dead.”

Silas’s throat felt tight, “My mother is dead?”

“Maybe,” Laslow looked at him apologetically. “When was the last time you saw her?”

Too long. Laslow didn’t press for an answer and Xander already knew. There really wasn’t much to comment on. The silence filled in for him. Laslow’s brow was pinched and he looked like he was in pain as he rubbed his eyes. Perhaps he was still suffering from a headache, they came so frequently, Silas wouldn’t be surprised. 

“Anankos has many tricks up his sleeve,” Laslow began after a moment. “It’s no surprise to me that he had such strong control over that deeprealm. We’ve seen faceless in many places beyond here. We all know they’re his creation.” He sighed, “We can’t rule out that she may be dead. All that might have just been a trick to lure us there and get rid of us. That cathedral fight wasn’t exactly easy.”

Silas blinked. No one had actually told him the details of his recovery. All he had heard was how foolish he had been to go there alone and that the deeprealm looked like a hellscape, but no one mentioned any major fights or that it was particularly rough. Guilt began to gnaw at the back of his head.

“How many were injured?” Silas asked before Laslow could continue to speak.

Laslow hesitated and looked at Xander. A deep scowl was on his face as if he was angry at Laslow for letting that slip. Silas didn’t need to hear it to know the numbers were high. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and prepared to give another apology.

“It wasn’t as bad as you think,” Xander answered slowly removing his disapproving gaze from his retainer who was returning a sheepish, apologetic smile. “The fight and the sheer number of enemies that the cathedral held was extremely unexpected, but the fight itself was more grueling simply because of how long it was. He was trying to wear us out and cut us down, but we’re here.”

“Okay.”

That’s all Silas could say. The prince evidently didn’t want to hear Silas apologize to him for the thousandth time. Quite frankly, Silas didn’t feel like apologizing again because they would never end at this rate.

“As I was saying,” the retainer cleared his throat. “We should talk to Azura about this, but we should all be wary of any familiar faces.”

“Particularly of deceased loved ones?” Silas asked darkly.

“Particularly of deceased loved ones,” Laslow affirmed. His gaze switched to Xander who had a question on his face.

Xander cleared his throat, “I still find it particularly odd that it was Silas he targeted. It seemed rather random.”

Laslow shrugged, “Maybe he was an easy target because he trusted easily in a realm he had strong control over—not as bad as Corrin though—and took a gamble that he would fall for it and drag us all there.” Silas made an offended noise but he wasn’t sure if it was in Corrin’s defense or his own. Either way, he kept his mouth shut. “Or it’s not so random and his mother’s face and childhood home was a conscious choice.”

“How would that work?” Silas asked. “How would he even know that about me?”

Laslow stared at him with an odd glint in his eyes. It made a chill go down the knight’s spine and he fought the urge to squirm in his seat from it. He hated it when the retainer looked at him like that. In these moments, he wasn’t sure if it was Laslow looking at him or Anankos.

“He has eyes and ears everywhere, Silas,” the room grew cooler as the words left his lips. “Who knows who became a victim to his grasps,” _like me_ , remained unsaid but Silas could hear it in his voice, “and succumbed to it.” 

The look on his face twisted into something that unsettled Silas further. 

One of acquiescence. 

The room grew cold. There was a heavyweight on their shoulders. Silas felt like he was carrying too much. All he could do was take a deep breath.  Maybe this answered a lot of his questions as to why things happened the way they did. It was hard to swallow and Laslow looked apologetic for saying it. The knight needed it though. He needed some sort of answer and if he was going to have to find out through more blood, sweat, and tears he would. There were still holes that he didn’t know how to fill. Now, Anankos just through more questions in with no hope for answers at the moment. 

-0-0-0-

The boy, Anthony, left Silas unsettled. He left everyone unsettled, yet Corrin still trusted him despite the constant warnings that he was trusting too easily. Corrin protested and protested that he needed their help and that it was fine. Silas couldn’t be too sure. After everything that had happened with the deeprealm and the trick Anankos had pulled, he didn’t think they could trust anyone that they weren’t already familiar with. It was already apparent enough that there was distrust within ranks beyond just the Hoshido and Nohr disparity. Any extra conflict wouldn’t serve to help them and how were they to know that this kid named Anthony wasn’t just another pawn in this place that was seemingly destroyed. All of a sudden a random kid pops up out of nowhere when they hadn’t seen a living face in the whole time they had been there. It made Silas severely uncomfortable to be anywhere near Anthony, but he didn’t necessarily trust Corrin to be near him alone either. Who knows what traps could be laid out for them.

Silas was growing tired of preaching that to Corrin though and he could see that Xander and Ryoma were too. Prince Takumi and Prince Leo had given up a while ago, but they would still grumble about it to each other—particularly Prince Takumi. Elise said she trusted Corrin, but even he could tell she was worried and Camilla didn’t hide her worries either. For all intents and purposes, Silas trusted Corrin with his life, but this particular judgement did not settle well with him. Corrin insisted on letting Anthony lead them to capital in hopes that it’ll help give them some aim. Silas relented in his opposition when Corrin asked him if he trusted him.

Of course, he did, that was an unfair question. 

It was Anthony he didn’t trust, not Corrin. 

In the end, they all just swore that Anthony made any attempts to harm Corrin or any of them, they wouldn’t hesitate in cutting him down where he stood. Corrin agreed, though there was hesitance. 

“I don’t like it,” Silas muttered again.

Xander huffed, “I don’t either, but Corrin is confident in this.”

Silas shifted in his seat. Corrin’s confidence in him did little to ease his concerns. The last time Silas saw what appeared to be a friendly face, shifted into his mother and tried to kill him. He had reason to be overly cautious and fearful. Whatever happened to him, he would rather not have a repeat of events.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Xander spoke into the silence. “But we’ll all make sure nothing like that happens again.”

Silas nodded, “Well, he’ll have everyone here so it’ll end better I’m sure. _If_ anything happens anyway.” He looked at the prince across the room who was now out of his armor. Silas hoped there wouldn’t be any unexpected problems. “Is there something on my face, milord? You’re staring.”

He shook his head and then ran his fingers over his face then raking them into his hair. Only then that Silas realized his crown was also missing. 

“I’m just tired Silas.”

“Oh,” Silas murmured. “I can go, apologies—”

“Not physically,” Xander’s shoulder slouched a tad. “Mentally. Stay.”

Midway of getting up, Silas paused and looked the prince up and down. His posture certainly seemed as if he needed rest immediately and Silas wasn’t going to hold the prince up from that. 

“ _Stay_ ,” Xander repeated, more insistent. After a pause, he added, “If you don’t mind.”

 _“If you don’t mind,”_ Silas had to laugh at that. Of course, he didn’t mind.

“Don’t let me keep you up, though, milord,” Silas seated himself again. “You need to be well-rested.”

Xander gave a small smile, “I’m aware and I appreciate your concern.” The smile faded and he assessed Silas. The sudden scrutiny made him fidget. “How are you feeling now? I know it’s been some time, but I want to make sure you’re recovering well.”

Silas nodded, “I’m fine, thank you.” 

“Yes?”

“Better, getting there,” Silas relented.

“Nightmares?” Xander rubbed a finger on his chin. Again, the knight nodded. “I’m no stranger to those, I understand.”

Shrugging, Silas took interest into his nails picking at them absently as he worried his bottom lip, “They’re no different from before.”

“You’ve always had these?” 

“Well, not these exact ones,” Silas shrugged. “I guess I always knew something was wrong about that day, with my mother. When Hans and Iago took me away…”

Xander’s expression grew increasingly frustrated.

“Hans,” Xander said his name like a curse. “My father released him even after I imprisoned him.”

“Do you think your father is still…”

Silas stopped that question before he would lose his head. It was out of line and wasn’t his right to talk about. He hummed and continued to look at his fingers praying that it was quiet enough that Xander didn’t pick it up.

“My father is still?” Xander pressed. “What?”

“Nothing,” Silas cursed himself. “Forget I ever said anything. It’s just something I overheard from...” He needed to derail the conversation. “How’s Laslow? I haven’t seen him around here lately.”

“...Suffering from a migraine but otherwise the same,” Xander hesitated. “You can speak your mind, Silas. From who?”

Silas laughed, “Not a very good idea to encourage milord, I quite like my tongue and head where they are.”

Xander’s brows knit together but he said nothing. 

“Sorry, milord,” Silas apologized. “But really, it’s not my place to say.”

“Who were you listening to?”

“Lord Leo,” Silas decided to at least answer that.

While there was a smile on his face that attempted to ease Xander’s worries about everything, Silas had a lingering suspicion that the prince knew of his unsaid words. Now wasn’t the time to divulge that though and the prince had to know that. 

That the king isn’t there anymore.

The prince only sighed looking even more tired and rubbed his eyes.

“Do you still wish for me to stay?” Silas asked noting the growing exhaustion. “It’s rather late…”

“Well, I’m not exactly done with you,” the prince rolled his shoulders, “so yes. I would still like you to stay.”

What does that mean?

“Exactly as I said,” Xander chuckled. 

 _Ah_ , Silas groaned scolding himself for speaking aloud. 

Instead of saying anything else though, Silas let himself get comfortable waiting for Xander to speak. Silas stared at him for a long moment in silence as the prince never caught his gaze seemingly thinking over what he was going to say. The silence is unusual. Typically, Xander didn’t hesitate, or at least he had his thoughts together enough to know what he was going to say. 

“Get sleep, milord,” Silas insisted into the silence. The prince shoots him a glare as if he was tired of hearing Silas repeat that phrase. “I’ll be here tomorrow when you’re better rested where we can talk about whatever in full, I promise.” The knight smiled hoping it would ease up the glare.

Xander hummed, “I suppose you’re right—it can wait.” Turning his gaze over to Silas he continued. “Be wary of Anthony, would you? For all our sakes, but especially Corrin.” The tension in his shoulders return, “He’s no idiot, Corrin… He’s gotten us this far, but I can’t help but feel this is a mistake.”

“I will milord,” Silas stood up. “You as well. And please rest.”

-0-0-0-

As Silas wandered the camp, he realized that he had become hyper-aware of all of Anthony’s movements subconsciously. The young boy had worked his way into Silas’s mind quite sufficiently and it was easy to notice that Anthony didn’t stray too far from Corrin at all times. For better or for worse, that meant, for the most part, he always knew where he was. That also meant that if Anthony wanted to try anything on Corrin he could, but not without garnering the attention of others. Most people were keeping an eye on him, especially all of Corrin’s siblings. Corrin noticed his distance though and maybe he felt a little betrayed that Silas wasn’t believing in him as much as usual. Silas would take that if it meant being avoiding any harm coming to him.

Anthony played at being innocent but there was something lingering there that made him uncomfortable. Silas wondered what made Corrin believe in him so much. He shouldn’t though given that it was _Corrin_. He had undeniable faith in everyone. He trusted easily and maybe everyone else wasn’t trusting enough that Corrin had to balance it out. 

It was a character flaw for Corrin, yet also a strength. Unfortunately, Silas had first-hand experience of what happens when you do trust to easily. He had hoped that Corrin would understand where he was coming from in all this. That he wasn’t just trying to be mean, but he had a sincere reason for his skepticism. His childhood friend said he understood, but he could see the sadness in his eyes as he did. That didn’t help the growing pit in the bottom of his stomach. Despite it all, he did try to support Corrin in everything he did because that’s who he was. It was at the core of all his most recent decisions and he was nothing if not loyal especially to Corrin. 

Which is why, as they marched, he stayed close to Corrin as the knight kept a watchful eye ahead of them. Hundreds of eyes were looking for traps conscious of their current guide but their trust in Corrin not wavering. It was relieving for Silas to see that they still had such a strong foundation—he had spent a few hours trying to convince Corrin to stick with his gut and they would be alongside him the whole way catching him before he could fall if something happened. 

“We need to cross this bridge,” Anthony announced suddenly. 

Silas eyed the land in front of them. It was nothing short of a fantasy world—not that all of this didn’t already seem like a work of fiction within itself. Before them were floating islands that Elise had no hesitation in making her astonishment known. It was fascinating to see all the different lands of Valla and Silas couldn’t help but wonder what this land might have looked like when it was glowing with life.

Then, soft-spoken Sakura asked, “Do you think this bridge will hold us? It… it looks pretty old. You don’t think it’ll break… right?”

Anthony’s eyes darted towards her an offended look on his face that she would even dare doubt it, “What? I went this way earlier. It’s safe!” His eyes look to the side, “...Probably.”

“Probably?” Hinoka exclaimed. “You want us to rely on a probably? That’s not encouraging.” She looked over the expansion and Silas followed her gaze with a grimace. “There are enemies stationed that way too.”

“But if it’s the only way…” Takumi said reluctantly. 

“Look! Watch! I’ll cross myself!” Anthony dashed across the bridge with Takumi yelling him to wait. With bated breath, everyone watched him cross the bridge praying that it wouldn’t collapse underneath him. To Silas’s relief, the bridge sustained itself under his weight and he waved from the other side. “See? It’s fine!”

Xander looked to Corrin and then nodded, “Then let’s make our way over.”

Corrin smiled at Xander and took the lead. Silas followed closely behind with the rest of the royal siblings. Takumi and Leo tailed carefully at the end the Hoshidan prince still skeptical.

“This bridge looks ancient,” Silas overheard Leo saying to Takumi.

Takumi huffed getting ready to reply when the bridge creaks loudly just as Leo began to make a reply. Xander and Ryoma spun around immediately panic in their eyes. From just behind Takumi, a giant crack was making its way over the bridge. What are the odds that now of all times it would break?

“Hurry! The bridge is about to collapse!” Xander warned, knuckles turning white as his grip on his horse’s reins grew tighter. 

Leo rushed over with his horse spinning around in time to see the bridge just behind Takumi begin to crumble. The Hoshidan quickly caught his balance his eyes wide in alarm. 

“Takumi, take my hand!” Leo held it out as Takumi gripped it urgently. Leo yanked him over just as the rest of the bridge broke barely making it over. “Are you okay?”

Winded, Takumi tightened his grip on Leo’s hand, breathing heavily, “Thanks, you saved my life.” There was panic in the prince’s eyes no matter how hard he tried to hide it. Silas wouldn’t have blamed him for showing it, he nearly fell to his death.

“Of course,” Leo said, but he was frowning with concern as he drew Takumi closer to him. Silas would have smiled at the sight if the situation wasn’t so dire.  

Their eyes all shoot towards Anthony accusingly. The young boy appeared panicked, worried, but for some reason, it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Silas swallowed as he watched the dark looks cross the faces of Xander, Ryoma, Hinoka, and Camilla. They looked about ready to pounce. Niles and Odin rushed to aid Leo alongside Hinata and Oboro. Frantically, they checked the two princes’ for injuries. Takumi and Leo both tried to quell their concerns but none of them were hearing any of it. Silas searched for Laslow. From the side, not too far from Xander, he stood with Peri but his expression was dour and threatening. His hand was not far from his sword evidently prepared to draw it should Xander give the word. 

This was escalating fast and he had to wonder if this place had anything to do with it.

“Woah, that was close!” Anthony exclaimed eyes widening even more. A bad reaction, seemingly superficial. None of the royals wanted to hear that. Undoubtedly, he couldn’t sense the gravity of the situation. 

Silas could hear Xander’s jaw clench, teeth grinding, “Close? That’s all you can say? How can you be so calm after that?” His eyes narrowed and Silas would hate to be on the receiving end of that, “Anthony, we need to talk. _Now_.”

Yet, just as he said that the hairs on the back of Silas’s neck raised and he looked around as he saw the enemy appear before them. They didn’t have time to talk, they were about to be surrounded.

Azura readied her lance, “Xander, wait. The enemy is approaching. Corrin, everyone, get ready for battle!”

The prince slowly took his eyes off of Anthony and Silas knew he was furious. His brother and Prince Takumi almost lost their lives because of the bridge that Anthony said was safe. Silas stared at Xander as the prince met his gaze the rage burning in them. All Silas could do was nod and hoped he saw that Silas understood, but he couldn’t go into this battle angry. 

 _We’ll work it out later_.

His expression calmed slightly, but his jaw was still clenched too tight. As long as he was thinking clearly, the knight supposed it didn’t matter at the moment. He drew his lance and prepared himself for battle awaiting Corrin’s orders. The knight stayed near the prince throughout the battle making sure to watch his blind spots as he did himself. Silas knew Anthony was going to get an earful later if he even had a chance to keep his head on given how vexed the crown prince was. For the most part, they managed to escape the battle relatively unscathed. Silas had a few cuts and bruises but nothing life-threatening. He waved off Elise when she came to check on him. None of them were severe enough to warrant healing like that and she could preserve it to use on others that will need it more. She gave a tight smile, evidently the events of everything that was happening was catching up with. He knew that she had been deathly frightened when Leo and Takumi almost fell off the bridge and he hoped that she would be okay and Camilla would comfort her. The youngest Nohrian princess ran over to Sakura after Silas’s brief dismissal and he watched as she tried to cheer up her friend. He was glad they had each other, because such young people, _children_ , should be out here fighting. But here they were, stronger than most people here, doing their best and healing others in need. It was a bright light in a seemingly dark time. Silas sighed and winced a little as he felt a sting in his arm. As he was assessing the worst of his wounds, he heard Xander from the side talking, scolding, _threatening,_ Anthony.

“I will cut you where you stand!” Xander’s exasperation radiated off him enough for many to distance themselves from him. Elise flinched a little. Eyes widening, she spun to face her big brother. Silas didn’t know if he wanted to look in case Xander did behead the boy right then and there, but turned anyway. 

“Xander! Wait!” Corrin protested running over to him and placing a hand on his arm to steady it from drawing the blade once more. Xander scowled, a scary, venomous expression Silas hoped would never turn on him. 

“You should listen to him Corrin,” Leo insisted calmly, but his hands were in fists. He was shaken for himself and probably Takumi too given how they stuck near each other throughout the previous battle constantly making sure the other was alright and didn’t go down. 

Camilla placed a gentle hand on Leo, “I don’t know… He’s suspicious Corrin.”

A series of arguments came from Corrin trying to convince his Nohrian siblings that they were wrong. That it was a mere _coincidence_ that the bridge caved under their collective weight. The other Nohrian siblings didn’t intervene any further most likely sensing that it wouldn’t help the situation. Corrin firmly stood his ground. Nobody needed to be told that Xander was disbelieving of Corrin’s naivete, but all the same, it was expected. It was Corrin. He trusted too easy. 

“Your tendency to believe in people is also your greatest weakness,” Xander remarked in a voice of forced control. “You must remain diligent and aware or someone may take advantage of you.”

Silas knew first hand how that felt. 

“Milord,” Silas tried to keep up with Xander. 

Not too long after the battle and they had been checked for injuries Xander immediately retreated to his quarters with Silas in tow by request. The knight was a little surprised that he had been invited back and not Laslow, but the retainer seemed relatively worried about the pretty gruesome hit Selena had taken and was checking in on her. In the deadly silence of the halls, their footsteps echoed and it made Silas slightly uneasy because the tension in Xander’s shoulders looked like it _hurt._  

The prince walked into his room, not once looking back at Silas and made way straight to his chair. Silas shut the door quietly behind him, but he couldn’t hide the nervousness in his posture if he tried. Xander was _pissed_ and Silas hadn’t quite figured out how to handle that when it wasn’t directed towards him yet. 

“Milord?” Silas tried again as Xander rubbed his forehead as if that would remove the very prominent frown that had made its home on his face. 

“I just don’t get…” Xander began and stopped clamping his mouth shut Silas heard his teeth clack. He worked his jaw trying to find the words—the right ones without offending. 

Silas decided to try again, “Milord—”

“Leo and Prince Takumi were almost _killed,_ Silas,” it came out in a single breath. For the first time, Silas felt like he was seeing Xander truly being shaken by the gravity of everything. His guards were down, he looked lost. “I believe in Corrin, but this judgement just doesn’t make sense. How can he still trust him when… when…”

“Xander,” Silas said testing the waters. Red eyes snapped up at him. At first, it was a glare and then it softened into something of a desperate look. “Please breathe.” Navigating this seemed like walking on nails and he was hoping he wouldn’t dig his own grave with this conversation. He wasn’t _suited_ for this. Taking a deep breath, Xander combed his fingers through his hair.

“Maybe it’s me and my past,” Xander uttered. “I just don’t want something to happen to Corrin because he— _I_ let my guard down.”

Shifting in his seat, Silas took a deep breath, “It wouldn’t be on you. Not just you. All of us, this isn’t your burden alone.” Xander stared at the knight as he continued, “You have every right to be worried, if Corrin won’t be suspicious, then we have to be for him, no? You got to balance it out… that’s what I’ve been telling myself at least. If you have two opposite ends of the spectrum, eventually it’ll all meet in the middle.”

Xander slumped a little in his chair, staring at Silas with an expression the knight didn’t like. It looked defeated. 

“You know of the Concubine Wars,” the prince’s gaze was on Silas, but he evidently wasn’t looking _at_ him. More like through him. “You came at the tail end of it so I don’t know how much of it you recall—”

“I recall nearly being killed by Princess Eva.”

Not a fond memory.

“Apologies for that, I should’ve been watching her more carefully,” Xander genuinely looked upset about that. Before Silas could wave it off and tell him it was in the past, the prince continued. “But that’s exactly my point. I grew up having to be wary of my siblings knowing they could attempt to stab me in the back and kill me in my sleep at any time. My own flesh and blood.” A weary look overtakes him, the frown faded, the stress apparent, “I understand that I can be a tad over-cautious with who I trust because of my experiences as a child, but I rather that than maintaining the naivete of Corrin. I worry about him and that unwavering trust. It brought us together, sure, but…”

“Doesn’t being overly cautious make it hard to form connections milord?” Silas asked aware of the mindset Xander was in. Despite the weary exterior, Silas could still feel his vexation. 

The prince huffed a tired laugh, “You know that answer to that Silas. Elise is even wary of me.”

Silas knew. Especially Elise’s situation given he had apparently, unbeknownst to him, taken up the mantle of a personal diary from Elise. A part of him wondered if Elise truly didn’t want him to listen and say anything given the type of information he got from her. Despite that, he listened earnestly to her worries about all her siblings including Xander and it helped him put the pieces together as to why she made him talk to the prince instead. 

Xander sighed again before softly uttered, "Sometimes I fear that I may be becoming like him..." 

“She loves you though,” it came out stronger than he expected, but it got Xander’s undivided attention. “She worries over you a lot, hence why I’m here.” Silas wanted to ask about who _"him"_ was, but Xander spoke before him.

“And she knocks on the door for you?” Xander shook his head.

“She worries about bothering you,” Silas confessed. “You’re stressed, evidently. But she has fond memories of you and her during the earlier years.”

“Your point?”

“What I’m trying to say,” _what was he trying to say?_ “Is that I understand where you’re coming from with the fear of being stabbed in the back by those closest to you.” Silas pointed to himself, “I have first-hand experience of it myself, twice, one time I was literally stabbed.” Xander snorted at that shaking his head with fond exasperation. “But sometimes you just have to trust those closest to you to know what they’re doing.” Silas shrugged, “I mean, look at you, you have Lord Leo, Lady Elise, Lady Camilla and Corrin all by your side. They’ve made it this far. Corrin has.” Losing steam, he settled with, “What I’m trying to say, is maybe just have a little more faith in Corrin. Those closest to you, the real ones, are there to shoulder this with you too—your siblings and even Prince Ryoma since you two are such good friends.”

Xander hummed.

“Retainers too,” Silas added.

“What of you?”

“Always,” Silas answered easily, quickly. That might have been the easiest question yet. 

“That came… fast.”

“It was a simple question.”

“Do you trust Anthony?”

“Not even a little,” Silas laughed. “But I trust Corrin and that’s all I need. As I said, I’d shield him from any harm. He’s the reason I’m here in the first place.”

The prince didn’t respond. Instead, he continued to stare at the wall just to the right of Silas and the knight didn’t particularly mind. Silences like this were common between them. Eventually, Xander stood and began pouring from a kettle Silas hadn’t noticed, but he wasn’t quite sure when it was prepared. It must be cold tea and Silas wouldn’t dare drink it now. 

“Didn’t know you liked cold tea, milord,” Silas mused.

“It’s water, and I don’t,” Xander smirked. “That would be pointless. Either way, thank you for speaking with me Silas. It has eased my mind if only a tad. Just...”

“They’re safe, milord,” Silas reassured. “They’re okay.”

“For how long?”

“For as long as we’re here,” Silas answered confidently. “Plus, well, they have each other… don’t know if you noticed that they’re—”

“Particularly close?” Xander chuckled. “Believe me, we’ve all noticed. They’re nothing if not obvious.”

Silas smirked. It was to be expected he supposed given their similarities and how fervently they tried to deny it. They would be okay, Silas was confident in that. He wanted it to be and if they played their cards right they would be. Not unscathed, that was impossible in this war. 

“Thank you, Silas,” Xander repeated staring into his cup.

“Whatever for?” Silas couldn’t really think of why the prince would be thanking him again. He picked at a stray strand coming from shirt leading back to a frayed area. He frowned. “You’ve already thanked me.”

“I… have trouble being honest about how I feel. At least, namely because I’m crown prince and what I feel isn’t on top of my priorities, personal feelings at least” Xander confided into the suddenly heavy silence. “But I find myself having an easier time with you.”

Silas simpered before immediately bowing his head, “I… I’m glad to be of service, milord.” 

He hummed but didn’t say anything. Silas raised his gaze to look at the prince not quite understanding his silence at the moment. Xander was staring at him with a soft, fond smile. Silas swallowed because that wasn’t what he was expecting to see when he looked up. But the smile, the happiness, it _suited_ Xander and belonged to stay there. If anything, he deserved to be happy. 

“Love and war always seemed like an odd combination to me,” Xander began taking a turn in the conversation that Silas didn’t really understand until he realized they were just talking about the other two princes. The older man sighed running his thumb over the lip of the cup staring into the liquid. The light of sunset reflecting off of him making him glow. “I thought it strange. How could one, when they’re fighting for their lives, focusing on surviving find love in such a terrifying landscape?” Silas opened his mouth to reply, but Xander beat him to it. Thank the gods for that because Silas was sure something stupid was about to come out. “But then I see Prince Takumi and Leo together. Niles and Camilla as well, even Laslow and Odin if you pay enough attention,” Silas's eyes widened slightly. He hadn't realized the prince was aware of that. Though perhaps it wasn't too bizarre that he did know what his siblings and retainer were up to. “But I look at them and I realize that maybe it isn’t such an impossible combination.”

Silas smiled, but he was certain it didn’t quite reach his eyes because of the implications of that statement. 

“Has someone captured your eye, milord?” Silas inquired with a heavy heart.

“In more ways than one, yes,” Xander admitted raising his gaze slowly to meet Silas’s once more.  

He might as well keep going. He had gotten that far, “Who, if you don’t mind my asking? I didn’t know you were courting anyone.”

“Curious, are we?” Xander chuckled, a fragile sound. It temporarily threw Silas off, giving room for Xander to continue. “They didn’t get the hint during one of our previous conversations it seems.”

Silas blinked a few times letting it sink in.

“They aren’t aware of your affections, milord?” Silas couldn’t hide his shock. “Well, they’re in for a surprise...whoever they may be.” He hoped his implication of the question reached the prince because he was uncertain if he should ask again. 

Xander paused for a few moments. His eyes held uncertainty, but he appeared to be contemplating something. Silas settled back into his seat hoping to use that chance to let some of the tension leave his body. 

“Hopefully a good one,” Xander seemed uncertain, worried. “I suppose I say this because I fear something happening to them because of this situation. This war, Anthony, all the unknown variables. They’ve been hurt a great deal in this war due to Anankos.”

“Well, I’m sure if it’s someone you care for your future queen will be strong enough to overcome it,” Silas remarked quelling the unease in his stomach.

“Queen, hm?” The red gaze flickered away from Silas for a moment and then back at him. “No, not queen.”

Silas figured it wasn’t, but he wanted toconfirm that because the only two people he knew that were deeply affected by Anankos in their army was Azura and Laslow. Which left one possibility…

“Is it Laslow then?”

Xander eyes widened in surprise, “What? _No_. How did you come to that conclusion?”

Silas laughed but it got caught in his throat.  If Xander noticed it, he didn’t comment on it. Maybe he could find the clues, hints as to who he was trying to court.

“That was a pretty fast response milord,” Silas smirked. 

 The prince shrugged, “I have a feeling they’re not very good at picking up advances. They seem a tad oblivious to most.”

“Is that so?”

“Terribly.”

“Is it...” Silas stopped and the prince raised a curious eyebrow.

“...Is it?” The prince invited him to continue as if he was _hoping_ that Silas would know.

“I only know two people that have been deeply impacted by Anankos and that was Laslow and Azura. If they’re both off the table, I couldn’t tell you.”

The knight wasn’t sure if it was a trick of the light or if he was just seeing things, but the prince’s gaze flickered with something of disappointment and he deflated a tad.  The grip on his mug tightening if only a little. A subtle movement that if you weren’t looking so intensely at the prince you never would have noticed it. Which meant Silas probably should have stopped staring at him a while ago.

“While I care about them both a great deal, this is different,” Xander admitted leaning on his desk. “I’ve lost him before, nearly lost him several times here, I would rather not have a repeat of everything again.” He never once took his eyes off Silas, his voice heavy with worry and warning.

“Milord… I…” Silas swallowed. “I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure everything will work out.”

“Hmm,” Xander paused. “You think?”

“Yes.”

“Will you be more careful Silas? Swear to me you won’t be reckless? Allow me to be by your side and protect you?” 

Silas was thrown and he stumbled over his words trying to piece together what Xander was saying and implying. He folded his hands in his lap trying to figure out how to respond to that. The easy answer was yes, but to what would he be promising with that last question.

“Yes, milord,” Silas answered flustered. “If you’ll allow me to do the same for you.” The prince pushed off his desk. “Milord… you can’t… you can’t mean… I—”

“Silas,” Xander started softly sounding like a confession. A confession Silas wasn’t totally ready for and not at all expecting. “All I want is to keep you safe. You’ve made it hard, of course,” Silas laughed cheeks flushed with embarrassment and at the sudden shift in conversation. But also a wave of tremulous happiness that he was sure would be easily broken. His heart was pounding in his chest and he hesitated to move his hand to rest on it. Instead, he felt his hand being taken, and he opened his eyes to see Xander in front of him gently holding his hand. “But if you’ll let me, I want to keep you safe. It’ll be easier to do if you’re by my side.”

Silas swallowed thickly knowing his neck and ears were probably just as red as his cheeks. Xander smiled softly, but it appeared fragile as if he feared the rejection that wouldn’t come. Like Silas could say no to him. 

“Of course… I’d like to be by your side too milord...” Silas murmured. 

A beautiful laugh came from Xander as the sunset kissed him, his eyes much brighter with a hidden warmth. Knowing that it was directed towards him made him lighter. 

“I’d be honored to,” Silas confessed. “Perhaps this is bold of me but…”

“What is it?”

“To be honest, I’ve wanted this for a _long_ time, milord,” Silas chuckled. “Briefly while we were children, and a long time since we’ve reunited.” Squeezing Xander’s hand, Silas confirmed that this was real and not a dream, “But I didn’t think it was mine to have.” He stared at their hands with a longing expression, “But I would like this… We have many fights ahead of us, and I don’t know when this will end… but I’d like to see the end alongside you.”

Xander’s expression softened to something private Silas knew only he would see now, “You don’t know how happy you’ve made me. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to do this.”

“I’m sure I did nothing to help,” Silas’s voice was nothing above a whisper as he basked in this moment. 

The prince shook his head fondly, “Not at all. But I’m tired of seeing you come in harm's way and fearing from afar that I may have to wake up one day during this war without you.” Taking a deep breath, he continued, “Together?”

“Together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I contemplated putting the little moment at the end with Silas and Xander in the next chapter considering I teased the moment of Xander telling Silas last chapter decided to just go with it because I've been waiting to write them as more than just friends for a while. 
> 
> As always, sorry for any typos. I always tend to catch them after I post it no matter how long I wait and re-read haha. 
> 
> Check out Le Maison if you want to read a little side story fluff of them as a post-main conflict. Not directly related to this story just some good Xanlas that I wanted to write.
> 
> I have a tumblr where I sometimes post headcanons (posted about my FE Awakening Gaius/Chrom HC on there too and may add more later) but I draw more there, so if you want to check that out, find me with the username: rshinystars
> 
> Also wanted to write this before getting FE3H because I will be all consumed by that for sure. What house are you choosing first? Mine is Blue Lions, but I really had trouble deciding between Dimitri and Claude.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've changed the tags if you couldn't tell. I liked Ryoma and Scarlet together (should have gotten a support together) and writing this chapter just got weird with Corrin/Ryoma when you know, it's not my unit, so all previous mentions of the Corrin/Ryoma have been removed haha. Some replaced with Ryoma/Scarlet.

Despite the change that Silas felt as soon as Xander’s confession reached his ears, there was really no time to dwell on it. Fate would have it that they would be hit by an onslaught of things. The relief he felt at having his feelings recognized by the prince and thus learning that he wasn’t too bold to think of the possibility that there could have been  _ something _ between them lifts a weight off his shoulders, but only momentarily. 

No matter how much he would have liked to just sit with the prince and talk about the future,  _ their _ future and get used to having him by his side in a way that wasn’t simply knight and prince, he couldn’t. There wasn’t much used dreaming about a future if they didn’t make it out alive to see it in the first place, he supposed.  That is why he wasn’t too surprised to hear the panic that Corrin was missing because of course he was. Anthony was as well, so Silas knew that Corrin had probably ventured with him somewhere. Xander’s frustration rolled off his back in waves. His brow stuck in a furrow that Silas worried might become permanent should it remain there any longer. Ryoma let out a long suffering sigh as he made his way over to the prince. Silas was sharpening his lance prepared to go into battle. If Corrin was with Anthony, they were going to look for him and probably run into a battle knowing their luck. 

Knowing Corrin’s luck. 

“What’s that in your hands, Prince Ryoma?” Xander asked. 

Ryoma shook his head, “As we already suspected, Corrin is with Anthony. He left us a letter about his plan. We’re to meet him there to ensure his safety. It’s probably a trap in any case.”

“I see,” Xander nodded, short and with as much control as he could muster. Silas hoped that maybe they could put this Anthony business behind them after this. Whether he proves himself an ally or an enemy, he would rather not have to worry about someone in their army stabbing them in the back while they sleep. 

With the news of Corrin’s letter out there, the energy in the camp became urgent. Silas took a deep breath as he helped a few of the soldiers prepared for the oncoming march and rescue. He prayed Corrin wasn’t already in danger and that they would make it in time. He wasn’t entirely sure when Corrin left or when they received that note, but he had to trust in Corrin that he knew what he was doing and that things would go smoothly. 

“Silas,” Xander called to him.

“Hello, milord,” Silas greeted him. 

Xander sighed and shook his head, “Corrin… I’m trusting that he knew what he was doing.”

“I’m under the belief that he’s testing Anthony’s loyalty,” Silas responded peering up at the prince taking a pause in his inventory. He would need to fetch a vulnerary. 

“I wish he wasn’t so reckless about it, but I can’t change that. This is Corrin we’re talking about,” he handed Silas a vulnerary.

“How did you…?” Silas looked at it in shock before shaking his head with a smile. “I won’t question it.” 

“Good, ready?” Xander asked with a smirk.

Silas sighed, “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Xander put a comforting hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. It was the most they could do at the moment.

According to Corrin’s note, Anthony was taking him to the back exit. Corrin was smart and left a trail, thank the gods. The path that they were taking was out of the way and very long winded. Not that Silas knew the geography of this area well enough to comment on it, but it seemed off the beaten path. Enough to make the red flags fly. They needed to hurry if they wanted to make sure Corrin didn’t succumb to whatever Anthony was plotting. Corrin was the reason he was here , after all, he owes him his life. 

“They should be in the ruins up ahead,” Ryoma told Xander. “I’ve already sent Saizo and Kaze ahead. They give a signal should Corrin be in any danger.”

Xander nodded, “Excellent.”

The signal was heavily anticipated amongst the group. They knew it was going to come. The way everyone was gripping their weapons a little tighter, the tension in their shoulders growing. Nobody trusted Anthony. They knew he was bad news. Silas just had to pray that Corrin saw it too.  Corrin might have been too trusting, but he wasn’t an idiot. He had to know. The signs were all there. 

They stood in wait. A breeze picked up feeling unnatural in this oddly still realm. It felt like forever before the two ninjas stood before them only giving a slight nod to the prince of Hoshido as he instantly began to move ahead. Xander left no time to spare and charged ahead with him with Gunter close behind. Silas and the rest of the army followed dutifully behind. It felt different this time as they marched together. Silas realized. There was an air of submission. An impression of dullness. It crept up his spine as he looked at the soldiers around them. Glazed eyed soldiers following only as if being pulled by strings. Complacency, a lack of will, they move with little purpose other than just because they’ve been told to. They almost looked like the Vallite soldiers. Dead eyed, no life, no will, just pawns on a chessboard moved by their master.

Silas frowned and pursed his lips. This wasn’t good. The morale in the group was in a new low compounded by the fact that the army leader, Corrin, walked headfirst into a trap. Was it doubt fueling this drop in morale? Were they beginning to doubt Corrin and his intentions and decisions?  

Now wasn’t the time to dwell on it. After they saved Corrin, after they had a chance to settle, he can confer with the others about the army and what they need to do to prevent casualties and keep each other alive. 

Silas refocused ahead and began to close the distance between him and the princes.  _ Steady on, Silas, steady on. _

When he made it into the ruins, Xander, Ryoma, and Gunter were already at Corrin’s side cutting through foes that had begun to surround him. Anthony was off to the side a look of anguish and frustration overtaking his usually innocent facade. 

_ Finally,  _ Silas thought. They were seeing Anthony’s true colors. He backed away surprised at the interruption. He began to tremble. In fear? In anger? Silas couldn’t tell. He stopped by Elise’s side. She was clutching her staff so tightly he was sure her knuckles were white underneath. Silas was going to ask her what was wrong until he the unnatural scream that tore through Anthony’s throat. Elise gasps and Silas moves to stand in front of her as they watch the ghastly sight of Anthony beginning to transform into a faceless. 

_ Gods _ . 

It wasn’t a fate Silas would wish on anyone, especially not after what he just saw. To turn into such a creature and live such a life with meaning wandering aimlessly till they find their next prey. To kill without purpose,  _ aimlessly _ , was a horrifying prospect as he already hated the fact that he has already taken so many lives  _ for  _ a purpose.

Then again, this creature,  _ Anthony _ , wouldn’t even know, nor would he likely care given he already tried to kill all of them.  

“That bastard,” he heard Laslow hiss at his side. 

Anankos. Anthony had said something about Anankos before transforming into the faceless. So he was a servant to Anankos after all. 

The wretched screaming stopped. But the look of horror on the other soldiers faces hadn’t faded, eyes wide in fear as if asking,  _ “he can’t do that to us right?” _ Silas wasn’t sure, couldn’t be sure, but those thoughts would get them killed.

“Corrin, we must be careful,” Azura warned. “The magic that turned Anthony is all over this place. It’s extremely dangerous!”

_ Great _ .

-0-0-0-

“That was... “ Elise’s voice hitched a little. “Anankos… what is he? To do that to Anthony…” Her hands were trembling. They had been since they left they ended the fight in the ruins. Silas had kept an eye on her the whole time. She had been tense since even before it all started and imagine being that young and seeing that happen. That would give him nightmares for days if he was her age,  _ hell _ , it would probably give him nightmares now, he can’t imagine what’s going on through her head. 

“Anthony was no friend but he didn’t deserve that!” Elise sniffed. 

Tentatively, Silas placed a hand on her shoulder, “I know princess. I agree.” What was the army thinking then? When so many of them visibly showed their distress in the moment, what could possibly be their state of minds? Elise was at least able to keep it together until they were able to settle down somewhere and dragged him to his room where she figured no one would disturb them.

“Thanks for letting me use your shoulder as my tissue, Silas,” Elise sniffed again.

Silas laughed, “Well, as long as there is no snot, I suppose I don’t mind the princess’s tears.”

She let out a choked laugh as she wiped her eyes, “No snot!”

“Promise?”

“Yes,” she rolled her eyes. “All on my thousands of tissues. I didn’t feel like cleaning my kerchief so…”

Silas waved her off and moved the wastebasket closer for her to throw them into. Dutifully, she places them in the bin. Silas felt a little relieved that she seemed to be feeling a little better.

“You know,” she began softly. “I think of you as a big brother too.”

The knight’s eyes shot up in surprise at that, “You do?”

Elise beamed, “Well, of course! Even when we were just in a castle, you still talked to me! Listened to me!”

“Well, it’s not like I could tell the princess no,” he mused with a fond smile. “Not that I minded anyway.”

The princess giggled a little, “But even now, you’re so easy to talk to. Of course I talk to Leo and Camilla as well. Corrin too! But things have gotten busy and I don’t contribute much to war council meetings, so I don’t even bother going to them.” She sighed and pouted a little, “I’m tired of this war… Anyway!” Silas almost missed the other comment she pushed past it so fast, “I just appreciate you listening to me when it’s you I decide to bother.”

“You never bother me, princess,” Silas admitted with a small smile. “What about Lord Xander?”

“Xander?” Elise hummed a little tilting her head back and forth to feign contemplation, but Silas knew it was just to hide how sad she got at the topic. “You know about that Silas. I’ve told you about that. Unless you weren’t listening, which would make you a really bad diary by the way.”

Silas let out a startled laugh, “I swear I was listening. But I mean, have you tried to talk to him as of recent? Maybe tell him a little of how you’re feeling? I think it would make him feel better too.”

She shook her head, “He’s busy.”

“We’re in war. We’re all busy,” Silas began firmly. “But you never know what will happen in war. You never know when’s the last time you’ll…” Clenching his eyes tightly, the prospect of losing any of the people he had grown close to a constant nightmare in his mind. “Either way, don’t wait princess.”

Elise nodded glumly. She knew, Silas was certain of that. They sat in silence for a while. At some point, Silas had taken home on the floor and began organizing his belongings, not like he had many of them here in the middle of war where they were moving all the time. There were some trinkets he had picked up along the way. The most he had were the things he had gotten from the other deeprealm. Gifts he had gotten from the vendors. 

Were they all in on that plan? Were they all just using his kindness to lure him in? Mr. and Mrs. Adler? Lydia? Perhaps he should just throw them away. It didn’t matter now. They were all likely dead. 

“You know... “ Elise began suddenly. “Xander used to be something like a father figure to me.”

Silas slowly dragged his eyes away from his sorting and gave his attention to Elise, “I remember you mentioning that once or twice, but that’s about all you said on the matter.”

Elise shrugged, “Father wasn’t very kind when I was growing up. I was scared of him. Though Xander, Camilla and even Leo mentioned that he was once a kind person, I never once saw it. In turn, big brother would take care of me.”

Silas nodded urging her to continue. This wasn’t just her concern. Xander was worried about his relationship with Elise as well.

Elise’s cheeks flushed with happiness as she seemed to go back through memory lane, “He was a very different person then. Kind, considerate, he smiled more then too.” Yes, Silas remembered that as well when he got over his initial trepidation of him. “Gosh, I miss those days. I had no cares in the world. All my siblings were around me, Corrin, Camilla, Leo, big brother… but then he started distancing himself from us. No more piggy back rides in the castle gardens, family meals with all of us became scarce, no more story time with Xander, but Camilla or Leo would take his place…”

“The pressure of the crown prince,” Silas mused. “Compounded by his father’s expectations as well.” Elise nodded.

“I miss him,” Elise’s smile became sad. “He’s right in front of me, but I miss him. Isn’t that silly, Silas? To miss someone when they’re right there.” Silas opened his mouth to speak, but Elise kept going, “Then… then when I see him so  _ angry _ . When he was angry at Anthony after the bridge incident… Silas, he scared me. For a moment... “

She stopped, and Silas moved himself closer to the princess squeezing her shoulder gently. She took his hand and began looking at it lazily drawing shapes in his hand as if that could distract her from her thoughts. 

“Yes?” Silas prompted when the silence drew out for too long.

“Keep this between us, please?” Elise pleaded. She held out a pinky. Silas swallowed. He didn’t know if he liked that. Elise shook her finger for emphasis imploring him to take it, to let her share this burden with him. 

He took her pinky in his, “Okay.”

Taking a deep breath, she stared at their fingers as if contemplating if she could go through with this. Silas waited. He knew that she would, but it was up to her to decide when. The silence drew out longer and began to play with her dress. 

“For a moment,” she began again. “When that incident happened and he was yelling at Anthony… I saw father in him. The father  _ I _ have only ever known.”

Silas felt his breath catch in his throat. That wasn’t the confession he was expecting. It made sense when he thought about her reaction to him during that scene. Silas hadn’t thought much of it. All he could sense was the fierce protectiveness Xander had for his siblings and the fact that Leo had just barely gotten over before Takumi was enough for Xander to be distraught.

He also didn’t have Elise’s perspective on the matter. 

“Are you still afraid of him?” Silas asked into the silence.

“No,” Elise shook her head. “But I keep seeing inklings of it. Of the harsher parts of my father in Xander.”

Perhaps she was also referring to the earlier battle in the ruins. Xander’s exasperation and dislike of Anthony was apparent and it did bleed into his actions. Though, he scolded Corrin out of concern and lightened up enough to tell him that they had his back, it was enough to make him worry. 

“I don’t think you have to worry too much about that, Lady Elise,” Silas seated himself beside her. “Lord Xander won’t end up like that. He wouldn’t let himself because he’s also seen the harshness of his father. Though, I think he may be worried about that as well which has made him more aware of those things.” Silas shrugged, “I just know he’s trying to be the best for everyone, especially his family. There’s a lot of pressure on his shoulders and I think maybe if you talk to him, that might help just a bit.” He winked at her. She smiled slightly and nodded. 

“I’ll try—”

A knock on his door, “Silas?” A pause before, “It’s me, Xander.”

“Speak of the devil,” Silas stumbled off his bed. “Now’s your chance—”

“I think we both know it’s not me he wants to talk to,” she whispered as Silas began walking towards the door.

He huffed, “Yeah, well, okay.” He opened the door, “Hello milord.”

Xander smiled, “Hello Silas.” Red eyes looked over his quarters, “Oh, Elise. Hello, I didn’t know you here.”

“Hi big brother!” Elise exclaimed putting on her cheerful facade once more. It pained Silas to see it. Even Elise is faking her cheeriness for everyone, the bigger problem is that it’s around her  _ family _ . 

Xander frowned a little, “Are you well, Elise?” Elise’s eyes widened for only a fraction of a second, but Silas knew Xander caught it. “Elise?”

“Yep, never been better!” she managed. “Why do you ask?”

Xander gazed at Silas for a moment before shaking his head, “You seem upset. Apologies if I’m interrupting something.” He steps one foot out the door. “I’ll speak to you about matters later, Silas. Take care. And Elise, if you need to speak with me, you can.” 

The door shut before either Elise or him could reply.

Silas ran a hand through his hair and turned to face Elise. She was hugging her knees to her chest looking too sad for the Elise he knew. She deserved to be happy and smiling genuinely.

“I don’t think it’s silly, princess,” her bright purple eyes met his as he spoke. “To miss someone who is right in front of you, it’s not silly. Why, I’ve experienced that myself.”

“With Corrin?” she asked.

“And Xander as well.”

-0-0-0-

Soon after he managed to settle that rather too deep of a conversation so soon after a battle with Elise, Silas began to work on trying to check in on his other fellow soldiers. Many of them looked tired, which was to be expected given the circumstances. It was the mental exhaustion, the cloudy eyes, the people that said they were tired in a way that made Silas fear they were giving up, that resulted in him pulling aside Corrin for a conversation about it. Corrin was their leader. Everyone in the army was looking to him for orders, for better or for worse. For his sake, it was a lot of stress, for the others, they had a steadfast leader to look up to. Even Ryoma and Xander depended on Corrin to make the final decisions and lead them to victory. Yet, because he was their pillar of strength, the foundation that was holding up this mismatched group of Hoshidan and Nohrian soldiers, it all came down to Corrin for motivation and recuperation. If he couldn’t keep the morale up in the army, no one could. They could talk at them, but that didn’t mean their words were sinking in. Corrin had an effect on people though. His words held an impact that made people want to act and support him. That was how they made it this far after all. 

Corrin didn’t deny it. He knew this was coming eventually. It had been a long campaign with so many twists and turns. The fear of having a traitor amongst their group. The fear of someone being controlled by Anankos and not knowing it or being one of his servants only to lead them into a trap was causing a lot of disorder and chatter. With the events of Anthony, it was just another reminder of what Anankos could do to them, what Anankos was capable of. 

Silas was just glad that Corrin was so cooperative. He didn’t doubt it, but he figured Corrin would have been worn out by that latest stunt so much so that he wouldn’t even be motivated to do this. Then again, what kind of leader are you if you can’t motivate your people? Corrin may not be a crown prince, but he was a prince of  _ two  _ kingdoms and that was more than most. Perhaps the natural charisma came from that. For someone to have lived in seclusion for so long, Silas always did wonder how this young man before him grew to be such an amazing person. 

The knight decided that it would be too much for Corrin to do this alone. So they sat for several hours discussing plans on motivating the troops and helping to ease the tension. Notably, the soldiers between the two countries were beginning to become agitated with one another again. While they hadn’t completed reconciled, the amount of in-house skirmishes between countries had dwindled to nearly nothing. However, the glares were back and so were the nasty remarks. Soon enough, it would escalate to the point where they were fighting each other and not their common enemy. This was probably what Anankos wanted. It wasn’t a new discovery. The topic of discussion had been nearly worn thin by how often they talked of it. It was clever and calculated to try to thin their numbers out by having them tire themselves out and work as well as oil and water. 

They would not succumb to it though. Over his dead body. 

“You two have been hard at work,” Ryoma popped his head into their room after knocking and Corrin’s absent come in. “What’s this, hm?”

“Plans on remotivating our troops,” Corrin muttered. “Things have been looking pretty depressing around here… Silas brought it up so he kindly offered to help me work on a few things.” Corrin looked up at Ryoma, “Silas would be very good with diplomatic affairs. These are—”

“Uh, no?” Silas stated quickly. “Don’t sign me up for that. I would not be able to.”

“Well, you’re an empath, and a very good listener. Plus all these plans you came up with are pretty ingenious.”

“You helped?” Silas was not trying to get involved in the political affairs of any kingdom. 

Ryoma laughed, “Hm, looks like you have a career ahead of you.”

“I’ll stick to a castle knight.”

That caused Corrin to pause, “Well, really. What are you planning to do after the war, Silas?”

Silas shrugged, “Stick to being a castle knight?”

“Is that really what you want to do?” Corrin asked. 

Silas didn’t know. Devoting himself to his country is a noble cause and doesn’t include much thought. He hadn’t thought beyond this. After all, his original goal was just to reunite with Corrin after all those years. Now that he had done that? Well, that wasn’t something he had considered. If he survived this war, he would consider it then.

“I suppose if you stick with the Nohrian siblings though, they won’t let you fade to the background as a simple castle knight,” Ryoma shrugged. “At least I wouldn’t. Not after everything you’ve done.”

Corrin nodded, “Aren’t you technically a noble anyway? Your mother… Lady Sybil right? I don’t think I ever heard your father’s name.”

Silas waved him off but all he could think about was the woman who claimed his mother’s face in the deep realm. 

“After the banishment, I don’t really know what happened to my family,” Silas admitted swallowing hard. “There were a lot of things that happened in between those years, I don’t remember all of it.”

Corrin studied his face. Likely, he was searching for hints that Silas was hiding something from him and bottling things up. After a few moments, he only nodded again, but Silas didn’t know if that meant he was satisfied or not with whatever he found. Or didn’t find. 

Ryoma didn’t pry, but he knew a bit of it anyway so there wasn’t much for him to press on. 

“Either way, give it some thought, Silas,” Corrin continued folding up some of the papers. “I’d hate for you to just settle with something.”

“I don’t know,” Silas said with a small smile. “I’m quite content with just being a castle knight. It’s what got me here after all. To reunite with you Corrin and meet you Prince Ryoma. It hasn’t been all bad even if we’ve been at war for months.”

Corrin rolled his eyes but they moved on and began talking to Ryoma about their plans to improve army morale. Silas was satisfied with their work, but he could only pray that it would do something. If they did all of this and yet still, their army walked dead on their feet, they were going to lose  _ badly _ . 

“I think this is good for now,” Corrin nodded with a gleam in his eyes. “I… yeah. We don’t know when our next battle will be, but we can’t go out there like this. I’ll have to do this right away.”

“Don’t push yourself too hard Corrin,” Silas warned. “You can let me take some of this too if you want.”

Corrin shook his head, “I got us all into this mess. The least I can do is reassure the people that have been following me and trusting me all this time.”

Ryoma gave Silas a reaffirming smile. Corrin stood up suddenly exclaiming that he needed to make preparations. Silas watched Corrin leave with slight concern. He hoped he wasn’t pushing himself too hard with the idea that he had to do this all on his own. He didn’t have to shoulder the burden of the whole army.

But in truth, Corrin looked absolutely refreshed as he went about his duties. There was a constant smile on his face that didn’t seem forced. And the soldiers, to his relief, were receiving to his encouragement and reassurances. There was a pep in their step that Silas hadn’t seen since this war started. A fire in their eyes that didn’t think would ever reignite. Bottom line was that Corrin was magical in the ways that he could just sweep people off their feet with words and have them follow him so loyally. It was  reinvigorating for Silas to just watch Corrin do this so naturally. 

“Lord Corrin,” a knight called out. “Thank you! That helped a lot.”

“Yes? We’ll need to keep this momentum up and I’m counting on you to help me!” Corrin exclaimed with confidence. The soldier saluted. 

One by one, Silas saw the army pledge its allegiance to Corrin once more. Silas remembered when it just started out, small and could have been easily crushed. Now, Corrin led two armies of two different countries in a united front against their true enemy. Corrin never ceased to amaze him. 

As Silas stared at Corrin’s back he watched in admiration. Azura was smiling as they spoke. She was the last one that he greeted alongside Ryoma and Xander who happened to be walking together from some other discussion. Then, seeing them together brought a smile to his face. It made him feel at ease. 

To have a scene full of hope twisted into something so despairing and sapping everyone of their joy dragging them into another battle fighting someone that was supposedly  _ dead _ , someone who was well known and lost and  _ loved _ by one.

For Azura to have to face her mother who was now morphed into nothing but a servant to Anankos made Silas livid, because he knew how that felt and it just confirmed Laslow’s and his suspicions all over again. The smile on Arete’s face molded and contorted into something so haunting, she retained nothing of her original personality. How could that  _ monster _ do something like this without feeling a damn thing? It wasn’t to trick them. It was a shock factor to throw them off their game. 

And it worked.

Despite Azura fighting at her fullest, saying that she was okay to fight her own mother with the defense that the woman was only a husk of who she used to be and no longer her  _ actual _ mother, Silas could see her dance falter and stutter, no longer motivating the soldiers as it one did. Her voice wavered and trembled with her legs that threatened to give out from underneath her causing the soldiers to seemingly follow in her movements and shake in their boots. 

Or perhaps the lack of motivation gained from her dance and song wasn’t from her own melancholy but the growing despondency within the group. So soon after Corrin worked his butt off to help them regain their tenacity and determination they stall and flounder about with seemingly no direction at the sight of the fallen second queen of Nohr standing before them mercilessly ready to kill. 

If they couldn’t handle this, how are they to handle what will come at the end of this war. Azura’s pain and hesitancy could be understood. It wouldn’t be fair to her to make her carry the weight of fighting her mother without any pain or hesitancy.  Silas felt that pain first hand, now renewed with the sight of Arete and just confirming the suspicions that yes his mother had died, and yes his mother had become just another one of Anankos’s pawns.

The thought made his stomach lurch and in the middle of the battle feeling sick was dangerous. But Xander cut through any foes that got too close to Silas. The ire in his eyes reignited with a vengeance. The quick look they exchanged saying it all.

_ They needed to end this war quickly. _

It felt like they could never get a breather. Every time they thought they might be getting ahead, Anankos was three steps ahead of them. Every time they thought they would be able to get somewhere with this army, uniting them, motivating them, keeping them  _ alive _ , Anankos managed to stomp out those flames quicker than they even ignited. There was no rest. Silas didn’t know if there ever would be.

Even after the war, would he be able to sleep? 

He couldn’t even now with the nightmares of his mother haunting him, killing him, him dying in that dungeon not being saved, him dying on this cursed battlefield for one slip up, or one sacrifice. Seeing a friend fall, Corrin, Elise, Camilla, Laslow…  _ Xander _ . 

After the war, would they even be able to find solace? 

Corrin asked him what he wanted to do, but what was his life without this war? What would his life be like with too much time on his hands to let his mind wander and his hands wait around idly clutching for a lance that wasn’t there whenever a shadow jumped out at him?

How would  _ they _ move on from this?

Especially Elise and Sakura, the youngest on this battlefield, yet quite frankly the strongest ones here. They held their own, never let their emotions get the better of them on the battlefield and helped others on and off of it.

How would  _ they _ recover?

If there was even recovery in his future.

Because no matter how hard they fought everything just kept coming at them.

The second time they encountered Arete would be their last, but it would be the beginning of the torment for the Hoshidan royal siblings, particularly Ryoma and Corrin. In their final battle with Arete, Anankos pulled the sick trick of bringing Scarlet back to fight them. 

Silas’s heart cried for Ryoma, who had to fight the woman he had loved and kill her again so that she would finally know peace. Ryoma looked torn, worn, and needed rest. The look under his eyes were that of someone that had been heartbroken too many times. Losing Scarlet the first time hit him hard, but he didn’t give himself time to grieve. He pushed on claiming he was fine.

How could anyone after losing your partner like that?

And Anankos knew that. He knew that family was the most important thing to Corrin, to Ryoma and he didn’t hesitate to make them both fight their parents. Watching Corrin fight Mikoto, his birth mother was a terrifying prospect. And he knew the other Hoshidan siblings didn’t want to do it. They couldn’t handle harming the woman that had loved and cared for them after the passing of their father. The woman who had raised them and showed them how to be the person they became. 

How do you fight someone like that?

They were all hurting, crying, screaming on the inside, begging for some sort of mercy to stop these attacks. They were direct. The intent was obvious. To destroy them emotionally. 

Silas hated how well it was working. The Hoshidan soldiers dragged their feet. A desperate plea for a break, not form moving, but from the battle and Anankos’s relentless attacks as they closed in on him. 

The revelation of Corrin’s true origins hadn’t yet settled in Silas’s mind when he first learned of it. Corrin being Vallite royalty didn’t make much sense. Not in the grand scheme of things. At that moment, it didn’t hold any importance. 

How could it, when everyone there was in such bad shape?

It made his body ache, his mind bend to the point of nearly fracturing. Was there an end to this?

Silas was running on auto-pilot now he knew this. So much so that he vaguely registered the fact that they had encountered Sumeragi. It was the anguish of the Hoshidan siblings make him recognize that this was happening. That he was there. That it was just a mess after a mess. A never ending flow of tears of these bittersweet reunions before the deceased finally find their peace.

A hand squeezed his bicep, Silas looks at the hand and then up at the owner. Brow knitted together in concern, Xander squeezed again evidently trying to gain Silas’s attention. Though, it didn’t feel as hard as it looked like he was squeezing him.

“Are you with me? Silas?” Xander asked softly as if speaking any louder would break him. Maybe it would, but everything sounded like he was far away anyway.

In the back of his head, he was pretty sure he nodded as he drew his eyes back to the sight of the Hoshidan siblings.  This shouldn’t be what he was feeling. It wasn’t his parents that he just recently fought. It was someone else’s. Dear friends’. Their family. He didn’t have any left after all. He didn’t even have to go through the trouble of taking care of that. Xander probably did and just hadn’t broken the news to him yet. 

Silas wasn’t supposed to be feeling this way. It wasn’t him suffering at the moment. 

“Today was a long day,” he heard Xander suddenly say. Silas blinked a few times trying to register what he was talking about. Everything was blurry. “These past few weeks… months really, have been… All this fighting, and then fighting King Sumeragi, Queen Mikoto, and Queen Arete… it was a lot. Everyone needs a break.” Silas managed to focus his eyes through the light and he realized he was lying down on a bed. “Ryoma… Sorry, Prince Ryoma got hit really hard. First Scarlet, then both his parents. I can’t imagine how he was handling that.”

“Have you checked in with him, milord?” Silas’s eyes wandered to Laslow as the man spoke.

“A few times, yes,” Xander admitted. Silas’s movements were so  _ sluggish _ . “Though, he’s spending more time checking in on Azura and his other siblings than taking care of himself, because it’s him…” A deep sigh that sounded like it had been building up for days came from him.

Laslow echoed that.

“Do you think he’s… you know… Experiencing this because it hit home…? You know about his mother?” Laslow began. Silas took a second to realize Laslow was referring to him. “These three incidents basically confirmed what we already thought about his mother.”

“Possibly,” Xander agreed. “Though, I think it was a combination of things, that, plus just an overwhelming amount of things were happening… but Silas is strong and he’s been through a lot.”

“But he doesn’t let many help him.”

Xander laughed, “Not that you’re any better Laslow.”

“Neither are you really, milord,” Laslow quipped. 

“Well, I suppose there are things we all need to work on… How are you by the way? We’re getting closer to him now so your migraines, are they…?”

“Agonizing,” Laslow confessed. “Since stepping foot in that gods-forsaken-castle, they have been pretty bad. Odin’s… he’s been keeping an eye on me.”

Silas shuffled a little. He was stiff. His mind was finally starting to clear of the fog. He groaned softly as he shifted. 

“Oh! Look who’s awake,” Laslow clapped his hands together.

“Silas,” Xander breathed. It was a sound of pure relief. He sat on the edge of the bed, peering down as the knight. “Gods, how are you feeling?”

“Mmm,” Silas groaned again. “Fucking miserable.”

“Wow,” Laslow blurted out.

“Oh… gods, sorry…” Silas muttered. 

Xander’s eyes widened, eyebrows raised, before he let out a startled laugh, “Yes, well, no worries. Summed it up quite well. Many share the sentiment I’m afraid.” Laslow was trying to hide his chuckle behind his hand, but it was slowly creeping out and growing. 

“M’sorry.”

“Don’t be, don’t be,” Xander calmed himself. “I’m just so relieved to see you awake. You scared me earlier. What do you remember?”

“That battle, everything...” Silas confessed wetting his lips. They were dry and his tongue felt like cotton in his mouth. Xander noticed with a frown.

“Laslow, can you get him some water please?”

“Of course milord,” he bowed before stepping out of the room. When Laslow left, Xander focused solely on Silas as he continued to shift in the best trying to find a comfortable position. . Silas hated the way his whole body ached.

Silas rubbed his forehead, “Did I get hit or something?”

“Thankfully, no,” Xander smirked at him. “You made it out of there unscathed. Physically, at least. Mentally… well, you’re going to have to tell me that.”

Silas sighed, “How is everyone else faring. I heard you talking about Lord Ryoma…”

Xander pursed his lips in thought. Absently, he began to rub circles into Silas’s wrist. A comforting gesture and also a grounding one for him. Feeling his presence kept him the moment and for some reason made the pain more bearable, which he needed. 

“Azura is acting as if nothing ever happened, as is Ryoma,” Xander said it with a hint of sorrow. “I know they’re both suffering, but they aren’t letting anyone in on it.”

“Ironic considering he wouldn’t stop scolding me for doing the same,” Silas mumbled. 

Xander huffed a small laugh, “Yes, agreed. The other Hoshidan royal siblings are struggling as well. Princess Sakura has been in Elise’s presence more often than not. Princess Hinoka and Prince Takumi… well, I can’t speak too much on them. But I have not seen them around much as of late. Likely, they are trying to come to terms with what we have all learned through this.”

“I guess we’ll have to check in on them,” Silas mumbled. “Make sure they’re coping alright.”

“First, we need to make sure  _ you _ are coping alright,” Xander emphasizes. “And that includes not pretending like you weren’t affected by this. ”

Silas sighed and rubbed his forehead. “I shouldn’t be like this though. It’s not like it was  _ my  _ parents that I was fighting. It wasn’t like it was my former ruler… and Queen Arete was so far removed from me…”

“You’re an empath, Silas,” Xander stated bluntly. The prince raised his hand, hovering over Silas’s head as if he was going to run his fingers through his hair but hesitated and put it down beside him. Silas wished he would. He could use that comfort at the moment. So instead, he slowly reached up, though his muscles protested, and took Xander’s hand in his own. Xander smiled briefly obviously appreciating the reassurance that his touch was welcome. “You feel things that others feel as if they are your own feelings.”

Silas hummed.

“It overwhelmed you?” Xander phrased it as a question, but Silas was certain that he knew. 

“Yes,” he stared at the ceiling. “That, combined with the fact that… this just confirmed the fate of my mother. She was Anankos’s  _ servant _ .” He squeezed Xander’s hand. He frowned, an anger welling up inside of him. “I wonder how long…” He shook his head. “Either way… it’s just… they’re carrying on, pushing forward—”

“You would be too if I hadn’t trapped you here to talk things out,” he squeezed Silas’s hand back. “ I have let many get away with not telling what was bothering them… my siblings, even you. But I can’t do that anymore—just letting you go when I know you’re in pain. I wouldn’t forgive myself.”

“Xander…” Silas murmured. “I… It was overwhelming. The battles… who we were fighting… all of it. All the work we put into motivating the soldiers? Gone. The empty look in their eyes, them walking dead on their feet, why they were no different from the Vallite soldiers returned all over again,” Silas muttered absently staring at their hands. His throat and tongue felt dryer. He didn’t think that could happen. Laslow really needed to hurry up with that water. “Not that I blame them.  _ I  _ started to feel like them.”

Xander hummed in thought, “You weren’t too far from that no. Though, I’m relieved to see that you are recovering smoothly.”

“Well, I don’t normally talk about these things so—”

“Water has arrived,” Laslow entered the room with a flourish. “Pardon the delay. Odin started chatting with me in the hall.”

“Worried?”

“Yes, well,” Laslow huffed. “Far from unusual.”

Silas gratefully took the water. He drained it faster than he had expected but he was parched. Plus, talking while dehydrated just made things worse. Laslow’s eyes widened, and he laughed sheepishly.

“Apologies, I should have brought more.”

Silas shook his head, “This will tie me over.”

Laslow nodded, but Silas realized his gaze wasn’t focused on his face. The knight followed the retainers line of sight only to realize that he was staring at his hand entwined with Xander’s. He hadn’t noticed that they haven’t let go. Silas didn’t mind, how  _ could _ he? It was comforting to know that they were finally able to do it freely—well, as freely as he could given their circumstances. In the privacy of their quarters, it was fine and bliss for Silas. Xander didn’t seem to take notice to Laslow’s inquisitive stare, though Silas was sure the retainer could fill in the blanks. He was all too knowing anyway. 

“You need to get some rest as well Laslow,” Xander said firmly. “You’re not standing straight. Are you experiencing another migraine?” The retainer rubbed his grimaced and nodded. “Then, rest. Please. You need it.”

“I—” He made to protest, but Xander shook his head.

“Sleep. I’m sure Odin’s out there waiting for you now.”

“You’re probably right,” Laslow murmured. “I will return later milord. Rest well, Silas.” He turned to leave, teetering a little as he did so and leaned against the wall as he opened the door. Just as Xander had suspected. Odin was outside the door looking as if he was contemplating knocking when Laslow opened the door.

“Laslow,” he whispered gently helping the man leave.

“Don’t worry,” Laslow said with a pained smile. “I’ll be fine…” He shut the door.

“I worry for him,” Silas confessed.

“I as well,” Xander admitted. “I will check in on him soon.” He removed his hand from Silas with a slight raise of his eyebrow as if he just realized they were still holding hands. “I suppose we should talk about this…”

“Us?” Silas suggested. 

He nodded, “Yes. Us.”

“Take it slow right? I know I need to,” Silas divulged. “With everything going on in the war and my head… yeah.”

“Of course,” he replied easily. “Just, don’t be afraid to come to me. While in public the title remain the same, but in private, just Xander is fine.”

“That’ll take some getting used to,” Silas laughed. “It’s no different from being in the deeprealm. I’m not very good at dropping them.”

“Yes, well,” he smiled. “Don’t worry. I’m not expecting immediate changes. Just…”

“Can I hold your hand again?” he blushed.

Xander smirked, “I don’t see why not. Are you feeling alright?”

“I will,” Silas linked their fingers again. “I will eventually.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Semester is starting so yay (rip). Keeping up with the once a month updates though is good for me though. 
> 
> I didn't want to completely rewrite these chapters because what fun is that? But I wanted to focus on what this would be like from the eyes of the soldiers and such, so that's where this came from. Next chapter will focus on more of my plot ideas and you know, recovering from all of this because there's no way they all fought their parents and said "yeah, I'm good" lmao. And because of this, not much time for Xander and Silas to really discuss their new budding relationship so there's that. The slow burn still going lol.
> 
> I kind of like using certain perspectives to blend the narrative together, the line blurred between when certain scenes happen simply because it's from Silas's perspective!
> 
> When I finish this (it may only be about 2 maybe 3 chapters left? Maybe 4) I'll take a break, but move on to my next project (Maybe ChromGai? We'll see lol) while also updating this series with small shorts that I wanted to write of this universe. And add more content to the Silas/Xander tag because it needs it lol.
> 
> And as always, I'll come back and check for errors because that's usually when I see them.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment and kudos! It'll encourage me to keep working on this! Every little comment counts. Even just a heart is enough. Or gibberish. I'll take that too.


End file.
